Our first Cup Match – weekend 3^rd Nov. 2000.

It is difficult to know where to start this weekend, so I will start early.

Match Day Saturday 3rd November

The sun was only just beginning to appear through the mist when Henley arrived at Banbury Road North.

There was no sign of mist by the time the Falcons had a quorum and the sun was warming up by 10:05 when Ellio duly showed up.

Some initial drama when Blommers realised he had not only brought the keys to his car with him but also the keys to his wife's car.

Oh dear, who is going to phone Dee to tell her the keys are here if she wants to pop up and collect them? Best you do it Blommers.

Line up:

Virgil

Mighty Robbo

Blommers PJ Humph

PC Henners Ellio Sobes Rogues

Game got off to a cracking start with Blommers twice being penalised by their umpire for not properly balancing his balls on the line.

Within seven minutes Henners had earned a greenie for querying whether all the ball had to be on the line.

Things settled with an assist from one of the Henley defenders who deftly deflected the ball past his keeper with his foot.

Result: 3 goals for Sobes, one for a sharp looking PC, one for Henley.

Off the pitch things were looking equally rosy with Bombadier having given way to Hobgoblin at the bar.

This was used to wash down copious seconds of "killer chilli" before getting down to the serious business of warming Mighty up

for his 16:00 game for the Senators.

However, there were clouds on the horizon.

PJ, having announced that he had "tweaked his hammie" was declared unavailable for our Sunday cup match having been arrested by

the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to 'Amsters). So, down to ten for tomorrow's biggun: Vintage Cup, first round,

away to Ben Rhydding. Would things improve?

Match Day Sunday 4th November

08:00 and things were not looking at all special. A motley crew gathered outside Weston On The Green village hall to be greeted by

Henners with the news that yes, we were only ten in number. No, he had not prepared name badges so we would have to remember

each other's names. Yes, he had found out where Ben Lydding, Bin Lydding, Bin Laden, whereever was.

Lets pile aboard the minibus, wave a fingered farewell to PJ who had turned up to gloat, and off we went.

Hang on, there are only eight of us. Henners, we are two short of ten. Don't panic, Clarkie and Binty are going direct.

Who the hell are they, you connoisseurs of Falcons hockey may ask, and you would do well to do so. You are not alone there.

Well, lets take a look at the squad:

Binty (John Bint specially "up for the cup")

Ollie (Richard Oliver also specially "up for the cup" but in a different way!)

Hughbie (Hugh Bentley)

Henners (Tony Henman)

Clarkie (Richard Clarke)

Robbo (Dave Robson)

Blakey (Bob Phillips on loan from Rover Ladies)

Paddy (Julian Patrick Arthur Roche, on loan from the juniors)

PC (Peter Curtis)

Rogues (Rogan Meadows available for loan to prevent us having to read any more of this drivel)

It was felt only fair to keep PJ up to date with progress whilst he was detained by the RSPCA and especially as he was still trying

to find us an eleventh player. Regular phone calls to him throughout the morning helped to provide him with useful numbers to ring,

including Club LX. (For those who are not doyens of Vintage Hockey you may not realise that "LX" are the England Over Sixties club/squad,

Roman numerals, L, X, get it?)

Thus Club LX appeared a potential gold mine of talent.

Unfortunately not. Club LX telephone number actually turned out to be the order line for Club LX, the adult toy catalogue.

Well found Paddy, and we now have splendid satin pouches instead of jock straps.

So, after a stop for breakfast, we duly arrived at Ben Rhydding Hockey Club. Anyone any the wiser? Nor were we.

For the technically minded, Ben Rhydding is on the outskirts of Ilkley which, in turn, is just north of Leeds. Their firsts play in the

Northern Premier where they are currently second behind Bowden. Nine hours round trip for 70 minutes of hockey - good eh?

Henners eventually decides the line up and we get changed and commence our warm up by looking for the bog and going through

various weight reduction routines. Henners then decides to tell us the line up: four up front, three across the middle, two at the back

with Binty in goal. On the way out to the pitch we decide that it will be better with three up front and one playing just behind,

but we won't tell Henners. Lets get going 'cos it's starting to rain. All this way, ten men, and now it's threatening to p*** down.

Things not looking too clever, we are playing like the bunch of strangers that we are.

Paddy, don't pass it in front of Blakey, he can't run.

It's not long before things settle down and we take the lead. We double it, they get one back, we get a third.

Half time. OK chaps, can't lose from here. Play short balls, retain possession.

Second half, short balls, play it back, play it around, lose it : 3-2.

We are reduced to nine with Ollie having his teeth loosened by a stick, but they are down to ten with a yellow compensating card

for the culprit.

A screamer across from the right is too good for everyone except PC.

Two goals for PC, two for Paddy who has been superb in midfield, 4-2: we've done it.

Where is that phone? "PJ, Ben Rhydding two, Oxford Hawks FOUR!!!!!!".

Now, for those who have never heard of Ben Rhydding and, from the details given so far, don't want to go there: read on.

Bitter £1.75 pint, Guinness £2 per pint, double gin and tonic £2.50. We saved ourselves a lot of money!

Not only that but they had laid on a meal for us: soup, roast beef and yorkshire, apple pie and cream, coffee and mints,

wine to wash it down. Superb. If you get the chance to play hockey there - take it.

A slow journey back down the M1 was followed by a thinly attended warm down at The Chequers.

Good of you to join us PJ, how's the "hammie"? Missing were the "dormouse" who had slept all the way home and then

driven straight off to see Jan to discuss the relative merits of chilli and roast beef.

Also missing was Ollie who still had to drive home to Minehead for an early appointment with his dentist.

So, we are in the draw for the next round, which is due to take place in three weeks time.

Please don't let it be Gateshead away!