Saturday 14th September 2002

Oxford Hawks

Falcons

Update

OH F Up

Season 2006 - 2007

The story of life in and around Oxford Hawks Falcons.

Falcons are a veterans (over 35)/vintage (over 50) side mainly playing friendly matches on a Saturday throughout the hockey season.

Any similarity to real life found within the stories that follow is purely coincidental.

Saturday 16^th September – Chippenham Chipmunks at home.

Do you remember that dog meat advert? PAL Meat for Dogs: PAL, Prolongs Active Life. I am not sure how well it worked for dogs but there seems to be something that is delivering this ambition for hockey players. Firstly we had the initiation of veteran’s hockey for over 35s. Then we had the commencement of over 50s hockey in the shape of the alliance in which we, the Falcons, are participating. Meanwhile on the international front we have England LX for over 60’s, with reported ever increasing age group international sides emanating from the increasing age of these LX originals. Over 65, over 70’s, where will it stop?

For some it has already stopped. There is an ever increasing list of ex Falcons now sidelined by ineffective training, diet, PAL, or just injury. PJ, Elliot, Hughie along with others who appear spasmodically between bouts of decrepidation (is this a word?): Rochie, Huggie, Twizzle, Henn, Rogues to name a few. However there is a dim light at the end of this apparent tunnel of blackness hockey wise. Those who suspected that their playing days were over may be able to come out of retirement and, once again, take to the pitch.

The Federation of UK Sports is initiating competitive hockey for the disabled sponsored by Lifestyle Assistive Care (www.lifestyleassistivecare.com). Essentially this will be wheel chair based hockey using powered chairs. The chairs are electrically driven with a simple, standard 3 pin socket required for re-charging. The motor is controlled by foot pedals. These are rocker pedals: press forward with toes to accelerate, press back with heel to brake. Having a pedal for each foot means that control is exercised separately over each wheel aiding tight movements and spin turns. Steering is via a “joy stick” type lever operated by the knees leaving the hands free to hold and use a hockey stick. Currently two manufacturers are producing such chairs: Stanner and Acheorn. They are available in 3 colours: black, white and red for use of officials.

So, PJ and co. – do not give up all hope just yet. Last season saw the launch of the fledglings onto the hockey scene, next season could see the launch of the Oxford Hawks Dodo team. Thoughts are that sets of chairs should reside at pitches for use of players to remove the need for carting the things around. However, inevitably certain individuals will want there own chair especially tuned to their needs. Currently little exists in the way of add on extras. There are “pads” for attachment to the keepers chair, foot and leg guards for outfield players and a windscreen attachment. It is rumoured that other variations will become available as the envisaged competition takes off: a commode version, adjustable seat height etc.

One problem still to be overcome is that of developing an electric motor that can last for a full match without need to re-charge. Alternatives under consideration include moving to 3 periods of 20 minutes, or the use of roll on. roll off substitutes whilst re-charging is effected. The latter option presents an extra challenge to team management: get your substitution plan wrong and you could be faced with a run down player on the park.

So, chaps, there is hope of our continuing to extend our playing careers beyond the bounds of anything envisaged only a couple of years ago. Robbie could become our first centurion player!

Meantime, back to today’s world. Even without Ellio making a come back we still had 13 to face a useful looking Chippenham outfit. They do not play vets hockey on a regular basis, mixing their senior players amongst their other teams. We lined up:

Ricardo

Mighty The Barron

Groff Billers Humph

Henn Smartie DC Breezey Rogues

With PJ and Crampers whistling and PC on the bench.

They scored. DC then equalised with a delightful reverse stick shot, they got a second.

Second half saw Humph move to left back, Breezey to left half, Crampers to left inner and PC to left wing with Rogues and The Barron on the bench. Crampers scored from an impossible angle, Henn “felt” his back and was replaced by Rogues, DC was given a gift by their defender, Rogues missed two sitters and we had won. They enjoyed their main reason for coming: the Killer Chilli, we enjoyed the odd jug, they departed, we departed. Good start.

Saturday 23^rd September – Olton & West Warwick at home.

Despite injuries and non availabilities, PJ had managed to assemble a balanced side for the afternoon fixture with Olton & WW at Gosford. However, Olton appear to be one of those clubs who do not like to make much of an effort unless there is a cup in it. Whilst we have travelled to them for the last two years or so at this time, sometimes without a full compliment, they were not going to make the effort. Trouble was, they didn’t actually have the grace to contact us and wrn us until the last moment – Friday evening. They were asked to come with what they had so that, between us, we could have a match. They did not appear keen and proved it by crying off Saturday morning. Looks like that could be the last of many years/decades when we have opened our season by travelling to the Midlands (Edgebaston, Olton, Coventry & North Warwick, Evesham, Worcester Loughborough were all regular block fixtures of old). Shame, but we have opponents closer at hand who actually want to play hockey.

So, we head for Amersham and our first league match largely untried and tested, but with the list of “n.a.’s” getting longer: Crampers and Cole both pulling up during our six a side run out on Saturday. In fact not a good weekend all round: the Mens “1s” lost in the league and the Ladies 1s lost to Wimbledon in the cup.

The mens 1s are at home in the cup this coming Sunday at 13:30, playing Old Georgians, there opponents of this weekend again. Why not come along and support.

Meantime the Indian Summer continue providing delightful walks along the river following an excellent summer of idleness/retirement. Our main holiday was spent c/o NCL – Norwegian Cruise Lines, aboard their newest vessel, Norwegian Jewel. We cruised the Western Med., from Barcelone to Sicily, then on to Naples, Rome, Florence and Nice before returning to Barcelona. Large ship: 2000 passengers plus 1500 crew! Most passengers flew in from America arriving on board after 24 hours plus travelling. They were all rather jealous when they discovered that we had only a two hour flight from Birmingham and we had had three nights in Barcelona before embarking.

Anyone wanting a close European city to visit should go to Barcelona. It has the lot: seaside and sunbathing, culture, style, interesting buildings both old and modern, good food, good drink , good weather and Gaudi.

Anyone wanting to tour and see several cities – cruise. Take you first class hotel with you and wake up every morning in a new place. However, if you do plan to cruise look closely at your itinerary before you book. Headlines may tell you the ports of call but make sure you know how long you are in each to avoid disappointment. The headline may say calling at Gibraltar, but you may find that you are only there for two hours: barely time to be bitten by an ape. Read the small print re charges and tipping as well. Our small print, once I found it, informed me that a service charge of ten dollars per person per day would be levied and charged to my cabin account to cover the house keeping staff. Fair enough, I thought, bit steep but at least I did not have to bother leaving currency behind given that dollars were the on-board currency whilst it was Euros everywhere we visited. On a cruise all meals are included, but not, generally, drinks. I was a bit surprised, therefore, to find that each drink bought (charged to cabin) also had a 15% service charge on it. Naughty!

NCL are efficient. You could view all the optional excursions on their website and read a pretty good outline of what was on offer. You could then choose those you wished to take and have the cost charged to your cabin. The tickets were then at your cabin when you arrived. This was our third cruise, preceded by an Alaskan inside passage cruise from Vancouver and a Greek Island cruise from Cyprus. As a rule of thumb reckon to pay a cabin bill for the two of you that equates to the cost of the cruise for one of you and you will not be far out budget wise. I like cruising and will certainly do it again.

Hope I will have more hockey topics to talk about next week, till then keep fit.

Saturday 30^th September – Amersham & Chalfont away.

Saturday 23^rd turned out to be double disaster Saturday. Not only did Olton fail to materialise but I forgot that it was The Hobos annual “do”. The Hobos are the Thursday evening cricket team that plays it home games at Cumnor Cricket Club and are kind enough to make room for me. My presence does, slightly, increase their average age and certainly does little to increase their competitiveness. However, we do enjoy our twenty twenty games and the afters. Normally we end the season with a dinner, but this year it was decided to play skittles and have food out at Tackley. I, however, forgot the date and succeeded in double booking myself to a meal at Bluebeckers (AKA The Greyhound) with Reg and Trina Brown. As the DOHA was involved in this latter booking I had to send my apologies to The Hobos.

My guilt was compounded Sunday morning when a “cup” was delivered to me to mark my being elected “Mug Of The Season”, apparently for maintaining a cheerful disposition at all times and for getting older disgracefully. The fact that my Russian Roulette bowling style succeeded in not just bamboozling myself and our wicket keeper but also the odd batsman this year, resulting in me being leading wicket taker did not count against me. If you enjoy sociable cricket I can recommend the Hobos.

This last week also marked my retirement from retirement. Having accepted the position of “Part Time Holiday Relief Porter” at The Queens College I was required to attend for two shifts of training. Thus, on Tuesday, I worked an evening shift from 15:30 to 00:30 and on Thursday an early shift from 06:30 to 15:30. As the students haven’t fully returned yet it was pretty quiet, giving the opportunity to gently learn some of the processes and procedures that a lodge porter at Queens has to carry out. Walking through the college entrance is to enter a different world. I think I might like it, we shall see.

Meantime on Wednesday I joined the gathering of “ancient” Hawks for their monthly lunch get together. The attendees numbered 14, a record apparently. Amongst those featuring were Harry Morley, Mike Lewis, Hugh Blomley, Bob Hubble, Robin Winstone, Dave Robson, Ian Weedon, Brian and Phillip Hawtin from my playing past. We met at the Fleur De Lys, Dorchester which is well worth a detour for a good pint if you are on the Henley to Oxford road.

Come Saturday and hockey matters turned serious with our first league engagement. PCs late withdrawal meant a late call up for DC to the party meeting at Cutteslowe at 15:00 to travel to Amersham. By this time the “1s” were 1 – 0 down to a useful Oxted bolstered by two current S Africa internationals, thanks to a flick. (The “1s” equalised in second half) We had a party of 13 travel: 12 players, one umpire and one spectator – a record away crowd! The Barron was extremely upset with our chosen route to the ground, to the extent that he attempted to take route control on the return journey. Thankfully we ignored him and, thus, returned to the correct club. In between these dramas we lined up:

Ricardo

Humph The Barron

Henn Billers Groff

DC Smartie Huggie Breezey Rogues

With Mighty on the bench and The Pope blowing.

Amersham had many familiar faces in their side but it was soon apparent that they had a star in goal. Despite several one on ones we failed to score in the first half and conceded one despite having most of the play. Second half saw Mighty coming on at the back, Humph moving to left half, Groff to right, Henn to wing, DC to centre forward and Huggie to the bench. If anything we had slightly less domination, they missed one good opportunity but never really threatened otherwise. For the last quarter DC took a rest, Huggie returned to centre forward and Henn moved back to half, Groff to right inner and Smartie to wing. This revised line up combined with our fitness meant we, once again, dominated but coiuld not find a way past their keeper. The planned alternative short corner routine did not work. So we tried to execute it again. The execution was rubbish so the ball was squared across the circle rather than the planned direct shot. From the scramble the ball was diverted into goal by Groff. We continued to dominate, they got excited at the back, but no more goals.

Back at their club, having ignored The Barrons attempts to take us elsewhere, the food was excellent and the beer also good. However, owing to the late start a number went directly home whilst those of us who stayed also returned to Oxford with no detours. A relatively dry day!

Saturday 7^th October, 2007 – Woking Pitts The Youngers at home.

This time last year we travelled to Woking to face this team who were new to our league. They thrashed us 7 – 0 and, as we forecast, went on to take the league title away from us. We did manage a 3-3 draw in the return fixture in Oxford. We knew, therefore, that we were in for a tough game.

The week had got off to a good start after the dry run home from the Amersham match. Walked the dog Sunday morning behind Farmoor reservoir before making my debut as tea boy for the first team. Team management are really on the ball and, having asked me to perform this duty and on being asked to clarify the role and responsibilities informed me it was to simply make the visiting officials (umpires and league rep.) feel welcome. Make them some tea or coffee, maybe give them some croissants. Croissants! They may live like that in Farmhouse Roche but………

What about the opp I asked. Oh, they won’t want anything Management informed me.

So, I arrived at the appointed time on Sunday for the home cup match versus Old Georgians with my two tea bags and half a pint of milk, some Gold Blend and a special tin of bickies. No sign of any officials, but about 18 O.G.s all expecting tea. Thanks! Eventually one umpire did show, had a cuppa but pronounced himself “stuffed”, so not a biscuit was eaten. The other official went direct to the pitch. I watched the match having completed the washing up and have to say that the tea was the best thing served up by the Hawks that day!

A couple of peaceful retirement days Monday and Tuesday followed by an early shift Wednesday and late Thursday learning the locking and unlocking processes at The Queens College. Lazy day Friday but then it was off to Bicester with Mighty and Ricardo on board to celebrate Breezies 50^th. Splendid do with excellent food and loads of people. Very reasonable beer as well, but the driver insisted on returning to The B & RA for a swift few before closing.

And so it was a cast of loads that turned up to face Pitts The Younger. PJ had the playing strategy all worked out allowing for:

- the return of The Supertanker – Ellio

- first start of season for Blommers

- a number of people playing half a match.

We lined up:

Ricardo

Mighty Ellio

Blommers Billers Humph

PC JPAR Huggie Groff Rogues

With PJ blowing and The Barron, Breezie and Henn on the bench.

They looked like a side trhat had put 10 past Winchester the previous week and had drawn 5 all with Eastcote. We struggled to hold them, but turned round 3 – 2 down with goals from Huggie and JPAR. Second half started with Blommers and The Baron at the back, Groff dropping to right half and Breezie coming on at inside left. Henn had decided that his back wasn’t up to it and stayed on the bench. Gorff pulled something and was replaced by Ellio, Rogues continues to be a serial off target shooter and we scored no more. They repeated their first half performance!

They were good company over the beer and chilli and then it was time to move before the football started (England v. whoever) Back home the DOHA was invited to CCC to watch, declined, so I was joined there by Huggie to drink through a desolate game. We decided that the nil nil draw deserved one last one in The Bear before retiring, so we did. When I woke up it was Sunday so I went to bed.

Week ending Saturday 14^th October – Reading away.

Some aspects of the heading may look like de ja vus to some of you, but I suspect not many. Why? ‘Cos I headed last weeks report with the wrong date: the 14^th. Following that arduous warm down of last week a very pleasant Sunday was spent revisiting the home of my pre-teenage days, in fact the first 10 years of my life. This was in Charlbury, home of a main line railway station, a growing cricket club and a former glove making industry. I took the family to view our old house in Enstone Raod from the front and from the playing field at the rear. We then walked around the village and spied a house by the Playing Close selling honey, and there discovered 80 something year old Vic Merry and his wife. He used to be one of Charlburys part time firemen, sings with Oxford Welsh Male Voice Choir and remembers my parents. He also maointains a typical, old fashioned village garden of lawn, pond flower beds and extensive vegetable gardens, including bee hives. It was lovely to remember old times with him and gave Ben a real feel for village life over the years.

After an excellent lunch in the Bull Inn on the corner of Enstone Road (well worth a visit for food and drink) we drove to Burfford, on towards Stowe and visited the Yellow Hat Tribe. If you have never paid this art gallery a visit then do so. The artist is a lady who recently found fame and some fortune though her bank manager. Her living partner is an ostrich farmer and the bank manager, on visiting the farmer to talk about the state of his finances noticed her paintings which she had around. He liked them, bought two and inspired her to “go public”, exhibit, get some publicity and they have taken off – unlike the ostriches! All her painting feature ladies with yellow hats, hence the name Yellow Hat Tribe. They are very quirky, as is her imagination, but she is great. Completely ordinary but with a talent. I was given one of her paintings for my 60^th and, on a visit to her a couple of months ago we got talking about how we were planning to refresh our kitchen This sparked an idea in her mind for a painting featuring her style of characters around a long kitchen table with all sorts of ideas as to what they might be doing. She requested some thoughts from us re our family and their likes, dislikes etc in order for her to do us a specific painting and we were returning with information.

Why the delay in returning? Because the ostrich farmer partner has realised she is on to a good thing and coining it now, so they have just married and returned from a months honeymoon in Mauritious. She has returned fired up with fresh ideas for paintings, so goodness knows when our commission will materialise, but she is that sort of person. Lovely. You can spot the lane leading down to the ostrich farm and art gallery by the large Yellow Hat Tribe sign along with the yellow mini car with dummy inside on the left as you drive from Burford towards Stowe On The Wold. Go and take a look.

Meantime I had week of retirement living prior to my first official shift as holiday relief porter at The Queens. Unfortunately this shift was the early one on Saturday rendering me N.A. for the match. However text messages from Huggie and Ricardo ensured that, by the time we went out to supper at the Merry Miller Lady Lyn I knew the result. Sunday morning at North Oxford, doing my tea boy bit for the “Ones” saw me being nice to the two umpires and rude to the match official (well, it was only Blakey!). The tea seemed to go down well, as did the biscuits. Firebrands are not tea drinkers. I also gained an insight into the reason behind the difficulty the firsts are having in finding the net

The Firsts coach was on the phone to someone obviously having difficulty in locating our club and ground and needing the post code to plug into their Sat Nav. I located and relayed the post code to team coach and, at end of call asked if it was one of the oppo who was lost. No, came the reply, it was one of our own who had only been in the ones for about 3 seasons and still couldn’t find the ground. Trouble is he doesn’t have the benefit of Sat Nav on the pitch. Explains a lot!

Saturday 14^th October

With Rogues N/A this week I'm afraid you'll have to suffer a missive from 'Mighty' Mike instead.

My own performances in the past two weeks being somewhat lack lustre I decided that I needed to stiffen up my training regime. So having completed my normal Wednesday evening session at KSSC* I moved onto the Oxford Town Hall for a more rigorous work out on Thursday & Friday evening.

Not, you'd have thought, an obvious choice but as the Oxford branch of CAMRA had laid out a circuit of approximately 100 real ales there it seemed rude not to go along and join in the fun. With Ricardo (Thursday) & 'H' [Falcons youth development squad organizer] (Friday) acting as pacemakers I was able to through some serious circuit work.

Unlike me Saturday started out as a dull grey misty sort of mess. Having spent a lazy morning 'faffing' around in the garden I made my way to Hawks in time to watch the Ladies first eleven take on Rover. Unlucky result Ladies you were never 4 goals worse than them.

3.00pm saw half of the Falcons squad of 11, 12 or 13 [depending on whose list you looked at] players, at Cutteslowe with the remainder, hopefully, going direct

4.10pm all the Falcons are pitch side allowing Billers to explain his 'infrapenny - infrapound' system of line ups.

4.30pm comes and goes with no sign of the match before ours finishing - Eventually it does, then Reading decide to water the pitch and finally we're allowed on so our 4.30 becomes a 4.58. We line up, for the first quarter as

Ricardo

The Baron Blommers

Elio Billers Crampers

Henn Smartie Huggy Groff DC with Mighty & PC on the bench

We've, for a change, decided to start with our Hockey heads on and we're all over them like a rash - Groff curls a shot passed the keeper only to see it cleared off the line by a defender. Then Huggy does what he does best and, through a melee of players, glides the ball into their net [0-1 Falcons]

Elio having promoted himself to receiver on short corners proves his point by cracking a shot against their backboard [0-2 Falcons]

He then, on a rare Reading attack clears their short corner shot off the line

17 minutes in and the infrapenny - infrapound system clocks on with Mighty & PC replacing The Baron & Henn respectively - A brisk shuffle round of positions ensues but doesn't seem to adversely affect us

Halftime arrives a quick team talk ending with Henn stating "Look chaps it's no use questioning the Umpires decision he's not going to change his mind" and infrapenny part 2 comes into play with The Baron & Henn replacing Crampers [Takes the whistle from a Reading umpire] & DC respectively another shuffle round of positions and off we go again - sort of!

Something's gone awry because Reading is now starting to dominate proceedings and after a lot of pressure they finally find the net [1-2 Falcons]

Final 17 minutes, DC replaces Huggy and we really feel the pressure but manage to hold out without conceding anything more dangerous than a host of short corners.

Up to their clubhouse for a tea of sarnies, potato wedgies and fancy cakes washed down with a few pints of the local ale and to collect the be all and end all of quotes from one of their players - "In the end it was your [Falcons] defense that won you that game, no matter what we tried you soaked it up and wouldn't let us through."

Falcon's defense being a modest bunch of blokes quietly left the clubhouse after that.

Saturday 21^st October - Henley 10.30am @ BRN

'Mighty' Mike reporting again, sorry folks I forgot, as did most of the squad, that Rogues was doing his Humphrey Bogart impersonation this weekend

{For those people cinematographically challenged Bogart starred in the 1941 remake of "The Maltese Falcon"]

Saturday morning arrived bright and sunny, which was contrary to all the weather reports I'd seen

I arrived at BRN at around 9.45 to make sure that the changing rooms were open only to find a Henley player warming up on the pitch - Most unusual, maybe he used to play for Milton Keynes.

10.25ish saw us milling round the Pope awaiting the sermon on who's playing and where. Now those of you who watch high level team sport will have noticed the penchant for an on pitch huddle and chant just prior to the start of proceedings - Well never let it be said that the Falcons aren't prepared to follow trends - We got into our huddle to hear PJ utter the time honoured chant "where's brother Elio" - Leastways I think he said brother - for without his appearance the whole of PJ's carefully plotted line ups and substitution rotations would be thrown into total confusion. Needless to say, having worked out a new start line up, Elio appeared so we lined up

Ricardo

Mighty Blommers

Elio Billers Grof

Henn Smartie Huggy Breezy PC

With The Baron & DC on the sidelines & the Pope on the whistle

Henley line up with their usual mix of genuine 50+ year olds, one definite under age keeper and a couple of 'suspect' 45-50 year olds

A lively first 15-20 minutes saw opportunities missed at both ends changes were made to our line up resulting in a flurry of goals - Unfortunately mostly into our net.

An injury to one of their full backs temporarily reduces them to 10 men 'Nellie' [Hawks 1's] takes over their whistle to allow their umpire to play.

Half time and we're 1-3 down with Richard Smart netting for us. A reiteration of basic hockey tactics from PJ and another slight fiddle with the line up and we're ready for the second half. The first twenty minutes of which we spend camped deep in their half. They succumb to a plethora of penalty corners which allows us to go through our full repartee of short corner routines and gains us two goals from Elio.

Final score 3-3 - Honours even although both teams would go away disappointed at not winning.

Quick warm down involving the killer chili and a few pints of 'jimmy riddles' left a few of us with the opportunity to "support" the 3A's where, mainly thanks to the opposition number 5's grasp of the rules a lively game was enjoyed by all.

Paddy/ Elio - There was another spectator at the 3a's game, unfortunately I didn't get his name [maybe Billers did], who played 1^st eleven hockey with you two - Apparently he's just recently moved back into the area and may well be persuaded to rejoin the club.

Week Ending Saturday 28^th October – Haslemere at home.

Well, Haslemere, we did our best.

You didn’t like the time, so we changed it.

You then said you didn’t have an umpire, so we provided you with one.

You then said you were short of players, so we got you some.

You then said you weren’t coming, so we are very pissed off.

From what I can see you last graced us with your presence in the 2000/2001 season, here at NOSC, since when you have now, at least twice, called off your visit to us. Given you lost 8 – 0 last time I can understand a certain lack of enthusiasm but if you are entering the competition it is only fair to give the oppo a game. Alternatively, duck out of the league and let someone in who wants to play hockey.

Well, that’s my view as an individual.

Mind you, all this vacillation had been going on for some weeks unbeknown to me as I have missed the last two matches firstly owing to work commitments followed by a weeks holiday.

The holiday was a great success. Seven nights in Malta during an October Maltese heatwave – great! We (the DOHA and I) returned to a hotel we had stayed in some eight years ago. The Fortina Hotel in Sliema has a wonderful view due south across the harbour to Valletta. Lying beside the pool there is constant harbour activity to enjoy and with a bedroom balcony enjoying the same outlook the sunsets are magnificent. Thus we returned for more of the same, and more of the same is what we got including the same chaos on the room allocation front.

Last time, as soon as we entered the bedroom it was obvious it wasn’t a “suite” as booked. Straight back to reception, found the manager who pleaded a completely full hotel with no room to maneuver that day but did promise to do something the next day. And he did: he moved us into a luxury suite with jacouzie bath, twin king size beds and a shower more like a car wash. Two large balconies that were so far from the room fridge the ice melted in transit! This time we entered the room to find:

It looked over the garden and directly into rooms across the garden, not the harbour as booked.
It was a large suite when we had only booked a superior room.

Back to reception to hear that they could not move us from north to south facing that day and, anyway, we have been upgraded FOC. Thanks for that, says I, but we would prefer a smaller room if we can have the view. Tomorrow we can have a smaller suite with harbour view was the promise which was kept. So, 24 hours late, we had a free room upgrade with the magnificent view. When the girl from the tour firm we booked through asked if there were any special requests to pass to the hotel at the time of our booking, she sounded surprised when I said could we request that we got the type of room requested. If you go there be prepared for this hastle and do not get too uptight and let it spoil the holiday. We went prepared and stayed relaxed and it was fine.

Besides the view the other “plus” is that the hotel does an “all inclusive” tariff. This was good value last time, and even better this. Whilst eight years ago they had one buffet restaurant plus an evening bistro that you had to pre book and pay extra for, this time they had half a dozen themed restaurants that you could book into (and pay a bit extra in) as well as the buffet. Italian, Japanese, Chinese/Thai, Indian, Continental, plus one called “Taste” with a specially designed menu by some master chef. Incidentally, the buffet standard was good. Of course, with all inclusive one can eat and drink at will, and we did. However, some of you will be astonished to hear that I drank not more than two pints of beer in the week. Too much like hard work as the beer was served in exceedingly small glasses. Did drink a lot of gin and tonics: by the pool, pre lunch, pre sundown, at sun down, on the balcony, pre dinner, post dinner, but tended to drink wine with all meals. It was hard work trying to keep awake by the pool in the afternoons!

Buffet style eating is interesting in a people watching sense. You soon spot the “serial eaters”. They tend to seat themselves a a table where they can read the names of the dishes displayed at the service counters. This means that they can study and determine what they are going to have next whilst eating. You can see them eyeing up the pasts and salad choices whilst on the soup, the fish and meat whilst on the pasta, and the sweets whilst on the meat and two veg. Then there are the “single sitters”. These are the ones that collect everything at once: soup, salad, main course with veg. and sweet, bread rolls, cheese and buiscuits, then sit and work their way through the lot steadfastly. And their plates are always heaped with food to ensure they do not have to go back for anything.

After our somewhat frenetic excursions whilst cruising, the DOHA had decreed that we were to do absolutely nothing during this week. Just chill out beside the pool. So we did, mostly. Inevitably one had to get out there and bag the best sunbed positions before breakfast by getting a mattress onto ones chosen beds, putting up the umbrella/sunshade and spreading out ones towels to lay claim. A quick sortie circa 07:45 had this sorted, then back to the room for coffee and watch the changing light as the sun rose before going down for breakfast. Then outside to watch the boats coming and going around the harbour, heat up in the sun before first dip in the pool and first drinks from the pool bar. This routine was broken twice. Once in favour of a trip by boat around Valletta harbour, something we had done last time and well worth repeating, and once in order to take the ferry to Valetta to visit the Malta Experience (well worth it for 45 minutes of excellent history of the island) and stroll back through Valletta to the ferry. It was on this latter occasion that we had the nearly disastrous case of the “exploding” costume.

Having had a dip in the pool the DOHA left her costume to dry whilst we went to Valletta. I came up with the clever idea of putting it over the lowered sunshade such that the top of the pole was in the gusset. On our return it was pretty hot by the pool so we needed to put up the umbrella to give ourselves some shade. These umbrellas are pretty large, so the recognized technique is to get underneath the thing and give it a hefty upwards thrust and quickly get the pin inserted to keep it up. So I did, and failed to get it up far enough first time, so gave it an extra good thrust second time which fired the DOHAs costume about six feet into the air before landing on the person asleep on the bed behind. Thankfully the stretchy material withstood the assault, but I was still not popular so decided to get the drinks in.

So, if you can stand a bit of disorganization on the reception front, but like an interesting island, good weather, good food and free drinks consider Malta and the Fortina Hotel. If you want to play hockey, don’t depend upon a visit from Haslemere.

Sat 4th November - Guildford Away.

Yes, we got a match this week, albeit we had to travel to Guildford for a 16:30 or was it 15:30 start. No-one was sure resulting in some last minute phone calls to try and get everyone there for 15:30. We managed it, nearly.

We lined up:

Ricardo
Mighty Blommers

Groff Billers Breezy

PC Smartie Huggie DC Rogues

They had one or two pretty useful players and took the lead. We equalised almost immediately with a Huggie touch in following a mazey Groff dribble into the D and shot. Second half saw the arrival of The Barron for a 16:30 start so we re-organised moving Blommers to R Half, The Barron going to R Back, Breezy to R Inner and Rogues, PC and DC taking it in turns. We monotomised but failed to take our chances. They came away grateful fro a point.

Their Youngs was well received and Billers attempted to make a weekend of it by getting us locked into the car park. Despite this I was home in time for a late visit to CCC to round off the week which ahd started with a Sunday early shift at The Queens College (TQC). Monday was the big day in Cumnor - Pumpkin Night. Children fancy dress and entertainment, raffle, pumpkin competition, fireworks auction and the highlight: the appointment of the Mayor to act as ward of the ducks and the village pond for the next year. This years appoinment (Chicken George - no-one seems to know his real name) was duly launched into the pond before we all retired back into The Bear to drink into Tuesday.

A couple more shifts at TQC on Wednesday and Thursday before buying a big one (fire work) for the Falcons Firework Party. The Wilsdon DOHA had pronounced: no bonfire this year. Thus nothing was said or done until she went on holiday, apart from saying Falcons were having one. As soon as she was away official venue could be announced and bonfire building completed by the time of her return - fait accompli. Only doubt - would it be Ricardo with the prime firework view on top of bonfire? He survived, we survived and enjoyed some spectacular stuff and excellent ale.

It was very good to have the company of my best man for the night. Hope we see more of him.

Saturday 11th November - Eastcote, home

I thought I was supposed to be retired! Having taken this part time job as "holiday relief" everyone has started taking their holidays and, thus, I was to be found manning the gates of The Queens College for two nights last week. Up to 21:00 one has to keep an eye on who is coming in and out through the door, after 21:00 the door is shut and locked with Fellows and students using a coded access side gate. Thus one can settle back and watch the telly, just letting out any visitors.

A few pleasant pints were enjoyed at TWH Thursday evening before Fridays Thanksgiving Service, tea at village hall followed by "wake" at The Bear & Ragged for Sue Shields. Consequently it was fortunate that we had a 16:30 start on Saturday allowing for a leisurely wander by the river, lunch then watch ladies "2s" defeat OU "2s" from which we could have taken inspiration. It certainly underlined our wisdom in telling Henn that his idea of the Falcons challenging Ladies 2s was very silly!

Eastcote are new to our league and came with a good reputation. This was underlined by their performance. They had a number of very good hockey players who had legs. We spurned a couple of chances and lost 3 - 1 to the better side. Our team was:

Breezie
Kentfield
Barron
Elliot
Billington
Blomley
DC
Paddy
PC
Smartie
Rogues

with Crampers whistling until half time when he came on as did Will Barton for his debut plus Humph.
They enjoyed the KC and said we had given them their hardest game of the season. They still won!

We need a win, and face Amersham and Chalfont this Saturday having already drawn away to them in our first match.

Breakfast time 10:30 start. Come and support!!!

Saturday 18th November, Amersham & Chalfont at home, 10:30

Following last weeks late start against Eastcote I completed my "warm down" at Cumnor Cricket Club, enjoying a few pints of their excellent draught brown ale. It was the clubs annual dinner upstairs, followed by a disco and there were a few recognisable faces around who were definitely feeling no pain. Sunday morning dog walking was followed by high noon tea duty at NOSC entertaining the match officials before the 1st team league match. Blakey was match official and one of the umpires had just emerged from guest accommodation at "my" college - Queens: small world. The "1s" suffered from some ferocious short corner drag flicks that proved unstoppable. Next on were the Over 40s for their cup match versus Indian Gym. They were indianed out of it!

Monday found me up before the lark ready to face five days at work, doing a "day" shift (08:00 to 16:30) covering for the holidaying Head Porter. Unsure of the traffic to be faced at that time of the morning I set off at 07:00 for the Botley Road, Oxpens, St Aldates, High Street route to my allowed parking area at the Florey Building in St Clements. A nice stroll back over Magdalen Bridge then takes me to college. I was early, very early. Trouble is one has to complete the transit of High Street before 07:30 to be legal and avoid the alternative route around the bypass, Abingdon Road, Donnington Bridge and Iffley Road. So, I was early all week.

Day shifts are exciting! 08:15 its breakfast. Big decisions as to what to have: eggs, bacon, fried bread, beans, tomato, juice, porridge, cerial. Phew. Breakfast is generally taken back to the lodge and eaten "on the job". One just hope that "Happy Harry" does not deliver the internal OU mail whilst you are eating as he ghosts in, opens the lodge window and throws the post in regardless. Can be messy if it lands in your fried egg! Ignorant whatsit!

Then, circa 08:30 the post arrives. This has to be sorted between fellows and students and then placed in the individual pigeon holes. On a low volume day this might be complete by 10:00, but, if you get special deliveries of periodicals from the university it can take most of the morning. In which case there is barely time to sit and draw breath before it is 12:15, and lunch. Lunch is very much divided into classes. First on are the "commoner" workers which includes lodge porters. For this meal, providing someone is manning the lodge one is allowed to sit at a side table in the Hall. Second on come the students who sit at tables with salt and pepper and napkins, whilst, later on, the more senior workers have their own buffet and sit at the top table. Whilst students are around to witness this, the commoner workers should all be out by this time. Then one waits, or perhaps goes to drum up business for the outgoing post department, another of our daily highlights. Outgoing post is put through the franking machine and, in those instances where initials have been scrawled in the corner, booked to an individuals account, or "batell". There are some quite surprising "batell" omisions! In between these daily "highlights" there is the constant and most important duty of ensuring only those who are allowed in come in. This is straight forward except when there are concerts and recitals and dinners taking place, but nevertheless necessary especially in these days of animal activists. Five days of this last week!

Thursday evening found me in CCC having a drink with the nightmayor. It was during a pleasnt session there that I got enlisted for bar duty the next night. Thus, Friday was especially busy having had a particularly heavy post then gone on duty for a five hour session at CCC with someone 21st taking place in the function room upstairs. This meant a kept getting these young things asking for all sorts of queerly named concoctions that were best no viewed before they were tipped down the neck, yuck. Consequently it was a light night, beer wise for me which meant that I was bright eyed and bushey tailed next morning. Which was just as well as there were already a few Amersham and Chalfont players present at 09:55 when I arrived. Ricardo had already beaten me to it and unlocked the changing rooms. Shame. My plan was to hide and wait until they were gathered and getting cold before appearing and unlocking. A&C are, on the whole, a friendly bunch and they had that same keeper who had kept us at bay last time in a one sided one all draw. We needed a win, but had the bare eleven to achieve it:

Ricardo
Mighty The Barron

Ellio Billers Blommers

WillB Smartie DC Breezie Rogues

and a welcome return for HughB on the whistle.

It is worth noting that we had the largest crowd ever seen for a Falcons match.
We were a little fortunate to turn around 2 - 0 up as they spurned one or two good opportunities, whilst Smartie and Rogues scored from almost our only two opportunities. Half time team talk from The Pope exhorted us to lay off "the fanny" and get more drive into things. Consequently , whilst we were more on in control in the second half, we only managed one more goal, but did bring some good saves out of their keeper once more. The one we got was from DC from a ridiculous angle and all agreed it was going wide until the keeper got a glove to it and deflected it into goal.

The KC was much appreciated and washed down by a number of jugs of the Jimmy Riddles, including one from Rogues for jug avoidance!!! Eventually they left and we could dissolve home happy with our second league win of the season. Next week will be a good one to win as we are away to Pitts The Youngers at Woking.

Saturday 25th November - Woking away.

Not just Woking away, but Pitts The Youngers! They were last seasons league champions and are right up there this season. They have already visited NOSC and won convincingly. We were not optimistic!

However, the week leading up to Saturday had been pretty good. I had one day at work, Monday, from 08:00 to 16:30. Monday night was folk night at CCC. It was "open mike" night producing an interesting mix of visiting musicians. Everything from traditional, unaccompanied folk singing to driving rock band. Tuesday I was able to take Jim for a walk down by the river before breakfast. It was a lovely morning. The sun was warm, the river was high but beautifully smooth reflecting the blue sky. It was only when something floated past that one realised how fast it was flowing. A heron was perched on the bank but all the sheep had been moved, probably to higher ground. And there was that electric blue flash of a kingfisher flying, fast and low, along the river. The air was clear and fresh and the dog wanted to go home before I did.

Wednesday saw the monthly gathering of the "Ancient Hawks" for lunch. A near record crowd enjoyed some good food, beer and company at The Eight Bells at Eaton.

Friday was Christmas shopping day at John Lewis, High Wycombe. Being well prepared it was a good day with nearlyu all the peresents required being obtained. This meant that we beat the Friday afternoon traffic back to Oxford. Friday nights in The B&RA are not what they were. Whilst the car park was full, the bar is often empty. They are doing well on the dining front but need to do something to get the drinkers back. We know what they ought to do but the new management is never in evidence of an evening to be told. Thus it was a fairly short (21:30 to 23:45) and sharp session. Saturday morning and the skys were threatening. Do I walk the dog now or wait? I waited: good decision as it fell down. When we did venture out it was to the sandpits at Cothill where the stream was more of a torrent and Jim was very unsure as to the depth in trying to retrieve sticks.

The weather threatened us again in the afternoon at Woking. Thunder and lightening in the distance accompanied by a sky as black as black at half time. Perhaps this was devine intervention and we could appeal against the light. Unfortunately not! We were 5 - 0 down by this time with the team being:

Ricardo
Mighty Ellio

Blommers Billers Groff

DC Smartie The Baron Breezie Rogues

with Hughbie blowing.

Late second half re-arrangements saw DC retire hurt, The Baron moving back to left half, Rogues to CF and Groff to right inner with Smartie on the wing. We won one shortie in the match which Ellio eventually put into the net. We only lost the second half 2 - 1. Owing to a prior engagement Rogues, Mighty and Ricardo all departed before the jugs had been drunk, Ricardo and Rogues to join a party of Cumnor men on a night out in town. Seven o clock bus, meal, drinks in something fancifully named selling Fullers and drowning out any conversation with a heavy beat, then into The Grapes for a more traditional end to the evening with a taxi home.

According to the league I have found we are 13th out of 17 at the moment! We need to improve significantly if we are to end up in the top half at end of season. Top are Eastcote who somehow appear to have an average points score of over 3! Not sure how they manage that. Second are PTY.

P.S. For those not "in the know" here is a revised team sheet:

Ricardo - Richard Wilsdon, Mighty - Mike Kentfield, Ellio - John Elliot, Blommers - Dave Blomley, Billers - Chris Billington, Groff - Steve Griffiths, DC - David Cole, Smartie - Richard Smart, The Baron - John Baron, Breezie - Paul Brees, Rogues - Rogan Meadows, Hughbie - Hugh Bentley. Others you might spot or have spotted in other reports: Crampers - Mark Crampton Smith, Huggie - Dave Hughes, PC - Peter Curtis, Paddy/JPAR - Julian Patrick Arthur Roche, The Pope/PJ - Peter Wilson, Henn - Tony Henman, Robbo - Dave Robson, Humph - Humphrey Battccock, have I missed anybody?

Saturday 2^nd December – Polytechnic away.

Traditionally the weekly Falcons Update has commenced on the Sunday or Monday following the match being “reported” upon and ended with the next match, the report being written on a weekday whilst I was at work. Having “retired” I find my life is not so orderly and, by the time I get around to splurging out a report, I have trouble remembering what has happened in the last 8 to 10 days since the last report ended. Consequently I plan to revise the process such that the report runs up to the day preceding its publication. Whether or not this works any better remains to be seen.

The last report ended on the Saturday night following our heavy defeat by W PTY (Woking Pitts The Younger). Sunday found me up respectably early in order to walk the dog before having brunch and then reporting to NOSC to greet the !st Teams opposition and match officials and feed them tea and biscuits. It is re-assuring to observe that, even in the top organisations, arrangements can go awry. One umpire was stranded on a broken down train and having to take a taxi from Maidenhead to Oxford whilst the appointed league official (the bloke who stands on the side and ensures that only properly registered players partake , who scores, who is carded etc.) had not been informed of this honour. Given the individual concerned was our old mate Blakey/Rupert it was no surprise to learn that, at this late hour he was not going to miss out on his Sunday lunch in order to pitch up and officiate. Consequently the match got underway somewhat late. The oppo were Indian Gym who were in 2^nd or 3^rd position in the league with our “1s” being, very definitely, the strongest team in the league by some way (only one draw to date) thus the result was predictable.

What was not predictable was the way our first team played. Their performance was the best I have seen this season from them and, given their dismal record, their spirit is remarkable. Thus I was delighted to open this Mondays Telegraph (one of the few papers that publishes hocket results) and see that they had won away at St Albans on this last Sunday. Well done, guys, perseverance pays. Good luck at home to Whitchurch this Saturday (14:00).

Meantime I had enjoyed a leisurely week. Tuesday and Wednesday I had worked the lodge late shift at Queens (15:30 to 00:30). Never busy, but if one tried to settle to doing something such as writing a poem or match reports there was always sufficient comings and going to keep interrupting the flow. Whilst the front door gets locked at 21:00 with students and fellows able to let themselves in and out of the “late gate” with their pass number, there are always visitors who have to be let out and interrupt ones reverie. However, two days of duties over, I was able to eran loads of “brownie points” on Thursday by taking the DOHA to the carol service at Queens. We arrived early so that a guided tour of the lodge and college could be completed before taking our seats at 17:00 for the 17:30 service. Chapel wasn’t completely packed and, with dinner to follow, the choir, chaplain and all participants rattled through five reading, five hymns and seven choral pieces in 45 minutes! Some going. There are shades of Porterhouse Blue around, not only at the University level (witness the recent constitution votes) but also within Queens. Traditionally students would spend the night queuing all night in sleeping bags in the quad in order to get tickets for the dinner following the Carol Service on a first come first served basis. They would be served breakfast in their queue and it was something of a party. The dinner itself would be festive with the choir standing on the tables and singing between courses, and dinner followed by a party (disco) in the Hall. However the current “powers” have abolished the queuing tradition and insisted that, this year, tickets could only be obtained via e-mail application on a first come first served basis. Further it was made known that the choirs singing between courses should not occur this year. The latter ruling was, I am glad to report, ignored leaving certain high ups going closer and closer to a “porterhouse blue” at the dinner.

We enjoyed the carol service, the singing was beautiful. We then repaired to the Eastgate for a drink. Now called “Mertons” this bar was a disappointment. Only beer was Worthingtons. Several fancy lagers and a long list of cocktails and change is placed in small trays and delivered to you inviting one to leave a tip! Hard up students!!!??? So, after a quick one there we had supper at the Eight Bells, Eaton. Much more like it: good beer and excellent food. Better company also as there was a group (4) of midland workmen in and we joined in with the music quiz they were holding based upon a hits of the seventies disc on the CD player. They were heating engineers employed at the Nuffield and living during the week in caravans opposite the Bells. I like the dry sense of humour Midlanders seem to have. An excellent evening was rounded off in the cricket club having returned the DOHA to the home tele. Friday evening found me behind the bar at the cricket club whilst a live slasa band played to a packed house and bar upstairs. I had a quiet night, closing promptly at eleven giving sufficient time to join Trigger and John Tyrrel and Adrian for a last pint at the B&RA before going home.

This brings me to Saturday and Falcons trip to Polytechnic who, this year, were back at their ground just past Heathrow. Billers and Blommers did an “Ellio” and ended up in Chiswick. Consequently, unlike Ellio two years ago, they were late arriving. Henn did his best to delay the games start until they arrived but, some twenty minutes or so late, we got underway with the following line up:

Ricardo

Mighty Huggie

WillB (Will Barton) Groff The Baron

Henn Smartie Breezie Rogues

We inter passed as much as possible, playing for time. Inevitably we lost the ball, but regained it. We affected a breakaway but Rogues failed tor round their keeper at full stretch. They scored, WillB pulled something, the two “Bs” arrived and we re-organised:

Ricardo

Mighty Blommers

Groff Billers The Baron

Henn Smartie Breezie Rogues

We equalised through Breezie, and took the lead via Huggie. They equalised before half time. We decided, at half time, that we were the better side and should win this game comfortably, particularly if we cut out “the fanny”. We did have the better of the midfield play in the second half but: were predictable in what we were going to do and they were tighter at marking our forwards than they had been. Consequently they had the better chances but there was no further score.

We repaired to their local with some excellent sandwiches and beer before setting off back, calling at Titsworth to rendezvous with The Pope. Very good to see him and enjoy a couple of pints. Then it was home to sleep through match of the day. Sunday night saw the Adastral Training Squad gather at the Fox, Denchworth for their monthly meeting: good beer and food. Very good to see Colin Shields in such good form, but sad to hear that Dobbin (Formerly of The White Hart Fyfield in its heyday, latterly landlord of the pub at Chieveley we occasionally call at, especially if Havant haven’t fed us!) has bowel cancer. Thankfully it has been recognised very early so, following an op. before Christmas, there is every reason to expect a good, full recovery. Lets hope this is the case and keep our fingers crossed.

A pleasant evening spent at Cumnor Cricket Club, or more accurately, “The Club Upstairs” for Monday Folk Night. I was on bar duty so avoided the outrageous £2 admission for an enjoyable evening. Next folk night is on 18^th. It is worth a visit. Which brings us around to now!

Saturday 9th December - Winchester awaySaturday 9th December - Winchester away

A week off! No work at The Queens College at least. However it was planned that I man the bar at CCC for the Monday night Folk Club. However my tenure was fairly short lived and I was able to sit back and enjoy the music. On Wednesday I received a plaintive call from Geof who runs the CC Bar asking me to help out that night. He had dropped a gas cylinder on his foot and was hobbling around with a couple of broken bones. Wednesdays at CCC features ladies darts, crib, Oxford Motor Club (or someone of that ilk) and the odd CCC Committee meeting. With footie on the big screen it was quite a good evening. Thursday saw Ben and I visit Gows Farm at Appleton to buy our Christmas tree. They have an excellent stock/choice of types and sizes. One of the non needle drop varieties got selected, but not of the slender variety we had had last year. This year it was big (8 feet tall) and well rounded and a good shape. Once we had sawn off some trunk and stripped off some lower branches to fit it into the bucket it slid nicely into the lounge, just brushing the ceiling. However, it wasn't until Sunday that it was moved in. Meantime it stayed outside in a bucket of water.

Friday was always going to be something of a "challenge". It was The Mayor Of Cumnor Luncheon. For the really brave this can involve some form of sporting and drinking activity in the morning (e.g. golf or ten pin bowling) followed by pre-lunch drinks at the B &RA before sitting down to the meal circa 15:00 - 15:30 ish. Not bieng into golf or particularly keen to bowl at the Kassam I planned to join up around 14:00 for the pre-lunch drinks. However I received an invite to take drinks with The Queens Provost between 11:00 and 14:00 that day, so a bit of light limbering up in the Provosts Lodgings seemed appropriate. 11:30 to 12:30 there left time to return home, change and get to the Bear for 14:00. Good meal was enjoyed by approaching 30 with "grace" from this years mayor, Chicken George, suitably robed in traditional fashion. Given the mayors role (responsibility for the welfare of the ducks on the village pond) duck has never featured on the luncheon menu. Lunch then, generally, disolves into evening and into night. My wife turned up for a drink with friends circa 21:45 and took me home 23:00 ish. Thankfully I remembered to take my Alka Saltzers before going to bed.

Consequnetly I was up and walking the dog around 08:30 next morning leaving plenty of time to get ready for the trip to Winchester. Winchester have two teams in the league and seem somewhat confused, themselves, as to which is the stronger. The side we were playing claimed to be supposed to be the stronger, but admitted losing to their other side! They certainly looked pretty young and fit and started that way. We were up for it and our defenders were in determined mood. We were:

Ricardo

Mighty Blommers

Groff Billers The Baron

Henn Smartie Huggie Breezie Rogues

with Crampers on the bench and Billers Mrs blowing.

Periodic changes meant Crampers moving to right half and The Baron, Rogues, Henn and Mighty taking turns on the bench.

They probably had more opportunities than us, but failed to score. We scored a class one in the first half care of Huggie, and two more class ones in the second from Smartie and Huggie (henceforth to be known as GMH, anyone know what GM stands for?).

So, Ricardo kept a clean sheet which he takes with him to NZ and Aus for the next 4 weeks and we got 3 much needed points. They were disappointed, as was their beer - only bottles. We stopped off at Dobbins excellent pub at Chievely on the way back to see our old friend prior to his hospital visit for which we wished him well and I continued our celebration by taking my wife out for (a free) lunch on Sunday at The Plough, Adderbury. Very good Bombardier and excellent food: £9 for 1 course, £12 for 2 or £15 for 3 course Sunday lunch. Worth a visit.

Following our draw with Polytechnic we had climbed to 11th place out of 17 in the league. This win should further improve our position. Haslemere are 3rd or 4th and a win against them at home, 14:00 Saturday would be a very, very good end to the 2006 part of the league season. Lets hope we can get out a reasonably settled side for a bit.

P.S. All support welcome.

Saturday 16th December - Haslemere at home

Nice gentle week. Had an early shift to work in college on Tuesday. College full of applicants who were attending interviews at Queens and other colleges in the hope of gaining a place next year. Thus the day went quickly with "applicants" coming and going from Queens and elsewhere. The rest of the early week had seen serious Christmas preparations get under way. On Sunday the tree was potted, brought in, had the lights put on it and was decorated. By the time I had lopped a few inches off the bottom itas top was just brushing the ceiling and it was a lovely round shape. The DOHA decided to decorate it "tastefully" just using silver with white lights. Very tasteful! Meantime I was busy putting up the lights along the front of the house and attaching the artificial tree to a stake in the driveway, just outside the front door. Twinkling snowflake lights around the windows and red berry lights on the tree. Down in the hut, the childrens soft toys like to appear to enjoy Xmas. They lounge around on a "mat" of green surrounded by fairy lights. The gardeners assistant is transformed into Father Christmas and takes up residence in the "hut" to keep the toys under control. All very festive.

The river level has dropped by about a foot leaving some large areas of water in the field at Bablock Hythe. JTD (Jim The Dog) very much enjoys having sticks thrown into the midst of these puddles for him to retrieve. Consequently we end up with a very tired but relatively clean dog. Having walked him Wednesday we were off to Salisbury for the night to attend a cousin of the DOHA's wedding. Having managed unmarried with his partner for getting on for 20 years he appears to have finally succumbed. The hotel where the reception was to be hled and our accomodation for the night looked out over water meadows to Salisbury Cathedral: sheep, horses and ducks all in evidence. It turned out that the hotel was the venue for the civil service prior to the main church event, cousins partner being a grandmother! A hurried change of cloths and we were sitting in the back witnessing our first marriage service of this type. A quick glass and then off to church, then back to the hotel for a very pleasant reception.

Early to bed (22:30) in order to ensure we were fresh for a good breakfast then off to Bristol in order that I could lunch with my ex-colleagues from Filton and deliver to them an annual report in poetic format. It was very good to see them again, we enjoyed a good lunch and a few drinks together, and they got their annual report. I slept most of the way home, walked the dog early Friday and, consequently, saw the local barn owl being chased by magpies. I then shot off to John Lewis at High Wycombe for final Xmas shopping. Succesful trip. Whilst DOHA was out Friday afternoon got all the presents wrapped and there are now three large piles under the tree, colour coded for DOHA, for Hannah and for Ben and Fran. I felt my few pints in the B&RA Friday night were well deserved.

Saturday morning saw rather later start to dog walking and, consequently, no barn owl. Early lunch then off to NOSC - a very lonely place despite the glorious sunshine. No-one playing either before or after us. We had a re-arranged fixture against Haslemere, the side who had annoyed us earlier in the season by putting up repeated difficulties which we addresssed before finally crying off at the last moment. They were to upset plans once more as they were stuck in traffic on the M25. This was relayed to us by their players who livid rather nearer and had arrived. This was a big game for us as Haslemere were 3rd in the table when it was last published two weeks ago. We had a cast of thousands, well 14. However The Baron was not in evidence so The Pope was esconsed in the dugout with Billers discussing permutations. They eventually all arrived and Henn was pushing to get the game underway before they could all make it to the pitch. Papal advice taken Billers got us together to announce the plan for the first half. We were to line up

FTC

Mighty Blommers

JPAR Billers Groff

Henn Smartie GMH Breezie Rogues

with The Pope blowing along with

and PC and DC on the bench , due to appear after 17.5 minutes in exchange for Huggie and Rogues.

They had quite an age range and some very useful players. However, we were determined and, on a Breezie break into their circle, he was tripped from behind with just the keeper to beat: penalty! Not one of PJs most popular decisions! JPAR converted the stroke. They got a goal back but continued, in certain quarters, to chunter. Breezie had pulled something and retired upsetting the Harace Bachelor Infradraw substitution process. Half time and we re-aligned with Henn, Smartie, GMH, PC and DC across the front. Breezie, as in touch with everything as he ever is, watched intently from the bench and, during the warm down, announced that it was a game we could have won. It was also a game they could have won and it was only the antics of our keeper that kept us in it. We also had to admit to Breezie that we had won, PC getting our second and the winner half way through the half. Well spotted Breezie!

The Killer Chiklli was very well received as was the Jimmy Riddles. Unfortunately the latter ran out and so did we circa 18:30ish. Good result before Christmas. These last two wins should move us up the table, we shall have to see. Hopefully, by the time we next play a league game (6th Jan) some of these injuries will be clear and we can try and get a more settled line up. Meantime the planned 23rd match with Chippenham is being postponed to end of season but a 30th game V. Fledglings pencilled in.

P.S. Perusal of the fixtures leads to a suggested date of 17th March for our annual Falcons Dinner (home to Wimbledon at 14:00 that day). Unless someone else volunteers between now and 6th Jan. to organise it I shall proceed with arrangements in the Cumnor area. You have been warned!

Falcons Festive Update

Saturdays (16th) Haslemere victory celebrations were somewhat curtailed by the need to be up at 05:15 and off to The Queens College for the early shift. Very quiet start in college, but it gradually perked up as the college was full of ex-members who had gathered for the annual Boars Head Gaudy the night before and had stayed over. Thus there were plenty of people handing in room keys who I could talk to re. their night and where they had to travel to. However, by lunch time they had all departed and I was a lonely soul until I left at 15:30. That evening I earned some brownie points by accompanying my wife to the local carol service after which we went to the B&RA for "a couple". John Harrop and his wife needed little persuading to join us and then proudly announced he hadn't any money. Not only that but, come his round, he didn't even move from his seat to get them in. They appear to be looking forward to moving up the Hill to Cumnors ski slopes and the slalom run that is Colegrove Down. I am not sure how practised they are currently but, after a good winter will, doubtless, be proficient at both slalom and uphill traversing as Colegrove Down does not have a ski lift. Still, shouldn't be too bad as they are moving to the upper slopes of the Down. Cumnor is well blessed with nursery slopes in the form of Tumbledown Dick and Chawley Lane. Tyrrells field provides for the more ambitious skier whilst Colegrove Down is for the most proficient. The sand pits off The Hurst are for those who feel they have to go "off piste".

Monday morning and the walk by the river was delightful. Cold and frosty but clear with early morning sunlight. The red berries on the bushes looked sharp whilst the river surface looked placid, masking the strong current. Into town for a spot of shopping and then into college for a late shift. Very boring, barely anyone about in college. In fact no-one moved after 21:00 and 24:00 couldn't come quickly enough. Tuesday was a nice lazy day with a leisurely dog walk and not much else. Wednesday and Thursday I was on duty from 08:00 to 16:30. Talk about boring!. With another porter on duty covering early shift and one for late shift there was nothing to do apart from the post. This arrived circa 09:30 to 10:00 and, if one was unhurried, was all put in pidgeon holes by 11:00. After that there was the odd bit of hand delivered incoming plus a fair amount of outgoing Christmas cards. There could be at least one Fellow not impressed by my reply to his question posed at 16:00 on 21st: "How do I ensure my cards get there before Christmas?". My reply was to write them and post them earlier. By about 15:00 I think myself plus the other porter were the only ones left in college apart from 3 students staying over plus the resident odd job man/night porter. The late duty man was in for a quiet night!

Thursday evening saw a quick visit to TWH at Fydfield to deliver a couple of Xmas cards and sample the White Horse bitter - very good as always. Then back to CCC for some very nice porter. Very tasty. Most of Friday was dedicated to the party at Cumnor Village Hall in the evening. In the morning it was get the tables out and the place setting put in place for the 30 or so expected. The Hook Norton was settling nicely when we left. Then it was preparing the dim sum and dog walking before we all gathered at 19:30. Very good to see old friends, the Gallops, over from Ireland and staying with their relatives in North Hinksey. They were looking extremely well, the Irish way of life obviously agrees with them.Excellent meal, excellent company, the Hook Norton lasted the distance and the Bose sound system was impressive. Well done Sally and John, Jane and Jogger.

No hockey on Saturday so a lazy day culminating in a visit from Reg & Trina to deliver our Christmas Cake. However, all of a sudden Xmas had to be re-planned. Dear daughter who was working Xmas Day until 18:00 then on nights Boxing Day (and, therefore as a paramedic, unable to drink) announced that she had got someone to swap shifts and did not need to return to work until Friday. So, we could all celebrate Xmas together, but on Boxing Day. Best Son arranged to spend Xmas day with his partners mother in order that they both could be with us on Boxing Day. So, arrangements re-organised, it was a relatively calm Christmas Eve culminating in visits to CCC and then the B&RA. The Bomber at 4.6 on the Richter scale took its effect and we were home relatively early (23:30). Leasurely walk by the river on Xmas day followed by return visits to the Cricket Club and Bear before sausage beans and mash for late lunch. Peaceful afternoon prior to the arrival of the whirl wind that is Hannah. After a while she went around to the neighbours to wish them happy Xmas and there she stayed. Boxing Day, our Xmas Day, dawned dull but mild. Whilst the rest of the household slept I made my way to BRN to see if there were any gaping gaps in the Father & Sons match line up. There weren't. Roches were out in force, not only with Roche Senior and the 3 boys but also featuring Kierens girlfriend this year. A few raised eyebrows as to what a "girl" was doing on the pitch in this annual "boys" match until she got in a shot at FTC in the first 5 minutes that nearly took his head off! Predictably Roche Senior did not make it to half time and retired with another pulled fetlock. Meanwhile the half time drink was taking its toll and the second half play was not as impressive as the superb hockey in the first. A result of 5 - 4 must have disappointed Henn as he was on the losing side and had had a flick well saved by Boggs junior. We departed as the (not so) Old Dragons gathered to face (a rather older looking) Hawks. I have no information as to how many Roches featured or what the reult was.

By the time they finished I was at home with a drink and opening presents. Splendid (late) Christmas Day with a visit to the cricket club for a swift couple and to take in some of the annual match between Cumnor and Wootton. The festive hats and other gear did not completely mask the very competetive nature of the match itself. A win for Cumnor was celebrated throughout the remainder of the day and into the early hours! 27th found me back in Queens at 07:00 in order to ensure someone was there to meet the postman. He arrived 08:10 and, by 10:00, all the post was sorted and pigeon holed. A quick stroll up the High to see what was in Shepherd & Woodward and M & S sales and then home for breakfast. Christmas over so minds and expectations started to focus on holidays. Ours was arranged and we plan a whole family expedition back to the Red Sea in Octoberish time but Hannah had some time off end of January and was keen to be taken somewhere by her mother! They were thinking of 10 or so days somewhere sunny (eg Goa, Dominican Republic etc) but I, knowing Hannahs like for a lively time, felt a cruise would be right. Whilst they were both shopping in Oxford I booked them one - risky! Seven nights cruising around Canaries and W African coast end of January flyimg at good times to and from Bristol for £500 each all inclusive (i.e. all drinks included!) seems v. good value to me. They are yet to be convinced! Oh er.

Ben is easier to please. Four nights at Bowood Park hotel and golf club near Port Isaac on N Cornwall coast for £16 per person per night B & B looks another bargain (Monday to Friday) and will give them time to walk and explore and enjoy some winter waves in an area they love but further West from the area they know. Well, that's them organised, all I now need is for some nice lady to come and take care of me whilst they are all away. Ha!

Few pints of Full Circle in CCC Thursday night followed by a couple of bottles of some falling over liquid at 5 on Richter scale at the Kings Friday was the warm up for the Falcons match against the Fledglings. Think we have our work cut out. Still, it's a lovely Saturday morning as I type this and look across to Wytham Woods at 09:30. Must stop now, take the dog to the river and then have breakfast. See you later.

Well, well, we were 3 - 0 down at half time but our superior fitness told and we drew 4 - 4. Trouble is there are one or two carrying injuries and we have an important "6 pointer" with Wokingham in a weeks time. Keep up the training.

Saturday 6^th January 2007

Cumnors Friday Night Squad turned out in force on New Years Eve. A glass or two of bubbly as limbering up material at Nick Harris' house warmed us up for the B&RA where it had been decided that we would welcome the New Year. They had agreed to lay on some nibbles for us later in the evening in return for our patronage and about forty or so attended. A very pleasant evening of drink and chat amongst friends ensued and we welcomed 2007 appropriately. Consequently New Years day was spent quietly with a good dog walk to blow the cobwebs away. The river was still pretty high, muddy and fast flowing. A couple of pints back in the Bear before a late lunch. In the evening our man JV (John Vincent) was hosting a drinks do, 6 to 9 pm, the date being chosen to maximise the number of "no shows". In the event the DOHA did stay at home suffering from a nasty cold, so it was left to me to fly the Meadows flag. Some interesting warm cider punch was enjoyed.

There after the week went quietly along. A Thursday evening visit to TWH enabled initial discussions re. feasibility of holding the Falcons dinner to take place followed by an early shift in college on Friday leaving time for a nap prior to Friday training at the B&RA. I made a tactical blunder in buying a "Magners" for JV meaning he insisted in buying me two pints in return. This resulted in quite a quantity being consumed in short shift. Just as well the B&RA called time at 22:55! The inclement weather resulted in a walk around Cothill reserve Saturday morning, late lunch, footie on the box before getting to NOSC in time to see the second half of the Ladies "1s" match. Thankfully the rain stopped in time for our match with Wokingham, a team in 4th place or so in the league. They were a strong side capable of playing some good, powerful hockey when they had a mind to. In between they fell back and allowed us to find space up front. We were two nil up at half time with the Horace Bachelor Infradraw system of substitutions in disarray owing ot injuries. We had started:

Breezie
Mighty Blommers
Groff Billers Crampers
Henn Smartie GMH Twizzle DC

with Rogues, PC and The Baron on the bench.

Yes, you have read it right, it was a worlds first season 2006/2007 appearance for Twizzle, and very good to have him back.

It wasn't long before that well remembered and characteristic manouver was again evidenced. Meantime Huggie was scoring, DC was retiring having "pulled" and Smartie got a second, all in the first ten minutes! They then got organised, PC came on for Rogues who had gone on for PC and Breezie was featuring in goal. Second half saw Breezie emphasise his man of the match credits to the appreciation of all (including an incredulous oppo), but they did get one back and threatened more. Breezie kept us in it and, with five minutes to go Rogues got a cracker from a "Smart" pass followed by a second from the final short corner of the game. 4 - 1 to us flattered, but we accept flattery! They enjoyed the Ruddles and the chilli and I made an early exit in order to attend the Queens staff do at 333 Banbury Road. Very good it was, especially as it was free. They appeared to have catered for more than actually attended resulting in six of us sitting at a table for ten for our free food and free wine: five reds, five whites uncorked on the table. Had to be drunk! Good cheap evening.

Saturday 13^th Jan – Wimbledon away.

Seven days ago I wrote the last update whilst "minding the shop" on the Sunday evening at The Queens College. Seven days on and I am back there again, six hours into my shift, 3 to go. Last week we had a warm glow from a flattering 4 - 1 win. This week the score has been reversed and we deserved it. Meantime, on the domestic front the river has risen dramatically and then ended the week with a slight drop. It simply isn't possible to walk the dog at Bablock Hythe as there is no visible field to walk on. Down behind the reservoir one has to wade through water that very nearly tops the wellies before getting onto a soggy riverside path. Saturday. Today, Sunday, with a blue sky reflected in the acres of water covering all of the flood meadows on the other bank it looked a picture. It is probably four years since we have seen the river this high.

Earlier in the week it took drastic action on my part to avoid the drinks do of the year in Cumnor. I managed, on Tuesday night, to obtain a rather ferocious stomach chill that left me with a bruised feeling tummy and the inclination not to get out of bed at all on Wednesday. Such malady meant that we cried off our attendance at the do Wednesday evening which was a shame as we were on for free drinks from John Harrop in The Bear later. Never mind, another time, John! In fact, way things are going they will probably have put up the prices by the time it is you round! Did make it out Thursday to the CC for a couple or so Guiness, oil on troubled waters! Popped over to TWH Friday lunch time to book up the Falcons Dinner and had an enjoyable session with the CFNS (Cumnor Friday Night Squad) that evening.

Meantime, e-mails from Billers had suggested that we were suffering on the selection front somewhat this week. We have a number of injured and walking wounded but it looked like we had eleven with a Falcons seasons debut from Chilvs. However, at the eleventh hour, Saturday we were back to 10 and some frantic phoning of "outsiders" Kylie, GP, and Wimbo was to no avail at such short notice (we were meeting at 13:30 for the trip to Wimbledon.) However, The Hunter came up trumps (by kind permission of Nadine) and agreed to accompany us provided he was returned by 19:00. We met at 13:30 at Cutteslowe and climbed aboard the Popemobile. We departed and the Popemobile promptly joined the injured and "N.As". Thankfully we jad only got to the end of the road, so could push it to safety and get an alternative vehicle from Cutteslowe. Thus RicardoNav replaced RogNav for the journey and we arrived, eventually, safely and in good time.

Forces still conspired to put us off our game, or deplete our numbers as one of the better looking young ladies occupying the pitch before us issued an invite it was difficult to refuse in the form of a four letter word begining with "F". Well, we took it as an invite, but our request to take up the offer later rather than immediately did not appear to go down well. Eventually we got sorted and lined up:

Ricardo
Mighty Chilvs
Groff Billers The Baron
Henn Smartie GMH The Hunter Rogues
with Wimbledon providing both umpires.

2 - 0 down at half time, we came back at them strongly at start of second half, could not convert and gave away a flick. We brought it back to 3 - 1 with a GMH vertical classic that was almost disallowed for "playing the ball whilst on the ground", but ultimately wasn't. However they killed it off with a fourth. We set off in convoy back to their lavish club for showers and tea but, on noticing the time, headed straight for home to ensure we kept faith with Mrs H. Thus, after a bath at home and a meal I undertook a decent warm down on some very acceptable "Full Circle" in Cumnor Cricket Club: a very pleasant evening.

Rumour has it we had bounced back up to 4th in Alliance, but will be back down a bit now I suspect.

Saturday 20^th January – Eastcote away.

Correction to last weeks report – we had actually moved up to 5^th in the league prior to our defeat at Wimbledon. However, the main drama of the week concerns the demise of the Popemobile. Last seen in a sorry state, abandoned in Harbord Road with an increasing oil slick beneath it. Various theories have been forthcoming regarding the cause of the sudden collapse. The fact it is a vehicle of Italian construction originally intended to ferry around a Pope of Polish origin. Since then we have witnessed the sad demise of The Pope and seen the white smoke from Papal HQ. The outcome: a German being supported by Italian equipment! Malfunction a certainty and black smoke the evidence!

Alternatively this sleek, finely honed piece of equipment was designed and intended to operate in the warm, balmy, low humidity climes of Italy, not in the rather more rugged conditions of Cumnor and its surrounds. Further, the Popemobile had recently been laid up whilst its driver took an elongated Christmas and New Year break to celebrate having kept a clean sheet against Winchester in early December. Now, I am sure that, upon his return the caring Papal chauffeur will have carried out a thorough check of his equipment and ensured that it is in full working order. However, whether the same attention will have been lavished upon the Popemobile is questionable. Thus, it could be that this piece of fine Italian craftsmanship had simply rusted up and, when put under some pressure in order to join the multitudes entering Oxford down the Banbury Road at speed, collapsed in crashing, clunking, protest. It certainly seemed like it to witnesses at the scene.

There is, of course as with most things, a third way, or reason. As has been observed previously, this sleek, swift piece of papal equipment has served well in ferrying The Pope to and from hi appointments around the UK. It has always been on hand to take and return him safely and swiftly to and from services both home and away. A mass here, a communion there. Not everyone has been able to stand the pace over the years and there are certain of our more mature bretheren who simply refuse to share his chariot in fear of early entry to our ultimate destination. Inevitably, along with the Pope and Ricardo, his driver, there has usually been a couple of Papal guards. However, it is interesting to note that, on the occasion of its demise, The Pope was nowhere near his Popemobile and, apart from his trusty driver, Ricardo, the occupants were all heavyweight members of the Papal guard (The Hunter, The Rogue and Mighty). Whilst most times recently The Pope has travelled lightweight in terms of equipment, on this occasion all members of the Papal Guard were fully equipped and did not make use of a support vehicle to carry their equipment. Thus, it could simply be that the Popemobile was overloaded and required rather more sympathetic application of the right foot on the accelerator pedal. Alternatively, it could be a case of divine intervention in that, without the sudden complete loss of power, the Popemobile could have been photographed for posterity by that yellow box that lurks at the side of Banbury Road just beyond the bus stop to catch the unwary.

I can report that the official Alpha Accident Investigation Squad has had the vehicle towed away for a thorough overhaul and post mortem. We await the results which, I understand, are being hindered by the fact that the “black box” has not been recovered. Apparently it was removed with the papal guard kit and subsequently used by Ricardo in the match. Thus, with its limited recording capability, it will undoubtedly show full details of the direction, speed and all associated data relating to the subsequent Wimbledon goals, but will have overwritten the truth regarding the Popemobiles demise.

Which takes us swiftly on to Eastcote away. A cast of many duly arrived in good time for the match and we lined up:

Ricardo

Mighty The Baron

Blommers Billers “H”

Henn Smartie GMH Groff Rogue

With Hughbie blowing and PC and WillB on the bench. They dominated the first half and scored two goals. PC and WillB replaced GMH and an out of touch Rogues and we managed a second half 0 – 0 draw. After sausage beans and chips and a jug or two we returned home, interrupting our journey to take in our new found watering hole at Crowell. Black Sheep, Doom Bar, British Buldog all on offer in a warm, welcoming bar with a good looking menu. I think we shall be calling there providing the local Senator has paid the tab we left for him!

This next Saturday has us at home to Pitts The Elders, 14:00 at Gosford is the current plan. We need a win and, with a home game expect a cast of thousands plus the odd spectator. Look out for the return of Horace Bachelor in the forwards.

Meantime, last Thursday saw some unselfish research involving the Bat & Ball and the Red Lion culminate in the selection of our new watering hole. Friday saw a solid session in the B&RA followed by the extended warm down at CCC Saturday and a good carvery lunch at The Dog House yesterday. £9 for the main carvery course was good value! Very important to keep up the research. Watch this space.

Saturday 27^th January 2007 – Woking Pitts The Elders at home.

Quietish start to the week especially as the cleaners have now been moved to only coming in fortnightly. Thus no need to vacate the house on a Monday morning in order to avoid dusters and vacuum cleaners. Leisurely dog walk alongside a river still flowing very strongly but a foot or so below its height when last seen. Meantime the DOHA & D (Director Of Home Affairs & Daughter, Pat and Hannah) were preparing for the holiday they did not want: the one I had found and booked without full consultation! Apparently choosing for themselves is of utmost importance and, at this stage, they still seem determined not to enjoy their week aboard a cruise liner visiting each of the Canary Island, Madiera and Morroco on a fully inclusive (inc. booze!) basis. I made the ultimate sacrifice of offering to go instead, but this only elicited fierce demands to know who I thought I might find to go with me. Think I’ll just shut up.

Thursday, and a quick trip to Swindon to pick up Hannah and a fleeting visit to CCC to witness the evictees from the B&RA enjoying their daily afternoon session. The B&RA does not seem to know whether it is on foot or horseback at the moment. It started 2007 with a much heralded total ban on smoking followed by a decision to close on midweek afternoons. However by the 13^th smoking had recommenced in one area and a couple of weeks later they were open in the afternoons again. However, by then it was too late and their regular afternoon clientele had decamped to the Cricket Club. Thursday night found the whole family enjoying excellent hospitality at The Pig (Blue Boar, Longworth). Splendid range of excellent food and some very pleasant Brakspears. Girls managed several bottles of Chilian Sauvignon Planc before we wobbled out.

Friday dawned dull but brightening, and the weather was much the same. 09:30 and DOHA & D departed for the HTDNW (holiday they did not want) bound for Bristol airport thankfully flying with Thomson, not B.A.! Ben set off for home leaving me with a pleasant stroll beside a river by now at least 3 feet lower than at its height. There was still sufficient frost in the ground to make walking easy and, with the sun trying to break through, it was delightful. I could stroll and plan: cook the ham tonight, Vine for lunchtime pint, B&RA after supper, brunch tomorrow, hockey then CCC to complete the warm down. Sunday morning walk the dog, prepare vegetables for lunch, go and watch the “1s”, cook the pork, eat, doze. Monday the cleaners will be back.

And things went pretty much to plan! Couple of lunch time Guinness, cooked the ham which was then washed down by a few IPAs at the B&RA. Woking PTE arrived at Gosford and we lined up:

RNW (Ricardo Nutmeg Wilsdon)

Blommers The Baron

Groff Billers WillB

Henn Smartie GMH PC Rogues

With HughB and DC blowing and Mighty on the bench and replacing The Baron after 17 minutes.

Second half saw us line up

RNW

Mighty The Baron

Blommers Billers WillB

Henn Smartie GMH Groff DC

With PC and Rogues replacing GMH and Henn after 17.and PJ assisting HughB on the whistle.

Ricardo earned his amended nickname, Smartie, GMH and Groff all succeeded with jug avoidance whilst Rogues got just the one. They, meantime, scored two. So, we scored seven which was only exceeded by the number of jugs we jointly consumed back in the clubhouse washing down a warm Killer Chilli. Woking continue to be one of the most sociable of clubs with The Elders very much leading the way. For once there were more of us than them by the time they eventually departed. This allowed me just sufficient time to call into home before decanting to the Cricket Club for the extended warm down on Mr Chubbs – very acceptable. Home just before midnight, good nights sleep then a brisk riverside walk at Bablock Hythe before a “brunch” of sausages, fried potatoes and fried bread having prepared the Brussels, carrots, potatoes and parsnips that were to accompany my roast pork later. Off to NOSC to witness a disappointing first team result underlining the value of a powerful drag flick exponent as demonstrated by Exeter Uni. No Guinness in the clubhouse to back to CCC for one before retiring home for the TV footie and then that roast!

Existing in the absence of the DOHA is hard work!

Saturday 3^rd February 2007 – Havant at home.

This was the week of the unwanted holiday and this meant peace and quiet at home whilst the DOHA and No1 Daughter were away. Extreme peace and quiet! Most conversation on Monday was with Jim, the dog, and was with the TV berating Oxford United for a totally inept display in front of the Sky TV cameras. On Tuesday I was on duty at The Queens so actually got to see and speak to somebody. Thanks to my forward planning and efforts over the weekend I was also well stocked up with food: boiled ham, roast pork, a plated meal of each, lots of cooked vegetables and potatoes for bubble and squeak and a large bread and butter pudding. Not bad, eh. Thus, on my return from work on Tuesday I could change, take the dog for a leisurely walk, sit back and read the papers before popping one of the plated meals into the microwave. With en inspiring evening of television in front of me (not) I eventually plodded down to the cricket club for a couple of Guinness.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday all saw lovely, leisurely walks in warm sunshine by the river. Almost spring like albeit there is a strong current still running but levels nearer normal. More than often there is nothing but the sounds of nature to be heard: tinkling of the river around a bend and branch, singing of a robin, twittering of tits and the occasional raucous honk of a goose. Geese, swans, ducks, moorhens and coots in evidence along with the occasional heron and the grebes were back swimming and diving in the middle of the river. Blue sky reflected in the river, warm sun on ones back, idyllic.

Wednesday also saw a gathering of “Hawks Ancients” for lunch at The Plough, Hanney where landlord, Trevor, is also a member of the ex goalkeepers brigade. We certainly had our share of keepers with Sturge Taylor, Phillip Hawtin and John Harrop all present. Some excellent beer and good food complimented the good company. Thursday was a quiet day with just the dog for company. Conversation tended to be a bit one sided therefore, but I still managed to loose the arguments! Friday also quiet although I did receive text messages from the holiday makers suggesting that the weather had not been good and the sea rough. Oh dear, it will be my fault for booking the holiday! Was it Thursday or Friday, I can’t remember, that we had a rather later dog walk having watched and celebrated a true rarity – an England cricket win in Australia, versus Australia. 21:30 and I was holding my first conversation of the day having gone to the B & RA for training. Steady session. Another pleasant walk on Saturday followed by the last of the cold ham with bubble and squeak before departing for NOSC. We felt we ought to win this match but late withdrawals left us with the bare eleven as we were also supplying both umpires. Thus we lined up:

Nutmeg

Mighty The Baron

Blommers Billers Crampers

Henn Smartie GMH PC Rogues

With The Pope and JPAR blowing.

Not long into the match and GMH made a grave tactical blunder: he attempted to move to a pass that was not directly to his stick and appeared to directly rupture a drive shaft. Initially it was looking like we would need the AA to tow him home but he did manage to struggle to the pitch edge and we were down to 10. One tactical blunder can lead to another and a player who had turned up extremely early for the next game was persuaded to take over umpiring allowing us to bring on JPAR. This enabled us to demonstrate our supreme skill at carrying out instructions from 1^st Team Management for short corner execution:

“Smartie, you come in from wide right to the post and I’ll slide it to you.”

Henn hits out to JPAR who receives the ball inside the circle, pulls it back outside (JPAR will never do anything without a pull back first, eh Jan!) and slips it to Smartie by the right post for him to deflect deftly into the goal.

And that was that. We created lots more opportunities which we wasted, they created a few but Nutmeg kept a clean sheet.

After a good Killer Chilli and some warm down fluid it was home in time to greet the DOHA on her return and then watch England mangle Scotland. The holiday had been enjoyed despite the weather! For those thinking of cruising, Thomsons are towards the lower end of the market using ships taken over from other lines. However, they are one of the few who offer a complete inclusive deal including drinks. This can be good value for money depending how much time you spend on board drinking, as opposed to time ashore on excursions. My girls got their monies worth! Consequently I am not completely convinced that it was stormy weather that caused the ship to pitch and role! A couple of late evening Guinness at CCC rounded off Saturday whilst a Spanish omelette followed our Sunday morning amble by the river in time to watch Wales put up a tremendous battle with Ireland followed by Adastral Training at The Pig. Nearly a full turn out with just Jone and Derek absent. We enjoyed good food and excellent Brakspears and Timmy Taylors.

A dull Monday morning was then really brightened up when I opened the paper to discover that the Mens “1s” had won 4 – 3 away to Firebrands. A very good result, if only they could get another win at home to Plymouth next Sunday.

Meantime, I got my cheque for £40 won in the Hawks 200 Club draw this week so nearly showed a profit on the training front! Trust you are all members of the 200 Club and, therefore, stand to profit like me. If you aren’t, but would like to be talk to Ricardo or me.

10^th February – Winchester Wanderers away.

Uneventful week leading up to Friday night training at the B&RA where the IPA was on consistent form then it was a fairly early walk and brunch Saturday before congregating at Cutteslowe for our 11:30 meet. We were rumoured to have an ample supply of players plus The Pope coming to do the honours on the whistle. However the vast numbers were somewhat disguised as several had elected to go direct (Smartie, Groff, The Baron, Blommers, Hen, JPAR) leaving Billers, Mightie, PC, DC, Rogues, Breezie, Crampers and The Pope to gather at Cutteslowe. The Pope was “on the ball” and aware from the outset (not!) ensuring everyone was aware that he was doing us a great service coming along to umpire and was determined to take in the Wales v. Scotland rugby match following the game. In fact he was so busy discussing this and the inclement weather he omitted to register Billers tactical blunder in announcing exactly how many players we had in total when one took account of the going directs. Crampers did his best to confuse the situation by trying to arrange to leave his “vehicle” in a convenient pub car park where he could collect it on the return. Trouble was no one could agree what or where was convenient given the accident between Woodstock Road roundabout and Peartree and the infamous roadworks somewhere between Abingdon and the M4 on the A34, but no-one knew exactly where. Thus, the route to Chieveley was subject ot much discussion and little conclusion. Thus Crampers caved in and decided to leave his vehicle at Cutteslowe.

So, eventually, we mounted up and prepared to depart. DC was going through his pre-take off checks when The Pope, safely installed in one of the rear seats, suddenly realised this was not his customary mode of transport (the Popemobile having been taken elsewhere by Ricardo who was N.A. this weekend). Not only that but The Pope suddenly registered the fact that, if we had thirteen players travelling, we had enough to play and umpire and, thus, not need him. He immediately displayed a burst of energy and fitness contrary to anything seen before to remove himself from the car, take his bag from the boot, load it into his car, leap aboard, fire it up and shoot off with a call of “ You can umpire yourselves, you don’t need me. I’m off, good luck.”

And so we set off in disarray, hoping that Billers would have worked out the revised Horace Bachelor Infradraw line up by the time we arrived. He had, and it was:

Breezie

Mighty The Baron

Blommers Billers Crampers

Henn Smartie DC JPAR PC

With Groff umpiring first half, Crampers second and Rogues initiating the Infradraw process that was to involve DC, PC and Henn.

Match wise, we made a better start. JPAR drilled home a shortie at the first opportunity after five minutes and it was lokking like we could have a hat full. However, once again, the defence and midfield were dominant but, up front, we could not convert and, sure enough, they got one just before half time. The second half saw a repeated pattern of Falcons domination with occasional threats from Winchester but no more goals emerged.

Back at their clubhouse they had a barrel of real ale on the bar and we demolished this before Pitts The Elders (opposition of the other Winchester team) could help us. Shame! We demolished the sandwhackers and headed directly home on the A34 without hindrance. A brief appearance later at CCC before an early night then a pleasant Sunday morning watching victory in the cricket spoilt by disappointment at NOSC where the “1s” looked as though they would get a deserved win only to concede a goal right on time.

Back home and it was family lunch to celebrate Frans birthday. Splendid leg of lamb with load of roast potatos and veg. and half a dozen or so bottles of wine to wash it down. Later we decanted to the Cricket Club and the Bear for a “Night cap”. Good end to the weekend.

February 17^th Oxted “Moon shiners” away

“MIGHTY” MAKES THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE, MEANTIME OXTED ARE SURPRISED TO FIND THE “MARQUIS OF BATH” PLAYING FOR HAWKS

Mighty reporting in the absence of Rogues

Tuesday’s e-mail from Billers states we’re 12 for Saturday, on Wednesday I get a call from a work colleague “would I like to join a coach load of real ale fanatics on a pub crawl round rural Gloucestershire?” – Would I, of course I would but I’ve already committed Saturday to Falcons which as it happens was just as well because Hen had dropped out with suspected bird flu

Saturday lunchtime saw 10 of us meet at Cutteslowe with Breezy and family opting to go direct. Originally a 1.00pm meet later changed to 12.30 as “RogNav” thought 2 hours might be pushing it. After much discussion about reported hold ups on the M25 a route was selected and off we set in three cars. Everything’s going smoothly until the Crampervan takes an unexpected detour on to the Thame road which causes Ricardo to switch on his hazards and pull over so as to use his mobile this in turn causes Billers to stop as he thinks the Pope mobile may have broken down. We decide that Crampers has stopped for fuel so continue our journey. We miss whatever the M25 tried to stop us with and arrive at Oxted’s ground at 2.00pm – A whole hour before we’re due to start, unheard of for the Falcons, does that mean we’ll have an extended warm up.

Mind you, when I say “we arrived at 2.00”, I mean Ricardo’s and Billers cars, the Crampervan having also safely negated the M25 hold ups got diverted to a pub in Old Oxted. Breezy meantime had opted to go direct to their clubhouse for “lunch”, apparently that lunch included testing the London Pride to make sure it was OK.

Eventually we lined up as

Ricardo

Lord Bath The Baron

Blommers Billers Crampers

Groff H

D.C Breezy P.C

With Oxted kindly supplying both Umpires

From the start it looked as if Oxted had set a similar formation, but it soon became apparent that they favoured a 0-6-4 outfield formation, with the 6 operating between the half way line and their 25 yard line and the 4 rarely venturing from their D.

Taking use of the extra space we managed with ~~some intelligent use of the ball~~, ~~clever passing manoeuvres~~, standard Falcon’s faff & fanny to quickly go one up through H. Regular readers of the past few weeks will realise that this is dangerous for us as the wheels have, if not fallen off, tended to develop a nasty wobble. Not so this week Groff netted our second within 5 minutes and soon after that H netted his second, 0-3 up and looking good. 10 minutes later one Umpire blows for half-time which confuses the other Umpire and most of Oxted, they’re all of the opinion that there’s still 5 minutes to play, so we resume the first half, which allows PC to flick in our fourth from a very narrow angle. This time when the Umpire blows for half time there’s no argument.

The second half continues much as the first with us all over them like a rash – We’re now that confident that Lord Bath is defending from the halfway line and making the occasional sortie into enemy territory and Ricardo and the Baron are holding a tea party in our D. All this extra pressure is not, however, creating any more goals but we are creating bucket loads of chances. H is looking for a hat trick and Breezy, in front of his family is desperate to get his name on the score sheet. He gets his chance about two thirds of the way through the half but is up ended by their keeper – Penalty, but without Rogues who’s going to take it. Blommers fancies his chance but before he can get there Breezy does the honours – High to his left their keeper, almost casually, smacks it against the post - still 0-4

5 minutes to go Crampers slams in our fifth which at last galvanises Oxted into action they go at it hell for leather from the restart and finally force the Baron into conceding a penalty corner – The resultant shot beats the advancing Ricardo but pings harmlessly away off the post Lord Bath is ~~leaning on~~ guarding.

Final whistle is blown soon after.

Back we go to their clubhouse and Breezy is right the London Pride is very good as is the Chicken Supreme that accompanies it. To break the gruelling journey home two of the cars stop at the Leathern Bottle in Lewknor for a welcome pint of Brakespears.

Now the more observant of you will have noted that whilst I’m writing this report I don’t appear on the team sheet, this is because several of the Oxted players have suggested that I bear a more than passing resemblance to the Marquis of Bath – I can’t argue with that as it’s not the first time that it’s happened.

Boxing Day, 2004 Cape Town – 1^st day of test match – Mid morning I’m making use of the hospitality area our tour company has laid on for us when I’m approached by another tourist – And no neither of us were p****d

Tourist “Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Me “Not at all”

Tourist “Are you the Marquis of Bath?”

Me, somewhat stunned “No I’m afraid I’m not”

Tourist “Are you sure you’re not him?”

Saturday 24th February - Winchester at home

Following last weekends inactivity from a playing perspective it has been a relatively busy week workwise.
Early shifts Monday and Tuesday followed by a day off then late shifts Thursday and Friday. Bad news! Not training Friday night! Shifts at work continue to be pretty tedious. Every day has its regular "highlights": unlocking on early shift, arrival of the post and its subsequent sorting, breakfast, lunch and dinner, locking up last thing and the locking of the front door at 21:00 meaning one can relax the constant vigil of people coming and going as they have to use a code to gain entry. With a bit of luck a lot of "ad hoc" events will occur to break up the remaining time: taking and doing the paper work for room bookings, emergencies such as student illness or fire alarms. The latter are usually caused by burnt toast in student rooms or smoking in "outbuildings" such as the shops on the High belonging to the college.

In my particular case dramas passed me by this week with others having to deal with the situation. The main drama being a student with burst appendix having to be rushed to hospital by ambulance, being discharged later in the week by which time his parents had arrived and were staying in college to look after him. However, his operation wound turned out to be infected and "exploded" requiring anther emergency ambulance. 48 hours later he was back and is now progressing well under the care of the college nurse and his parents have departed.

Meantime there were minor dramas of a team organisation nature: would we have more than eleven, would the oppo have more than ten? In the end it resolved itself with Winchester fielding eleven plus "umpire"(?) and we had twelve plus Hughbie blowing. Our line up was:

Nutmeg
MightyMOB The Baron
JPAR Billers Crampers
DixC Smartie GMHuggie Breezie Rogues
with PixC due to come on as part of the revolting substitute Horace Bachelor Infradraw process.

However, after ten minutes of predominantly oppo pressure and minimal movement from GMH he was suffering drive shaft failure once again and PixC was warming up. GMH did remain long enough to benefit from a good through ball finding Rogues foraging down the middle but failing in his attempt to round the keeper who kicked the ball clear. However his clearance went straight to GMH whilst Rogues had flattened the keeper. GMH calmly chipped the ball over stricken keeper into the goal. He was promptly replaced by DixC and the game continued without either side really threateniong further despite our having a number of shorties and Billers, JPAR and around nine others getting very steamed up by the oppo umpires decisions in their circle. Half time came just in time to allow Billers to calm down..

Eventually, mid second half, we got a second with a well drilled effort from JPAR and that was that. Ricardo/Nutmeg had kept a clean sheet! We retired to welcome our oppo into the bar with the customary Ruddles followed by the league famous Killer Chilli. It was good to see Ellio present to witness the latter part of our match and even better to discover how Italy had beaten Scotland. The news from Ireland was not so good! Neither was the score from the Ladies "1s" who had graced NOSC Astro earlier. They had only themselves to blame for a disappointing 0 - 0 draw with Reading 2s having squandered several excellent chances and choosing to net the ball as the half time whistle went and, therefore, having the effort disallowed.

Sadly we were not able to celebrate Ricardo clean sheet as the Ruddles ran out. We await his return in two weeks.
A win next week versus Polytechnic could put us in a good position league wise. Before todays result we were in 6th position with Winchester just above us and Polytechnic just behind us.

I have had several requests for interpretation of team nomencliture. Those with access to the internet can look at the Falcons News page on Oxford Hawks website where you will find pictures and other "valuable" information about the team and its results and history.

Saturday 3rd March - Polytechnic at home.

Firstly apologies to Twizzle and Ellio whom I left off the list of players last week:

Twizzle - Nick Bailey

Ellio - John Elliot.

Secondly, apologies for two omissions from the last match report:
- I forgot to mention that the oppo. actually scored a goal so the result was a 2 - 1 win, not a Ricardo clean sheet. I am indebted to JPAR for this information, he was the only person who contacted me to point out the omission.
- for Henns benefit I feel I must mention my world famous "air shot" once again performed at one of our well practised short corner routines.
Any more for any more?

It has been a (relatively!) very busy week this week. Early shift at The Queens on Sunday during which I watched all the early news programs, all the midday political programs and read most of the papers. In addition I was served half a sizeable chicken for lunch and was, consequently, stuffed! Late shift Monday followed by day off Tuesday then early shifts Wednesday and Thursday. This meant I missed the rugby club dinner that took place in college Tuesday evening. It was a relatively quiet affair by all accounts and only five ran around the quad naked, except for strategically worn socks! How do we know? At the front and centre of the quad lies the front door to the college. We have a security camera that records all persons entering and leaving and, therefore, all those passing by within the quad. By re-running the overnight recording we can view the runners, freeze frame and print for the delight of the female office staff, led by the Bursar. We do not charge too much for prints! Students know of the existence of the camara and the direction it is pointed. If one runs around the quad clockwise one needs the socks. Anti clock wise and it is the buttocks that get the full glare of publicity. Apparently there is an "old members" rugby dinner Saturday evening at which the tradition is not maintained, albeit things can get rowdy. Two porters are kept on duty to oversee things and try to ensure things don't go too far. One more week and then term ends.

Drama Thursday mornings with repeated fire alarms going off, firstly from the night porters lodgings (put that fag out Alan!) and then continuously from 40 High Street, a building owned by Queens and used as a cafe. The staff keep disconnecting one of the smoke detectors to avoid being detected smoking which causes a fault alarm to be set off. At least these "dramas" make the time go quicker.

Having completed my spell of relief duty on Thursday I initiated an expedition to visit the "Nightmayor" at Testworth. Enlisting Ade as driver and JV to provide non stop chatter we met the Nightmayor in the Red Lion before moving over to the Shepherds Crook at Crowell for some excellent Black Sheep and Doom Bar. Very good to find the "NM" in good form, like the beer and to find Mr Chris Hutton making a late entry. It is his local but it appears he still hasn't paid off the tab we Falcons left some time ago on our way home from somewhere.

Friday dog walking was disrupted by the need to take one of the cars to Hartwells to have the locking system "sorted". The DOHA was delivering some post to someones door and found herself locked out of the car, keys in the ignition and engine running! Whilst Hartwells agree this shouldn't happen they could not find a cause. Should it happen again we shall rely on the AA to sort it once again. The B&RA has not had a look in this week as Friday night saw us crossing the road for an excellent supper care of "Sunshine" and "Uncle Eric". A few G & Ts and plenty of red wine complemented the splendid food.

Given the need to be at NOSC at 11:00 to meet and greet the oppo (our old friends from Chiswick Polytechnic) and re-direct them to Gosford School pitch the DOHA took over dog walking duties leaving me free for a leisurely brunch. By the time I arrived at Gosford there was still a lingering air of uncertainty around the Falcons. The oppo were present and ready. We were still getting to grips with the fact that the Senators,, not content with poaching Breezie, had pinched our captain and king pin, Billers. Supposed replacement, Clarkie was nowhere to be seen and, at this stage, we were the bare eleven and looking like lining up:

FTC (Filix The Cat)

Humph JPAR Crampers

Henn Smartie DixC WillB Rogues

with HughBie whistling and PJ and GMHuggie supporting.

Then Clarkie came into sight and we re-arranged with Henn retiring to the bench, Humph going to right wing, JPAR to right half and Clarkie centre half. Lets say we were poor in the first half and worse in the second and lost this six pointer. It was a despondent crew in the bar to host our congenial visitors. It was a despondent individual who visited CCC later that evening. Enough said!

Saturday 10^th March – Falcons starring Wimbo – Wokingham away.

The list of injuries from last week plus known N.A.s meant that we could be struggling to get eleven fit men onto the park at Wokingham. Given our slaughter at the hands of Polytechnic, the first time they had beaten us in ten years, we really need to get back to winning ways again. Things were looking desperate. And what do Falcons do when in desperate straits away from home? Send out an appeal to Wimbo and he agrees to come along and perform if required. It is, apparently, over two years since he last performed, and equally as long since he played hockey for us. It is good to know he is still wiling to give it a try.

Meantime a chastened Rogues is taking on board legal advice and toeing the club line by using his voting rights to elect a Falcons Player Of The Season. Having received cheques from Cole, Smart, Barron, Wilson and cash from Crampers, Billers, Ricardo, Breezie, Huggie, Blommers and Humph I have duly completed eleven voting slips, one for each of the afformentioned. We are also lobbying heavily for Henn as Young Player Of The Year and PJ as The Most Improved. After Falcons last concerted voting effort (PJ elected as Club Player Of The Year in a year when he never actually played!) we look forward to the results with confidence. Incidentally, I trust that all those who have paid me for the Falcons Dinner will honour their pledge to vote for me in return for the ten pound discount given.

Meantime, plans for getting eleven onto the park were showing mixed progress. We looked like having twelve or so until Henn discovered that his son was playing tennis somewhere, and he, Henn, wanted to watch. Thus we had a dodgy Crampers and Breezie through injuries and a dodgy Wimbo, albeit he had raided the house roof to retrieve his shirt and tracksuit top and, thus, looked the part. There was also doubt over the fitness of Rogues and Ricardo. Ricardo was showing all the signs of impending death and Rogues the signs of post wake. Actually it was a solid Friday night training session, not a wake, undertaken at the B & RA. The joint consequence was a decidedly cross country route was taken to Wokingham following a breakdown in satellite communication leading Rognav to fail to warn Ricardo of the need to turn left off the A34 onto M4.

The Popemobile consequently coughed and wheezed its way along the A4 through Thatcham but still managed to make it in timely fashion. There was a similar near failure on the return journey when Rognav again failed to warn Ricardo of the need to join the M4 westbound and it was only through a quick bit of emergency breaking and lane changing that saw us make a swift exit from the outside lane of the A road. Thankfully we made it and paused for breath a little later at East Ilsley on the way home. Whilst the Timmy Tailors, Bombadier and Brakspears were all on excellent form, the bar staff left a bit to be desired. Not the attractions of the past!

Meantime, what a difference a week and a Wimbo makes. After our drubbing last week we nearly redressed the balance. Our line up, initially, was:

Ricardo

Mighty Blommers

Groff Billers WillB

PixC Breezie GMH Humph Rogues

With HughB blowing and Wimbo and Crampers on the bench.

We were adopting the well tried Horace Bachelor Infradraw Method of substitutions with Wimbo, Rogues, GMH and PixC forming the permutation of any three from four. Rogues despatched a PF before retiring in favour of Wimbo. Goals then followed from WillB, GMH, Billers and two from PixC. Ricardo avoided the risk of having to buy a jug by letting one in. Wimbo looked well worth his place on the right wing. 6 – 1 to us!

Back in the club house just in time (thanks to a lack of hot water!) to see Italy overtake Wales and, consequently, attempt to ring PJ to commiserate. Unfortunately he did not answer the phone. So, after a few jugs and some bread and cheese, we headed for home and East Ilsley.

Next week we have our penultimate league match. We are at Gosford School for a 14:00 start against Wimbledon who beat us decisively away. Prior to this win at Wokingham we were in 5^th place in the league having swapped places with Polytechnic as a result of last weeks defeat by them. Woking Pitts The Younger lead, followed by Eastcote, Reading, Poly, Us, Winchester Whistlers, Wimbledon, Haslemere, Wokingham, Winchester Wanderers, Epsom, Havant, Guildford, Amersham, Wokingt PTE, Henley and Oxted. Thus if we could win against Wimbledon and Epsom away we might make the top three.

Week ending Sat. 14^th March

Funny old week, this last week.

Bad news, Monday, when we learned that Wimbledon could not be bothered to come to Oxford to play. They claimed they couldn't raise a side, but did not attempt to ask us to help them out. I think Oxford is just too far outside the M25 for their posh cars.

This bad news was partially overcome by the lovely spring weather which inspired some lawn mowing and general garden spring cleaning. It was great walking by the river with the warm sun on ones back. The river itself was still flowing rapidly but had dropped in level some 3 feet or so since the previous weekend. However Jim the Border Collie, was not so impressed by the walks as he gets spooked if their is the slightest sound of gunfire around, and there was each time we attempted a riverside walk this week.

Wednesday evening found the DOHA and I having supper in one of the numerous eateries in George Street prior to crossing the road to the New Theatre where the Gang Show was taking place. It is many years now since our children took part, but we still enjoy going along and seeing the proud professionalism displayed by all the cast, front of house team, wardrobe and stage hands who put on such a great show each year. OK, compared to what we see on TV or on professional touring shows it appears amateurish, but what a wonderful experience for all of them to take part in a group activity and have the efforts appreciated by so many in a fine theatre. Whilst the first half had one or two weak spots, it also had some superb highlights whilst the second half just flew by on a constant high. Very good value for under £7.00.

Thursday evening found me at Sturdys Castle for a re-union of those once employed by CSC. It was good to see some old friends and catch up on news and gossip. Sturdys Castle put on a very good buffet but ran out of Hook Norton bitter too soon. However they did have some good Wychwood bitter so all was not lost!

Friday evening involved a prolonged quality test on the B&RA's IPA which it did not fail. A reasonable collection of locals ensured that at least the main bar did not look empty. Then on Saturday it was off to NOSC to see the Ladies "1s" go down to Havant before retiring to CCC for the rugby. It was here that I discovered that the Guinness was "on offer" at only £2 per pint and so, over a reasonable five plus hour "session" I saved myself an awful lot of money! By the time I left I had nearly forgotten about the disappointing sports results! Up at ten, walk the dog, scrambled eggs then off to NOSC on Sunday to do pre-match teas. For once our firsts had a full, injury free, line up and,by beating St Albans six nil, moved above said team in the league and now need to overtake Plymouth to avoid the drop. St Albans have 13points, we have 14 points and Plymouth Marjons have 16 points currently.

No longer bottom, a step in the right direction but almost too late. As I understand it the situation for them is as follows:

- two teams are automatically relegated.

- further team goes into playoffs against equivalent team from National North.

Thus, if "1s" win their last match at Whitchurch this Sunday, and Plymouth lose their last match, we are in the playoffs.

Anything less and only final goal difference might save us, but that is a big might! Keep your fingers crossed and wish them well.

The play offs take place over the weekend of 14th & 15th April in Sheffield. If we make it we play two matches, each against the side from National North, one game Saturday, one Sunday. The result is decided by aggregate score with the loser being relegated.

All clear?

If I am not completely right I blame the Guinness and am sure that JPAR will correct me.

Week Ending 25th March 2007

Head Porter away this week which means I get to work from 08:00 to 16:30 Monday to Thursday. Cannot work Friday as I am off to Amsterdam for the AGM of the Project Management Insitiute, European Chapter. The PMI is an organisation that my then employer ordered me to join back in 1995 as part of the process to becoming a "qualified" Project Manager. To become a fully qualified Project Management Professional (PMP) with the PMI one had to belong to a chapter, attend its meetings, attend eight one week courses and pass an exam at the end of each, sit a final set of exams (eight one hour papers) and provide evidence of project management work of a sufficient level. Myself and six others from the same company (AT&T Istel in the UK) were sent as UK pioneers through this process and were fast tracked through the courses. Consequently we did the eight week courses in twelve months rather than the normal two to two and a half years. Thjis meant going to the courses rather than waitying for them to come to the UK. Thus, as a group, we travelled together, stayed in hotels together, worked hard together and played hard together. In 1997 we obtained full qualification and felt we had earned it.

The original six now all work for different companies or, like me, are retired. However, four of us, each year, get together for a re-union and have a weekend away together. Last year it was Cork for St Patricks Day, Prague the year before and we have previously graced Madrid, Barcelona and Amsterdam with our presence. This year Amsterdam has again got the vote, constraining factors being where can we get to on reasonable flight times out of Birmingham for a couple of nights. Thus, Friday morning saw us assemble at KLM Departure Desk at 07:00 for our flight. A hotel right on Dam Square was our destination, just a short stroll from the railway station, Heineken Brewery, main central plazas and the red light district. True to form, having agreed via E-mail that we would check in our luggage to avoid complications regarding liquids in hand luggage, three of us had just hand luggage. The one person sticking to the arrangements was told to hurry up and get checked in whilst the rest of us disappeared into the departure lounge and ordered a "full English" for us all. Luckily the ordering process was very disorganised and the delivery process even slower in Terminal 2, thus our fourth member made it in advance of breakfasts arrival.

We took off on time and found that KLM supplied food and drink (well, a turkey or cheese roll!). Landed fifty minutes later and, having shown extraordinary patience waiting for fourth members luggage, were soon on one of Holland efficient double decker trains heading for Amsterdam Central. We then made our way up Damrak on a rather cool and breezy late morning to Dam Square and our hotel. Whilst they were expecting us (last time at this establishment we were "bumped") the rooms were not ready. They fed us a free beer and, having deposited our luggage, we were off to "The Project Office" the other side of the square to order our first round of "Mystics". (On our first visit we ddiscovered that beer came in small, medium or large quantities. We drank mediums that, in tribute to that well known "medium" Mystic Meg became known as "Mystics"). TPO had been done up since our last visit, as had its prices so, after one, we returned to the hotel, dumped bags in rooms, went to Burger King for some beer soaking up material and then got a taxi to the Ostrich micro brewery housed in a windmill a few kilometers away from Dam Square. Here they serve just the beer they brew in strengths from 5 up to nine percent in a real spit and sawdust establishment open from 15:00 to 20:30 only. It is always absolutely brimming with locals somne of whom bring their own "picnics" to soak up the ale. We made the most of the time available before wobbling out ot get a taxi back into town to do a spot of window shopping prior to an excellent steak in Gauchos. From there it was off to the Belgian bar, then the Irish bar then home to fall asleep in front of the dodgy movies.

Continental breakfast was followed by the execution of a carefully constructed plan for the day:

- find the Ginever tasting bar

- eat

- look at some bodies

- Ginever tasting

- eat

- watch the footie in the Irish bar

- eat

- drink.

Could we find the Ginever tasting bar? No. After tramping miles, stopping for coffee and to re-assess, we split up and took a canal each and found it. Time for a lie down. Then it was back there to try out four different vintages. The oldest was by far the best, so we had another before going in search of chips as a foundation for the Guinness to come whilst watching that tedious footie match. Then off to the Indonesian. Do not put too much of that red stuff into the soup! The rice table was excellent. There was more space in the Belgian bar so we stayed there until we had had enough.

Sunday was warm and sunny. A stroll around before returning via the train and plane to Birmingham to be greeted by the best news:

Falcons had won (see separate, anticipated, match report from the Marquis Of Bath)

and so had the "1s" whilst Plymouth had lost. We were in the playoffs! BRILLIANT.

Wouldn't you know it, the playoff this year were arranged to take place at Sheffield Hallams ground.

And who do we have to play? Sheffield Hallam!

We play them at 14:00 on Saturday 14th April and then again at 13:00 on Sunday 15th, both games in Sheffield. Whoever comes out the losers on aggregate are relegated. The "winners" remain in the National League.

Wish them well, cross your fingers, and watch this space.

Saturday 24^th March – Epsom Vagabonds away

MightyMOB reporting in the absence of Rogues

Monday through to Friday a lot of e-mails went out confirming and counter confirming meet time, start time, venue and numbers of Falcons available so it was with some trepidation that we arrived at Cutteslowe for the eventual 1.15pm meet.

We were to travel with just 11, which is a very dodgy scenario judging by our recent ability to pick up injuries during games. Fortunately the 8 who should be at Cutteslowe all arrive in good time – We do miss Ellio in these instances. Off we go remembering to pick up Crampers along the way with WillB and Wimbo traveling direct.

We’re playing at Epsom College which has Humph worried – Apparently they have an old pitch and a new pitch and according to Humph the old pitch is better because the new one is ankle deep in sand. We’re on the old one – We line up

Ricardo

[Still knackered after playing on the pitch for the Senators last week]

MightyMOB The Barron

[The epitome of Falcons fitness] [Recurring calf injury & badly bruised foot]

Blommers Billers WillB

[Young player of the year] [I’m not a centre half] [Newest recruit]

Crampers Humph

[Achilles problems] [Lack of general fitness] His words not mine

DixC Wimbo

[Only player to have 2 hamstrings go in one game] [2^nd game of the season & he’s late]

GMHuggie

[Goal machine?]

No sign of Wimbo so the oppo took pity on us and offered us one of their subs. We should have subbed most of the team as we started with PJ’s much moaned about Faff & Fanny game plan. Epsom are delighted and place all sorts of pressure on the defence, fortunately Ricardo, MightyMOB and Long John Barron have arrived switched on and we’re just about keeping the ball out of our net. Then, a mistake, long John diverts the ball onto his foot in front of goal obviously a penalty stroke but no only a penalty corner ensues. Finally the pressure tells and Ricardo misses a penalty corner shot low to his left but yours truly is there to clear the line – Still 0-0

Fortunately their centre forward, who is causing most of the problems, seems to having an off day in front of goal every time he does beat one of the defenders he overruns the ball or falls over – Shame!

Wimbo put in an appearance about half way through the first half, but nothing else changes. We do occasionally launch a foray into their half which does allow Crampers to crash a shot past their keeper only to see it bounce away off the post.

Half time still 0-0

Second half much of the same except that gradually we start to put things in place – Passes start reaching fellow Falcons, we’re even managing to string two, three or more together. We’re still under pressure but it’s not so severe, which is just as well because long John is now reduced to hobbling on one leg whilst looking to the skies for his parrot. At the other end Huggie rounds the keeper on top of the D and shoots it’s cleared off the line by an oppo foot or is it – No penalty stroke just another penalty corner. Then shortly after Crampers gets a penalty turned down, which must have annoyed him as he latched onto the resultant penalty corner push out and blasted it past the keeper. 0-1

Still a few minutes to play out but nothing much else happens so the game ends with us scratching a victory almost out of thin air

Back to their clubhouse for sarnies and cakes – first lot of beer they offered was rank, apparently the barrel was 2-3 weeks old and they weren’t sure if it was drinkable so they gave it to us. Magnanimous in defeat I say!

We stop off at the leathern bottle on the way back – We were only dropping Crampers off but it seemed rude not to pop in.

One other thing came up in their clubhouse – They thought I looked more like the late and great Willie Rushton than the Marquis of Bath, again not the first time this has occurred. And no, Rogues, I don’t need anymore initials tagged onto my playing name.

Finally!

All of the Falcons say “well done to the men’s 1^st eleven on staving off automatic relegation, here’s hoping you can maintain this form for the play offs”

Bath

Saturday 30^th March 2007 – Olton & West Warwick away.

Hectic social whirl this week! Barely had time to dry out from my weekend in Amsterdam before I was accompanying the DOHA to TWH on Tuesday to finalise plans for our Falcons Dinner the following Friday. Suffice to say the food we had was absolutely splendid as was the beer and the service. We each ate three courses and, with a glass of wine and one single pint included the bill amounted to just over sixty pounds. Well worth it. Having handed over the food orders and the money for Fridays do I left Kay to decide where to actually seat us.

Attempts to walk the dog by the river of late have been hampered by his being repeatedly spooked by (mostly distant) gun fire. Wednesday morning found me at Whitely Farm Cottages, just by Farmoor Reservoir, on a lovely sunny morning. We had gone all of fifty yards through the first gate, at which point I let him off his lead and walk on. Normally he diddles and piddles around before galloping to catch me up. Not this day! On turning to see where he was, and not seeing him, I walked back to find that he had returned through the gate and was now sitting near the car wanting to go home. I had not been conscious of any bangs, but he had. To show who was master I had to practically drag him around a rather shortened route by the river, which was a shame. Whilst still maintaining a strong stream the river has dropped to more normal levels and, with the sun on ones back, larks in the air, it was glorious. It can’t be too long before the sheep and their lambs are put onto the water meadows.

This abbreviated walk allowed time to read the paper before setting off to the Hawks Ancients Monthly lunch, this month at the Gardeners Arms, Tackley. Splendid gathering of circa fifteen, providing good company and memories and an opportunity to update them on current Hawks topics. Lack of support saw me abandon plans to watch the football at CCC and watch it at home instead. However, on Thursday Ricardo insisted on picking me up for a “swift one” at CCC. This plan was nearly thwarted by The Popemobile choosing to repeat its failure of earlier in the season and expiring en route. Luckily we were sufficiently near home for me to run (jog/walk!) back and get the 4/2, retrieve Ricardo and make it to CCC in sufficient time for a couple, followed by a couple in the B&RA. By the time I took the dog down to Bablock Hythe Friday morning the Popemobile had been retrieved by the AA but the degree of heart/lung/liver transplant required to get it Pope worthy remains to be diagnosed.

Meantime it was down to Elms Parade to collect the bouquet ordered as our thanks to Jan for another seasons splendid and reknowned Killer Chilli, then over to TWH to check on final seating and leave the gifts in readiness for the evening. Kay was not having a good day! She had run out of petrol, been run into and had had to change a tyre on the car! Never the less our arrangements were well in hand and not even the late entry of Henn could fluster her. Back home and a quick “compose” (or should it be compost?) of poetic thank you words for later. Ricardo then did his best to fluster the DOHA and I! We had barely sipped our pre-departure G & Ts than the door bell rang and there he was ready to pick us up. He had mistaken Fridays start time for Saturdays and was, therefore, half an hour early. And he was not alone as we discovered on arrival a TWH where nearly a dozen were already present. By eight all thirty had arrived and, by eight thirty, were seated in our own room upstairs. We were treated to some splendid food with only one hiccup on the choice front. Thank you’s were delivered:

Season 2006 to 2007

May not have been

As succesful as some,

But, with the characters available to us

You just know

It’s bound to be fun.

We Falcons are not given to speeches

Citations

Or to prizes.

We prefer to drink to achievements:

Clean sheets, hat tricks

And any other excuse

That arises.

However at this time

It is appropriate,

Before we get too pissed,

To show appreciation

To our goalkeeper, Ricardo

For arranging

Our fixture list.

Although we are in the Alliance

No two seasons are

Ever the same

And, except when the oppo cry off,

He always manages

To get us a game. Thanks Richard

The loss of Sobes from the side

Left a considerable hole

In the middle

Whilst the demise of The Pope

Has deprived us of his wisdom:

“Too much faffing,

Fanny and fiddle.”

The loss of both PJ and Sobes

To many teams

Would be killers,

But luckily for us Falcons

As captain

And centre half

We’ve got Billers! Thank you, Chris.

For our oppo, The Falcons

Is a popular place to play.

Not because of our

Changing rooms and parking

Or the Jimmy Riddles,

As we call the beer

We give away.

Nor our world famous “names”

PixC, PJ, Henn,

Or the Mighty Rushton Willy.

Our very real fame

And popularity

Is down to Jan

And her Killer Chilli. Thank you, Jan.

Unfortunately the Hook Norton did not last the evening, but some splendid Tribune did survive the course. Timmy Taylors and White Horse Village Idiot completed the line up and, all too soon Saturday was upon us and it was time to depart.

10:00 Saturday saw a slightly jaded squad gather at Cutteslowe for the trip to Olton. Thanks to Geof Paver making his world debut for the Falcons at late notice, we had the bare eleven. We were the first inter club mens game to be played on their new astro which, along with an imminent new club house, has been funded by the sale of some £7millions worth of land for housing. Surprisingly the astro is sand based and, being brand new, very sandy. It was a warm midday start with a line up:

Ricardo

Blommers The Baron

GP Billers Humph

DixC Smartie GMH Groff Rogues

With Olton providing both umpires.

They did not have their strongest vets side out, but they did have three or four we know too well. They scored first, Groff equalised. We changed ends and Groff got an excellent second and it looked like we might snatch a win. Twas not to be. Two in quick succession right at the end did for us. Disappointing and not deserved on the overall play, but we didi have our chances! After a couple of jugs of their M&B we were on our way home and making final arrangements for our pre club dinner meeting. The DOHA was to run myself, Ricardo and Blommers to North Parade for an hours limbering up pre-dinner where we were due to meet Breezie and HG. It would appear Dee did not consider Blommers needed any limbering up and decided to take him “all the way” with the consequence that he was fresh faced and glowing when we arrived at St Hughs College. Thanks to inside knowledge and pre-planning the fact that the college bar would not be open until post meal was overcome by our taking six pints of ale from North Parade in with us which just about got us through the meal. Numerous awards took place between courses and, as an attempt to dissuade him from ceasing his organiser role, we Falcons elected Billers our player of the year. Will this work? Watch this space. Despite our best efforts Henn failed to get “young player of the year” and, by the time we got to the bar, the only decent bitter was off. A session on the Guinness followed which, combined with the duck main course, led to a solid day to follow! Lack of forward notification from our legal beagle meant that both Ricardo and I had full glasses at the time our lift home arrived but, thankfully, Dominic took the corners at a respectable speed ensuring nothing was wasted.

Sunday was subdued! The dog got two walks around the field behind the house and I took in all the rugby on the box, then the footie. 19:30 and it was off to the Black Horse at Gozzards Ford for the monthly “Adastral Training”. A pint of Morlands provoked a good recovery assisted by some rather nice haddock, bread and butter pudding and a further three Morlands. A full turn out of Steve & Helen Christie, Reg and Trina Brown, Anna and John Gent, Colin Shields, Jono (now solo again!) Ayres, the DOWA and I assured some good company and, with the advent of May Bank Holiday and a planned cricket match on its Monday morning and various members having planned holidays considerable confusion ensued over when and where to next meet. In the end we stuck to the first Sunday in the month, and therefore, Bank Holiday Sunday at Dobbins pub at Chieveley. By this time Dobbin should be fully recovered from his op. and back in full harness again. We look forward to seeing him.

Meanwhile, Falcons match on 14^th April has been postponed for a week in order to leave things free for those wishing to support the “1s” at the play offs. They play at Sheffield at 14:00 on Saturday 14^th and again there on Sunday 15^th with aggregate score deciding who stays in National League and who is relegated. Obviously any support would be brilliant on the day. I, personally, will be there having booked myself in to a local Travel Lodge for the night and located a nearby pub in The Good Pub Guide for the evenings refreshment. I am told the room can sleep three adults so anyone wanting to practice synchronised snoring should get in touch!

Easter 2007.

The week leading up to Easter did not contain the degree of anticipation that it once did. True, there was a potential hot air balloon flight on Good Friday to look forward to but, somehow, this was not quite the same as the anticipation of a weekend at Weymouth Hockey Festival playing for the old Sils (Old Silhillians – old boys of Solihull School). What was I doing anticipating playing for the Old Sils you may ask, and why not. Well, in late 1974 I left Austin Morris in Oxford and joined Rover Triumph in Solihull. They were building a brand new factory in which to paint and assemble a new Rover, the SD1 or Rover 2000. Initially I lived in a hotel during the week returning to the marital home in Eynsham at the weekends. Then, in May 1975 we moved to a two bedroomed, furnished flat within walking distance of both the factory and Olton station at £16 per week. By this time I had taken delivery of my first company car, an MGB GT in white. As summer of ’75 came to an end my mind turned to hockey and I made enquiries about doing a bit of introductory training with a club pre-season. I discovered that Olton & West Warwick where my old “mucker” and ex Hawk Graham (Sherlock) Brown played had started training some 8 weeks previous. However, in the office a colleague indicated that The Sils were about to start their training and that, although not an old boy, I would be welcome. No contest! I continued training with them and playing in their 2nds and, occasionally, 3rds up to Christmas. At the same time I was returning to Oxford some weekends and appearing for Hawks “3s”. I then ceased the training. I then made it into the 1^st squad for an away match when all other matches were cancelled. With no expectation of playing I turned up with DOHA to watch and left the changing room on a very cold day with about 4 layers plus a lighted cigarette only to be told I was starting! I spent the rest of the season in their “1s” re-visiting many sides I had faced with their 2s or Hawks 3s. Poor Evesham were most confused as I played against them three times that season for 2 different clubs! Sils also played “friendlies” on a Sunday morning that featured players from all sides brought together. I think this helped me get noticed in the first place as the first eleven right wing scored a number of goals resulting from my crosses. Sils were a very friendly, but not ambitious club.

At the end of the ’75 – ’76 season they invited me to join them at the Easter Weymouth Hockey Festival and that was the start of over twenty years of Easter Hockey with them there, despite my returning to Oxford in May 1976 to re-join Hawks. Thus, come January, I would make a phone call to Mike Betteridge at Sils to check that they would welcome me once again at Weymouth. From this point the anticipation grew culminating in a day off work on Maunday Thursday to pack the car, not just with my kit which was substantial as all weathers had to be catered for, but also with the rest of the family (initially just the DOHA but then followed by a son and daughter) who were dropped off at the “in laws” in Bristol en route. Lunch in Bristol meant that I reached Weymouth at tea time, usually well in advance of any Sils. The weekend then became something of a blur socially, but eminently predictable. A visit to the ground to inspect the pitches, get a taste for the Badgers and collect the programmes. An initial pint or so in “The Prem” as Bedford and Sheffield started to appear. Get something to eat before sustained drnking as others appeared and had to be welcomed. Why were we always on pitch seven at 09:30 on Good Friday? After this early game we would admire Atco & Dennis on pitch one plus others around Redlands before performing again ourselves. Then it was limbering up for the Festival Dance in the Pavilion. Limbering up inevitably involved The Bottle & Screw, The Black Cat, The Cutter (Perry Groves here!) and others pre pavilion which was always very hot, crowded and difficult to get ot the bar. Then back, via a variety of hotels/guest houses to The Prem in time for Barrys bacon butties. And so the weekend progressed.

However that was then, this is now! This year we had to concern ourselves with whether the balloon would go up and where from. By Thursday night in the Cricket Club we were confident it would go up, but still hoped it would be from the field behind the house. In the end an open aspect and too much wind meant The Dog House was chosen. We enjoyed some lunchtime sun outside the B&RA for a “snack” knowing it would be a late supper. Owing to other commitments we did not have a full family basket and so were able to offer places to KK (aka Sunshine) and to Richard and Claire Wilsdon. It was Claires birthday and she was not told what was in store. Consequently when she and Richard arrived at the Dog House and she found me there she thought she had been had and was there to enable her father to get lashed with yours truly with her driving us home. It was a glorious evening with very light wind, clear sunshine. We took off followed by four other balloons and spent 60 minutes in the air drifting over Marcham and East Hendred landing on the up slope of the downs just short of The Ridgeway. By eight we were back having another drink at The Doghouse still on a high after the experience. Brilliant. Collected fish and chips on the way home and then down to The B & RA for a swift session as they called time at 22:15!

The rest of Easter passed peacefully. A well attended Sunday morning service at Cumnor Church, pleasant walks by the river and around Cumnor Hurst then, on Easter Monday, we went to Aston Tyrrold Country Park. This is the area of land to the left of the M40 at Stokenchurch hill. There is a car park and very nice circular walk with glorious distant views and, of course, Red Kites to marvel at. Home in time for a snack then off to Kastad and, at last, a win. True it was only Weymouth but, hopefully, it will get the confidence back for the playoffs. After the match it was straight into the Chinese there for supper before retiring home. A somewhat simpler return drive than from Weymouth feeling knackered!

And now we have the play offs to anticipate, the hockey ones, not the footie ones. No Falcons Hockey to report again this coming week, but I will give you my impression of a night in Sheffield and, hopefully, Hawks great escape! Watch this space.

Weekend 14^th/15^th April, 2007 – The Playoffs

Easter Saturday, Sunday and Monday at Weymouth had the same predictable pattern as the first two nights. We usually had three or four matches up at Redlands, the latest often on pitch one when we were well knackered. Having survived the matches and the necessary taking on board fluids between games it was back to the “Prem” to prepare for the evenings ritual. Saturday evening always involved the Sils Weymouth AGM which took place in the Chapel Hay at 22:00 hours. This is when the organiser for the next year was elected. Chapel Hay is approached up a steep hill alongside the Chapel. The ascent has to be carefully planned and, generally, involved one or two in the Bottle & Screw, a visit to the amusement arcade, The Black Dog and the Kings Arms. Then, take a deep breath, and go for it. The beer they served made it worth the trip as did the juke box with its good selection of oldies. Post AGM the squad tended to separate, some to try their luck at the Fairhaven, others returning direct to the Prem to secure barside stools before it got to being full to bursting. A late breakfast Sunday meant that their was no rush to bed, if bed was to feature at all.

09:30 breakfast was the opportunity to answer the question “how many Stratford Ladies stayed at The Prem” and also where on earth did Sid find Belsen Bird. With no hockey being played by the Sils on a Sunday a sedentary monrning ended with reporting for duty at the KA where, for those playing golf, handicaps were set on the basis of the stories told over the weekend to date regarding how little golf people had managed since last year. Then, after a few G & Ts or Guinness and crab sandwhackers off to golf. Foir those not playing it could be the Festival match before a slow warm up at the Prem bar prior to the Team Dinner that night.

This year the week after Easter was simply filled with anticipation of the Playoffs. Various phone calls took place between interested parties to ensure that those interested had suitable transport and accommodation and necessary limbering up took place in The Vine Wednesday, the Cricket Club Thursday and, following champagne birthday reception at ours involving the full family for Hannahs birthday, a meal at the B & RA followed by a thorough examination of the IPA.

The family were just surfacing when I departed for Sheffield Saturday morning arriving in time to see Barford Tigers defeat Oxted for the right to play Chelmsford the next day. Barford and Oxted being potential promotion candidates, Chelmsford relegation candidates. Then it was the turn of Hawks. Despite playing the better hockey in the first half and a succession of short corners it was nil nil at half time. Most of the first half had seen Jordache, our main short corner exponent, off the pitch with a twisted ankle. Second half found Sheffield pushing three men up on our defence and causing us some difficulty. In many ways we were fortunate to end up 3 – 2 down as they could have been out of sight had their shooting been more on target. But only one down at half time.

The Good Pub Guide did its stuff in ensuring that we ate well that night and consumed some Black Sheep before bed time. Leasurely start to Sunday with a full Olympic breakfast before back to the ground to see Chelmsford defeat Barford and ensure they stay in National Division 1. Then it was us again. Harry The Hawk was looking perky, a good squad of supporters were present and capable of making more noise than their Sheffield counterparts and, for the first half, things were looking good. Once again Hawks played the better hockey around the pitch, but………..one has to take ones opportunities. We didn’t, they did and won 2 – 0, 5 – 2 on aggregate. So it is regional league hockey next season with more competition for slots on the astro on a Saturday.

As for Harry The Hawk, he was f*** all use as our mascot so he has been consigned to the barbeque. Can’t make us any sicker than we already feel.

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www.oxfordhawks.homestead.com

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