Falcons
Update
OH F Up
Season 2001 - 2002
The story of life in and around
Falcons are a veterans (over 35)/vintage (over 50) side mainly
playing friendly matches on a Saturday throughout the hockey season.
Any similarity to real life found within the stories that
follow is purely coincidental.
|
Date |
H/A |
Opposition |
Won |
Drawn |
Lost |
For |
Against |
Page No. |
|
15/9 |
A |
Olton & West Warwick |
|
D |
|
6 |
6 |
4 |
|
22/9 |
H |
Tring |
|
|
L |
3 |
5 |
5 |
|
29/9 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
3 |
2 |
5 |
|
6/10 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
2 |
0 |
6 |
|
27/10 |
A |
City
Of |
W |
|
|
4 |
1 |
7 |
|
3/11 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
4 |
1 |
8 |
|
4/11 |
A * |
Ben Rhydding |
W |
|
|
4 |
2 |
9 |
|
10/11 |
H |
Leighton Buzzard |
W |
|
|
3 |
1 |
11 |
|
17/11 |
H |
Abingdon |
W |
|
|
3 |
1 |
12 |
|
24/11 |
H |
Hazlemere |
W |
|
|
8 |
0 |
13 |
|
25/11 |
A* |
Tring |
W** |
|
|
3 |
3 |
14 |
|
1/12 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
3 |
1 |
15 |
|
8/12 |
H |
Chippenham |
W |
|
|
2 |
1 |
17 |
|
16/12 |
H |
Warlocks |
|
D |
|
2 |
2 |
18 |
|
23/12 |
H |
Hawks 3A's |
|
D |
|
2 |
2 |
19 |
|
|
A |
Tring |
W |
|
|
4 |
3 |
20 |
|
19/1 |
H |
WTFWT? |
W |
|
|
4 |
0 |
23 |
|
27/1 |
H |
|
|
D |
|
1 |
1 |
25 |
|
2/2 |
A |
|
|
|
L |
3 |
5 |
26 |
|
10/2 |
A* |
|
|
|
L |
1 |
3 |
28 |
|
16/02 |
A |
Chippenham |
|
|
L |
1 |
3 |
29 |
|
23/02 |
A |
|
|
D |
|
3 |
3 |
30 |
|
2/03 |
A |
|
W |
|
|
3 |
1 |
31 |
|
9/03 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
4 |
1 |
33 |
|
16/03 |
A |
Leighton Buzzard |
|
|
L |
1 |
2 |
35 |
|
23/03 |
A |
|
W |
|
|
3 |
0 |
37 |
|
6/04 |
H |
|
W |
|
|
5 |
0 |
40 |
|
20/04 |
A |
Abingdon |
W |
|
|
6 |
1 |
43 |
|
|
|
|
18 |
5 |
5 |
91 |
51 |
|
· = Vintage Cup (50+).
** sudden death flicks
Olton & West Warwick away, 1st match of season.
Team:
Virgil
Mighty Mike PJ
OW&W guest Biggsy Rogues
Bear
Russ
PC Sobes ANOther OW&W guest
Usual start of season
tales of woe at
-
350 phone calls and still
only got nine players together.
-
half the side are away on
international duty
-
other half the side have a
son having a birthday party.
Oppo. have said they
can provide us with a couple of players plus umpires so we are going for it.
Good job the Senators haven’t got a game ‘cos Biggsy, Russ and Bear are with
us. Anyone know the way?
Up the M40, along M42
and turn off. Head for
OK, lets go.
Yep, they have two
players. Their captain who plays on the wing plus a septuagenarian who hasn’t
held anything other than a walking stick for two years. Play him left wing with
Rogues at left half. Their captain will have to play right half with PJ at the
back.
Everyone got a white
shirt?
Everyone know where
they are playing? Lets get cracking.
Gave them a start,
came back at them, went in front, their septywhatsit scored for us, they
equalised from a flick with 30 seconds to go, PJ claimed a hat trick.
Excellent showers:
water really powerful, temperature very adjustable.
Marstons Pedigree
available in the bar, but proved very lively when mixed with lemonade, so we
decided to forego the lemonade.
Those of the
opposition who showed up in bar afterwards proved very sociable and it was good
to see that old Hawk Graham (Sherlock) Brown once again.
Food not bad
(sausages, chips, rolls) and a number of jugs did the rounds.
On departure our car
decided to drop in at The Sils en route to admire their extensive grounds and
clubhouse, sample their beer and see if there was anyone there who was prepared
to recognise us. There was.
Then it was back to
the Clubhouse where we found Cookie propping up the bar and Huggy playing
tennis outside. A complete disgrace – he was partnering his brother who was
playing whilst giving a running commentary over his mobile phone.
Perhaps we could
suggest providing Radio Oxford with this facility from our next match.
Opposition: Tring
Home
Team:-
Virgil
Mighty Mike Hughbe
Blommers Ellio
Robbo
Henners
PJ on the whistle
Nice to be back on our own pitch,
albeit the showers not as good as those at Olton.
Jans' chilli well up to standard
and the Bombadier back on pump in the Clubhouse proved a welcome sight.
Convivial time spent with Oppo in
Clubhouse helped by one of their players needing to buy a jug to augment the
normal team jugs and by Robbo buying the beer to celebrate his birthday.
65, can you believe it!!!
Oh, the score - we came second,
3-5.
Match Day Saturday 29th
September
Falcons
were Home to
It's a bit early as well -
They arrive looking mean and youthful.
We arrive maintaining our normal casual pose.
Line up:-
Virgil
Mighty Mike Hughbe
Blommers PJ Nige
Cookie
Ellio on the flute having been crocked early on.
Virgil, thankfully now recovered
from his bad back, still hasn't kept a clean sheet. However, for the first time
this season we scored more than we conceded. Good to see Cookie putting in one
of his brief appearances between tax exile, shame he didn't score.
Slick short corner routine from
PJ and Sobes got us one,
So it is now 3 played and goals for 12, against 13.
Given the breakfast time start it
meant that we had adequate time for a "warm down" afterwards before
preparing for the rigorous training that the remainder of the weekend and week
ahead involves.
It is a demanding routine for a super fit Falcon.
Match Day Saturday 6th
October
A true all round sporting day:
- complete rigorous training
session in the early hours
- up at crack of dawn (who is
Dawn?)
- walk the dog
- off to
- arrive at BRN to find that the
oppo are well into their pre-match warm up in the bar
- join them to watch 1st half of
that predicted easy stroll against
Hang on, someone's not read the
script, we are a goal down and not looking good.
- half time arrives and so it is
off to the pitch to see who turns up to face
PJ has already played for the
Senators so is blowing again
and trying to find someone to
toss up on our behalf.
The rest of us are gradually
coming to terms with the line up
and getting concerned that the
game hasn't started but Ellios arrived.
Line up:-
Virgil
Mighty Robbo
Blommers Ellio Nige
Cookie Henners
PC
Ellios knee is looking more
colourful than his shirt.
Thankfully we come off the pitch
to learn that
So it was with great sighs of
relief that we repaired to the changing rooms
to decide whether to shower to
the left or the right : hot or cool.
Get the beer lined up for the
oppo only to get very confused when one wants lemonade,
another orange juice.
An orange juice please Brian, and
a lemonade.
No, not an orange juice and
lemonade.
Oh well, one of oppo will have to
make do,
now is it a lemonade or an orange
juice that we now need?
Killer chilli. Jan. Long queue
for seconds.
Cookie buys a jug.
Why?
Jug avoidance, but we will come
to that in a minute.
Get the important stuff over
first.
Worked very hard at making Virgil
late for his cricket dinner (said it was an all round sporting day).
Even bought him a pint and got
the oppo to present it to him so he couldn't refuse and depart.
Then it was off home to fall
asleep on the sofa until it was time to join that dinner for after meal drinks
at the Bear & Ragged Arse (
well wouldn't yours be after drinking Morrells!).
Ah, yes, the match......
Initially I thought we had won
1-0, having scored a scrappy goal that emanated from a dubiously awarded free
hit just outside their circle.
It might have been dubious but,
as the foul was awarded by their umpire,
we wouldn't dream of contesting
it (would we Henners!).
The fact that it was in our
favour had nothing to do with it (did it Henners!).
So, 1-0 to Falcons, or was it?
I remember Virgil getting very
protective over his first clean sheet. Virgil - there is not an "F"
in "hit it"!
I remember PC missing hatfulls,
and Cookie being equally profligate.
Their right wing missed a first
half hat trick; which makes three lots of jug avoidance..... but only one jug.
I remember sharing a picnic in
the oppo circle with PC, Cookie and their defence
whilst waiting vainly for a
centre from Blommers and Henners who were dancing around the corner flag.
I also remember (or was I
dreaming?) our break from defence down the left,
a glorious reverse stick centre
to an unmarked
put a deft through ball to
someone who actually slotted - was it Henners, or was I dreaming?
When I woke up I found that my
wife was watching television in the other room -
"I couldn't stand your
snoring any longer."
So it was off to The Hart for
some Hookey before that final warmdown at the Bear
to make sure that I was going to
be on peak form for the "A"s on Sunday.
Man of the match - definitely
VIRGIL.
Played 4, won 2, lost 1, drawn 1,
goals for 14 (or is it 13), against 13.
There is an "F" in
Falcons.
Match Day Saturday 27th October
Two weeks without a match!
Are all the opposition running scared?
Have they heard about our unbeatable Virgil in goal?
Have they heard about Sobes short corner technique?
Perhaps someone let on that
Or is it the fact that Huggie, the mobile roundabout, is making a
comeback.
Surely they can't be put off by Jans killer chilli.
Whatever the reason it has been an arduous two weeks trying to
maintain peak fitness without any actual match practice.
But now we are back, Falcons are flying again, we think, perhaps,
maybe.
Confused? You are not the only one. We are playing at
So, we're here PJ, who else is expected? It turns out we are
expecting a cast of thousands (well 13), but PJ can't remember who they are,
the game should be starting by now, and we have only got ten plus Robbo on the
whistle. Don't panic, 'cos they have only got nine at the moment and no sign of
a keeper. Two minutes past start time and Ellio arrives along with Humph. Humph
is wearing a blue track top so we will give him to oppo, but still no sign of
their keeper.
At least this gives us time to reorganise the line up now PJ has
remembered who we all are and is sure we will turn up. Hang on a minute, those
orange pads have just moved all on their own - how did they do that? Bright
orange goal keeping pads with a helmet balanced on top, damned clever that.
Hells bells, there is a person in side that, but you can hardly see the helmet
above the pads. City are playing their youth policy - a 12 year old in goal! If
Huggie falls on him we will have a funeral to attend if we can ever find him.
OK, line up:
Virgil
Mighty
Mike Hughbie
Blommers PJ Nige
Ellio
No hard hitting at goal, so Huggie lobs one in just above
backboard height and over the keeper's head.
Now you may have thought that once the game got underway the
confusion would be at an end. Wrong. See you up at Brookes for showers and
food. Seems straightforward enough until one discovers that those dastardly
Round Table folk have deliberately timed their fireworks display to confuse our
parking arrangements at Brookes - cars flying around in all directions.
Net result is that more of us turn up for some excellent hot pies
than do our hosts. Sup a few pints of that very cheap student bar Shires, and
watch City Firsts gain their first league win of the season before making my
way home and putting my feet up for a snooze in preparation for the evening
training session. Good forward planning this as we need to get in all the sleep
we can before next weekend.
We won, 4-1.
It is difficult to know where to start this weekend, so I will start
early.
Match Day Saturday 3rd November
The sun was only just beginning to appear through the mist when
There was no sign of mist by the time the Falcons had a quorum and
the sun was warming up by
Some initial drama when Blommers realised he had not only brought
the keys to his car with him but also the keys to his wife's car.
Oh dear, who is going to phone
Line up:
Virgil
Mighty Robbo
Blommers PJ Humph
PC Henners Ellio
Sobes Rogues
Game got off to a cracking start with Blommers twice being
penalised by their umpire for not properly balancing his balls on the line.
Within seven minutes Henners had earned a greenie for querying
whether all the ball had to be on the line.
Things settled with an assist from one of the
Result: 3 goals for Sobes, one for a sharp looking PC, one for
Off the pitch things were looking equally rosy with Bombadier
having given way to Hobgoblin at the bar.
This was used to wash down copious seconds of "killer
chilli" before getting down to the serious business of warming Mighty up
for his
However, there were clouds on the horizon.
PJ, having announced that he had "tweaked his hammie"
was declared unavailable for our Sunday cup match having been arrested by
the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
'Amsters). So, down to ten for tomorrow's biggun: Vintage Cup, first round,
away to Ben Rhydding. Would things improve?
Match Day Sunday 4th November
Henners with the news that yes, we were only ten in number. No, he
had not prepared name badges so we would have to remember
each other's names. Yes, he had found out where Ben Lydding,
Bin Lydding, Bin Laden, whereever was.
Lets pile aboard the minibus, wave a fingered farewell to PJ who
had turned up to gloat, and off we went.
Hang on, there are only eight of us. Henners, we are two short of
ten. Don't panic, Clarkie and Binty are going direct.
Who the hell are they, you connoisseurs of Falcons hockey may ask,
and you would do well to do so. You are not alone there.
Well, lets take a look at the squad:
Binty (John Bint specially "up for the cup")
Ollie (Richard Oliver also specially "up for the cup"
but in a different way!)
Hughbie (Hugh Bentley)
Henners (Tony Henman)
Clarkie (Richard Clarke)
Robbo (Dave Robson)
Blakey (Bob Phillips on loan from Rover Ladies)
Paddy (Julian Patrick Arthur Roche, on loan from the juniors)
PC (Peter Curtis)
Rogues (Rogan Meadows available for loan to prevent us having to
read any more of this drivel)
It was felt only fair to keep PJ up to date with progress whilst
he was detained by the RSPCA and especially as he was still trying
to find us an eleventh player. Regular phone calls to him
throughout the morning helped to provide him with useful numbers to ring,
including Club LX. (For those who are not doyens of Vintage Hockey
you may not realise that "LX" are the England Over Sixties
club/squad,
Roman numerals, L, X, get it?)
Thus Club LX appeared a potential gold mine of talent.
Unfortunately not. Club LX telephone number actually turned out to
be the order line for Club LX, the adult toy catalogue.
Well found Paddy, and we now have splendid satin pouches instead
of jock straps.
So, after a stop for breakfast, we duly arrived at Ben Rhydding
Hockey Club. Anyone any the wiser? Nor were we.
For the technically minded, Ben Rhydding is on the outskirts of
Ilkley which, in turn, is just north of
Northern Premier where they are currently second behind Bowden.
Nine hours round trip for 70 minutes of hockey - good eh?
Henners eventually decides the line up and we get changed and
commence our warm up by looking for the bog and going through
various weight reduction routines. Henners then decides to tell us
the line up: four up front, three across the middle, two at the back
with Binty in goal. On the way out to the pitch we decide that it
will be better with three up front and one playing just behind,
but we won't tell Henners. Lets get going 'cos it's starting to
rain. All this way, ten men, and now it's threatening to p*** down.
Things not looking too clever, we are playing like the bunch of
strangers that we are.
Paddy, don't pass it in front of Blakey, he can't run.
It's not long before things settle down and we take the lead. We
double it, they get one back, we get a third.
Half time. OK chaps, can't lose from here. Play short balls,
retain possession.
Second half, short balls, play it back, play it around, lose it :
3-2.
We are reduced to nine with Ollie having his teeth loosened by a
stick, but they are down to ten with a
yellow compensating card
for the culprit.
A screamer across from the right is too good for everyone except
PC.
Two goals for PC, two for Paddy who has been superb in midfield,
4-2: we've done it.
Where is that phone? "PJ, Ben Rhydding two, Oxford Hawks FOUR!!!!!!".
Now, for those who have never heard of Ben Rhydding and, from the
details given so far, don't want to go there: read on.
Bitter £1.75 pint, Guinness £2 per pint, double gin and tonic
£2.50. We saved ourselves a lot of money!
Not only that but they had laid on a meal for us: soup, roast beef
and yorkshire, apple pie and cream, coffee and mints,
wine to wash it down. Superb. If you get the chance to play hockey
there - take it.
A slow journey back down the M1 was followed by a thinly attended
warm down at The Chequers.
Good of you to join us PJ, how's the "hammie"? Missing were
the "dormouse" who had slept all the way home and then
driven straight off to see Jan to discuss the relative merits of
chilli and roast beef.
Also missing was Ollie who still had to drive home to Minehead for
an early appointment with his dentist.
So, we are in the draw for the next round, which is due to take
place in three weeks time.
Please don't let it
be
Match Day Saturday 10th November - Falcons put the Buzzard to
flight!
lumbering
limbering up. This could be a very necessary activity for those
"vintage" members of the squad 'cos when they were last seen emerging
from the coach on their return from their famous cup victory in deepest
So a
Leighton Buzzard are a league outfit and reputed to be
"useful" so our line up is crucial.
Anyone got any idea what it is?
PJ is out on parole from the RSPCA (see last weeks episode with
his 'ammy) and blowing for us. There are now ten of us in evidence, but not
sure how many have been pinched by the Senators and who is missing. Lets assume
that Blommers will play twice and will turn up for us and that Boggs will
arrive to fill in but shouldn't be expected to do anything energetic as he is
saving himself for later.
So, line up:
Virgil
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers Sobes Nige
Boggs Robbo PC Humph Rogues
Yep, we were right, they had some useful players and a definite
"ringer" on the right wing. Watch it Nige.
Their captain and centre half made a long run from the middle of
the pitch, which would have completely knackered any right minded Falcon.
Virgil anticipated this, and moved to cover the cross. Nice goal just inside
the near post.
Boggs buzzed, Robbo foraged, Mighty and Hughbie held steady. They
were good, but we had Sobes!
Falcons 3 Buzzards 1.
Showers were f...ing, chilli well up to standard, IPA on the pumps
and we were winning the rugby. What could be better? Just time to go home for a
few zzz's before getting back to the training and the steady build up to our
next encounter -
Match Day Saturday 17th November
Our successful summer of hockey was blighted twice, by Harwell,
Abingdon, Morris Motors combo. Today we have the opportunity for revenge. But
what will their side be like? How much Harwell, how much Abingdon, how much
Morris's? Lets just call them HAM.
With a
Ah well, lets get up to NOSC in good time and hope all is well.
All is certainly well with the 3s as
they are beating a good looking
N.P. Virgil (it will become apparent in due time what N P stands
for)
Mighty Hughbie
Robbo PJ Nige
Henners
Now what about our revenge, can we have HAM for tea? They
certainly don't look the same side we faced in the summer. They have aged quite
a bit in a number of departments. In fact it turns out to be a game of two
halves with a difference. One half (their defence) contains some very old
lags/legs who are good friends, good players and it was good fun. Their other
half contained a younger, lets say enthusiastic element that wasn't quite such
good fun. But did we devour the HAM, and spit it out? Or did we digest it? Or
did HAM give us indigestion yet again?
Come half time our numbers were severely depleted as a result of a
raid from the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to 'Amstrings,
or 'Ammies). First Paddy decided that twenty minutes hockey on a Saturday was
more than enough, and then PJ succumbed to his 'Ammie again. So, at half time
it was off to the bar to call for assistance resulting in the Mobile Roundabout
and Kylie taking to the field.
Now, to get back to those letters - N P. Virgil seems to have a
bit of a fixation when it comes to centre halves dribbling into the D. For the
second week running their centre half was allowed almost unchallenged entry and
the door at the near post left open. Near Post - get it?!? NP Virgil.
So, we left the "bright lights" (nine bulbs out, hardly
bright) behind to find an even more conclusive power failure (again!) in the
changing rooms - f....ing showers. Happily, following a change of barrel, the
Hobgoblin was on top form and washed the chilli down well.
Unhappily your correspondent was under strict instructions and had
to depart early, so the final score on the beer front cannot be told. However,
I have been requested to satisfy the statistically minded by summarising our
record for the season so far:
Played 9
Total goals 51
Pints drunk 360.5 - don't
ask where the .5 came from (only counting those consumed directly after
matches. Those consumed during training and extended warm downs excluded)
Anything else you want to know?
OK, for the anoraks
Won 7, drawn 1, lost 1. goals for 32, against 19, near post goals
##
Situation Vacant -
from Saturday 15th December for some 5 or 6 weeks - goalkeeper
urgently required to cover near post and the rest of the goal, mix in and sup
beer with the Falcons.
Anyone interested should "phone a Falcon" (PJ on 01865
377085 or me on 07768 153274).
Match Day Saturday 24th November
OK
folks, it's cup weekend again - Vintage (50+) Cup and we are drawn away once
more. Who are the only side to have beaten us this season?
Tring.
Who
are we drawn away to?
Tring.
Unsurprising,
therefore, that PJ has a 'ammie.
Before
we get into the excitement and drama that is the cup there are one or two other
matters to be dealt with. I do not apologise for failing to mention, last week,
the result of our match and, therefore, giving the impression that we lost as
it was the oppo's goal that got the only mention. Falcon's hockey is about
enjoyment, and we do not have to win to enjoy it, but it helps. And yeah, OK,
we won.
However I do apologise to our player who claims to be mortally
hurt by the nickname given to him. Whilst last seen in our colours against
City, he was evident on Saturday as super sub (unused) for the Senators. I
promise to use that name no more. He is now "the player formally known
as". Is that OK, Hugs?
So, who is it today? It's Hazlemere, something of an unknown
quantity as we have not played them before. Rumour has it that we are
struggling for numbers so lets hope NP Virgil remembers that he is expected for
an
NPV
Mighty Robbo
RA Sobes Nige
PC
Couple of even halves - we scored four in each without reply -
with jug avoidance featuring heavily. F....ing showers yet again! Bare
essentials on the Hobgoblin jug front afterwards with a substantial queue for
seconds of Killer Chilli before settling down to watch the rugby. Nice gentle
warm down before commencing the steady build up to the "big one".
Match Day Sunday 25th November
Tring, away. Tring beat us 5-3 earlier in the season, and we had a
good team out. Tring put eight past
"It's OK chaps, I've organised a squad of 13 and left PJ in
charge."
Great, but PJ is one of the 13 and he is still detained by the
RSPCA. So we are twelve before we start. It also appear that Henners is already
working on Central European Time with his
John Bint, Dave Robson, Hugh Bentley, Mike Kyle, Richard Oliver,
Richard Clarke, Bob Phillips, Angus Fletcher, Peter Curtis, Paddy Roche, Robin Winstone,
Rogan Meadows.
Their squad is looking all too familiar. Watch out for their fast
raids down the wings. We will start with:
Pink Panther
Robbo Hughbie
Mare Olive Clarkie
Blakey Angers PC
Paddy Rogues
with Churchill as super sub.
We won a short corner and immediately put into practice our well
rehearsed routine. Well, we had talked about it during the warm up. Olive
stopped it, slipped it left and it was duly buried. We were ahead! More was to
follow, including an outrageous reverse stick goal from PC. Half time arrived
and we were 3 up. In reality we probably deserved the lead at this point as we
had taken most of our chances whilst they had spurned all theirs.
So, just like half time at Bin Laden, the message was keep it
tight, hold possession, play it short. So we did, and the wheels came off. They
got an early one, immediately followed by another. It was getting increasingly
tense as well as wet. We spurned a flick. They were awarded two flicks, one
saved, one not. The Pink Panther was playing a blinder and keeping us in it. We
didn't really look like getting another goal, and we didn't. But, more
importantly, neither did they.
So, three all at full time. No extra time for we Vintage players,
so straight into flicks. Five from each side taken alternately. Our
nominees/volunteers were Paddy, Rogues,
The Pink Panther is having a blinder whilst the flickers are only
flickering.
They take the lead for the first time in the match, and we have
one flick left.
We equalise.
So now what happens?
Same five from each side. Sudden death. Go in any order, Hawks
start off.
We score.
They score.
We score.
Pink Panther saves!!!!
It's a steal. They are gracious in defeat, we are quietly
jubilant. The beer tastes good, as does the sausage and mash. So now it is back
to the domestic, friendly scene next week. Next round of the cup is in
February, so plenty of time for PJ to pull a few more 'ammies and Henners to
plan his next foreign expedition. Do we need them? Yes please.
Match Day Saturday 1st December
Right folks,
only 23 shopping days left until Christmas or, more importantly, only 15 days
left to sell all those Club Draw tickets. It's a simple choice, sell £20+ worth
of tickets or pay an extra £20 in subs (still be cheaper than an away day at
Bin Laden!). But it doesn't really feel like December. I'm not really sure what
it feels like apart from feeling like the morning after the night before.
Now the night
before was a good night. Well, to be particular, a good afternoon and night. It
was The Mayors Luncheon, the mayor being the Mayor Of Cumnor. Hands up all those who didn't know Cumnor had
a mayor. Well it does, and has done so for as long as I can remember. The mayor
is democratically elected on Pumpkin Night, the annual Bampton versus Cumnor
pumpkin match hosted in the Bear & Ragged Arse. The one key role for the
mayor is to ensure the welfare of the ducks on the village pond. Naturally,
immediately following election he (or she) is introduced to his charges, which always
goes with a splash!.
This year The
Luncheon was on Friday, preceded by some golf. For those of us who have to work
on Fridays, we skipped the golf and turned up at The Bear at
I am told my
wife was on the phone when I got home and I was asleep in the chair when the
call ended (women can never have a short telephone conversation can they). I am
told the call of nature sent me upstairs and I awoke to find myself tidily in
bed and the sun shining. Lovely morning for walking the dog, before setting off
to NOSC for a
Line up:
NPV
Mighty Hughbie
The Chair Sobes
FRB
Henners PC
Ellio Humph JA Rogues(Jug Avoidance Rogues - JAR)
Ellio and
Henners spend the first fifteen minutes sorting out the umpiring with the only
other distinguishing features being:
·
their centre half and cack handed
forward
·
one first class goal
·
one splendid finish from Pace &
Venom up front which didn't reach the back board
·
one splendid impression of a dog
watering the goal post resulting in their keeper letting the ball trickle under
his cocked leg.
Many
complements on the standard of our Hobgoblin beer, and many takers for seconds
on the chilli front. In mentioning Brian's butter fingers it is not for
dropping the jug this time, but for buttering the bread.
And, in no
time at all, it was:
·
back to training at The Hart
·
followed by the gaining of inspiration
watching a splendid win by our men's firsts versus Havant
·
before renewing my acquaintance with
the finer points of mixed hockey on a chilly Sunday afternoon
·
followed by some more Hobgoblin at the
warm down
·
before getting back to serious training
at The Bear and Ragged Arse.
Which is where
I started, I think.
Oh, yes,
before all you pernickety ones get your knickers in a twist -
we lost the
mixed
but won the
mens!
Match Day Saturday 8th December
It is bad
enough having to read in the press that you have been dropped, rather than
hearing it directly from the horse's mouth. Is it worse or a more subtle
approach to be given the wrong starting time for the game so that you arrive 2
hours too late and, therefore, don't get to take part.
This could have
been my fate but for an altruistic offer to blow for the Harriers. This, I was
told by the Harriers organiser, would mean that I could then go on and play for
the Falcons at
So, with the
need to get the dog walked, have breakfast and be at BRN by
Despite
getting home from the pub on the same day that I left walking the dog at
Thus, by the
time the Harriers finished, Chippenham were warmed up and ready for action,
Ellio was in the dugout and Sobes emerging from the mist. PJ took pity on me
and allowed me to play, relegating JPA to umpire along with Roger The Cat
(RTC). The complete line up being:
NPV
Mighty Robbo
RA PJ
Nige
Henners
We made very
hard work of an uncompromising side, but at least it was a win. Back in the
clubhouse Brian was recovering from the tennis bash the night before and it was
farewell to NPV who is off to
We are now
faced with a testing week as our next match is at
Watch this
space!
Match Day Sunday 17th December
Long week,
this week. Have had to pace myself severely on the training front in order not
to peak too soon. This has proved challenging with the office p*** up on
Thursday night, preceded by some limbering up on Wednesday night. Office do was
excellent. Amount of food was ridiculous and the Ma Pardoes was flowing well.
For those inexperienced in western Worcestershire ales Ma Pardoes is excellent
quaffing material, good flavour, not too heavy on the Richter Scale. No one had
to drive home from the pub as a mini bus was laid on and we were all staying at
the boss's house. Sun was a bit bright Friday morning!
In a serious
attempt not to overdo it, Friday's training was very low key, and Saturday was
a complete anticlimax with no hockey to play. My paranoia about being left out
was getting to me again: not only had I been carded for a nine p.m. start on
Sunday but there were rumours that Friday night was Caribbean Night at the Bear
& Ragged and I didn't know about it and wasn't there. It was easy to spot
the deliberate dummy about Sunday's match, but the Caribbean Night was more
worrying. To think that I was gently supping at The Hart when we could have
been living it up, limboing in Cumnor on a night cold enough to denude the Bear
of his what's its - very Caribbean!
Panic not,
readers, Caribbean Night it was, but as a private business party, so not for
the local yokels. So I was better off at the Hart after all.
Thus Sunday
dawned not that bright, but warmed up by the Presidents Punch. Some were being
more abstemious than others in their preparations for the
One would
expect, therefore, that The Falcons would hit the pitch flying, whilst the oppo
struggled to take off. Wrong! We did manage to hold our own, just, for the
first twenty minutes or so, but we were slowly outplayed. In fact, in the
second half, we were severely grabbed by The Warlocks and completely outplayed.
It was only good work from RTC, making a welcome return, that kept us in it.
Never the less, with ten minutes to go we were lucky to be only two down thanks
to their profligacy in front of goal.
So, what
happened? We scored two goals in the last few minutes to come off with a
totally undeserved draw. A couple of magic moments from the left was their
undoing.
Our escape
team were:
RTC (Roger The
Cat)
Mighty Hughbie
RA PJ
Nige
Henners Sobes
PC Robbo JAR
And so it
should have been off to the bar to celebrate. Not so. Sobes pulled something
just before our magical recovery and was forced to pull out of the Karl Lockyer
Memorial Match that was to follow us. Thus it was that I found myself lining up
with the Hawks youth and others to face Adastral. In truth, too many of the
Hawks side had played once already and we came second. However it is good that
the Karl Lockyer Memorial game is still taking place.
For those
younger ones amongst us, Karl was a goalkeeper who played for both Hawks and
Adastral. Whilst never going to set the hockey world alight, Karl was one of
those gems - a good club man. Always attending training (the proper sort, not
my sort!), always available, always prepared to help out by umpiring if
required. Tragically he was knocked of his bicycle and killed when only
eighteen. His ashes were scattered in the goalmouth of the top grass pitch on
BRN before the start of the inaugural memorial match.
Next week the
3A's are risking their jealously guarded record against the Falcons. It's an
Match Day Saturday 23rd December
A bright,
frosty morning with a cold breeze greeted us at BRN for our
Our line up
for this mammoth encounter was (I think):-
Stormin'
Mighty Hughbie
RA PJ
Nige
Henners SOS(Son Of Someone) PC JPAR
JAR
True to all
the pre-match promise the 3A's started like a rocket, playing the fast, good
hockey that has taken them to top of their league. Jug Avoidance was performing
a valuable spectator role from the left with magic moments being about as
likely as a jug. It was left to the right (if you see what I mean) to provide
the magic with JPAR finishing off a fine Henners dribble.
Somewhere
along the way Stormin let two in, JAR missed a sitter at the end, and it was
off to the showers before getting stuck in to the Ruddles Smooth Stream (run
out of Hob Gobble!) and Richard's rolls. Luckily I got into conversation with
someone about the match to be reminded that we did actually score another goal
(a scorching reverse stick from SOS) and so it was a draw! Remind me to stick
to the London Pride and keep off the Chum.
Boxing Day, 26th December
And so Boxing
Day dawned with me bright eyed and bushy tailed following a relatively
abstemious Christmas Day. Another cold, frosty morning with the sun beginning
to melt the white from the pitch at about
Not
unsurprisingly we came second to the OD's as we failed to field a keeper, but
did feature Big Dog and his Dad on the park. It was also good to be playing
with "The Player Formerly Known As" once again. However, who cares
about the result on an occasion such as this. What matters is that everyone
enjoyed themselves.
So we now need
to concentrate hard on weathering a testing New Years eve in order to ensure
that we are in peak form for that return match against Tring on the 5th.
Not only are they the only side to have beaten us so far this season (5-3 on
our second match of season) but they will also be looking for revenge after our
defeating them in the Vintage Cup. We will do well to come away with a point I
suspect, especially as rumour has it that we are struggling to find a keeper
and JAR might have to try and keep them out as effectively as he fails to put
them in!
Match Day Saturday 5th January
So, happy New
Year to you all.
And how was it
for you?
Quiet, noisy,
lively, alcoholic?
I bet I know
how you think it was for me.
Well, I'm not
telling.
So there.
Suffice it to
say that 2002 dawned cold, frosty and starry and with a big match in store on
Saturday training was limited to a quiet "warm down" in the Ragged
Arse on Tuesday night, necessitated by the fact that the White Hart was closed.
Now keeping to the London Pride after the unfortunate after effects of the Chum
prior to Christmas. However, we gave the Hook Norton some stick on Thursday and
Friday night as part of the quality control process and it proved to be in very
fine form.
Reverting back
to the match ramble relating to 23rd December (ACD - Apres Chum
Day): my apologies to Hughbie whom I credited with playing at full back as I am
told he wasn't there at all. Apologies are also due to whom ever it was who was
there and didn't get a mention: albeit they are probably quite relieved if
truth be told.
You will all
be pleased to learn that my wife presented me with a very valuable training
manual for Christmas. Like yourselves she is concerned by my overall fitness
and wishes to ensure I stay in peak condition for the rest of the season. In
going through the manual I was delighted to learn that my favourite training
"gymnasium" has featured as a main entry for each of the 25 years
that The Good Pub Guide has been published. This very valuable aid lives in my
car in case I get lost as I travel around and am in need of a brief bit of
circuit training.
So, having
kept to the tried and tested regime of Hookey, and persuaded my wife that she
would like to walk the dog, it wasn't a struggle to arrive at Cutteslowe for a
So, no PJ was
the bad news, the good news was that HTPFKA (Huggy, the player formally known
as) was making a welcome return to the Falcons having completed his polishing
the Senators bench role.
So it was that
we set off to Holton air base to face Tring, the only side to have defeated us
this season. They won through some fast, flowing hockey down their right with
their winger getting a hat trick I am told (Yes, I was there but don't expect
me to remember). We then extracted our revenge over them in the memorable
Vintage Cup victory on sudden death flicks. We remember it well, don't we JPAR
and Mare. So, we can expect them to be out for revenge.
Our line up is
(and I think I have it right this week):
FTC
Robbo Hughbie
Blommers Ellio
Nige
Henners GTC(
Well, they
shot off like a rocket and were soon two goals up. However, HTPFKA demonstrated
the effectiveness of his minimalist approach to centre forward play by scoring
two and making a third to take us to a 3-2 lead at half time. They were now in
some disarray and becoming verbal amongst themselves; something it is always
good to hear. We expected them to come at us strongly in the second half but it
was The Falcons who dominated with the Henners, Blommers, GTC triumvirate down
the right in dominant form. Henners was having a field day, but we were not
scoring. The inevitable happened and they broke away to equalise. However, with
minutes to go a scorching shot flew into the back of the goal at shoulder
height, only to re-appear trickling along the ground behind the back boards.
JAR was back
on the half way line awaiting the slower members of the Falcons forward line to
join him and for Tring to push back. No goal, claimed some of their side, it
must have gone wide. Detailed investigation into the state of the net to
discover how the ball might have escaped failed to find a hole. Sixteen yard
hit ruled the umpire. Thankfully some of the oppo did come forward to confirm
their view that the ball had gone between the posts. It was the sheer speed
that had deceived the eyesight of the rather elderly umpires, and the force of
the shot that had resulted in the ball falling between the net and back of the
backboards before running loose that had caused some to think it might have
gone wide. In truth, a shot of that ferocity going wide would have resulted in
the ball ricocheting off the back netting surrounding the pitch and flying over
the side line. So 4-3 to Falcons and only two minutes left to defend the lead
which we did - jubilation.
Their sausage,
beans and baked taters went down well and they were very generous with the jugs
of ale. As a result it was probably going to be too dark for Blommers to plant
out his Christmas tree on his return, a job that would have to await Sunday
morning if
Won 12, drawn
3, lost 1, goals for 56, against 31.
TW3
- or Much
So, we were
faced with a week ahead without any hockey. Careful planning is essential to
ensure that we do not allow our fitness to slip and to maintain ourselves in a
state of readiness should the call come.
Thus it was
that Monday and Tuesday evenings were spent in front of the telly building up
that essential stamina so necessary in the demanding world of Falcons hockey.
However, by Wednesday evening the need to "get out there and do the
business" was overpowering and only assuaged by a swift session at the
"gym" (WHF - White Hart, Fyfield). A tactical blunder on Thursday
night saw me staying a t home, rather than going training. Thus I was present
to say yes to the offer of umpiring the 3rds on Saturday afternoon (thanks, PJ,
for putting my name in the frame!).
With this
onerous task in mind it was essential to ensure a clear head for Saturday. A
vigorous de-briefing session with Virgil was anticipated at the Bear &
Ragged on Friday following NPV return from Oz. However a "NPV no
show" resulted in a de-camp to the WHF. This proved a good move as the
Hook Norton was in sparkling form and thoughts of the impending umpiring were
soon forgotten.
Saturday
dawned. The Ladies 1s were drawing 1 - 1 with Rover in a friendly, and ended up
2 - 2. I was presented with a pristine whistle for my role and had a very good
1st half, helped by all the play being up the other end. 4 -0 to the
3s at half time. My performance deteriorated
rapidly in the second half as I had to get more involved in the game.
Definite lack of stamina here, must make a note to step up the training. Final score - 8 - 0 to 3s, but conversion
rate of short corners leaves something to be desired!
Back in the
bar things were looking serious:
·
3s were at one end of the room, oppo at
the other.
·
there was no sign of Mighty which was
having an adverse effect on cash flow and consumption despite the best
endeavours of H.
·
we were on the last barrel of
Hobgoblin.
Ah well, lets
enjoy the last "'Gobble" before we transfer to Brains (brewed in
-
walk dog
-
take wife & daughter out to lunch
-
watch Arsenal v.
-
complete EOW training in TWH.
thus there is
no need to save oneself.
Sunday hadn't
really dawned when the phone rang. I had just received a cup of coffee in bed
and the clock was preparing to strike ten.
Sorry it is
short notice but could you play for Adastral at Bicester at
I decline
owing to domestic commitments.
I come off the
phone and re-negotiate domestic commitments, leaving my wife to meet my
daughter for lunch.
I ring back
and clinch a game of hockey, dress, walk the dog in double quick time, bowl of
Alpen and off to BRN for
Bicester appear
to be fielding a cast of thousands, including our ex keeper who has come out of
mixed retirement especially to keep a clean sheet against us. We have a side of
youth and experience, with all the youth on the female side. Off we go and hold
our own well, despite Bicester changing half their side after 10 minutes. A
further mass change of personnel after another ten minutes confused us and we
conceded. However we became stronger (!) as the game progressed and equalised
through "girl power" mid second half, before scoring the winner with
ten minutes to go. A quick couple of pints of Guinness and back home in good
time to watch the footie., have a snooze and then drag myself off to TWH for
lunch/supper and training.
And Adastral
match fees are £5 - a lot cheaper than taking wife and daughter out to
lunch!!!!
Match Day Saturday 19th January
An unexpected,
but welcome, surprise. We have a match. But who against? No-one seems too sure,
no-one seems to care. What is important is that we have a game.
What time is
the game? Well, the 2's finish at
Of course, as
keen readers will know well, not all Falcons allow the grass to grow under
their feet (or arse!) when there is no hockey. I mean, apart from umpiring the
3's and playing for Adastral there is that long awaited event taking place this
week for yours truly.
"What can
this be" I hear you ask. What is he
on about now?
It is my
erection. I am due to have one this week.
And it is
going to happen at the bottom of my garden - even though it is winter.
It is going to
take three days to get it up and is supposed to stay up for getting on for 25:
years that is,
not seconds or minutes!
Yes, it is a
big event and has been keenly anticipated by both myself and my wife for a
number of months now. It has been a long time in the planning: we prepared for
it way back in August, just after the field at the back had been harvested. At
that time we laid the base of concrete, after all an eleven foot high erection
needs a firm base. But that was only the start. Next thing was I had to get
planning permission for it.
Why?
The Vale Of
White Horse decree that you may not have an erection adjacent to a public
footpath without planning permission. And the fact is that there is one at the
bottom of the garden (footpath, not erection). But I was now planning one
(Erection, not footpath). So, at the end of August we applied for permission
for one - an erection - a fifteen footer!
And the
neighbours objected! Not through loss of light, not to loss of amenity, it
wasn't near their boundary, but to the fact that it would spoil their view!
Given where I planned to put it I thought they would have a lovely view, but
there you go, not every one has the same appreciation of the finer things in
life.
So, scale
drawings were submitted, neighbours written to, plans viewed and letters of
objection written. Matters were considered by The Vale who ruled that
neighbours have no right to a view over my property, so if I wished to have an
erection at the bottom of my garden they didn't have to view it if they didn't
want to. On the other hand, if I wanted to position my erection a metre away
from my boundary and next to the public footpath, I could.
Thus it was
that a team of four men arrived on Wednesday to get it up. There were five on
Thursday, and six on Friday. By Saturday all that was left was for the
electricians to come and connect it up so that I can illuminate it.
Isn't it
exciting!
But then I had
to go and play hockey.
It was good to observe from the bar Blommers
and Robbie warming up along with a multitude of opposition.
And we were
right. NPV has returned from his sabbatical in Oz duly fired up for a return to
hockey and with the type of sporting ambition engendered by Australians. As a
result he is playing for league leaders 3A's and we have Stormin Norman fresh
from his game for Trojans this morning. Rest of the rabble are:
Stormin
Mighty Robbo
Blommers Ellio
Humph
Henners GTC
PC Angers JAR
Opposition,
who have now been warming up for some time whilst they awaited my getting
planning permission, are a league outfit and look keen, smart and useful - but
who are they? And so they prove as the game eventually gets under way. For
first ten minutes they are moving the ball around purposefully and looking
menacing. However, the game is interrupted at this point by the (elderly)
umpire who missed our goal last time out. This time his failing eyesight is
having difficulty distinguishing the difference between one team in blue and
the other in red. So we change to white, and it works. We take charge.
What more can
I say? Everyone enjoyed a few jugs of Brains (brewed in
Back home my
erection could no longer be seen in the darkness so I had supper and went the
TWH to complete the warm down and commence preparations for next weekend when
we have another big one - match that is. It is the LX on Sunday, part of their
preparations for their trip to
Who will fill
the gap left in the Falcons by the defection to the LX by Robbo and Henners?
Will Henners
continue to run the oppo ragged?
Will Mare
resurface?
Will the
elderly one give up umpiring and return to the pitch?
Will NPV
continue in league hockey?
Will my
erection stay up with gales forecast?
Who were we
playing?
All these, and
others, may or may not be answered in the weeks ahead.
Who cares.
Match Day Sunday 27th January
A week of ups
and down's it has proved to be. Training on Sunday night was fine, but during
the day on Monday things went downhill with an excellent head cold developing.
But we persevered, and things got worse on Tuesday. Wednesday was no better and
so I decided that I had spread it around enough to ensure fair shares for all
and it was time for some sick leave. However, in a desperate attempt to rid
myself of the infliction I went for a training session with Virgil.
Thus it was
that I had Thursday and Friday off sick but, mindful of Sundays impending
"big one" we did manage to maintain that essential level of training.
This did present some initial difficulties of Friday when it was discovered
that the beer in the Bear & Ragged was luke warm, both the Pride and the
Chum. However, salvation, the Guinness was cool and was consumed with
enthusiasm. And consuming Guinness was not the only form of enthusiasm
displayed that evening...... was it Virgil? How many shirt buttons did you
loose and just remind us who was the enthusiastic young lady trying to rip it
off.
Net result was
that Saturday dawned, we went home to bed, and the weather was lousy. Really
glad we haven't got a game today considering the way it is coming down out
there. Difficult to judge when to walk the dog without getting completely
soaked, meantime there is rugby on the box. Come evening and it is off to the
United Reform Church Hall for a Burns Night supper. One of those evenings when
it is difficult to know what to wear and what to take to drink.
So, I found my
tamoshanter, the one with the vivid red hair sticking out at the back, and
loaded up the bag with a bottle of nice red wine for my better half and a few
cans for me. Disaster. Everyone else has taken wine and the men start helping
themselves to my beer. Should I collect up the remaining cans and secrete them
in the cistern, or should I resign myself to a (relatively) dry night?
Thus it was
that the dog had a fairly early walk on Sunday morning before setting off to
buy a table top fridge in order to enjoy gin and tonics whilst down the garden
with my erection. A quick plate of scrambled eggs and off to NOSC to see who we
were fielding against the World Champs. Robbo was already there in his England
LX track suit (ten inches cut off the legs). PJ arrived doing his impressions
of a horse in the dressage stage of a three day event, and Ellio arrived best
part of a week early for him.
Oppo were all
looking resplendent in matching gear, we were looking relatively interested in
our nearly matching gear and were featuring:
NPV
Mighty Hughbie
Blakey Ellio
Mare
Churchill GTC
HTPFKA JPAR JAR
In addition
there were a couple of dodgy looking coves hovering around, the sort you would
report if you saw them outside an infant school, carrying a fur covered phallic
looking affair and something large, black and menacing. It turns out they are
the men from Central South News keen to film this gallant
Eventually the
umpires start the game, only trouble is Falcons never really start. Huggy
(sorry, HTPFKA) lies prostrate hogging the camera following a one on one with
their keeper whilst they trundle off down the other end and fire one in past an
unsighted NPV. And that was it, almost. We did look a bit more menacing in the
second half, hit a post and finally deflected in a well worked cross for the
equaliser. A moral victory to us as both goals were scored by a Falcon.
Back in the
clubhouse the Brains had been drunk and now it was Batemans at 4.8 on the
Richter scale. Jans Killer Chilli was augmented by baked taters and salad for
this auspicious occasion and I had to depart relatively early to face a roast
leg of lamb in honour of my sons birthday.
So there you
have it. You can now answer those burning questions that you were left with
last week:-
·
Who will fill the gap left in the
Falcons by the defection to the LX by Robbo and Henners?
·
Will Henners continue to run the oppo
ragged?
·
Will Mare resurface?
·
Will the elderly one give up umpiring
and return to the pitch?
·
Will NPV continue in league hockey?
·
Will my erection stay up with gales
forecast?
The only thing
to add is that it is still up!
Match Day Saturday 2nd February
So did you see
us on the telly?
There were a
lot of shots of feet and legs and the end of hockey sticks trundling around the
place, and a few mug shots. There's Robbo, there's Henners. Then there is all
that chat from Henners about what a good team they are, but who are they? Is he
talking about the LX or the Falcons. As for featuring us as an "over
35's" team just to emphasise the difference - that was a bit much.
Meanwhile Henners is still spouting on and we are standing around waiting for
the game to start. There are a few shots of actual play and, oh dear, the
"prat in the hat" can be seen, sylph like in the background. And was
that really a goal when the ball is shown going past NPV into the net? No, when
their goal was scored they were too busy filming HTPFKA who was floundering
around in their circle like a beached what's it having been taken out by their
keeper. Never believe what you see on telly, read in the press or on the
internet.
Ah well, must
move on.
Whilst we
"did" for them early in the season we must not get complacent. Must
keep up the training, especially as we are now building to the next round of
the cup. Training can make such a difference, just ask the Senators. So, we
will have a relatively light session with NPV on Wednesday, who duly cried off
and left me to attend the gym and do push ups and pull ups all on my own.
Thursday is going to be a serious session owing to there being a meeting of the
PMI (Project Management Institute) Amsterdam Chapter taking place in
Lets not waste
any more time waiting for him, we'll pin a note on the door telling him we've
gone, and we'll await his arrival in the Bear & Ragged.
We were just
getting interested in item two on the agenda when he arrived and, thus, item
two was quickly consumed and we set off for the Turf Tavern. Here considerable
interest was shown in one of our North American brethren and whether or not it
was a rug. It certainly looked like it, but almost too much so. Having had our
fill of local culture it was off to the Hart for food, Hook Norton and darts
and await the arrival of our driver who was due to safely deliver us. I think
he must have done as we were all present and correct at breakfast Friday
morning.
It was about
now that things started to go awry. My boss, his boss and a few compatriots had
instructed me to join them for "team building". Good career move, I
thought. Thus it was that they picked me up from
A crossing
from Rock to Padstow and back takes two pints. Needless to say it absolutely
p****d down as we stood on the ferry crossing the Camel Estuary. Thus no-one
was that interested in window shopping once we arrived; especially as the state
of the tide necessitated our disembarking miles from the centre of town and
having to trudge into driving rain to get anywhere. Straight into the Custom
House, chaps, and make sure they have the rugby on. Well they will once it
starts in three quarters of an hour, or two pints time. How do I know its two
pints time? Because just as the game (France/Italy) was starting and our second
pints were being delivered the telly blue up with a large bang.
Drink up and
de-camp to The Ship. Success! Not only can we get some good seats, but also the
beer is better! Just along from Rock is an area called
A couple of
re-fuelling/de-fuelling stops saw us arrive back to where we started last night
to round the proceedings off with a steady flow of St Austell. At least
tonight, on leaving the pub, the local native guide took us up the right side
of the valley to get home. Not unsurprisingly Sunday dawns slowly but then
concludes in an excellent warm down session with the official Adastral Training
Squad at TWH.
A result!
Oh, for the
record, it was good to welcome back Sobes & PJ into the Falcons. Despite
these welcome returns to the side they were unable to overcome the huge loss of
their man stranded in deepest
NPV
Mighty ON Loan
PJ Ellio Nige
Henners Sobes
PC ????? Robbo
Match Day Sunday 10th February
3rd round of
the Vintage (over 50's) Cup. After our great escape against Tring in the last
round it was going to be interesting how we fared this time away to
NPV is off to
take in the finer points of mixed hockey on Sunday, and we are all without a
match on Saturday; saving ourselves for the "big one". Henners,
though, is still featuring on the telly. Not content with hogging the limelight
when they featured our match against England LX, they are now showing almost of
much of him, there at the NEC, as they are of Tim. Well, he does talk a good. game.
And talking of
good games, what sort of performance can we put up against
1 goal keeper
- Pink Panther
1 part time
fullback - the versatile Robbo
some half
backs - PJ & RA
shed load
(frequently featured on all the best traffic reports on motorways across the
country) of forwards : Blakey, JPAR, Churchill,
So it was that
PJ came up with the "W" formation. We never did quite find out what W
signified but it has lots of potential on the word front. The W formation
involved:
Pink Panther
in goal
Robbo
accompanied at full back by PJ (last time PJ played full back we were 6-4 up
with minutes to go and drew 6-6!!!)
Then there is
the W, and it is a tight W apparently. In the W are:
Blakey,
Henners, JPAR,
Which leaves
the forward line as:
Churchill, PC,
JAR with instructions to keep wide and no need to come back as much as one
might otherwise. Given that Churchill barely leaves the oppo. 25 is this a wise
instruction I muse.
And so our
Wintage side took to the field and very qwickly took contwol of the mid field.
Only twouble was the W's in mid field were able to play the ball back and
acwoss, but were having twouble finding anyone in fwont of them. Meantime the
oppo were looking dangerwous on the bweak. After a number of near misses they
eventually scored and continued to thweaten to notch a good few more. We had
our moments, hitting a post and winning a number of short corners, but were
lucky to be still in the game at half time.
Second half
followed the same pattern to start with, including some fairly uncompromising
tackling from oppo., but the game changed when they scored their second goal.
This triggered an alteration to the line up with more men pushed forward and,
slowly, we got some control of the game and subjected
Back in their
clubhouse the Tanglefoot was good, sandwiches plentiful, and the tennis on the
box absorbing. Friendly crowd,
Ah well, back
to the training and dreaming of what might have been.........had
I...........had they........ if only...... a tight W................a
tight.......................a...........................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Match Day Saturday 16th February
Quiet week
leading up to a quiet weekend. Put in a spot of training on Wednesday followed
by a rigorous session at TWH on Friday. Given that I was "NA" on
Saturday it is necessary to maintain ones fitness level. Saturday was already promising
to be a dramatic day for me. I was to attend an old friend's 50th
birthday party in the depths of leafy
Which is the
more serious? Missing a game of hockey or missing the bash? In this instance I
have to say missing the bash. A change of management at my "gym"
after 22 years training there is not to be taken lightly. So it was that we
(NPV and me) led a party of Cumnor worthies to TWH on Friday night to sup some
excellent Hookey and wish them well. And, sure enough, Saturday was dramatic!
What sort of saddo watches Channel 6, The Oxford Channel, at
And it did not
improve greatly. Withdrawal symptoms were setting in which were overcome by
getting down to Iffley Road and watching Rover Ladies obtain 3 much needed
league points by scoring the only goal of the game in the dying minutes. Back
home to watch the rugby before setting off for Godalming and that party. Very
So what has all
this got to do with the Falcons? Naff all. They went to Chippenham and lost.
TEO (The Elderly One) has given up umpiring and made a return to hockey and
appears to be in the middle of a long run without pulling anything. Hughbie
seems to be ageing, well his sight is going: witness his deft pass to the
umpire. Yes, the umpire did feature strongly in the reports as did Mighty's
forage up field where he found himself stranded without a passport and,
therefore, having difficulty in getting back across the border/half way line.
So it was that
this much weakened Falcons outfit lost, were not impressed by the umpiring or
the showers, but enjoyed the company of a congenial set of Chipmonks. The
weakened outfit comprised:
NPV
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers TEO/PJ
Nige
Angers JPAR
Ellio Sobes PC
Match Day Saturday 23rd February
Long week,
long week. Still recovering from the trauma brought on by missing the farewell
party at TWH which was only partly assuaged by the warm down there on Sunday
night. Given the circumstances - very last night in charge for the Howard
family following their party the night before that lasted until
A swift
inspection was, therefore, required by NPV and myself on Wednesday to ensure
that the Hookey was being kept in top condition by the new management of the
gym - and it was. Given that we were not due to start our game against
·
half the team on LX duty in
·
half the team have cried off during the
week for various reasons.
·
half the team declared themselves
unavailable last week.
So, are we in
for another tight W or what will The Elderly One come up with this week?
What we came
up with was:
NPV
Mighty Nige
Blommers TEO Mare
PC JPAR
Ellio SOM (Son Of Mare) JAR
It was against
the run of play, a fact duly recognised by NPV who, sportingly allowed them back
in the game by moving his foot out of the way to allow their left wing his
first of the season. At half time we were urged to move our balls around rather
firmer than before as, in the first half, there had been too much
"fanny"!!!??!! Were we any better? Well, Ellio came out of hiding and
we discovered that if we gave him firm balls something happened. They also
happened, and managed to even the score at 3 all with a late penalty. It was also late on in the match that JAR
realised that the "record crowd" braving the cold to watch a lot of
old men running around was, actually, his own daughter. It was only when she
said
"Hey Dad,
what's the score?"
and, on
looking around no-one else appeared interested in answering, that JAR looked
closer and recognition dawned.
Three laps of
Swindon saw us back at their "clubhouse" where we awaited the arrival
of half a ton of chips from the local, supped some can't remember what it was,
before heading off to the gym for the warm down.
Having watched
the "Ones" on Sunday I have to say that our "hard balls"
and "excess of fanny" weren't so bad after all!
Match Day Saturday 2nd March
Meet at
Cutteslowe at
Pardon! Might
as well come straight from "training".
So we did,
almost. Twas a busy night at the Bear & Ragged, not least because there was
some mob in fancy dress occupying a good part of the place. Funny looking lot:
women with long skirts and scarves on their head, men in britches and wearing
doilies around their necks. Sealed Knot. London Pride was reputed to be on
form, but London Pride is not Hook Norton best unfortunately. The Hookey was at
its best when NPV and I put in our mid week training at TWH.
Now there is
an interesting set up these days! The Howard family had run TWH for over 25
years, but have just sold the lease. The new landlord, Ian, is up from the West
Country but has spent 10 to 20 years running a bar/restaurant in the
However, the
Hook Norton is excellent training material and the reports from the food front
are good so far. Thus, for the time being at least regular training will
continue to be conducted at his gym, and so it was on Wednesday. And thus it
was that the London Pride did not get universal praise as all things are
relative. However we still managed to stick to it and depart the Ragged Arse
the day after arriving. A good but short nights sleep followed by a quick
breakfast and, before I knew it NPV was at the door to take me to Cutteslowe. Churchill,
who didn't know better, and TEO who is still trying to prove that he isn't
really that old and likes to live dangerously, got into the back and we shot
off to MK. The pitch was definitely one
of two halves: one side being warm and sunny, the other being cold and frosted
and made a hockey ball rolling along sound like a game of curling. It seemed
made for a lot of "fannying around" (something that we are well
practised in - see last weeks report) with the brooms. The oppo were not fannying
around. They had already despatched one of their players to hospital reducing
their numbers to 13, and were now well into the synchronised warm up routine.
We were well
into our synchronised wandering aimlessly around blasting the odd ball passed
Virgil whilst awaiting the arrival of Ellio: who did eventually - arrive. At
last all the speculation could come to an end and TEO could announce the line
up 'cos it was another of those occasions when the number of defenders was
looking small. So, were we in for another tight W, would Churchill open up a
second front, or would it be
NPV
Blommers Nige
Churchill TEO
Mare
PC JPAR
Ellio SOM JAR
Highlights
were:
-
Nige
-
Ellio's freedom of the park
-
SOM hat trick
-
Churchill starting like a rocket then
retiring to the role of match commentator
-
NPV saving a flick and being man of the
match
-
the trip back to their clubhouse when
NPV decided that Ellio wasn't going to pass him as easily as he did the rest of
MK
-
NPV trying a rear entry on some poor
old lady minding her own business on the trip back
-
the Guinness in the Ragged Arse whilst
watching the rugby
-
1st XI result on Sunday
-
Adastral beating Rover on Sunday.
-
the double column headline in Thursdays
Daily Telegraph
"Hardman Henman Gives It Some
Stick"
more
on this will follow in due course!
Lowlights were
:
-
their goal
-
the showers at the National
Stadium
-
the rugby result
-
the state of MK's own astro
So, watch out
for next weeks return fixture.
Will MK be as
impressive in their warm up?
Will Ellio
continue to terrorise their defence?
Will JPAR
deliberately clobber their full back again?
Will Churchill
be signed up by Radio Oxford to provide live coverage from right half?
Will we find
our home club house after so long away?
Will anyone
care?
I know you
don't, but you will hear about it anyway.
Match Day Saturday 9th March
Back in 1995
the company I worked for was part of the giant AT&T American corporation.
As well as ourselves, AT&T had also purchased NCR and had set about getting
all its Project Managers certified. I, at the time, did not call myself a
Project Manager, however when my part of AT&T - ISTEL - decided to send six
people on a fast-track for certification and when I learned what that meant, I
decided to be a Project Manager.
AT&T
chosen Project Management accreditation scheme was American based - the Project
Management Institute. To become a fully fledged/certified Project Manager with
them meant attending 7 one week courses on aspects of project management (risk,
managing people, quality etc.). Usually these courses were attended over a 2 to
3 year period culminating in a final examination. ISTEL wanted to fast track us
by attending the training courses in 1 year. This meant going to where the
courses were, rather than waiting for them to come around to your country. In
the case of me what was on offer was 2 weeks in Sheldon,
Week one in
Sheldon enabled the six of us to meet for the first time. One month later we
were meeting up at
Thus it was that
a Chapter meeting took place last Wednesday at The Chequers, Weston On The
Green to plan this years AGM. It needed planning because this year we were changing the venue
of our "European Cultural Visit" from
Pre-night warm
ups can be much more vigorous than Falcons pre-match warm ups. Indeed,
Wednesday night at the Chequers was followed by training at TWH on Thursday and
Bear & Ragged on Friday/Sat a.m. By the time I arrived at St Edwards (our
venue for the big re-match against The Team, MK - TTMK) TTMK were already
warming up, whilst I was the only one there. Not only were TTMK there in force
but they had brought two appointed umpires with them! They were obviously out
for revenge.
The perceptive
amongst you will notice a new acronym in the team line up below. No, it does
not finally signal success for our recruitment policy, it merely signifies the
return of an old friend who had been out with a pulled stomach muscle and was
now returning with a new name:
STEG - Sobes
The Exploding Gut!
I, personally,
was very pleased to see NPV turn up as I was on standby to fill the pads and
kickers if his bad back got the better of him. Such is his commitment to the
training and warm downs that he was there. Line up, therefore:
NPV
Blommers Hughbie
STEG TEO
Nige
PC JPAR
Ellio SOM JAR
and we had a
twelfth man - MARE.
By the time we
got around to tossing up they were well into their synchronised jogging,
aerobics etc. and, sure enough, it paid off. Throughout the first half they
were much the better looking team, but we had NPV. One nil to us at half time!
Half time saw
a return of "our hero" Hardman. He was playing the role of
"ashen faced, stiff upper lipped spectator - the relaxed, sociable
soul". I think the umpires were disappointed that he wasn't playing as
they were looking forward to a face to face with that "dervish of a right
wing who is not averse to a bit of a contretemps with the umpires". (Ref.
Daily Telegraph)
TEO explained
where we had been going wrong and issued corrective actions for the second half
(Project Management speak - well I am qualified!). One interesting point of
note was his plea for the wingers to stay wide. Interesting in that our goal
had resulted from a winger coming inside whilst Ellio drew his marker out, and
PC scored.
They started
the second half in similar dominant form, but made the mistake of scoring. Why
a mistake? Because it triggered three more from us, including another resulting
from a winger coming inside. It was about the only thing that did emanate from
the left all match, and he proceeded to waft around in the showers after the
game as well.
Back in the
clubhouse and the Killer Chilli was having a week off, the Brains was on and
the 1's were doing well to hold the league leaders to 3-1 by winning the second
half 1-0 before travelling to Formby next day for a win.
As for me, it
was back home for the football and then off to TWH to see how the Three Degrees
were fairing and a quality check on the Hook Norton.
Match Day Saturday 16th March
The week felt
OK at the start, but deteriorated to a disappointing conclusion. Mid-week
training was postponed to Thursday making room for full viewing of the footie
on Wednesday night. This was followed by a new series of the ITV programme
Survivor. This was on, but I wasn't really watching when. on glancing at the
screen, I saw a face I recognised. It was Bridget (billed on programme as
"43 year old sheep farmer from Oxfordshire). I can add that she is mother
of two very good looking (jail; bait!) daughters, lives at Buckland Marsh and
used to go out with Dobbin (our favourite White Hart barman). And she survived
week 1.
Thus it was
that a relatively light training session took place Thursday at TWH where it
was interesting to learn that the Three Degrees have shrunk by a degree. Ian is
(supposedly) off the vodka and was restricting himself to halves of Guinness
which were later supplemented by wine. Hook Norton slipped down readily and was
followed by a quantity of London Pride in the B & R A on Friday
night/Saturday morning. It is noticeable that the B&RA appears to get
busier after
Friday
afternoon was a definite success, lots of Brownie points earned. The new blinds
for my erection had arrived and needed putting up. Now I do not have the
greatest reputation in the DIY stakes but, by tea time "the erection"
was sporting eight blinds covering the four large windows and the four small
door windows. It does look smart!
Saturday morning
saw us up early and off to Homebase to see if we could find some curtain rails
for the door curtains. We could, and by lunch they were up! However all this
effort and endeavour proved too much and I disappeared without trace for the
rest of the day.
Well, yes, I
did make it to Leighton Buzzard and I did line up and I did fail to score from
the flick, and that was it really. The others who participated were:
NPV
Blommers Mare
STEG TEONM
Billers
SOB Henners
Ellio SOM JAR
For the
curious: TEONM is The Elderly One No More due to the return of our more senior
citizen in Hardman Henners, whilst SOB is Son Of Billers who, in turn, is Chris
Billington. It was MK in reverse - we had the better of the play, the more
chances but we lost despite scoring first. We should have won, we should have
converted a flick and the Firsts should have won clearly on Sunday. All very
disappointing. And it got no better.
Saturday night
the B&RA was celebrating St Patricks Day with its version of Irish Stew and
live music.
At £10 per
head sounded like a good evening was in store. However the portents were not
good when the band started setting up a full drum kit - not normally heavily
featured in traditional Irish music. Ah well, lets get a seat and get stuck
into the Pride and hope for the best. Pride going down well as was the Irish
Stew. Then the band struck up.
They were
allowed to complete their first set but were last seen loading their cars and
disappearing around the village pond at around
Dare I stay?
Well, my wife does do the bookings for Cumnor Village Hall and Carol King has
been a regular user with her ladies Aerobatics each week - so I sort of know
them. Not only that but Peter King paints and I once bought one of his
paintings that were on display somewhere. So, although he probably wouldn't
recognise me as a patron I sort of feel like one.
I'll have a
pint and consider my position. Oh, the bar is on free vend!
Given my
attire of rugby shirt and jeans I have a choice as I see it. I could retire
quietly to the B&RA or I could scoot home and change into something
allowing me to blend in better. Well ,it had been a disappointing weekend so
far.
Never mind,
there is that European Cultural visit to look forward to. Limbering up for this
should involve a spot of training on Wednesday followed by a warm up on
Thursday prior to gathering at Birmingham Airport for breakfast at 08:00 Friday
morning. Light lunch along the Ramblas before exploring the sea front, trying
the tapas before gearing up for a night out. Must remember that the night does
not start until circa
So that's it
for this week - disappointing wasn't it.
But we need to
look forward.
We need to be
positive.
Match Day Saturday 23rd March
The
auspices were not good after last week's game. Lots of people NA for next week.
In fact we only had 4 available so much work by Pope John was going to be
necessary if the Falcons were going to field a team at
Meantime
much work was needed by JAR in preparation for the annual European Cultural
Visit. It was fortunate that we were not going a week earlier as there were
demonstrations in the streets of
Well,
that was the plan, but then the Hook Norton looked too inviting on Wednesday to
be ignored. Better have another go at specialised training on
Thursday............with the same results!
Partial
recovery via swift G & T on the plane followed by something cold and fishy
from the in-flight catering department. Saw a lot of
Rather
blank expressions from staff on reception was worrying. Anyone got the phone
number for the company we booked through back in October 'cos its looking like
we might need it. No, it's OK they have turned up a document from a big pile
and it appears we are expected. Rooms adequate and all is well, they are twin
beds, not doubles. Right, straight back out to find a bar and get our bearings.
Yes, it is cold and fizzy, but the passing people are interesting. We walk the
rest of the way down Ramblas and around the harbour taking in a couple more
bars en route. It is gloriously warm in the sun. Further in-depth research
resulted in discovering that Guinness costs 4E per pint, some of the tapas is
decidedly dodgy, peaellas can vary greatly in quality and they stop serving
beer at circa
Breakfast
at
We
were then faced with a choice: sit inside a hot, smoky bar and take in the
rugby, or sit in the square outside in the sun watching the world go by. World
watching is good in the sun with a few pints of Guinness before adopting
Spanish culture and having a siesta. Shame about
Meanwhile,
from somewhere a team turned out at
Easter 2002
Since
I was first invited to go to
"Congratulations
on gaining a daughter, see you on pitch 6 at
I
thought this to be an excellent idea, my wife didn't and thus that is the only
year I have missed
Some years
stand out more than others:
·
The very wet years when we had to play
up on Portland Bill, at Boddington Camp
and a variety of other locations around
·
The year I had a punctured lung and,
therefore, couldn't play but could put in a full weekend on the support and
training front.
·
The year that Muffins (Olton & West
Warwick) were banned owing to their raucous rendition of rugby songs during the
Festival Match. They arrived with a squad of twenty the year they were banned,
all sporting sweatshirts with "Muffins,
·
The year Sils celebrated their 25th
at
·
Wimbo driving home at
·
The year we won all our matches.
Over the years
the weekend has been refined to a well tried and tested Sils formula:
·
arrive Thursday evening, call in at
·
Book into The Premier, grab a bite to
eat and await arrival of rest of squad in Prem. Bar.
·
Retire to bed with headache some time in
the early hours, remember to take Alka Seltzer.
·
Breakfast followed by three or four
matches on Friday. Re-fuel on Guinness between games.
·
Warm down in Prem Bar, off to eat,
gather in The Cutter en-route to Festival Dance in Pavilion.
·
Decide whether to bother with dance or
not.
·
Make way to
·
Get very hot and sweaty
·
Repair to Prem Bar for final warm down
·
Breakfast followed by three or four
games on Saturday with light re-fuelling.
·
Maintain constitution with steak
sandwich.
·
Initial Prem Bar warm down, eat
somewhere Eastern, call at Kings Arms by harbour prior to the ascent to the
Chapel Hay - a delightful local off the beaten track.
·
Hold Sils Weymouth AGM at Chapel
interspersed with
·
After a few Royal Oaks it is all down
hill to walk back via the
·
Try to get to bed before breakfast,
remember the Alka Saltzers.
·
Sunday, no hockey! Late breakfast (
·
Swift one at nineteenth, back to Prem
for swift one, then off to restaurant for club dinner.
·
Back to Prem for final warm down, Alka
Saltzer, bed.
·
Breakfast then off to
·
Drive home, try to appear bright and
cheerful in front of family, take them out to supper and then finish with a
spot of training at TWH.
Predictable it
may be, but always jolly good fun.
Shame Sils didn't go this year.
Match
Day Saturday 6th April
We emerge to a
sunny day the summer side of Easter to find ourselves faced with a cold wind,
and
Some base
their view on volume, some base their view on time, some base their view on
performance. Mrs Virgil appears to have the same view as mine, time based, in
that his performance did not appear affected in any way when last seen leaving
TWH circa 01:00ish Monday, but the loss of Brownie points was still severe. Our
innocent colleague who joined us for a spot of training was similarly bemused
when he awoke later to find that his wife had deserted his bed in favour of the
couch downstairs. Thus Bank
The lovely
weather that has continued since Easter has meant that my erection has really
come into it's own. It is now proving a very popular feature at the bottom of
the garden, much admired by the passers by. The size is such that, when the
wind is from the East as it has been for much of the week, one can sit to the
West of it and be nicely sheltered whilst still benefiting from the sun.
Sitting in the lee in the sun listening to the footie on the radio, or retiring
inside to watch the boat race or Grand National is sublime. Watching the sun go
down with a gin and tonic or cold beer from the fridge is no worse! Work
demands being low this week meant that I could take my place with my erection
at a reasonable time to soak up some rays before the suns' strength made it
advisable to retire inside and watch the TV rather than listen to Five Live.
Footie on the
telly gave a nice excuse for missing training Tuesday and Wednesday evenings
and, thus, we started the build up to the weekend at TWH on Thursday. Virgil
was allowed out but couldn't stay late! It was a similar tale on Friday when a
small squad left the Bare & Ragged for TWH, returning before closing time
to ensure Virgil was behaving. It was to the benefit of the
And so to
Saturday, sunshine and wind (a reliable feature of a mixture of Hook Norton and London Pride).
NPV
Blommers Nige
JPAR Pope John
Humph
Henners GTC
Ellio STEG PC
Downhill and
with the wind at their back resulted in a score of 4-0 at half time. The
addition of JAR to the line up at half time made all the difference to the side
and a further one, or was it two goals were scored in the second half. Well, we
were going up hill and into the wind.
Back in the
bar the opposition proved a friendly lot and persevered with the rather
lifeless Brains overcome by a welcome return of the Killer Chilli.
Undoubtedly
due to this excess he was nowhere to be seen at training Saturday or Sunday,
but was there for the Adastral 7-2 victory at
However, the
best was still to come and took the form of great celebrations following a one
nil defeat. Those of you not into Hawks fortunes and the niceties of National
League may be bemused by this. Simply put, the Ones lost and retained their
National League status without requiring us to troop off to the National
Stadium MK for the play-offs. A great relief to many of us as a visit to MK is
usually testing on the plastic front if one takes ones other half. Not only
that but it can be a bloody cold and draughty place to watch hockey.
So, with one
point to the good and a slightly better goal difference over fellow play off
contenders
Rover Ladies
did not quite escape the play-offs. Perhaps Virgils availability should have
been recognised earlier. They have to travel next week in the first of their
play off games and are then at home the following weekend (21st) to
Ben Rhydding.
Meantime it is
off to the Club Dinner on Friday to see if our vote rigging has worked with
Henners getting "Young Player Of The Year" and JAR "Most
Improved Player".
Watch this
space!
Falcons
File - w/c
OK, chaps, it
is that time of year again.
Sorry, I am
wrong about the again as this is the first time for all of us.
What is he
babbling about this time?
Well, it is
FARTIE time.
Falcons
Annual Rewards To Individual Excellence
So, inspired
by the annual dinner last Friday I am seeking your nominations for FARTIE's.
Feel free to
initiate nominations in a category of your own choice.
I will then
circulate the categories and nominees to the mailing list to see if we can
elicit further nominations and then, finally, invite you to vote for one of the
nominees in each category.
This should be
good!
Meantime,
reverting back to last week, we had a steady warm up towards the dinner with
some training on Tuesday and Wednesday at TWH where plans were well advanced
for the "big move". The "big move" constitutes the
departure from Birch Cottage of John and Sherry Howard, former licensees of
TWH. The move is being conducted on a local basis - all hands to the
"pumps"(!) as the main part of the move is to a cottage just around
the corner. Very unfortunately(!), my daughters birthday on Friday is going to
prevent me helping hump pianos and similar light weight pieces of furniture as
I will be busy eating birthday cake, drinking champagne and supervising the
opening of pressies in my extension.
Thus, after
the warm up Tuesday and Wednesday it was felt wise to stay in on Thursday in
preparation for "the big one" Friday. But it is boring being wise? So
it was a late swift one on Thursday.
Friday found
my dear wife (I have been told not to keep referring to "the wife")
charging around like a good 'un. Collect son on way home. Partake in champagne
birthday celebrations with noisy, excited daughter. Return son home. Deliver
Virgil and JAR to Woodstock Arms for dinner limbering up. Deliver daughter and
friend into town for her birthday "piss up". Put feet up and relax in
peace and quiet at last.
Thus it was
that she did not accompany me to the dinner.
Have to say
that the beer in Woodstock Arms was good, albeit they were not keen on
operating a "home delivery service" that necessitated delivering two
pints of London Pride to St Edwards School every 40 minutes. So we drank cans
of Boddies at the dinner - lots of them. The Falcons table was somewhat denuded
by the complete absence of the Midwinter's and of Cookie and by Virgil being
deposited onto another table. JAR was seated next to Henners who was
"celebrating" a birthday (sixty how many?!?!) and Mrs Hen. Hadn't met
Mrs Hen before, only seen her on telly. Sitting between the two felt like I was
at
The food was
good, the company excellent and the cans kept flowing. Eventually AC got up and
started burbling away, followed by "The Chair". There was much to-ing
and fro-ing with silver ware scattered all over the place. Awards for young
this, young that, best lady, best lady performer, most improved performance (we
never got invited to vote for that one, perhaps they think Vets don't
perform!), coach of the year, double decker bus of the year etc. etc. The
evening was flowing, the music started and I think I danced?!?
All too soon
our lift was departing with Mrs Blommers in the driving seat and "ship to
shore radio" was brought to bear to ensure that TWH would allow us in and
Ade was there to get us home. Reasonable crowd at TWH at that early hour of a
Saturday morning and the Hook Norton provided an excellent warmer downer with
no worries about a game later that day (we appeared not to be involved in Club
day).
Saturday got
off to a cautious start but culminated in a classy finish (nearly) at
They have
their next play-off match at
So, inspired
by the proceedings of last weekend,
it's
FARTIE time
If you have
nominations for Falcons:
goal of the
season
guest player
of the season
organiser of
the year
beer of the
year
worst what
ever
or have
categories of your own that you wish to make nominations for
let me have
them.
I will keep
you all up to date with progress and, when things appear to be drying up, will
invite you to vote for the nominees in each category.
We can then
have a grand FARTIE awards night at
some suitable licensed establishment where the top nominees and the winners can
be announced.
NB Nick Harris
- you could do the commentary for Radio
So, come on
you lot out there, lets be having you.
Meantime, we
must start our careful preparation for the match against Morris'/Abingdon on
Saturday morning at
Match
Day Saturday 20th April.
Will we have
one or won't we. That had been the question that The Pope was left with when
last we saw him.
He wasn't
sure, we weren't sure, no-one else cared.
The Pope
cared, but probably wished we didn't have one as there appeared to be a lot of
Apathy around. In fact Apathy was appearing in goal, at the back and in the
forward line. Not only that but, at the last moment, Late Refusal put in an
appearance leaving Biggsy exposed without an excuse. Thus he finished the
season where he started - in the Falcons - remember our 1st match at
Olton, Biggsy, 6 all draw!
Even the
training had scaled down this week. But we were expected, even if our umpire
wasn't. Abingdon (Morris's) were out in force on a dry
FTC in goal
Mighty Blommers
The Pope Biggsy Billers
PC GTC
Ellio STEG JAR
Abingdon
contained a number of old, familiar faces to a number of us and caused us some
problems in the first half. However, we managed to turn around 2-0 up with the
second goal being generally reckoned (at least by the scorer) to be a leading
candidate for goal of the season (I have your nomination, HTPFKA). It was
succinctly described, at half time, as involving guile and craft and an
excellent, incisive pass from that man Biggsy. Undoubtedly our cause had been
helped by the despatch of their key defender who was doing a good job bottling
up Ellio. Thanks to a clearance from their keeper he retired with a cut head.
In the second
half they made another crucial error. They scored. This got us going again and,
in due course, we witnessed the "pass of the season" (as claimed by
the executor). A glorious cross field ball executed from well within our own
half to GTC at right inner in acres of space who then had the simple job of
collecting and wandering up the oppo half and scoring. Two instances of pure
brilliance to finish the season.
Meantime we
put away a few more for good measure before retiring to the Gladiators Club to
put away a few more for good measure. The latter good measure being assisted by
the fact that the beer was £1 per pint. We saved a lot of money and so did
Ellio who was on for a jug - oh, sorry, forgot to mention the hat trick which
had paled into insignificance against all that brilliance until the moment of
reckoning in the bar. Cheapest hat trick this season.
Not only that,
but we had the away food of the season by a long chalk.
All this
brilliance led to a lengthy warm down at TWH and left us pondering how many of
us might make it into the summer side with summer league pending. We shall see.
So, we finish
on a high. Many, many thanks to PJ, The Pope and to Robbie for organising us.
We have had a tremendously enjoyable season.
For the
saddoes around, some numbers:-
I make it 36
people have represented us
Played 28
Lost 5
Drawn 5
Won 18
Scored 91
Conceded 51
Drunk 420
pints during immediate warm downs, excluding training.
Goal of season
1
Pass of season
1
Defender of
the year.........
Oppo of
year...........
NPG of
year................
Card of the
year...............
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Falcons Cast -
2001/2002 Season
|
Team Sheet Name |
Name |
Notes |
|
Virgil NPV (Near
Post Virgil) |
Richard
Wilsden |
Goalkeeper |
|
Binty Pink Panther |
John Bint |
Goalkeeper |
|
Stormin' |
|
Goalkeeper |
|
RTC (Roger
The Cat) |
Roger
Middleton |
Goalkeeper |
|
FTC (Felix
The Cat) |
Jim Felix |
Goalkeeper |
|
Mighty |
Mike
Kentfield |
Defender |
|
Hughbie |
Hugh Bentley |
Defender -
England LX Development Squad member |
|
Robbo |
Dave Robson |
|
|
Nige |
Nigel
Richardson |
Defender |
|
Blommers |
Dave Blomley |
Defender |
|
PJ Pope John TEO - The
Elderly One TEONM - The
Elderly One No More |
Peter Wilson |
Defender -
England LX Development Squad member |
|
Ellio |
John Elliot |
All rounder |
|
RA |
Richard
Allen |
Defender |
|
Mare |
Mike Kyle |
Defender |
|
SOM - Son Of
Mare |
Andrew Kyle |
Forward |
|
Clarkie |
Richard
Clarke |
Defender |
|
Ollie |
Richard
Oliver |
Defender |
|
Sobes STEG - Sobes
The Exploding Gut |
Ian Sobey |
Forward |
|
Henners HH - Hardman
Henman HH - Helley
Henson RWD - Right
Wing Dervish |
Tony Henman |
Forward |
|
Blakey |
Bob Phillips |
Forward |
|
JPAR |
Paddy Roche |
Forward |
|
Huggy Mobile
Roundabout HTPFKA -
Huggy The Player Formerly Known As |
Dave Hughes |
Forward |
|
|
Angus Fraser |
Forward |
|
GTC (Garry
The Coach) |
|
Forward |
|
PC |
Peter Curtis |
Forward |
|
Churchill |
Robin
Winstone |
Forward |
|
Rogues JAR (Jug
Avoidance Rogues) |
Rogan
Meadows |
Forward |
|
Biggsy Boggs |
Neil Biggs |
All rounder |
|
Bear |
Simon Smith |
Forward |
|
Russ |
Russ Warner |
Forward |
|
Cookie |
Steve Cook |
Forward |
|
Humph |
Humphrey
Battcock |
Defender |
|
The Chair |
The Chairman |
Defender |
|
FRB |
|
Defender |
|
Billers |
Chris
Billington |
Defender |
|
SOB - Son Of
Billers |
John
Billington |
Forward |
|
SOS (Son Of
Someone) |
|
Forward |