Falcons
Update
OH F Up
Season 2002 -
2003
The story of life in and around
Falcons are a veterans (over 35)/vintage (over 50) side mainly
playing friendly matches on a Saturday throughout the hockey season.
Any similarity to real life found within the stories that
follow is purely coincidental.
Season
2002/03
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Date |
H/A |
Opposition |
Won |
Drawn |
Lost |
For |
Against |
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14-Sep |
H |
Wokingham |
1 |
|
|
7 |
2 |
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21-Sep |
H |
Olton & West Warwick |
|
1 |
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2 |
2 |
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28-Sep |
A |
|
|
|
1 |
0 |
3 |
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05-Oct |
A |
Epsom |
1 |
|
|
5 |
3 |
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12-Oct |
H |
|
|
|
1 |
1 |
4 |
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19-Oct |
A |
|
1 |
|
|
3 |
2 |
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26-Oct |
H |
Wokingham |
1 |
|
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5 |
4 |
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27-Oct |
A |
Amersham |
1 |
|
|
4 |
0 |
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09-Nov |
A |
|
|
|
1 |
3 |
7 |
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16-Nov |
A |
Chippenham |
1 |
|
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2 |
1 |
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23-Nov |
H |
Abingdon |
|
1 |
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3 |
3 |
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30-Nov |
H |
|
1 |
|
|
4 |
1 |
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01-Dec |
H |
Adel |
1 |
|
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5 |
1 |
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07-Dec |
A |
|
|
|
1 |
0 |
4 |
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14-Dec |
H |
|
1 |
|
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4 |
0 |
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18-Jan |
A |
Amersham |
1 |
|
|
4 |
3 |
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25-Jan |
H |
|
1 |
|
|
3 |
1 |
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08-Feb |
H |
Winchester |
1 |
|
|
2 |
0 |
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09-Feb |
A |
Eastcote |
|
|
1 |
2 |
3 |
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15-Feb |
A |
Swindon |
|
|
1 |
3 |
6 |
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22-Feb |
H |
Chippenham |
|
|
1 |
0 |
3 |
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08-Mar |
H |
Reading |
1 |
|
|
5 |
2 |
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15-Mar |
A |
Bath |
|
1 |
|
1 |
1 |
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22-Mar |
H |
Amersham |
1 |
|
|
5 |
1 |
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29-Mar |
A |
Woking |
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|
1 |
2 |
4 |
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06-Apr |
H |
Warlocks |
|
|
1 |
3 |
7 |
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12-Apr |
A |
Abingdon |
1 |
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1 |
0 |
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Totals |
15 |
3 |
9 |
79 |
68 |
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Match
Of The Day -
Saturday 14th September, an early start with the usual long list of ‘NA’s’(not availables) resulting in a fairly mixed bag due to make an appearance. Never really know who will pitch up until just before the start, so could be something of a lottery. In some quarters this has been a long awaited fixture, which is not the same as saying an eagerly anticipated one. We are not on our home pitch and know that parking will be a problem when we go back for ‘teas’ after ‘the match’.
So, the time is now upon us. Let’s see who we have got:-
Well, for a start The Pope has not turned up to officiate but, thankfully, the vicar has.
Robson’s present with Judy, so is Roche, Phillips, Timberlake and, despite not being required to do the teas, Jan has come along to watch. Elliott isn’t late and is looking exceedingly smart in his kilt. Abery and Abery are also there. I make that eight, which given the time of year and the fact that we are away, that’s not bad.
One or two of
you may, by now, be thinking that ‘the author’ has lost the plot. I mean:
Elliott on time, Timberlake playing! Well he hasn’t lost the plot. The fixture
I am talking about is Saturday 14th September, away in
After an elongated engagement the announcement of the carefully selected date (after the completion of the first major project that I had managed and before the commencement of the hockey season) was not met with the expected enthusiasm from the prospective in-laws. It appeared that 14th September was their silver wedding anniversary and they were planning a party. Thus it was that there were an awful lot of their friends at our reception. Pat and I did the decent thing and made our official departure early on allowing everyone to get on with the party suitably fuelled by an early supply of champagne cocktails. Thus, by the time we returned to slip in unnoticed and join the party things were going well. Indeed, Phillips was doing an excellent demonstration of how to remove a tablecloth from the table without disturbing the glasses muck to the enjoyment of Auntie Elsie. I am not sure whether many people were actually aware that the ‘married couple’ had, somehow, re-appeared. As warm downs go, not bad! We won’t mention the score and whether anyone needed to buy a jug.
Which bring us
28 years on, the start of a new season and Falcons home game against Wokingham.
Owing to Club Day we were consigned to
Richard
Mike Mike
Robin Ian Humphrey
Peter Patrick Nick Rogan
No vicar this time, but the Pope has turned up to officiate. Well done to PJ for overcoming the long list of NA’s and managing to get ten of us onto the park. They only had ten so it was all fair to start with. Indeed, early on they threatened to take the lead owing to some over enthusiastic forays upfield from our defence. However they wasted their chances, gave us a five goal start up to half time, looked like they wouldn’t score in a month of Sundays, allowed us one more, and then made a game of it: two one to them in the last third of the match. Jug avoidance apparent on two fronts - once for avoiding needing to buy despite two goals before half time, and once for needing to buy and not doing so.
Jan’s chilli proved very popular, at least one going for thirds, and that all important selection meeting held at the Club the previous Saturday paid dividends – the guest beer selected going down well. Spent ages trying to find a number under fifty in the stick draw and eventually turned up 49. Then it was off to watch the 1’s, back for more guest beer and then back home before venturing out to complete the warm down.
Where, the more perceptive might ask, is Pat amongst all this on your wedding anniversary? Good question. Probably having as good a day as me, ‘cos she’s left me and gone to Hyde Park for the last night of the proms leaving me with a clear run at the warm down. Only trouble was I fell asleep and woke up too late – some things don’t change in 28 years of marriage!
Match
Of The Day -
Everything had been feeling right. The build up during the week had been steady:
· reasonable training session Wednesday
· rest Thursday
· good warm up at the 'Ragged Arse Friday
· lovely walk with the dog by the river Saturday morning
· light salmon lunch
The weather was good, but the ladies 1's were losing. Olton started to appear and were looking on the youthful side. It appeared that they were still sore from their experiences the week before when they travelled to Stourport and discovered the Stourport second team game had been cancelled, and guess what.
Yep, they were hammered 9-0 by Stourport 2's.
The Falcons, as a team, is still very much in the formulation stage for 2002/3 season. A number of the old faithfuls were on display, others still straggling in from their summer of idleness, some still just a rumour.
Today we have:
Richard
Mike Nigel/Hugh
David Ian Humphrey
David Peter John Nick Rogan
Ricardo, in goal, is looking very bright despite the early retirement from the warm up Friday night. Good to see Nige, Blommers and Ellio back and Dr Cole was looking lively down the right. Trouble was Olton were looking all too lively all over.
Women.......what a contrary bunch they are. Last week my wife expressed surprise and concern that I had not gone out to complete my warm down having returned from the hockey club, especially since she was not at home. This week she was at home so I made a special effort. We enjoyed Jan's chlli and Oltons company. We celebrated Peters and Hughs birthdays which both happened to be Saturday and then I went home. My wife refused my offer of sharing the takeaway and then expressed dismay when I woke up an hour or so later and announced that I was, this week, going to complete my warm down. There is no pleasing some people!
Ah, in danger of incurring Robbie's wrath by not mentioning the score. Well, as I said, Olton were looking more than useful and, basically, were all over us. They had loads of opportunities, and spurned all but two. We had two opportunities which we took, and nearly had a third from an outrageously narrow effort from DC on the right that came out off the far post. So, the great escape, two all.
Match Of The Day - Saturday 28th
September
It's all in the preparation!
Our preparation starts much earlier, of course. From the moment we left the pitch against Olton last week we were tuning up for our next outing.:
- there were the jugs in the clubhouse (beer that is).
- the extended warm down at the White Hart.
- the light limbering up Sunday night
-
the run to
- the training session Wednesday night
- the build up to the match on Saturday in the Bear & Ragged Friday night
-
the light limbering up by the
river with the dog at
-
watching MK going through their
exercises at
By
Ricardo
Mike Hugh
Dave Ian Nigel
Tony Julian Peter Nick Rogan
Sobes did a quick team talk, we made them change ends and we were off.
Yep, they looked prepared and useful but we survived. Indeed, whilst they scored a goal we could have been in the lead at half time but for their keeper. Mind you they could have had a few more but for our keeper. Second half was a different story. We never got a look in and despite stout defending we were eventually breached with help from 'jobs worth' and they converted a flick. Despite losing two players who had obviously overdone the preparation and pulled something, reducing them to ten on the park, they got another and it was back to BRN for the traditional warm down, which is the start of the warm up for next week.
Match
Of The Day -
As we trouped
off the pitch at
However our joint confusion was to be clarified. The Falcons were playing some matches in the coming season in a league. A league of convenience, enabling teams that were otherwise struggling to obtain fixtures to do so. A friendly league, a league of gentlemen. This being the case someone needs to tell the Epsom goalkeeper!
Yes, Saturday marked our league debut, away at Epsom. The list of "N.A's" was considerable and heavy pressure was brought to bear in a number of areas to ensure that we had eleven to take the park. We fought off The Senators for our much sought after keeper and lined up:
Ricardo
Mike Hugh
JPAR Ian Humphrey
David Peter John Nick Rogan with the faithful PJ on the whistle.
We had managed to persuade Epsom that the only hope of our arriving with a team was to play on astro rather than on their grass pitch outside their clubhouse. Thus it was that we found ourselves in leafy Leatherhead with no help from Hugh who wanted to go direct to Epsom HC for an early tea -
"Sorry chaps, thought I knew where we were going."
"Shut up in the back."
We were the better team, they were better at taking their opportunities in the first half. We equalised just before half time thanks to a flick awarded against their seventy something keeper for lying on the ball. His language was colourful, Sobes flick clinical.
We then had a purple patch after half time, then went to sleep and our full backs took it in turns to deflect balls past our keeper. One full back was on target, the other wasn't.
Arriving at their clubhouse Ellio remembered Epsoms reputation from the past - they always had good looking women, apparently. They also had good beer if boring food. And yes, their women had jugs. Their keeper was still complaining in colourful language as we left we three league points in the bag.
Match
Of The Day -
The portents were gloomy from the moment we left the pitch at Epsom. Nothing wrong with the training regime that a little more application would not improve. Indeed some sturdy work was put in on Saturday night at the Hobo's Cricket Team dinner at the Bear & Ragged. Falcons super fit all rounder and current star of the Senators plays for Hobo's and, having made a lengthy study of form from the steps of the pavilion on a Thursday night whilst supping the odd half, another Falcon has ambitions on the willow front next season.
Thus the Tanners took a hammering from our two worthies followed by a light warm down on Sunday night at TWH. However a long break from training (next session wasn't until Thursday night) failed to enable the GBH of body to be overcome by our left winger (now re-named whinger). GBH includes:
- tennis elbow to the left (but, luckily he is ambidextrous and can raise a glass with either hand)
- tendernitis in right shoulder
- arthritis in right hip
- bunion on right foot
Good job he is not a horse or he would be put down (and not before time I hear you cry!).
Failed a final strenuous fitness test on Friday at the B&RA and thus a somewhat weakened Falcons side lined up against Swindon Sleepers:
FYP (Falcons Youth Policy in goal, with our all-star keeper in Barnes with Senators)
Mike Nigel
Blommers Ellio Humphrey
Henners Paddy Pete Nick DC
With a
Maintained a steady quality check on the Tanners whilst watching the footie on the box and monitoring the progress of the Senators return from Barnes. Footie half time arrived which is more than could be said for the Senators. Their progress appeared to have stalled at the Leathern Bottle in Lewknor. However Ricardo made it back in time to join the late warm down at The Eight Bells in Eaton and report a draw at Barnes. A good fight back by the 1's on Sunday inspired and early return to the Tanners culminating in a gentle warm down at TWH (and so the cycle resumes!).
We lost.
Match Of The Day – Saturday 19th October
Away to
Why opportune?
It was this week that the draw for the HA cup was made, and it is that round of the cup when the “biggies” join in. Thus it was that Oxford Hawks name was put into the silver salver, or empty Walkers Crisp box, along with the surviving non National Leaguers and all the Nationals. And who did the “1s” draw? Reading away!
So what better
than to despatch the Falcons to soften them up. To do this we need to roll out
the stars, give our ECGM’s an outing. ECGM’s, for the ignorant amongst you, are
the European Cup Gold Medalists. Yes, our team members who beat
RGE
Mike TP(ECGM)
Henners (ECGM) Sobes Blommers
Cole Curtis Huggie Nick Cole
For those who do not recognise him: TP is The President. For those who still don’t recognise him: The President is Robbie, but that is a well kept secret, according to our fixture cards. So, not only our ECGM’s and RGE, but also Huggie making his return to the side.
Were
So, we have shown the 1’s how it is done and if they can follow our example it would be some coup for the club. Now all the Falcons have to do is concentrate on their build up to their cup entry – next Sunday away in the 50’s cup. Not only that but there is a game on Saturday as well. A real test for the squad, their resilience and fitness.
Watch this space.
Weekend 26th/27th October
A double header in front of us. Home to Wokingham on Saturday and then the Vintage Cup, away to Chalfont on Sunday. Every reason, therefore, to ensure that we peaked at the right time and put in that extra bit of training to hone our bodies. So, where was our super keeper on Friday night? Nowhere to be seen at the Bear & Ragged where a solid session on the Guinness ensured that a return from injury could be scheduled for Rogues. Super keeper – well rumour had it he was “on the town”.
Saturday afternoon saw the return of Wokingham. Previously defeated 7-2 in our first game. We were featuring a large squad of 13 in order to “rest” key players required for Sunday. We lined up :
RGE
Mike Nige
Blommers Ellio Kyle
Henners Sobes Cole Bailey Rogues
With Kyle and Robbie on the bench but soon to appear.
We raced into a 3-0 lead, they came back, we scored some more, they came back, we won 5-4. They loved their umpire, we were equally impressed at times. RGE performed notably in more senses than one. He looked good horizontal, and looked a lot at the ball being cleared off the line whilst horizontal. Improved training regime needed here I feel.
The warm down was more successful. Those of their side who stayed proved good value as was the chilli and the beer. Gradually they dribbled away to leave the hard core.
Most of the hard core were in evidence Sunday morning for the “high noon” start to this years cup run. Our line up was:
RGE
Clarkie Robbie
Ellio Sobes Richard Allen
Henners Paddy PC NB Rogues
With Mike on the bench.
An even first half with both keepers featuring ended with no goals. Informed thought at half time was that 1 goal would win it and it had better be us that scored, so go to it chaps. (Remember previous informed thought in our cup games – just pass it around and keep possession and there is no way they will score). Informed thought has not proved prophetic, and today was no exception.
Second half was hardly under way and a goal was scored and, yes, it was us who scored. And we won. Informed thought not doing badly, except we also scored three more.
Excellent Youngs bitter in their clubhouse which we did justice to before making our victorious way home with a swift couple in the White Hart, Wytham before culminating in the weekly final warm down in TWH, Fyfield.
Now, if only the
“Ones” could follow our example this coming weekend with their double header –
league at home Saturday, cup away at Bisham Abbey, Sunday v.
Falcons Report - W/end
After our tremendous performance last weekend demand for a place in the "victorious team" was expected to be high this week. A home game at 11:00 against Wimbledon at St Edwards was on the menu, as was a good dose of Jan's chilli, washed down by some Speckled Hen, followed by a dose of the "1's" home leaguer, followed by a warm down, followed by that cup match versus Reading on Sunday morning. Peak fitness obviously needed for this lot.
With this in mind extra training had been put in this week by attending the election of the Mayor Of Cumnor which takes place during the annual Pumpkin Night at the Bear & Ragged. Pumpkin Night is an ancient Cumnor tradition involving a pumpkin competition between Cumnor and Bampton. There are cups awarded for best (heaviest) pumpkin, best set of six pumpkins and best set of six marrows. This year, for once, Cumnor walked it. Apart from the childrens fancy dress competition there is also an auction, a raffle and the all important election of the Mayor.
The fancy dress competition was over by the time I arrived and it was down to the serious stuff of speculation over whom would be elected Mayor. This is not exactly a democratic process. It takes place behind closed doors and involves a small select group including the outgoing Mayor, Gavin the landlord, Nick Harris and there may be others. It is a bit of a mystery, but to be Mayor you need to spend lots of money in the Bear and make your presence known. To welcome the Mayor everyone was despatched to the village pond which is home to a large part of the Mayor’s responsibilities – the ducks. However, the ducks have seen it all before and had made themselves scarce. The arrival of the new Mayor was announced by a substantial firework display. There was a nasty rumour that the final rocket had a duck attached to it but this was unsubstantiated and there was considerable disagreement over the number of ducks there should be. The display culminating in the new Mayor being “launched” into the pond to “meet his charges” and we all trooped back to the pub to resume festivities apart from those sneaking to the bar whilst it was quiet!
The plan to “float” the Mayor across the pond had had to be abandoned earlier when a close inspection of the intended craft showed it to be totally unworthy. The Bear & Ragged gents bog had been undergoing improvements necessitating the installation of two portaloos. One of these had been thought ideal to introduce the Mayor on his “throne”. However close inspection proved that this idea would not “stand up” and would immediately sink. Shame, it conjured up a lovely image. All was not lost though on the portaloo front. When the auction took place amongst those items that raised hundreds of pounds for charity were:
Signed rugby shirts
Signed football shirts
Baseball caps
Signed racing prints
And a portaloo!
Yes, we auctioned it and, even madder, more than one person bid for it.
Unfortunately RTRG (Ricardo The Recumbent Goalkeeper – remember all his lying down at last weeks match) was having another lie down, dropped off and missed it all – just like last week! He did make up for this by training every other night of the week whilst I only managed Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. He was handicapped Friday night by mother-in-laws presence whilst I was unshackled owing to my wife having left me that morning.
Thus, on Saturday we were both able to admire Phil’s work in goal for the “1’s” in their win and then watch the Senators in their loss. Old Hookey on the pumps going well before retiring to ready ourselves for the bonfire party. Some made it, some fell asleep, missed the fireworks but made it for the late warm down.
Sunday, well
Sunday I thought we were watching the Falcons. All that fast, flowing hockey
that was overwhelming the opposition. In your dreams I hear you say. Well I
wasn’t dreaming. We were watching our First’s get a lesson from
Never mind, next
Hawks cup match – Sunday 1st December, Falcons first ever home draw
in cup against someone, can’t remember who Come and watch our version of
Once upon a time a trip to play hockey at
Those days have now gone. We (us and them) now manage to all arrive at the same time. In our case JAR and RTRG had been putting in some additional training at the dartboard no Thursday night. This had come about as a result of JARs ex boss, boss's boss and a couple of others taking up the invitation for an “Oxford Cultural visit”. On this occasion the Cultural aspect was satisfied by IPA at the Bear & Ragged, Old Hookey at the Eight Bells, Ruddles Best at the Blue Boar and copious Hook Norton to wash down the food at TWH. Here they were introduced to the technicalities of the dart game known as “Halve It” which is where RTRG joined in. I am not sure they ever really mastered it, and even more sure that nobody really cared. The taxi got us safely home in the early hours.
Fridays training
was a steady affair even though we had a late start on Saturday. Just as well
as I was awakened around
Roche, Blommers and Bailey going direct, everyone else here (even STE) except Cole. Can’t wait any longer have to set off. Whilst “flying” up the hill towards Nuffield in RTRG Swedish job we caught a brief glimpse of this cloth cap behind a steering wheel, so now we are eleven plus umpire. Odd shaped side comprising:
RTRG
Mike Humph
Blommers Sobes Kylie
CCC (Cloth Cap Cole) Paddy STE Nick JAR
We made a number of tactical blunders with regard to this fixture. Main two were:
-
We should have turned up at
- We shouldn’t have scored first.
As a result, after a clean sheet last time out, RTRG conceded one or two more than the forwards scored.
However, the
beer in the bar was excellent, their chicken and chips plentiful, the ambience
in the pub at Nuffield where we stopped on the way home was good and the
arrangements for next week look promising! Yes folks, prepare yourselves for a
Falcons Report – week ending
A
So, after a
promising start the momentum was maintained with some light training on Tuesday
and Thursday followed by a bit of a serious job on Friday: more of that “Halve
It” darts that never seems to end until
An unfamiliar line up for us:
RTRG
Mighty Mike Sobes
DC Doc JAB Angers JAR
They started brightly and it wasn’t long before they scored. Things were looking bleak! Not helped by the fact that JAR had obviously overdone the training and was now doing his impression of Skippy The Kangaroo up front, although some said he was more like a goalpost. Basically he wasn’t moving much and only came out of the twenty five to change ends and go for a shower. However this appeared to suitably disconcert the oppo. as they stopped scoring and allowed us to get a couple before half time – both scored by our centre forward who then did his best to stay out of their twenty five all second half: JAB, Jug Avoidance Bailey!
Back in the bar their beer was going down well as was ours (they mostly drank lager so we drank our jug and theirs). They provided plentiful sausage beans and chips and made a big thing of awarding some silly hat, a small stick and a big turd to members of their team. Wonder what they do when they win? Actually, they should know as this was only their third loss of the season.
So, not all too soon, it was back to retrieve our left over cars at TWH and it wasn’t long before all the wimps has departed with various weak excuses: got a dinner party, my wife expects……..and weakest of all “I am due at Southmoor Folk Club”!
Sunday highlight was a fine win by the “1’s”
against
December
1st:
the
big one
“DOUBLE
SUNDAY”
Yes, folks, it is the big date in the
Hawks first home game ever in the Veterans Cup (over
50’s) and the Hawks 1st team playing the league leaders at home all on the same day.
What a day to come along and support the Club both on the pitch and in the bar. Watch Hawks ancient and modern all on the same day. We would enjoy your company and support and enjoy drinking with you in the bar.
Brian – stock up on the Hookey, we could need it, lets hope we deserve it.
For the
technically minded the Vets start at
The first team
game at
That leaves you with time for lunch in between – perfect.
Saturday was not looking good. Friday night in the Bear & Ragged Arse had been a pretty steady affair on the Old Hooky and Saturday morning was looking distinctly drab. However, as I parked the car at Binsey in order to walk the dog along the Treacle Mines the sun came out and it was glorious.
Same could not
be said at
Our side was, clearly, severely ravaged by injury: witness the "goalpost" skipping up and down the touch line in his watching gear (the things some people will do just to get a plate of chilli and a go at the jug). The actual line up was:
RTRG
MM Sobes
JPAR The Doc Blommers
DC
Their line up was a triumph of ancient over modern capped by Sid Denton at the splendid age of 69 at full back.
An enjoyable, open game resulted in our "secret weapon" coming up trumps. This being MoD who managed to lull the Oppo into a false sense of security by giving the impression that he had not played hockey for about 35 years and then scoring a goal late on. In fact it was just like having JAR out there! In addition a goal from JAB and a short corner cracker from Sobes were just sufficient to match their three scored via their more flowing hockey.
Jan's excellent chilli and more Old Hooky produced a convivial atmosphere afterwards despite the Welsh demise on the rugby pitch. Meantime our 1's were earning a good draw in far away Formby and we now start looking forward and mentally preparing for our big weak end culminating in "DOUBLE SUNDAY".
Henner's organisation is aimed at confusing the opposition (who ever they are, and we haven't been told by him yet). This should be working as it is certainly confusing us. We do have a match on Saturday which PJ is organising and then it is on to "Double Sunday".
We
now anticipate playing at St Edwards, match commencing at
This leaves our
home pitch free for the juniors and means our meeting at NOSC at
So,
all you eager supporters:
Sunday
1st December - Double Sunday,
Hawks
ancient and modern,
is
it as good as it reads?
Will
Henners appear?
Will
JAR The Goalpost move?
Will
Sobes be on his knees?
Will
JPAR give a first time pass?
Will
Ellio?
Will?
Seeing
is believing.
Old
Hookey in the bar
warm
down in the bar
followed by the monthly
meeting of ATS (Adastral Training Squad) in the Dog House at Frilford (yep -
another weekend when JAR ends up in it!).
Falcons File Update - Week Ending
Yep, the BWE (Big Week End) was nigh. Training had been rigorous, well by some, eh RTRG. TWH Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights ensured that there would not be a sudden build up at the weekend. B & RA was very quiet for a Friday night:
"but you
still managed to stay out until
was the comment from TDHA (The Director of Home Affairs).
Early start to
Saturday with the dog to be walked before reporting to BRN for an
Starting line up was:
RTRG
MM Robbo
Blommers STE Humph
DC PC JAB A Rope SIDNGIT (Someone I Did Not Get Introduced To)
We started off playing our normal game, predominantly down the right, which was good 'cos the left was looking as though I might find it difficult regaining my place! Their "robust" CF recognised the problem and exhorted his squad to be more direct and not to "fanny around like them". He declined the polite enquiry as to how one spelt "fanny" (but his nickname was assured from that point on!). His defence took the hint and in executing a clearance did their best to execute PC who was whisked away to the JR by JAR doing his best De-Da impression and hoping that DC wouldn't drip blood onto the leather upholstery.
Having abandoned PC at A&E and returned to BRN information about the match was somewhat confusing. One umpire reckoned it had been a 3-1 win, the other 4-1. 4-1 was accepted by the oppo. and so is recorded for posteriority. JAB got his quota - 2 - I am told. The highlight of the match, apart from the goals which we never mention was RTRG being attacked and ending up "f...ing a Fanny" - more than once I am told! B Buccs appreciated the chilli and the Hooky and then it was the usual "hard core" left to contemplate the remainder of the day.
And then he appeared, not that we had missed him, and we certainly hadn't saved him any chilli. No, you are wrong, it wasn't PC whom had been last heard of destined for stitches (7) and a session with an x-ray machine. No, it was RTRG, not satisfied with "f...ing a Fanny" in the first match had decided to stay on and fanny around with the ladies in the hope of keeping his second clean sheet of the season. Not his day:
no chilli
no jug
floored by a Fanny
no clean sheet
shame.
And before you
knew it, it was Sunday dawning wet and horrible. Could this be a bad omen. What
was in store from this mystery team from
Our line up initially was:
RTRG
Clarkie Robbo
STE Sobes RA
Henn JPAR JAB Kylie JAR
Team instructions were to keep it tight and play it down the right (what a surprise). We did and we did and they scored, so we did it some more and were profligate, scored and scored again. Soon after half time, and still not having received a pass, it was deemed safe to take JAR off and replace him with Cookie and we scored some more.
Back at BRN there was steam coming out of the kitchen closely followed by an excellent pork and apricot with pots or rice, treacle tart or apple pie with custard or cream, washed down by wine and Old Hooky. Yep, we know how to win which is just as well as the "1s" weren't. And then, before you knew it, RTRG was off again for his final clean sheet attempt of the weekend with "A's". Given that he normally puts in at least twice the number of appearances at training as between the sticks it should be a good week of training ahead!
So we are in the
draw for the next round, but have until February to prepare, can we last the pace?
Meanwhile we are away to
For the numerate amongst you, the Falcons have:
played 13
won 8
drawn 2
lost 3
goals for 44
against 33.
Falcons File Update
No sooner had
the celebrations of our famous cup victory come to an end when we were off
again. This time it was the ATS (Adastral Training Squad) monthly meeting in
the Dog House Sunday night. Those with long memories might remember The Dog
House at Frilford as a pub with a comfortable lounge bar with sofas, arm chairs
and a roaring fire. 30 years on and it is not quite the same. The bar area is
rather like a hotel reception area with extra tables and chairs. Off to the
right is a "restaurant"/eating area whilst straight ahead, through an
openable partition, is a large function room. Out party of ten had been tabled
in the function room, safely removed from any form of life. Not so much a warm
down, more a let down. Nothing for it but to keep supping and let the
Wednesday nights
training was a joyous affair. I had the end of my project to celebrate. I first
got involved in this project in July when I received a phone call/interview
regarding the need for a project manager to take over from the incumbent who
was going to be "retired" from the role. No one had yet told him that
but, if I was interested, I could hot foot it up to
I should have
recognised the signs! By the time I got to
But on Wednesday
it ended, we finished the project, and I could celebrate my release. So I did,
and again on Friday. In fact very much so on Friday! All appeared OK when I got
up Saturday morning and got ready to go shopping with
Too late. There are my trousers neatly folded and placed across the chair in the hall with hanky, loose change and wallet carefully placed on the table by the phone on which herself is talking. Oooops. Nonchalantly pick them up, put them away and carry on. Load up the old washing machine and off to the tip, then into town to select lamp shades and cushions for the newly decorated lounge. What a waste of time, can't make a decision. But at the first show of impatience the whereabouts of my trousers get a mention. Saw that one coming!
Meantime the
flock of Falcons are in
Falcons File Update
Never mind the
matches, make sure you concentrate on the training. Well, when the "wheels
have dropped off" metaphorically speaking there is not much left but to
train. And so we do. Saturday night at TWH had to be a bit of a circumspect
affair following the trouser incident of the night before, but Sunday was a
good one. TWH were host to live music in the form of a band known as
"Scooby Don't" who play cover music from the 70's, 80's and 90's.
Most of you will be familiar with the "ugly bus phenomenon"
experienced on a night on the beer: after 5 or six pints one looks around and
discovers that the ugly bus has collected them all and taken them all away,
leaving only the good looking women behind! So it was with Scooby Don't, I
suspect. Come the end of the night they sounded superb and the place was
rocking. Unfortunately my companion was under orders and we left them in full
blast around
Tuesday was the
evening to wish bon voyage to Nick and Sheila Harris (he of MCS, motor cycle
Grand Prix and Radio Oxford/Oxford United commentary fame, Sheila may be
remembered from her hockey days) who are off to
Thus it was that Wednesday and Thursday nights found me drinking shandy in TWH just to keep the fluids up and then on Friday it was off to Torquay for a breath of sea air. A nice double aspect room looking out to sea at the Belgrave Hotel, a bracing walk around the old fort above Brixham in a gale on Saturday morning, a splendid meal in some remote pub found through The Good Pub Guide Saturday night, followed by walking along shore and sand dunes at Dawlish Warren Sunday. Once again the GPG provided an excellent venue for lunch beside a harbour and for our evening meal in a village outside Newton Abbott. Even managed to fit in some Christmas shopping as well. And I thought playing for the Falcons was tiring and expensive. Still, better than playing in goal which could have been my fate if I had been at home with RTRG playing dead.
Rumour has it
that a team was put out to face our old foe: the Pitts from
Editors note: formal match reports for last two weeks
may be entered here:................................................
So, having got that over with we now have to build ourselves up for another busy weekend when the 3A's will be aiming to floor the Falcons on Saturday, and Brians Boozers will be aiming to down everybody and everything on Sunday.
Sunday promises to be both a sad and special day with Brians' retirement. The end of an era. No more Mr Positive behind the bar:
"We're doomed"
"We're destined for the drop"
"Can't see us escaping this year"
He has always looked after us splendidly and done his very best to ensure that we do not go thirsty and have something half decent to warm down on. The hours put in and the effort on behalf of the Club (and not simply looking after the bar) have probably gone unnoticed by some but are going to be noticed by all with his departure. Brian's contribution to Oxford Hawks has been immense and The Falcons wish him a happy retirement. We look forward to sharing a beer with you at the weekend Brian.
Falcons File Update - Xmas Special
It was back on
Sunday 8th when a very early start was demanded by Mr Shifter who
had been commissioned for moving our iron framed piano. It was to be removed
from our morning room to our daughters house in
Following my
weekend away in Torquay (13-16/12) I was interested to learn that RTRG (Ricardo
The Recumbent Goalkeeper) had excelled himself and been recumbent for a whole
weekend - no word on whether he kept a clean sheet. After an idle weekend, an
early training session at TWH was necessary to get things going once again. I
discovered that the West Berks Brewery have produced some excellent material at
4.6 on the Richter scale (can't remember the technical name) that was having a
serious impact on the locals. I made a
tactical withdrawal around
So far so good;
Wednesday and Thursday mornings had dawned bright and frosty which make for
good dog walking down by the river at
Sunday dawned
and an early dog walk preceded my appearance at BRN.
Sunday night
warm down was a quiet affair in TWH, Mondays session was a warm up and then it
was Christmas Eve. Son and partner arrived tea time and an early departure was
planned for TWH followed by CCC and then the B&RA. Good intentions were
soon abandoned and we all went direct to CCC (Cumnor Cricket Club) and there we
stayed until
Cricket on
Boxing Day, sounds as stupid as hockey at
And that's another Christmas over with, we now need to start the training for the New Year!
2003 - Falcons Up & Running !!??
During Christmas
and the New Year period it is very easy to forget which day of the week is
which. Regular training was religiously maintained through regular visits to
TWH (The White Hart - Fyfield) topped up by keeping in touch with the B&RA
(Bear & Ragged Staff/Arse - Cumnor). Our
Sunday lunch time drinks "do" (expect nibbles, don't expect
lunch) came and went and, before we knew it News Years Eve was upon us. Some
planning had gone into it this year resulting in a table for four being
reserved at TWH for a sit down 3 courser plus coffee & mints accompanied by
a disco. We had an excellent front row gallery table providing good viewing of
the dancers below and ready access to the bar. Food was brilliant and, all too
soon it was time for the taxi to take us away -
We were not the
last to leave! Somewhere around
Those of us who left at a sensible (boring) hour were, as a result, up with the lark and awaiting a call from RTRG to confirm that we would take our dogs for a joint walk. The weather was not precipitating as forecast and an excellent stroll around Cumnor Hirst was enjoyed by all. Ann pronounced herself unfit for lunch at the B&RA leaving RTRG, Pat and myself to enjoy a few drinks and share a platter. At this stage things were looking gloomy for the weekend as the 3A's were, once again, fleeing from a flattening by the Falcons by forecasting a failure to fulfil their fixture ( count the "f's" in 3A's).
However 24 hours
later things were looking brighter as the Senators were also looking for some
exercise. A speedily arranged limbering up was arranged at TWH Friday night in
order to ensure a good build up for our 11:30 rendezvous Saturday.
It is very good to report that The Pope was seen staggering around with something long and firm in his hand before our Saturday Senators match. Close inspection by the paedophile police confirmed that he was wielding a weapon borrowed from JAR , the first time he had hit a hockey ball in months. Planning has now commenced for his comeback to hockey. He acknowledges he will need to "feel" his way back and take things gently. Expect to see him soon, therefore, on the left wing in a side with Henners at right wing and JPAR at right inner. For a left wing there is nothing gentler!
And now the festivities have concluded. Normality returns as do Epsom on Saturday. The serious stuff of 2003 is about to get under way and we need to get back to taking the training and playing seriously as we head for our next opponents in the cup - Eastcote, the holders, away. A good one to win.
Falcons File Update - Week End
For dog walkers the cold weather has proved excellent. Nice, crisp frosty mornings with the sun gradually rising into the sky. Nothing better than a late morning walk in these conditions. Pretty abstemious week up until Wednesday when the obligatory quality check of TWH Hook Norton was necessary. TWH and its environs has still to fully recover from the tumultuous events of the New Year. ITL (Ian The Landlord) is looking distinctly the worse for wear most of the time, much to the annoyance of Dobbin/Robin, Director of Operations. The food and the beer are still excellent, so if you can hit upon an ITL free night you will have a good evening.
RTRG spurned our
company at the B&RA on Friday in favour of TWH. By this time, of course, we
were aware that the weather had put paid to our return fixture with Epsom
(remember their delightful goalkeeper!?!) and had also put paid to Oxford
United home game. TV Police also appeared to have got wind of our
"distribution" around the area and were mounting a special watch to
ensure our safe return. Whilst one of us was spotted on the return, the other
was missed resulting in TVP upping their surveillance with the inclusion of the helicopter around
Fyfield at
So, my sporting
Saturday had been weathered off and the
On Monday the man arrives to commence re-decorating the hall, landing and stairs. So we need to choose a colour. Not only that but some bright spark suggested that one wall, the one that runs up the side of the stairs, should be a "contrasting" colour. That means not one, but two colour decisions have to be made. Much pouring over a multitude of colour charts preceded the appearance of a stripy look to the wall up the stairs as it was covered with some 15 to 20 samplers. Decison came down to a basic one first of all:
- what yellow based colour goes with the carpet
followed by the secondary decision:
- what contrast colour goes with the yellow and the carpet.
It aint easy! Well it is until someone else has to agree. The decision has still to be made and more samplers are being tried as we go to press.
Meantime The Pope is employing the "Horace Batchelor Infradraw" method of selection for the away game against Amersham this coming Saturday. Not met Amersham so far this season so lets hope that nothing gets in the way of our match. It would be nice to be able to write a proper match report this time next week (which could be a world 1st for this column!).
Watch this space.
Falcons File Update - Week End
It is now several years since I took delivery of my Freelander from that renowned stable of off-roaders: Land Rover. Despite its dirty appearance we have not previously been properly off-road. We have taken the humps along NOSC at speed and we have splashed vigorously through NOSC car park puddles. But this week we made it for the first time: off road.
I had detected a week or so ago some high revving of the engine that was unmatched by increase of speed when giving it some whelly. Thus it was that it was presented to the experts for their considered opinion. and that's how we ended up off road - VOR - Vehicle Off Road! The part needed to repair the clutch was out of stock and, therefore, a VOR order was raised and the part duly delivered and fitted next day. Very efficient.
Whilst all this was going on I was getting used to what life in retirement might be like, stuck at home with no transport. Dog walking became an even more elongated affair and nearly every word in the newspaper got read. Trouble was this was not advancing the cause of colour purchasing for the hall, landing and stairs. We have progressed, though. A second coat of sampler on a number of colours has meant that agreement has now been reached on what we are not going to choose. Final choice of main colour for most walls has been made. Choice of contrast colour pending!
Mid week
training on Wednesday was threatening to be a lonely affair until RTRG turned
up at
- Friday - Rogan needs to purchase contrast paint: Pat part exchanges her car for a "flying banana": Rogan decides whether training is at B&RA or TWH. Start planning for Sundays birthday party.
- Sat - we have a match (we hope) at Amersham in the afternoon: Rogan needs to return in time to attend Southmoor Folk Club with Pat. Need to complete plans for Sundays birthday party.
- Sun - dog walking, lunch, sport watching, training and a BIRTHDAY PARTY - whooppee.
-
Prior to deciding where training should be on Friday RTRG and I decided to do some arm and back bending exercises in CCC - Cumnor Cricket Club. Long time since I played pool which showed in the results. TWH was selected for Friday but proved relatively uneventful.
Saturday dawned and we had a hockey match with real opposition. Amersham, otherwise known as Chalfont whom we beat in the 1st round of the Cup this year. RTRG was enjoying his start to the day: he had gone to a cash point for money, forgotten his PIN but got a parking ticket. His day was not about to improve!
We put out a very forward looking team (count the wingers: 4 or 5) comprising:
RTRG
Sobes Robbo
Henners Ellio Blommers
DC
and proceeded to avoid scoring goals a plenty. Their keeper eventually obliged in raising his foot and letting a soft one in at the near post. Apart from that he played well and we ended up coming from behind to win 4-3. RTRG did not appear to be entirely comfortable with his new spectacles as they only seemed to focus clearly on the ball once it was behind him. He eventually dispensed with them altogether and continued to threaten to make a save. Perhaps he did better in the mixed on Sunday.
Their Youngs
bitter went down well. The Pope impressed with his keen knowledge and interest
in Vets hockey by asking if they had entered the Vintage Cup this year and was
(tactfully!) informed that we had conclusively done for them. We departed and
managed to find the right route home this time, thus avoiding Aylesbury and
Bicester. RTRG attempted to get us into the Leather Bottle at Lewknor, which
proved yet another miss-timed endeavour (well, it was only
Back in the Clubhouse the usual crowd could be found around the bar eager to hear how we had got on. Those that could remember filled them in and we polished off the remaining Hookey before gradually making our various ways home.
Southmoor Folk Club?
Birthday Party?
Watch this space.
F Up:
Southmoor Folk Club is a popular winter monthly event in that village. Those in their forties and fifties represent the youth element of the evenings attendees and you can't always be sure what you will encounter in terms of "folk". Acts have varied from the known (e.g. Fred Wedlock, Richard Digence) to the relatively unknown who I cannot remember. Last Saturday was billed as "The Last Straw and Guest". Last Straw are the resident band led by the man who has been organising these monthly events for the last 20 years or so. They are tolerated because they go with the territory. The news that we were to be subjected to them for the first hour last week was not greeted with much enthusiasm, especially as "the guest" who would be doing the second half was still a secret. However our tolerance was rewarded. The guest artist turned out to be a couple of accomplished performers from Jarrow who had obviously been around for some considerable time. During their hour and a half performance we probably heard them perform four songs but we laughed to an awful lot of their stories:
I was ambling around this park in
Of course I had to ask:
"Gents, I have watched you working and noticed that one of you digs a whole around 3 feet by 2 feet and then the other of you comes along and fills it up. What is going on?"
"Ah well," comes the reply "there are normally three of us, but Mick is on holiday this week and he is the one that puts the trees in the hole!"
I am about to
start marketing this new laptop computer called a "
Yes, Saturday night at Southmoor Folk Club was a success as was the birthday party on Sunday. Sunday 19th January features large in my personal calendar as 2003 marks the first anniversary of my erection. Yes folks, it has now been up for 12 months during which time it has been warm, wet, cold, but not (quite) blown away. It has been well used throughout the 12 months and much admired by passers by following the foot path around the back of our garden from where they can admire this remarkable feature. For Christmas we illuminated it with fairy lights and had Father Christmas on guard to prevent any abuse. Now it is January it is standing unadorned but proud that it has survived 12 months and looking forward to a continuing outstanding future.
Enough of all
this stuff, it is time to turn our attention to hockey. At the Adastral match
last Sunday not only did RTRG feature but there was also an appearance by
HTPHP. Formerly know as HTPFKA (Huggy The Player Formerly Known As which
replaced the rather tendentious reference to Roundabouts) was reported as
featuring for Adastral between appearances at the Kassam. The Falcons have
The late start on Saturday left ample time for a leisurely breakfast, stroll with the dog by the river, fish and chips for lunch before preparing for departure to NOSC. As forecast we had a sizeable squad in order that we could operate some subs and get The Pope back onto the park. Good plan but The Pope is suffering from some new ailment and decided to stick with the Zimmer Frame and the whistle for the time being. This left us with:
RTRG
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers Sobes Robbie
Henners PC DC Ellio JAR
with Humph starting on the bench.
In the interest of "honest reporting" (as requested by someone as a critique of last weeks report) I will mention some aspects of the game:
- no clean sheet for RTRG
-
no clean sheet for FTC (Felix
The Cat) guesting for
- Henners went "on safari" in first half
- a beautiful pass from Ellio was skilfully converted by JAR
- JAR made way for Humph
- Ellio and Sobes switched positions to the benefit of the inside left role
- a lovely flowing move culminated in an excellent centre from DC being, yet again, skilfully converted by JAR
- DC scored.
Sunday saw me walking the dog whilst Pat prepared lunch for the rest of the family to celebrate Ben's birthday. As it was a planned late lunch there was sufficient time to watch the 1st Teams last home game for a month at NOSC. The "1's" were eight in table and facing Hounslow (including middle son from the Slay dynasty) who were 3rd. Overall there was not much to choose between them with both sides enjoying periods of having the upper hand. However, despite some fine saves from Phil they converted a couple of their chances, we didn't.
It was good to see Brian at the side of the pitch supporting and sorry to see Mike Meredith departing on a losing note.
Brian - we are not doomed yet.
Careful planning
required this week folks. We have a match before breakfast next Saturday (
F Up:
We had the 10
o-clock slot on Saturday. Thank you, who ever does the allocation, for this
timing so sympathetic to our opposition who have to for go their breakfast if
they are to make it in time. Mindful of this planned early start we were taking
it steady this week. Very light training on Sunday at TWH followed by equally
light session at CCC on Wednesday whilst taking in the footie on the box. News
then came through the grape vine (E-mail, actually) that
However all was
not lost. A match between our Vintage (over 50's) side and the Under 16's was
on the cards for 11:30 Sunday as a warm up to our next cup game, so we still
had something to look forward to. Meantime we could get stuck into the training
which we did with the PMI Amsterdam Chapter Meeting on Thursday, arranged to
agree the Agenda for the AGM in April. This Thursdays meeting followed a fluid
format covering the Bear & Ragged Arse, Eight Bells, The Pig and
culminating in supper at The White Hart. Having comprehensively beaten the
staff at darts the taxi arrived at
Early
arrangements were made on Saturday for dog walking to be followed by some rugby
watching on the tube to be followed by live hockey in the form of the Senators
versus Barnes at
Youth and enthusiasm! Seems there are some ringers in evidence, one of whom we confiscated and put into centre half on our behalf. But that still left Clarkie (A) and Mottie considerably increasing the U16's average age. We, meantime, were featuring a dazzling RHS to our line up. Dazzling until a strain meant one of those reflecting the sun off their head had to retire but were replaced by an equivalent. This gave us the following line up:
FTC
Clarkie (R) Robbie
PJ Chris Humph
DC Henn guest Sobes JAR
JPAR umpiring
So, hockey twitchers, have you spotted it?
That rarity.
Never before seen this season.
Is it migratory?
Will it survive?
Very good to see too. Not only did he not pull something, but he was also still there at the end with those familiar chopping tackles. And he was not flat on his back later that night as a result. Who knows what Monday morning might bring tho'!
Yes, hockey twitchers, that rare site you missed on Sunday was PJ - The Pope making his come back. What good news for lovers of hockey but not so good news for those who dislike umpiring. We may have lost our umpire!
What of the match? Well, we weren't going to score in a month of..........they did, more than once. Bar was closed, enough said.
We have big
trouble in prospect next week:
Read next weeks report and you might learn how we got on, or you might not! It depends.
F Up: 8th &
It is a good time for "twitchers" at the moment. Last week saw the first appearance of PJ, last seen in April 2002. This weekend saw a rare appearance by a phenomenon that has only appeared once before this season. This was way back in October - 27th - and our first round Vintage Cup match: a clean sheet.
However, lets
not get too involved in the hockey. The week got off to an excellent start with
a meal at The 8 Bells, Eaton. The 8 Bells has long had a good cellar and, under
the now departing management, served excellent food in a convivial fashion.
Tuesday night was no exception. The food was excellent, the Hook Norton slipped
down well and RTRG, JAR,
The
RTRG
Mighty PJ
Blommers Sobes Humph
Henn Gropes Huggy OW PC
with JAR & Robbie featuring in the second half.
Notable instances from the match included;
- the umpires inability to spot a stop a stick stop that was behind the line.
-
the umpires ability to
recognise Henns two dummy centres from the
wing as intimidation.
-
the umpires lack of sympathy
with Henns opinion having explained his decision regarding intimidation.
-
the umpires sending off of Henn
for intimidation (of oppo player or of umpire remains unclear).
- the general view of the rest of us that that was the best decision of the match to date (ho ho).
- Henns decision to re-introduce himself after half time without prompting from the umpires.
-
OW (Mark Crampton Smith: MCS,
- PJ's now high opinion of OW having heard what he called the umpire.
- Henn goes "walkabout" to the extent of featuring behind Sobes who was playing centre half (was this to get away from his friend the umpire?). Their centre forward suggested we might need to send out a search party for Henn.
- our two goals
- RTRG clean sheet
A particularly powerful offering from Jan was much appreciated by all who partook and was well washed down by a few pints of Jimmy Riddles before it was off home to entertain guests before an early night in preparation for Sunday.
Anxious faces awaited the arrival of squad members at Cutteslowe Sunday morning. Medical reports were being earnestly sought from the assemblage in order to determine whether we had a quorum fit for purpose. The opposition were Eastcote, reputed to be the cup holders and riddled with ringers. We were just riddled, or is it raddled? In the event neither of these Eastcote reputations were true. They were the runners up last year and, whilst featuring players who had played for other clubs in previous years, were not riddled with ringers.
Meanwhile
Henners Hobblers wrestled with their organisation. This was not helped by being
lulled into a false sense of security from the moment we arrived at Eastcote.
We were kindly offered a cup of tea which was universally accepted. We were
then led to believe that the start had been put back by half an hour to two
o-clock so we settled down to watch the Manchester derby on tele' whilst
enjoying our tea. No tea arrived, United scored and then we were informed that
it was a
Eventually we sorted ourselves out to the extent of agreeing to line up initially as follows:
RTRG
PJ Hughbie
Clarkie Sobes RA
Henn JPAR
PC
One of the nice things for we players who have never reached the exulted heights of representative hockey (if you ignore mixed county) is to listen, take advice and follow the instructions of ones senior "professionals". So it is on occasions like this. So we listen intently, take note and do our best to follow instructions. Trouble is some of our "senior professionals" are getting senior in more ways than one. Indeed many of us have witnessed the failing eyesight of our erstwhile umpire throughout the season. Despite this we still listen intently and try not to let them down.
Thus it was that RTRG dutifully lifted his left foot to allow the ball to pass underneath in response to a firm cry of "leave it" from our senior professional whose keen eyesight had observed that the deflection from their centre forward was made outside the circle. One nil to them then.
They were defending well, and it was not until the second half that we equalised. Unfortunately they got two more before, ten minutes from the end, we got our second. Despite concerted pressure from our hobblers we were not good enough and our cup run is now over for another year.
However, we must
be positive and look forward. And we need look no further than a considerable
challenge next Saturday -
Judging by the growing list of ailments a spot of training on Saturday will do our players a power of good. So let's convert the ail into ale. Closing date for entries to our meal at TWH is Thursday 13th, so if you and your partner wish to be included ring Rogan on 07768 153274.
-
Anoraks note: won 12, drawn 2,
lost 5, scored 59 conceded 44, 2 clean
sheets!
Sunday nights training and, indeed,
all day Monday was a gloomy affair. This was due to disappointment over our cup
defeat knowing that, with a bit more luck and a bit more fitness we could have
won the match. Gradually we worked our way out of the doldrums and were keenly
anticipating putting the Aussies in their place on Wednesday night. The 1st
half was just too much to bear and I had to retire to Cumnor Cricket Club in
order that their beer could alleviate the frustration. It helped. Some Hook
Norton on Thursday at TWH (had to go there to inform them of the likely numbers
for our Saturday night warm down) followed by Caledonian and IPA at B &RA
Friday completed the recuperation process. After dog walking and some sport
watching on Saturday we were assembling at TWH car park for our
It was about this time
that things took a turn for the worse. The weather, so sunny earlier, was now
turning distinctly gloomy and cold. Our numbers appeared to include about 14
right wingers and one full back and no one was absolutely sure that Sobes was
going to appear. He did, much to PJ's relief, and we eventually arranged
ourselves into the following formation:
RTRG
Mighty Blommers
Henn Sobes
Billers
DC JAB
PC MCS JAR
with PJ and the frozen pea
on the side line trying to umpire.
We made an immediate
tactical blunder by winning the toss, electing to push back and, in true
friendly match fashion, giving them the ball. Still it kept RTRG's back loose
in that he had to bend over to pick it out of the back of the net (and not for
the last time!). We did manage to equalise and all was going along reasonably
OK until an event which proved to be a critical turning point in the match - a
classic air shot from JAR.
Their youth policy was
definitely paying dividends until we made our superior fitness start to tell.
They were perfectly willing to acknowledge, back in the safety of their bar
(for those that got there!) that it was a good job the game did not have
another 30 minutes to go as we could well have overtaken them. As it was the
score was 6 - 3 with us having very much the upper hand at the end. Which is
presumably why they were not that keen to entertain us. We were invited to
"follow that car" which then proceeded to disappear into the night
around one of
An hour or so later and we caught up
with PJ and Henn at TWH. Henn was in major whinge mode over lack of food, but a
plate of chips shut him up just as the ladies started to arrive. Given the
location and start time for our match we had seized the opportunity for a
"team warm down" at TWH which was attended by some 15 players and
wives. Suffice it to say the beer, wine and food was consumed with gusto and it
was a very convivial affair that can only help to improve our overall
performance and fitness for future such fixtures.
It appears there was some fallout as a result of our extended warm down at TWH last Saturday night. Evidence of this is provided by PJ who was forced to "lash out" at the person he saw as "agent provocateur". The lashing out took the form of being expected to bring the oranges, but only telling the person nominated by e-mail to their business address after they had gone home for the weekend. So, were the Falcons without oranges on Saturday? No 'cos the person nominated dashed off to Sainsburys, bought some, cut them up in NOSC kitchen and still arrived at the pitch before Ellio. And what was the supposed major crime committed to warrant this punishment? Simply to remind Celia, PJ's wife, that her car may be a bit low on petrol as himself had not actually stopped anywhere to fill it up when using it to get to Swindon for the match. Seems the petrol needle was in the orange!
Preparations for
the coming weekend followed their usual predictable pattern with training at
TWH on Sunday and Thursday evenings but augmented by an excellent Indian at
Grove on Tuesday. RTRG informed us that he was going to the pictures Friday
night but would join us afterwards at the B & RA. Not wanting to let him
down, we waited and waited. Eventually we decided that, perhaps, he wasn't
going to make it so took our leave of the bar circa
So it was off to
NOSC, Sainsburys, NOSC for a
RTRG
Mighty Ellio
Henn Sobes Blommers
DC JAB PC Gropes JAR
At some point in time this degenerated into Ellio moving up to right half and Henn floating around in the rear. Henns floating rear certainly let rip on more than a couple of occasions to let the oppo know he was there, but their younger legs made the difference. Of the side we had beaten 2-1 in November probably only four were to be seen today. They acknowledged that they had struggled to fill their side which was why they had fielded young legs rather than cry off, a decision I would agree with. Mind you, we had our opportunities but found their (vet?) keeper in good form. JAB, mindful of the rugby internationals ahead, performed a clinical conversion in lofting the ball over a prostrate keeper and that was as close as it got. At least RTRG only picked the ball out of the net half as many times as the week before.
My planning of
warm down procedures had been rather scuppered early on. Mindful of the fact that there were two rugby
matches plus cricket on the box and
Sundays hockey story was, once again, a competition between old and young legs. The old legs of our Firsts versus the young legs of Bath Buccaneers. True our 1s do have some young legs but their average age, on this appearance, was no match for BBs. However experience has its value and the 1s did enough to win. The fact that they did not was down to a rather dubious stroke award and an unlucky finish (came out off far post) after a glorious dribble from the experienced Boots. 2 - 2. The 1s are good value and deserve our support.
RTRG was also featuring on Sunday for Adastral along with HTPFKA. RTRG is obviously haunted by the ghost of PJ (Eastcote - call of the century - leave it = 1:0 to them). He appeared to have two such calls on Sunday, albeit no one else heard or saw anything. But the result was the same! Ball underneath foot into net. I had seen enough and retired to the bar.
Season 2001/2002
had provided us with three memorable wins against our friends from
Thus, by the time we have ambled onto the pitch, knocked the odd ball at RTRG and awaited the arrival of Ellio, they are starting to look bored. And, up until this season, these tactics had worked well. Not so at the end of last September. They were there at St Edwards warming up 30 minutes before the start. Their umpire was checking the dimensions, we were nowhere to be seen. True they only scored one in the 1st half with both keepers playing well but they completely outplayed us in the second and ran out 3-0 winners.
Thus, after
three consecutive defeats, we were out for a win. Another
- light session at TWH Sunday
- light session at TWH Wednesday
- session at CCC with some pool work as well Thursday
- special session arranged at TFWS (The Flowing Well, Sunningwell) on Friday in order to check state of JPAR's back and limber him up in the hope of his completing a full 70 minutes.
Then the wheels
fell off! Around
Never the less, despite this enormous set back, we persevered and decided to continue with the training. JAR telephoned JPAR to inform him that we were visiting his local at Sunningwell. Dominic answered the phone and said his father was out.
Rogan stated that he and Richard Wilsden were coming to train in the Roche's vicinity that evening and could he inform his father when he returned.
"Okay,"
said Dominic "Will you be training at
Having been reminded that it was Rogan he was talking to, the penny dropped and he was able to explain that his Father and Mother were already in the pub, but he would tell them on their return of our impending arrival.
However, knowing what a splendid fellow JPAR was, we phoned the pub and got them to pass on the message that "The Falcons Training Squad were on their way" confident in the knowledge that he would have the beers in by the time we arrived. So much for confidence, the Roches had done a runner and we had to buy our own beer after going all that way especially. JPAR did materialise eventually and proceeded to denigrate the goal keeping performance of RTRG much to the enjoyment of the Cumnor locals who are always so keen to show their support and admiration. Still, the beer was good (Morlands), the music acceptable, and the logistical arrangements excellent, so we might put in a repeat appearance. But will JPAR?
Saturday dawned
with clear blue skies, but there were two clouds on the horizon. One was the
lack of a hockey match to play in, the other was the fact that the
So the dog, now
recovered from his poorly paw, was given a good run around by the river at
Bablock Hythe at
Be sure you will hear all about it.
Oh, I had better say that the lamp shade looks very smart.
|
It is turning into a week of complaints from our readers. As you
can see from the E-mail below, I am receiving criticism (and not for the
first time) for my failure to report upon the Falcons hockey matches. This was from PJ: Another classic report Rogan.
Although I'm beginning to detect that it is moving towards being more of a
"Twitchers" report with greater mention of birds of the feathered variety
receiving closer reporting than any reference to the serious tactical
analysis of the game that your readers have come to expect. I now understand how the increasing
frequency of the "fresh air" when shooting can now be explained.
Looking skywards to spot the arrival of our feathered friends - Red Kites and
others !!!See you sat. PJ I am also accused of concentrating overly upon the training and
build up without appending any form of (Government) health warning. So, just to prove that we do play hockey, here is a
report that (nearly) solely concerns the match. Falcons
Match Report - an all time first! Twenty minutes before the match was due to start and
the "oppo" were out on the pitch doing short burst
sprints and generally looking organised. A couple of the
Falcons were leaning against the railings outside the NOSC changing rooms
watching in wonderment. Ten minutes later and things were looking good from a Falcons
perspective. Henners, Blommers and PC were engaged in some
friendly interplay involving a hockey ball. Robbo was
thundering balls past RTRG's ears. The Pope was attempting to remember
who else was supposed to be turning up. JAR was, by now, giving RTRG
some respite by practising his flicks allowing RTRG to prop up left
hand post without fear of having to move to make a save. Sobes had now bowled
into sight along with JPAR fresh out of traction. The oppo had given up practising short corners and were
beginning to look somewhat bored. Sobes decided it was time for a
team talk and reminded us that, whilst they would be keen
and useful, all we had to do was keep it tight, play the ball around
and to our men and we could win. At some point during these
proceedings Ellio decided to put in an appearance and
it looked like we now had a quorum, or eleven. RTRG (Richard Wilsden – Ricardo The Recumbent Goelkeeper) Mighty (Mike Kentfield) Robbo (Dave Robson) Blommers (Dave Blomley) Sobes (Ian Sobey) Humph (Humphrey
Battcock) Henners (Tony Henman) JPAR (Paddy Roche) Ellio (John
Elliot) JAB (Nick Bailey – Jug Avoidance Bailey)) JAR (Rogan
Meadows – Jug Avoidance Rogues) PJ/The Pope (Peter Wilson) on the whistle The oppo were lined up so we meandered off to remove our sweatshirts,
track suit bottoms etc. Given it was our push back they could wait. Good
tactics! Our push back and, after a certain amount of indecision, it
was decided who was centre forward. We pushed
back, or off as is our won't. Given the nature of our
matches we always start by playing the gentleman and "push back" by
giving the ball to the opposition. Well, we had kept them waiting. Good
tactic. We passed to them, they passed to them, RTRG bends his back to pick
the ball out of the goal. Well, at least two of us had now touched the ball. We do learn by our mistakes. We pushed off again. But
this time the ball was pushed back to Sobes. Sobes played it
right to Blommers who collected it and neatly rounded his opponent and
completed the move by attempting to pass to his inside right with
the cry of "sorry" as he miss hit his pass. However
their attempted break down the left
was halted by a Mighty interception and clearance to JPAR. JPAR collected the ball, made to play it left, pulled it back to
the right and passed to Blommers. Blommers
passed to Henn who beat his man three times before passing
to JPAR who feinted left and passed back to Sobes. Sobes
played it right to Blomm who found Henn who skinned his man, pulled the
ball back, skinned him again, reached the corner flag so played it back
to Blomm. Blomm played it to JPAR who did a quick first time to Henn who,
having reached the goal line was forced to retreat, play it back
to Blomm who played it to JPAR who passed wide to
Henn. Ellio had, by this time, flattened their left back and was
disconcerting their keeper by standing on his feet. JAB was running
around in circles squawking for the ball and JAR was quietly
parked up in the dugout in the confident knowledge that the ball
would not come his way. Hardman Henman (ref. headline in Daily Telegraph We all vote this "best oppo umpiring decision to
date". However, this same umpire then lets himself down in the eyes
of OW. Upon having a perfectly executed goal disallowed. he
expresses the opinion that the umpire is a
something beginning with "C", and it wasn't a
Cutie! Luckily the umpires hearing is
as good as his eyesight. However this display of
feeling so impresses PJ that he vows that he will, after all, select OW
more often in future. The half time team talk was a sober affair. We were
reminded that hopeful diagonal balls do not work and
we should keep it tight. So we did, they intercepted, played
a quick ball right, Robbie ran a good fifty yards to miss
his tackle, the ball was played back by their right
wing to their right half. He hit a
diagonal to the top of the circle where it was
deflected by their centre forward from the edge of the D. A cry
of "leave it" emanated from The Pope who was umpiring up the other
end. This resulted in RTRG doing his stork impression to allow the ball into
the goal. We pushed off again. The ball was pushed back to
Sobes. Sobes played it right to Blommers who
collected it and neatly rounded his opponent and completed
the move by passing to his inside right with the cry of
"sorry" as he miss hit his pass. However their
attempted break down the left was halted by a Mighty interception and
clearance to JPAR. JPAR collected the ball, made to play it left, pulled it back to
the right and passed to Blommers. Blommers
passed to Henn who beat his man three times before passing
to JPAR who feinted left and passed back to Sobes. Sobes
played it right to Blomm who found Henn who skinned his man, pulled the
ball back, skinned him again, reached the corner flag so played it back
to Blomm. Blomm played it to JPAR who did a quick first time to
Henn who, having reached the goal line was forced to retreat,
play it back to Blomm who played it to JPAR who passed wide to Henn. Henn centred! JAR, taken completely by surprise by this rarity, performed his famed
air shot. They had the hit in from their right. Their winger steamed off down the right oblivious to the fact
that Humph's reverse stick tackle had surgically removed the ball from his
stick. Humph played the ball down the left. JAR first timed a diagonal
to JAB. JAB twizzled around a few times, went backwards, then lost the
ball. Sobes recovered, dribbled past
twenty three of their defenders before calmly drilling the back
board. They were rattled (the oppo, not the back board). They were questioning
The Pope regarding Mass: their Mass of attempted stick tackles failing
to halt the progress of our Mass - Sobes. The Pope was at
pains to fully explain the rules of the game to them, or, at
least , his version of the rules as observed over 126 years of hockey
and 60 internationals (or something like that). They pushed back to their centre half. His forward pass was
intercepted by JAB. JAB turned and, because he had been facing our goal, now
found himself heading in the right direction. He rounded one defender,
rounded another in the circle and flicked the ball into the roof of the net. From the push back they steamed forward. A
swift diagonal pass to their left followed by a quick centre saw
RTRG being "flattened by a fanny" and the ball
trickling into the net. There were more than two "F's"
in this event! We pushed off again. The ball was pushed back to
Sobes. Sobes played it right to Blommers who
collected it and neatly rounded his opponent and completed
the move by passing to his inside right with the cry of
"sorry" as he miss hit his pass. However their
attempted break down the left was halted by a Mighty interception and
clearance to JPAR. JPAR collected the ball, made to play it left, pulled it back to
the right and passed to Blommers. Blommers
passed to Henn who beat his man three times before passing
to JPAR who feinted left and passed back to Sobes. Sobes
played it right to Blomm who found Henn who skinned his man, pulled the
ball back, skinned him again, reached the corner flag so played it back
to Blomm. Blomm played it to JPAR who did a quick first time to
Henn who, having reached the goal line was forced to retreat,
play it back to Blomm who played it to JPAR who passed wide to Henn. Henn centred, JAR performed his famed air shot, they
had the hit in from the side line. Humph tackled and won the
ball, passed to JAR who played a quick diagonal to Ellio
who won a short'. Henn hit it out, Sobes buried it. They pushed
back, we won the ball, Ellio layed it off to JAB who
scored. They pushed back, we won the ball, Ellio
layed it off to JAB who headed back to the half way line
(he's on a jug!) before passing to his left so JAR could execute
another of his elegant air shots before recovering and hitting a
cross at knee height. Henn by this time had given up exhorting JAR to "get
back" and to "get up" and was to be found anywhere but
right wing. Sobes was doing an impression of an inside
forward rather than a centre half, which is where Ellio had now gone. The game ended as it should have started. Flowing hockey
from the Falcons resulted in:
Well, it is a dream! |
Match Report -
It is nice, after all the
guff of last week, to actually have a match to report upon. Our visitors this
week were Reading in what was rumoured to be our last league match of the
season. A major prize is on offer to anyone who can name all our other league
matches this season as they seem to have passed un-noticed. To my mind this
makes the league a success!
Whilst on the subject of
league hockey: congratulations to our "1's" who have secured their
National League future for another season as a result of their efforts over the
weekend. They provided the warm up act for our Saturday match when they played
3rd placed Havant at BRN. Once again it was a case of youth versus
experience and, to work a well known cliche - it was a game of two halves. All
youth in the 1st half when we failed to even win a corner. We did
produce one of the finest moves of the game which ended with a fierce shot
being stopped, mid body, by their keeper, but they were scoring goals. Second
half and we scored. All of a sudden, experience told and youth were getting
rattled. Although we scored again it ended up a 4-2 loss. However the trip to
Back to the Falcons.
After last weeks
disappointing Saturday, a day of good food and drink was enjoyed on Sunday. A
visit to daughter in
The ATS meeting had been scheduled
to take place at The Pig (a.k.a. The Blue Boar, Longworth). However a judicious
phone call elicited the information that our party of ten were to be placed in
the "middle room" owing to the presence of a party of fifty rugby
players in the main bar/restaurant area. The Blue Boar Sunday rugby team are
something of a legend. Thus a quick cancellation of our booking was executed in
favour of a table in the warm end of TWH for Sunday evening. The prospect of
more good food and a plentiful supply of excellent Hook Norton bitter was
scuppered by the
A quick audit on Wednesday
ascertained that the Hook Norton was up to scratch followed by an expedition to
the Waggon & Horses at Southmoor on Friday to celebrate a birthday.
Acceptable Morlands and food was followed by a swift exit and cautious entry to
the Bear & Ragged circa
A tricky weekend this one.
Lots of sport around meaning careful scheduling necessary to ensure optimum
performance. PJ's worst fears were not realised as we were very abstemious in
the period between end of 1st match and our turn on the Astro. We
(Mighty, JPAR, JAR) were too busy watching
As usual
RTRG
Mighty Ellio
DT(Doc Thompson) Sobes
Humph
PC JPAR
JAB OW JAR
on the park, Gropes on the
bench and The Pope on the whistle.
As usual we were good hosts
and allowed them to take the lead and ensure that RTRG kept his sheets dirty.
First pass of HBID resulted in Gropes replacing OW. No one else had any idea of
how HBID was to work after the first pass, I think we were supposed to make it
up as we went along. However all this concern proved unnecessary as JAB decided
to retire hurt with a bump on the knee. In addition we took the opportunity
afforded by half time to re-jig things moving Humph to fullback, Ellio to right
half and Gropes to centre forward and the rest making it up as they went along.
Good idea this 'cos Gropes had to buy a jug (and his brother was there to witness
it) and their keeper was their man of the match.
RTRG let one more in before
departing early to pack for his skiing holiday leaving a worried PJ wondering
if he would survive the piste and be fit for
The price for ensuring that
rugby and soccer on the box could feature on Sunday afternoon was a session in
our roof clearing out some of the junk stored there. This was followed by a
leisurely stroll by the river with the dog, with a brief stop to watch the
lambs gambolling. A strenuous p.m. of soccer, rugby, soccer mandated a trip to
TWH to recover from all this exercise and ensure car parking arrangements will
be in place for next week. There we (this being the "Royal we") were
joined by CeePee (CeePee, not Sleepy - Chris Protheroe manager of CCC bar). He
also appeared to be suffering from a surfeit of sport over the weekend and
stated that he was more than ready for his bed. I am not convinced this was
going to help him recover as it seemed to be more like an indication to his
blonde companion the intended direction of the evening.
A trip to Bath means a
Match Report -
The weekend
was over, the "match" report was posted and the complaints started
again:
"This e-mail should
not reach the ears of Mrs.JPAR!!!! Another v.amusing report Rogues. They
seem to be getting longer and more
amusing - soon to be published in the Oxford Mail!! HOWEVER - I do hope that your report of the
bowl of chilli missing out the middleman
and going straight into "the bowl" will not have any
repercussions from the "chilli
production manager" who might start downing tools in protest. If this were to happen Rogues you could find
yourself in front of the NOSC post match
bar committee with some serious questions to answer ...... and failure to answer could lead us to seeing if
George W could lend us a few of his
possibly spare Cruise Jobbies. Playing Falcons Hockey( or even umpiring
) would not be worth the
effort if there were no chilli for afters. On your head be it!! I shall await our next Home
match with great interest not to say
trepidation."
I don't know, one does one's best to be factual in the
reporting following complaints for not mentioning what happened, and one gets
more complaints! One did respond:
"Fair comment.
I like
the idea of spare "cruise jobbies" from George W. We could arm them
with helpings of chilli and fire them off in the general direction of our next
"oppo" as a warm up.
On the
other hand, if you keep me out of the kitchen it could stop the reporting
becoming too hot to handle (unlike the chilli which had gone cold by the time
it took the direct route downwards).
As for
CPM (chilli production manager) downing tools - you have to up tools before you
can down them and all the evidence is that there is little chance of getting
any tools up given the state of the Bald Legal Beagle's
back.............................
..........or
have we hit on the cause of his bad back!?!
Perhaps
there is a cure for JPAR after all - I will consult with CPM when I next see
her."
Now, after Saturdays match I am even more taken
with the idea of arming some cruise jobbies with helpings of chilli. I think we
all spotted the ideal target on the touchline at
Being conscious of the high risk we were running
this week in having two of our squad "on the piste" and only due to
return on Friday evening I was playing things safe this week. - three mid week
evenings in! The exception was Wednesday when I took
Once upon a time our two children were in the
Scout movement, progressing from juniors (Cubs & Brownies) through to Ventures. Their involvement
introduced them to many experiences they would not otherwise have had the
opportunity of trying. Some they like, others they were not so keen on, but you
don't know if you don't try! Camping, charging around Youlbury Scout woodlands
on Boars Hill,
Actually
Ours have had their years in the Gang Show and
now moved on. However £4 remains ridiculously cheap to witness others who are
still there or are following in ours footsteps. Scouting and the Gang Show
should be on everybody's agenda for "try it once, if you don't like it you
don't have to do it again".
So, we came away glowing and humming on Wednesday
and launched ourselves enthusiastically into Friday nights quiz night in Cumnor
village hall. Two early disappointments were overcome. Having prepared for the
need to give our team a name I was ready with "Red Don't Nose" only
to find we were just to have a number - Table 11. More seriously, having been
told that there was going to be a bar there we discovered that it was selling
only wine or soft drinks! Disaster! Or it could have been if I hadn't repaired
home and loaded up a few cans. Had I thought it through more thoroughly I could
have loaded up the lot from home and made a profit. Our table did not
distinguish themselves despite RTRG returning from the piste in time to bolster
our second half performance. However the organisers pushed on and we were able
to depart in time to put in a brief appearance at CCC before ending up in the
Bear & Ragged into the early hours - except for RTRG who was suffering from
DP, preventing any training.
However Saturday morning found him bright eyed
and bushy tailed walking with Ann by the river. A glorious morning for dog
walking. A quick lunch and then off to TWH for our
BUBS - Bath University Building Site, atop the
hill, provides the home of Bath Buccaneers. We did them 4-1 at home when RTRG
was flattened by a fanny and The Pope and Henners officiated. Well fanny
featured again! Our line up was:
RTRG
Mighty
Humph
Ellio
Sobes Blommers
OW
Doc Gropes JPAR(enthusing about the pub Kieren had taken
him to for lunch) JAR
with The Pope officiating.
Their umpire "featured". There has also
been speculation that their centre half was the umpires son and had been
spoiled from birth ("Should have been f'ing strangled at birth"
someone muttered). And there was plenty of muttering, some louder than others,
eh OW! Gropes was getting his elbows into anything he could make contact with,
whilst JAR was giving away 10 yards with abandon. Sobes had steam coming out of
everywhere, and we thought we were about to witness the first red carding of an
umpire by an umpire when The Pope awarded a short at the other umpires end.
Their umpire wasn't a Catholic! They scored the same number of goals as they
did at NOSC, their umpire was worth the three goals less we scored.
Off the pitch things were little better. Whilst
their changing rooms and showers were fine, their use of BUBS Sports Bar with
no jugs, no bitter (after the 1st four pints) and un-enterprising
sandwackers wasn't made up for by Guinness at £1.50 per pint. Unsurprising,
therefore, that we made an early departure, bidding farewell to Kieren, and
headed swifty back to TWH where nine of us "warmed down"! Then it was
home in time to sleep through The Premiership and Baddiel & Skinner.
Sunday was another glorious day. Nice warm sun on
our backs whilst the 1's took care of Formby. We are faced with another set of
foes from Chalfont & Amersham next Saturday, with the opportunity of
enjoying our home delights on the chilli and beer front, assuming no
repercussions from CPM.
Match Report -
A week notable for warm sunshine and the
passing of the spring equinox: the evenings are getting lighter. An excess of
television viewing led to a paucity of training. A single quality check on the
Hook Norton at TWH on Thursday followed by an enjoyable dinner party on Friday,
washed down by cans of something Irish, which brought us to Saturday.
A gentle start to the day was spent walking
the dog around the fields behind the house. I then collected my newly acquired
bicycle from the bike shop where it was being fitted with a new chain. It is a
proper mountain bike with suspension! Red, with more gears than I can find
(what was wrong with Sturmey Archer?). A test ride led to saddle adjustments
and I am now ready for some real training for the next Bear & Ragged Arse
sponsored bike ride.
So, having limbered up on my bike, it was
time for lunch and a not so light omelette before setting off for NOSC in good
time to ensure that I was not last one there and on the bench. And I wasn't the
first. We enjoyed the sunshine whilst watching the Ladies 1's going down.
Meantime the oppo were arriving from Amersham & Chalfont, one or two of
them looking familiar, and our lot drifted in. Last to arrive, of course, was
Ellio, although he had the excuse of having to buy and cut up the oranges.
So we lined up:-
RTRG
Mighty
Robbo
Blommers
Ellio Humph
PC
Doc Gropes Sobes
JAR
with The Pope on the whistle and OW on the
bench.
They had the better of things for the first
minute or so until JAR made his bid for "goal of the month".
Ignoring, as usual, advice to stay wide he drifted in to the edge of the
circle, around the inside right position where he was spotted by The Doc who
was inside right. Sensibly The Doc decided against running into JAR and simply
played the ball to him. A deft deflection from JARs outstretched stick saw the
ball loop gently into the goal with the goalkeeper absolutely nowhere. We never
did find out where he went, but he did reappear. We did manage a second before
half time and also ensured that RTRG did not have a clean sheet. OW replaced
Gropes for the second quarter and was prominent on the jug avoidance front.
However his efforts were to pale into insignificance in the second half.
Half time arrived and on came the
"orange". A true Scots effort to make a tangerine go around two
teams. Thankfully the umpires didn't want any! Mind you, perhaps less is good
'cos second half and we turned it on. GM Gropes GM - Goal Machine) got his
second consecutive home hat trick, Doc got his first since he restarted with
us. We played some delightful flowing hockey. Some felt the game had ended all
too soon, a feeling not shared by the corner flags who were becoming
increasingly fearful for their well being. This fear was brought about by the
efforts (and frustrations) of our normally dependable Sobes. True he was
striking cleanly, it's just that they were going wide, and wider as the game
went on. Hence the danger to corner flags had the game gone another half-hour.
Talk about jug avoidance - OW: you have nothing to be ashamed of!
So, it was off to the bar and the chilli and
Ruddles and
So, 3rd Eleven, you owe us one.
Unfortunately we do not have another home game this season so we will have to
wait for the jug due to us for cleaning up your mess. We now have to
concentrate on preparations for our trip to
Meatime, folks, get the date of the Club
Dinner Dance in your diary. It is at the
Match Report -
Only one comment prompted by the circulation of last week's report. A question of terminology was raised regarding my reporting that we watched the ladies 1st team lose and my use of the term "going down". An innocent, non sexist use of the term that has been applied to the mens 1's in the past and it was a man who "raised" (sic) the issue this time.
It will be interesting to observe if there is any noticeable difference in the performance of RTRG this week. Last week it was reliably reported by a source close to him that he had been exercising his "long bit" Saturday morning. Apparently he had done a good job as well. It is testimony to his fitness that the effects were not evident in the afternoon. He performed adequately, making some good saves and letting in his customary goal.
Last weeks warm down had had to be curtailed in order for me to report home in time to get to Southmoor folk club for their monthly "do". At least this early departure meant I missed doing the 3rd Eleven washing up! Southmoor Folk Club is a homely affair with a resident group, The Last Straw, led by Paul Weaving: local farmer and founder and organiser of the club. Always an enjoyable, casual evening where you are never too sure quite what type of music to expect. This month it turned out to be "blue grass" performed by a group of full time musicians comprising banjo, guitar, base guitar and mouth organ. They perform together and separately for a variety of groups and deliver a good driving, foot tapping performance. As usual, when the draw was made, there wasn't a winner who Paul did not know and tell a story about. When Pat one a prize he was, therefore, able to recount how they first met in the delivery suite at the JR. No, he is not my son!
A different type
of music was in store for RTRG and I Sunday evening at TWH following an
excellent day that had seen our pond cleaned out and refreshed much to the
appreciation of the frogs. Pugwash provided good 60's through to 90's rock
music that did not hinder the enjoyment of the Hook Norton but did nothing to
promote the art of conversation. Thankfully we are adept at sign language when
it comes to offering to buy and order drinks. Despite the good weather
continuing all week it was not until Thursday that training featured. Even then
it was something of a last minute affair. Having had yet another in depth
analysis of the progress or lack of it in
Friday night was B & RA night. It was Inga’s farewell and the end room was reserved:
“Reserved for Inga’s bash.”.
It was a popular affair and it went on a bit. A subtle change of title did little to improve the do:
“Reserved for Inga’s bush.”
And the 6X ran out some time before we did
forcing a finale on the Abbotts. Not one of our more sensible moves! Thus
Saturday dawned breezy but not very bright. By the time we departed for
RTRG
Mighty PJ
Ellio Sobes Robbo
DC Gropes PC OW JAR
And it wasn’t long before we observed the continuing failing health of The Pope (smoke signal practice on Thursday nights chaps). First it was hi back, then his knees, now it his sight: a failing further underlined in the secv.ond half. But as people get old you have to treat them gently so nothing was actually said until we were stopped at the pub on the way home and he was asked what colour he thought the Falcons were playing in. So, RTRG’s hopes of a clean sheet soon out the window and two nil down at half time. But we had had opportunities and we knew that if we could get a quick one after half time we would be back in it.First tho’ we had to swap PC and Gropes as Gropes has the sharper elbows which might match their centre halfs tongue. And there was a quick one after half time, but it wasn’t us who scored!
So we moved to Plan B with Robbo going to full back, PJ to right half (maybe he could spot a red shirt if he was further forward!) Ellio to centre forward, Sobes to right inner and OW to left half. It so bewildered us that JAR scored from inside right which is where PC was playing. And then Sobes found the goal. Mind you he ensured he had plenty of time to focus on it by dribbling around a few of them from just inside their half and cracking the backboards – superb! Unfortunately we squandered what chances we got, they converted theirs and we were done 4 – 2.
They were pleased and their experienced observers of hockey were left to wonder at how little use was made of our left considering the intelligent way he used the ball. Their beer was very acceptable and they were a friendly crowd and we politely took our leave with the loud announcement that
“THE LEAGUE CHAMPIONS ARE NOW LEAVING THE BUILDING!”
And we are, it is confirmed. We finished top of our league of 11 teams. It is a league of “convenience” in that not everyonre plays everyone and positions are worked out on a percentage basis. As previously stated we mostly never new when we were playing a league match, but it is nice the Oxford Hawks came out on top. For the record the league positions were as follows:
1
2
3 Wokingham
4
5
6 Epsom
7
8 Reading
9 Havant
10 Haslemere
11 Oxted
A competitive drive home between RTRG (PJ navigating) and Gropes (Ellio navigating) culminated in Gropes sliding in front of RTRG just as we turned off A34 into East Ilsley only for Gropes to miss the pub and get pipped to the bar. Last one in buys!
Week End 5th April
The arrangements with RTRG upon our
return from
If I go out later I will text you
If you go out text me.
I arrived home to find my wife, daughter, son and his partner all esconced around the table in the kitchen drinking wine and eating nuts and other nibbles. It seems they were waiting for “Dad” to take them to the pub for a drink. After a hurried ham sandwich it was decided that we would try the Cricket Club first , then the Bear.
Marginally more
life in the CC. The Bear (or at least Gavin the landlord) was still recovering
from Inga’s Bush the night/morning earlier.
Despite being kept abreast of manouvres RTRG was a no show. Sunday 30th
March was always destined to be a tester for keen sportsmen with Mothers and/or
children. My mother is long gone (albeit not forgotten) and, therefore, I felt
that Mothering Sunday was not something I need concern myself with. Not true
apparently. It appears it is up to me to ensure that the children have not
forgotten the meaning of the day, have purchased acceptable cards/presents and that
a suitable lunch is arranged that does not involve “mother” in having to do
anything apart from eat and drink. All this on the day
This calls for some careful planning and preparation. Telephone calls and text messages ensure that the children will be in attendance (hence their presence Saturday night) and will have furnished themselves with suitable gifts. That just leaves the tricky subject of lunch.
They are not
proposing to fund lunch out. Anyway this is the one Sunday in the year when we
wouldn.t dream of lunching out. Too many families with screaming kids running
amok and overstressed parents, grand parents and lunchtime staff. Neither of
our pair were volunteering to invite us for lunch, so looks like it’s lunch at
home. Bit of shopping at Sainsburys on Thursday ensured a nice piece of beef
along with new potatoes, carrots,
And it looks good. Walk the dog early, cook the new potatoes and cool them down, add chopped spring onions and we have a potato salad. Chop lettuce, cucumber, pepper, onion, celery, carrot and we have a salad. Slice thick chunks off the joint of roasting beef, add sausages and get them on the barby. Open the wine, get out the G & T’s and we are in business.
And by the time
the 5th National Ahem is being played in
A long week was in prospect with there being no hockey on Saturday but a match on Sunday. Selection was looking tricky with a number of key individuals not being “allowed out” on a Sunday. As for me: I had an AGM to attend and would not be back until Sunday evening. The Project Management Institute (PMI) is a professional institution for Project Managers with professional qualifications (Project Management Professional – PMP). I became a PMP in 1996 and attended my first AGM in 1997, and haven’t missed one since.
This years AGM
took place in
As you can imagine we were suitably sympathetic from the comfort of our hotel suites. Yes, we had suites! Tele. In the lounge and bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom, separate loo. Breakfast not included so we had to go out and buy croissants, coffee, meat, cheese and jam. The kitty was shrinking fast and James hadn’t even arrived yet. Still, we would be kind and postpone the visit to the Heineken brewery until he was with us. Meantime we would continue to work on the theory that if you select the pay channels on the TV and never switch them off, you only get charged once. At last James arrived and was able to contribute his 50 Euros into the kitty marginally before the next 50 became due. The brewery visit was not what it once was. Once upon a time it is told that you ended up in a room with a lager fountain and were ALLOWED 30 minutes to drink as much as you liked. Now we had trained hard for this, only to find the practice discontinued in favour of controlled consumption in the form of 3 drinks each.
Nothing for it then chaps, but to make for that Genever place where you can taste 4 different ones for Eu7.50. Trouble is we can’t remember where it is. So, split up and walk the banks of the canals for 3 bridges this way, then move in two canals and repeat. Found it. 1st Genever is 35%, second stronger, 3rd older and stronger, fourth older and 48%. Now what!?! Quick walk takes us to Mulligans where we can pour oil (Guinness) on troubled waters, then it is have the 3 “esses” (s…, shave, shower) and then it is time to think about supper.
Thinking about
supper means walking to the local Argentinian steak house for something with
the horns on before heading towards Dam Square via a couple of watering holes.
On our very first visit in 1995 we adopted the Wildeman Bar on
Some time in the morning we returned to the hotel to ensure that pay TV was still operating in continuous mode. It was aand still was on awaking later that Saturday morning. Having decided that “we got away with it last night”, careful planning was called for to ensure that we fitted in :-
a return to the Genever bar to try their cocktail sampling
a trip to the Ostritch micro brewery to sample their beers
a trip to that other Irish bar (you know, the one where they don’t play diddley didley diddley music)
a trip to that other Belgian bar with the upstairs
an Indonesian
and a wind down in Mulligans.
A quiet day was
spent exploring the Jordaan area of
“Thought Amsterdam was supposed to be flat” muttered someone 2 hours in to our exploration as we flogged up the side of yet another bridge over a canal, Eventually we stopped for some “Pee soup” and a toasted sandwich beside the floating flower market before returning to the hotel to watch the Grand National.
“Oh, bugger, I have just switched over from the Pay TV! That’s blown the experiment.”
Then it is try
to figure out which tram will get us nearest to the windmill housing the
Ostritch brewery. We dispense with the free tour and fight our way into the
heaving bar. Weakest beer is 5 percent and is half the price here than anywhere
else. This does help the kitty go further! Strongest beer is 9 per cent and is
called
Never repeat a
good trick! Back to Rembrandtplein then off to that Genever bar for
“cocktails”. They make some 60 different
flavours of “cocktail” which is sold in bottles. We were “blind tasting”
four. We failed to guess what was in the flavour of any of them and cannot
remember what was actually in them. So, off to the Indonesian off
Eventually we
get back to the upstairs hotel suite to find there is still some impressive
huffing and puffing coming from the TV and the next thing we know it is time to
go and get breakfast. Sunday is spent killing time and trying to keep sober
before our flight home. We decide to do lunch at Gouchos which provides an
excellent large tomato and cheese soup, sirloin with chips and salad rounded
off by a pancake with ice cream for Eu 19. Red wwine and water washes this down
and then off to the airport where the flight is not delayed and lands on time
at
As for the AGM: all officers were re-elected unopposed, treasurer discovered that our experiment failed and we had three lots of charge on hotel bill for Pay TV resulting in an increase in subscription being passed, next years venue to be subject of a special review meeting in May.
Tell you what, though: none of these fancy Belgian beers in whatever shaped glass you can think up can touch a good pint of Hook Norton.
Comment from Mighty:-
Another fine literary masterpiece from Rogues, presented in it's usual
style. Rambling along with little hockey content. Which, I have to admit, has
summed up the Falcons style for much of the season. However!!
Seeing as how it's become a regular feature recently to 'nit-pick' these
reports I thought I'd join in.
To those 'few' of the Falcons who actually played on Sunday it must be
obvious that either
a) Rogues was still hung-over
b) Rogues was suffering from jet-lag
c) Ricardo (RTRG) was asleep when he reported back, or whilst playing,
or
d) All of the above.
Saturday's match had the 0-2 result - For the Senators versus
RTRG did play, 'Bonebreaker' Bennett having fractured his wrist playing
'footie'.
And as reported the Senator's or FYDS (Falcons, Youth Development Squad)
did spend 80 - 90% of the time esconced in the oppo's half - Only coming out to
"pick the ball out of their net".
Sunday's match (Falcons v Warlocks) was something entirely different.
The squad
PJ - entertaining
Henner's -
likewise Doc - coming back from holiday
Rogues - Abroad on business!! Gropes - under the thumb!!
Paddy, Hughbie, Humph, JAB, OW, etc all "not allowed out to play on
Sundays". I'm sure they all had genuine reasons, but as they were passed
to 'The Pope' in confessional they can't be divulged.
That left us;
RTRG, Mighty, Blommers, Ellio, Robbo, Sobes & Pete C. with a guest
appearance from 'H' (FYDS) - He having been dragged from his house.
Judy Robson was 'blowing' for us.
The Warlocks use an astro on an RAF base [Location of which has been
witheld on advice from the MoD]. Obviously not used much recently for sports
activities - There was enough sand on it to practice desert manoeuvres.
Fortunately for us they'd been warned we were short and had rounded up 3
volunteers to play on our side.
In "a game of two halves" we narrowly lost the first 2-3 and
got stuffed in the second
1-4. Possibly due to the oppo providing us with a 'snifter' of port at
half-time.
After the match we retired to the Warlocks 'clubhouse' a pub (The
Poachers), where an excellent spread of food had been laid on. This was washed
down with copious amounts of London Pride. This was followed by a short stop at
East Isley on the way home.
Match
Day:
This is it: the last match of the 2002/2003 season, the last report for the 2002/2003 season.. The finale to what has been another very enjoyable 6 to 7 months of hockey experiences. I use the term carefully as, for most of the Falcons, it is not just the game itself, but the whole experience of that Saturday:
- the careful preparation on the day
-
the synchronised warm up
-
the detailed pre-match talks
-
the ad hoc match performances
-
the half time tangerine
-
that first apres match pint
-
the chilli experience
-
the warm down
-
the extended warm down
-
the even more extended warm
down
-
the careful build up during the
next week
-
the training
-
the training
-
the training
-
the training
-
the training
-
the training
We have a great squad of people. We can take the p... out of each other without upset and are capable of playing class hockey (like the fisherman, we look forward to the day when it actually happens). We are very fortunate in having individuals who have been prepared to organise us so well:
- Robbie organising our fixtures
- PJ organising the line up.
And we have a fixture list that contains many old friends and some excellent oppo.
Like all things, to succeed you have to invest. And we now need investment from someone.
We need someone to take over from Robbie in organising our fixtures.
Thanks to our entry in "league" hockey (We are the champions!) in the form of "The Alliance" there are only around half a dozen fixtures that actually have to be organised. Thus the role is not that onerous. It does require the holder to check that the oppo are singing off the same fixture list as us a week or so in advance of each fixture; but that is all.
So, please, please someone step forward and take up the reigns from Robbie and continue his good work.
It is great to report that PJ is continuing to organise our line up next season, albeit The Pope may not be umpiring, so ensure you keep up to date with the rules of the game in readiness for taking a turn.
Which brings me back to our last match. Abingdon (formerly Morris's) Old Cumbustibles. They typify what is good about Falcons hockey: a bunch of keen hockey players who have seen better days but enjoy playing us and give us an enjoyable game. Not only that but they always entertain us excellently off the pitch. And if this latter fact needed underlining their hosting was so good that Ellio felt moved to buy a jug, presumably for "jug avoidance" as he certainly did not score.
Preparations/training for this "final one" had been light: brief quality check on the Hook Norton at TWH Thursday followed by a rather more substantial encounter with the Guinness at the Ragged Arse on Friday. A very pleasant and leasurely walk with the DoHA & dog by the river Saturday morning ease away the cobwebs and we were ready to roll!
It was great to find that we were lining up with PJ actually playing and Judy taking over from The Pope on the whistle. Thus our complete line up was:
RTRG
Mighty Robbo
PJ Sobes Blommers
PC The Doc Ellio JPAR JAR
Our oppo line up contained true Old Cumbustibles with ages from circa 72 downwards. Les Deacon, Syd Denton, Mick Bowen, Andy Small: quite a roll call. And then there were "the legs" in the form of Andy Bowen (Micks son) and Graham Wasdale (don't think Sobes got past Graham once, and as for Ellio!) and their "youth policy" in goal (a Boodell) with proud Grandad watching.
It soon became apparent that we were having one of those "profligate" days in front of goal. Any shots on goal were destined to be saved by their keeper, many were not on goal. Even when someone managed to manouver their keeper out of the game the person faced with an open goal, albeit at an obtuse angle, managed to adopt the SSOS approach (Sobes School Of Shooting) and did not worry anything except the area behind the goal. Not one of JAR's clinical finishes so often witnessed.
(See, Doc, I did mention it!)
It was looking like one of those games when we had 80% of play and then lost to a lone breakaway.
The second half continued in similar vein until PJ decided to get involved with short corner striking and The Doc decided to take it from the right. The ball was played out to PJ who got a shot on goal. As usual their keeper was positioned to save it but, at this point his luck ran out. Owing to the decision to take the hit from the right JAR was no longer required to wait vainly in the hope of a square pass to him from the stopper. Thus he was free to follow straight in in order to take the ball off the pads. He was in like a bullet and skilfully laid his stick down in the chance of getting a deflection of the incoming ball. The hit avoided his stick and was stopped by the goalkeeper. The ball came back of the keeper pads and was clinically despatched over the line by JAR (it bounced onto his stick and then over the line). G O A L !!!!!
Relief all around for the Falcons, but we were not safe yet. The Combustibles wasted a number of good opportunities as we continued to fail to convert ours and we duly came away with a solitary goal and a 4th clean sheet for RTRG.
And there we have it folks. The end to a happy season and the hope that we manage to get some hockey during the summer after the disappointment of last summer when The Falcons, having pioneered summer hockey, did not get a look in on the league organised at NOSC. If we can organise our own friendlies we will.
So, what about those all important statistics?
We already know we won the league, even if we didn't know we were playing in it. Including league and cup matches we:
played 27 matches
lost 9
drew 3
won 15
scored 79 goals
conceded 68
failed to score on 3 occasions
kept clean sheet on 4 occasions
Falcons beer
consumption immediately after matches including trips back to
circa 1,000 pints (excluding stop offs at TWH!).
Can't wait for September when we can start again.
PJ - I am
unavailable from 7th to
-
Falcons Cast List
2002/03
|
Nickname |
Name |
Derivation |
|
Ricardo RGE RTRG |
Richard Wilsden |
So christened by nubile young female blonde. Ricardo - goalkeeper extraordinaire Ricardo The Recumbent Goalkeeper from lying down and watching the ball being cleared off the line. |
|
Mighty MM |
Mike Kentfield |
|
|
|
Mike Battcock |
|
|
|
Robin Winstone |
|
|
Sobes |
Ian Sobey |
|
|
Humph |
Humphrey Battcock |
|
|
PC |
Peter Curtis |
|
|
JPAR |
Julian/Patrick/Paddy Roche |
|
|
JAN JAB |
Nick Bailey |
Jug Avoidance Nick - scores three but doesn't buy jug Jug Avoidance Bailey – scores two, avoids three (like Rogues!) |
|
JAR |
Rogan Meadows |
Jug Avoidance Rogue - scores twice, then avoids third |
|
Nige |
Nigel Richardson |
|
|
|
Hugh Bentley |
|
|
Blommers |
David Blomley |
|
|
DC |
David Cole |
|
|
ST Ellio |
John Elliot |
Super Tanker owing to his turning circle |
|
PJ - The Pope |
Peter Wilson |
Christened PJ, looks like the Pope |
|
Henners ECGM |
Tony Henman |
European Cup Gold Medalist - member of the England LX cup winning side of 2002 |
|
|
Richard Clarke |
|
|
|
Richard Allen |
|
|
ECGM Robbie |
Dave Robson |
European Cup Gold Medalist - member of the England LX cup winning side of 2002 |
|
Huggy |
Dave Hughes |
|
|
Doc DT |
Doc Thompson |
|
|
|
Angus Fletcher |
|
|
MoD |
|
Mate of Doc |
|
Kylie |
Mike Kyle |
|
|
Gropes |
Giles Roper |
|
|
OW (Old
Waynflete: old boys of |
MCS - Mark Crampton Smith |
|
|
|
Pat Meadows |
Director of Home Affairs |
|
TWH |
The White Hart |
at Fyfield
just to right off A420 from |
|
B&RA |
Bear & Ragged Staff |
Bear &
Ragged Arse on |
|
Eight Bells |
Eight Bells |
Eaton, just
off Cumnor to |
|
CCC |
Cumnor Cricket Club |
on left of |