Falcons
Update
OH F Up
Season 2003 -
2004
The story of life in and around
Falcons are a veterans (over 35)/vintage (over 50) side mainly
playing friendly matches on a Saturday throughout the hockey season.
Any similarity to real life found within the stories that
follow is purely coincidental.
2003 – 2004 Season
Saturday
13th Sept. –
Were you dismayed at the 'domino'
effect
Did you cringe at the
"promising" display of our athletes during the recent World
championship.
Has the test series between us and
Fear not for your sanity any longer
(mind you, you must be as daft as I am if your reading this).
For the might that is "The
Oxford Hawks Falcons" having dusted off their hockey paraphernalia are set
for another season of fun and games, with the odd (and I do mean odd) hockey
match thrown in for good measure.
So in the immortal words of
Emerson, or was it
"Welcome back my friends to
the show that never ends"
So! PJ having invited all the squad
to attend with "first twelve responses will be picked" (There's solid
Welsh optimism for you) finally cajoled the following 11 to collect at
Cutteslowe for a 9.00 meet for a 10.30 'bully' at
Bentley, Billington, Cole,
Crampton-Smith, Curtis, Eliot, Kaluza, Kentfield, Robson, Sobey, Wilsdon (+ A.
N. Other to share the Umpiring duties). PJ being unavailable, he's got a
Saturday job. No Rogan either, suffering from over-training during the hot, dry
summer he's taking two weeks 'r & r' in foreign climes.
Saturday morning dawned bright
& cheery, as did the 11 Falcons (A. N. Other also being unavailable) -
Well, 10 of the team were bright & cheery the 11th, suffering a mild case
of over training from the 6 hour session the night before wasn't 100% (But then
who wants to see 100% of me first thing any time let alone in the morning).
All cars arrive in good time,
giving us a chance a) observe a superior pitch watering system in operation
(although good that it was we decided it took all the fun out of it, and b)
12 members of the oppo doing their
famous synchronised warm up routine (this having a worrying effect on a couple
of us who hadn't witnessedd it before).
Godd news! They've agreed to supply
both 'umps', although the general feeling is they may be a tadge biased. MK's
fitness gives them a slight edge in the first half. They run in two good goals,
we respond with a belter of a penalty corner strike from Sobes. Half-time 1-2
down but not disheartened, a tactical swap of our two wingers and off we go
again. Strangely MK appear to be running out of puff this half allowing us to
dominate proceedings. Two goals from David Cole (left wing) gaining us a 3-2
victory. He carefully avoided a 'jug' with a wild air stroke and nifty use of
his foot.
A quick warm down in their
clubhouse. Where it was generally agreed that hockey played in a sunny
disposition by 22 players with a sunny disposition was what Saturdays are all
about. Then with the afternoon available the team went their individual ways.
Elio to watch his daughter play, Robby to coach Kidlington ladies & Mark to
Next week, a home game. With Rogan
apparently threatening to parachute in from his flight home.
See you all in the bar at sometime during the season -
You did, I assume, know we have a bar. For those who didn't its in the
left-hand side of the building you have to pass to gain entrance to the pitch!
Welcome back after a very fine summer.
My erection has been well used and appreciated by
many.
Are we all tanned, lean, mean and eager for the fray?
Who knows, only time will tell.
It has been a long hot summer, especially for those
keen sportsmen amongst us who have worked hard to ensure that we are well prepared
for the new season. Summer hockey has featured once again for a number of
Falcons who have managed to make appearances in the Vets. Summer league side.
Between matches versus Old Combustibles (otherwise known as Abingdon but now
known as City Venerables) there were games against Tring, Lansdowne and others
to help us keep our hands in and make an impression at the bar. I even managed
to represent City versus the O C’s!
Some, I know, have tried to play some tennis and
others have played cricket, and one has majored in Aunt Sally, all in an
attempt to hit the new season “up and running”. Unfortunately this rigorous
regime has not suited everyone and some have already fallen before reaching the
starting gate: eh Paddy and PJ! However those more hardy souls amongst us are
rarin’ to go and get at ‘em.
In actual fact the training has been harder this
summer owing to the demise of a key
fitness centre favoured by a number of Falcons. TWH (The White Hart,
Fyfield) is not the establishment it once was. Owing to a somewhat
dysfunctional landlord the establishment has degenerated into a mere shadow of
its’ former self. Its only saving grace is the continued ability to serve a
good pint of Hook Norton. Some of us have perservered therefore with this
excellent training material. CCC (Cumnor Cricket Club) has also featured
prominently into the fitness maintenance routine, not least because of the
participation of some Falcons in the Hobos side that plays cricket on Thursday
evenings. In fact CCC could probably put out quite a reasonable hockey side
when you analyse the faces seen around the place (Meadows, Wilsden, Mitty, Cox,
Hughes, Munsey to mention a few). Eight Bells at Eaton has also seen its fair
share of action, particularly on Wednesday evenings – Aunt Sally night. And,
failing all else, there is The B & RA (Bear & Ragged Staff/Arse,
Cumnor) which maintains its tradition of poor beer but good hospitality
resulting in considerable quantities of Guinness being consumed.
The B & RA annual charity bike ride has been
separately reported and we are anticipating Pumpkin Night and the election of
The Mayor as I write. But, meantime, we now turn our attention to the winter
hockey season and a full Falcons fixture list, the league title to defend, and
another crack at the Veterans Cup. Richard Wilsden has taken over arranging
Falcons fixtures. PJ is, once again, trying to get ten of us and himself onto
the park, whilst Henn is master minding our attempt at The Cup. Summer
recruiting seems to have gone splendidly with no new faces on the scene, albeit
there are rumours of a number of Senators having ambitions to step up and join
us. Time will tell and, who knows, they might get a mention in the weekly
reports.
If anyone has any additions/deletions to mailing list,
news, special requests or reports from afar let me have them and I will decide
whether to ignore them or not.
Watch this space and keep an eye on the Oxford Hawks
website especially for 1st XI home league fixtures, mainly on
Sundays,
Saturday 20th
Sept. – Chippenham Chipmonks - Home
"Where have all the flowers gone"
(Line from a famous 60's pop song)
"Where have all the Falcons
gone"
(Lament from a famous 60 year old)
Once again PJ melted the airways in
an attempt to put 11 players + 1 umpire on the pitch on Saturday, and ......
Once again he succeeded, but!!!
Only 7 Falcons + 1 new player + 3
players from the Falcon Youth Squad (Senators. Many thanks to 'Billers',
'Boggs' & 'Griff'. PJ himself doing the blowing.
Thus Saturday arrived - clear,
bright & hot and (fortunately) so did the squad (arrive that is & got
hot) - Wilsdon, Kentfield, Robson, Breeze, Biggs, Billington, Cole, Sobey,
Bailey, Cramptom-Smith, Griffiths.
At
Goals from Mark Crampton-Smith
& Ian Sobey, with Chris B denting the upright with one blistering shot.
Were we down hearted? Just a tadge!
Still there's always beer & a plate of Jans' 'Killer' Chillie to sort
things out, and, of course next week.
So stay tuned!
Will PJ get more than 11 positive
responses?
Will the 'missing' Falcons be found
before we call in Interpol?
Will it all end in tears?
Most/all of you will have already seen the
report from Mike below.
I have a couple of comments to
add.................
weekly training is being seriously
disrupted at the moment owing to individuals going on holiday (during the
season!!!!) and a marked deterioration in training facilities.
With regard to the facilities: there is
nothing wrong with the equipment (Hook Norton remains on good form) it is just
that the venue is now so gloomy. As a result we are faced with a choice of
inferior equipment in brighter surroundings, good equipment in gloomy
surroundings or not training at all.
It was an NTAA week, somewhat made up for
on Friday by an enthusiastic assault on the Giunness at the B & RA (Bear
& Ragged Arse).
Despite this Friday night enthusiasm I was
still cognicent enough to recognise that:
- I did not score a goal on Saturday
against Olton, it was disallowed. Apparently I was closer to the side line than
the goal line!
- MCS got one and had one disallowed
- Sobes scored his weekly - eventually!
- Nick was never more than 18 inches from
the goal line for all his 3! I am
reliably informed that 18 inches is stretching things a bit!
- Hitman Henman was stirring things up
again.
I leave the rest to Mike's report, except
to add the missing lines for this weeks ode (see Falcons page on the Oxford
Hawks website) has to be.............
................................serious
thing.
Scoring three and not buying: you
deserve to swing!
Very adept at twiddling around, is
our Nick,
And he has a killer flick.
A player who hasn't featured
latterly
Since he got that noisy bump upon his knee.
......And
as predicted, along came this week. But!! Despite PJ swelling BT's coffers once
again, the Falcons could only travel with 10 & no umpire. Fortune,
fortunately, favours the brave - PJ managed to coax the oppo (Oulton & West
Warwicks) into finding an extra player and another umpire.
Oulton's pitch is soon to be dug
up, possibly moved and relayed so we played the game at Henley in
Our line up was
Brees
Kentfield Bentley
Blomley Sobey Battcock
A. N. Other (Nick/Dave) Crampton-Smith
Henman Bailey Meadows
The game started slowly, we were
camped in their half but couldn't score. They broke out, claimed a penalty
corner -
0 - 1 to them.
We set up another seige on their
goal,this time it was broken up by - One of their players flattening Nick
Bailey, winning the free hit because Nick apparently came in from the wrong
side (he was stood still at the time), then the guy stormed off because he
thought Henners had got physical.
Scoreline stayed the same for the
rest of the first half. What-ever Sobes said at half-time did the trick. We
upped our game, scoring three before they pulled one back. This upset our
forwards so much, they went ahead and scored two more.
Allowing us to run out victors by 5
goals to 2.
Goalscorers - Bailey (3)and, I
think, Meadows and Crampton-Smith (Please correct me if I'm wrong).
After the game, mild confusion
reigned. Some of their team thought we'd be going back to their clubhouse for
tea (I don't think so - A 20-30 minute journey in the wrong direction). One old
boy said food wasarranged at a nearby pub, but as he disappeared before the
game started we never found out which pub.
Falcons, however, are nothing if
not resourceful. Rogues remembered a pub (The Crabmill) he'd used on occasions
when he used to commute to
Sunday saw a good number of the
Falcons turn out to watch the 1st 11's first league match, were yours truly
finally made an appearence for said squad - Albeit on pitch watering duty, but
you've got to start somewhere.
"Nice to see a busy clubhouse on both Saturday
& Sunday, long may it continue"
An Otmoor hotspot.
Back in the 50’s and the 60’s
However Wychwood was not the only area of government concern. Greenham Common was being used by the government as a distraction. Their attention had really turned to Otmoor. Otmoor was an area of mystery that was kept under close observation, especially the area from Prattle Woods, the “lowers” (Lower Woods Farm and the two Lower Farms) and East and South of the River Ray. Prior to the establishment of more sophisticated methods, careful, covert observation was maintained from the basket suspended below the air balloon at Weston On The Green aerodrome. The existence of centers of advanced engineering at Grove, Enstone and at Leafield itself with their ability to develop delivery devices that could be used by terrorists further concentrated the interest of the intelligence services.
With the gradual
opening up of Wychwood to the public government concern was alleviated to the
extent that they closed down the Leafield listening post and the poles have now
completely disappeared. Interest in Otmoor has been maintained and
The existence of
MOD bases at Bicester, Ambrosden, Brize Norton and the former USAF base at
Heyford are no mere coincidence, but just underline the concern of the
government in the covert activity within the area. The fact that the government chief
investigator into WMDs (Weapons of Mass Destruction) resided at nearby Kingston
Bagpuize is but another indicator of the priority given to the area. Indeed,
his presence was promoted by the fear that terrorists had produced a WMD that
had been released into
The failure to capture both Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and the near certainty that they have both fled their respective countries has increased speculation regarding the traffic in “illegals” via the night flights into Kidlington. An increase in the interest in this activity was signaled by the government when they announced the setting up of a centre for illegals at Bicester.
The WMD chief
inspectors untimely demise has coincided with a very marked increase in
communications traffic detected by the
Unfortunately they have
yet to break the code used within the communications and are not, therefore,
able to predict where these terrorists may strike next.
I can help………it is at 10:00 on Saturday 11th October 2003 at St Edwards School on the astro pitch where Falcons are due to play Reading.
Yes folks, it is all down to PJs use of telephone and other forms of electronic communication over the last few weeks culminating in our nine departing for Oxted last Saturday. Falcons are the active cell formulated by Pieter “J” and captained by the SS (Subterfuge Sobes).
And here is the report from Mike ffor our
visit to Oxted on
We're on, we're off, we're often on, we're struggling.
Monday. Once again PJ is in confident mood with his request
for 12 or more for selection for the weekend.
Thursday. BT are worried.
All lines out of Noke have been busy all week. P J has scrapped together
10, with 2 still to reply.
Friday A.M. Suicidal note from PJ - We are now 9
with no goal keeper. Should we cancel?
Giles Roper says he can play, but still no
keeper. A call to the oppo - Good news! They can supply a keeper (Steve [clean
sheet] – SCS - from Tunbridge Wells) - Therefore!
Friday P.M. A phone call from Robbo - We're off
- To Oxted, that is.
Saturday, 10.15 A.M. Cutteslowe, we meet. No
Giles Roper though, maybe he's gone direct. Off we go. Further good news - we
don't have to go all the way to Oxted, we're playing inside the M25 just
outside Caterham. We make good time, which is just as well as their
instructions aren't perfect.
Line up
SCS]
Mike Dave
John Ian Mark
Tony Nick Peter Rogan
It's a game of two halves (sic). We dominate
both.
Steve keeps a CLEAN SHEET and a running
commentary for the benefit of his defence. They get more and more frustrated.
Always good news for a defender when the oppo's forwards start arguing amongst
themselves.
Goals form Sobes (short corner) & Barnes
Wallace (aka Rogues) ensure a win. Not as comfortable as it should have been as
both Ellio & Sobes were walking wounded by the end.
Back to their clubhouse for a warm down with
beer (Larkins Brewery) and mince (had chillies in it but didn't compare to the
'killer' variety al la Jan.
Unfortunately Steve didn't think he was
available for a
Quote of the trip "Never watch your
children play sport: it puts too much stress on them" - A. Henman.
Actually there were several other quotes, but they're of the unpublishable sort.
Monday
6th October am
The
But no! Surprise, surprise the airways are relatively
quiet! The Falcons have, by Monday lunch time, raised a full squad for the
coming Saturday. Not only a full squad, but surplus players as well. Noke has
communication with the outside world. Security Service listeners are puzzled by
the lack of activity.
What bought about this turn up? Was it:
Who knows? Who cares?
Saturday dawned. We're all at 'Teddies ', but only one
of the oppo (Reading) is. Turns out that the rest are at out clubhouse watching
the ladies - bet they wish they'd stayed there.
Our line up –
The recumbent one, Mighty, Robbo, Hump, Sobes, RAllen,
Hitman, Crampy,
Pete, Job (jug owing Bailey) & Jar.
PJ is whistling, unfortunately on his own as one of
the
We now have the luxury of trying two new formations.
The first is 11 on the pitch, the second Sobes appears to have got from the
"Peggy Spencer book of formation dancing". Anyway what ever it was it
worked. 5 minutes into the game we're 2 - 0 up and cruisin'. Sobes decides this is too easy and presents a
back pass to their centre forward. With only the recumbent one to beat it looks
like he must score. But no - Wilsden launches himself at either the ball, the
centre forward or both. A half stop, but
the CF shoots. Meantime Kentfield has lumbered back to the goal line, he saves!
To no avail. PJ decided (probably before the event) that the Wilsden challenge
was a foul and awards a penalty flick. Score is now 2-1. By half-time we've
added a 3rd goal. PJ decides it's better if he continues umpiring.
Second half sees one of their number depart for a
lunch appointment. We add another 6 goals with no reply from
Goalscorers are Meadows (4), Henman (2), Curtis, Sobes
and Bailey.
Back to the clubhouse, where we start our warm down.
The chilli is up to its usual excellant standard, so's the beer - especially
'Rogues' jug. It being such a warm sunny afternoon several of us decide to
venture out to watch the 1's followed by the Senators - Ooops! Not a good move.
Saturday 18th October –
Training this season is not featuring quite as strongly as in the past.
Some might say that, at our age, we should not push our bodies to the extent that we have in the past.
Some might say that, unless we continue to push our bodies, we might seize up altogether.
Some might say that, unless we push down the “Boddies”, we might go thirsty!
The plain fact of the matter is that the standards of ambiance at TWH have sunk to such a level that training on the Hook Norton is no longer the session of choice.
A special effort was made this week to put in that extra session to try and ensure we are at peak fitness for the forthcoming big weekend – the double header of league and cup. The Oxford Beer Festival played host to a number of our keener trainers who, I am sure, will be all the better for the experience. Our cup oppo. have had their spies out and have got to hear of our sustained fitness campaign and have “scratched”, despite it being their home game.
However, back to
the past and our match against
TRO (The Recumbant One)
Mighty THO (The Hamstrung One – Ellio)
Blommers PoTY RA
DC Gropes JAB PC JAR
With OW on the whistle.
For those who think their eyes are failing them…….yes it is Player of The Year (PoTY)….alias The Pope…..alias PJ on the pitch! Yes, on the pitch, actually playing……..so bang goes any chance of winning the title two years on the trot! Seriously though, it is splendid to have him back on the park, even if it was only for 1 half. He has lost none of his ball sense and none of his ability to nudge an opponents stick out of the way as he goes past! It was also good to have the Oxted Missing Man – Gropes – with us, and he reminded us of his goal scoring capability with a class first half strike to enable us to turn around 1 all.
It was at this point that PoTY decided not to push his luck any further and retired. Roger Midwinter had got away from his girls and took over the whistle allowing our adjusted line up to be:
TRO
Mighty RA
Blommers THO OW
DC Gropes JAR PC JAR
No Sobes, king of the pass back, this week, so no flicks. TRO did manage to get his Virgil impression in tho’ and we were faced with a 4-2 deficit. It was around this point that the training began to kick in and JAR lit up the Guiness after-burners with a couple of rapier like strikes to make it 4 all and off we went to find out what had happened in the rugby.
The chilli went down with a fair quantity of beer and the oppo. went away happy with their point.
Meantime, in my
office, I have been able to solve a problem that has been puzzling a colleague
for some while. He has one of these boxes that receives “free to view”
television channels through a normal roof top aerial. Up to about four weeks
ago he was getting excellent reception at his
Saturday 25th October – Haslemere away.
The early portents were not good: only 10 so far,but still waiting to hear from………………….
Things did not improve!
We then
discovered that our old mucca, Wimbo, lived in Farnborough which was not a
million miles away from Haslemere. Trouble was he hadn’t played since his
remarkable performance at
Fortunately
Ellio was persuaded that Haslemere wasn’t that far away and the beer was cheap
and he agreed to for-go his lunch appointment and travel. A
We appeared to be assembling in a timely fashion:
Henn was there when JAR arrived.
JAB arrived, announced he was coming away straight after the match and not returning so we despatched him with a map.
PC arrived in his tarts car.
Robbo turned up followed by Blommers followed by the three wheeled one, followed by OW in the mobile advertising apartment.
TRO arrived with multi route.AA and Sobes was going direct.
That was ten, which meant that we were just waiting for Ellio who, surprisingly, was late having been giving some sheep a bit of a seeing to, despite never having met them before.
So, faced with a
choice of A34 Newbury,
Multistreet.town wasn’t doing too badly up to Headington roundabout and, to be fair, along the M40. However things started to go awry on the M25 where we discovered that the speed limit signs on the gantrys were aspirational rather than advisory. However we remained confident that our yard by yard, minute by minute directions would pay dividends once we got down the A3.
The A3 was moving well but the timing was now going wrong. According to the destructions we were now 40 minutes into our journey with only 12.5 remaining. We were also informed that we had 26.7 miles to travel down the A3 but we didn’t wake Ellio up in time to note what mileage we started at so we hadn’t a clue how far we had to go. Luckily we recognised the name “Haslemere” on a roadsign and turned off and now deduced that Multiloss.road told us we had 1250 yards to go in 9.5 minutes and we had to take the second right.
Well, we ignored that, couldn’t possibly be down that little track. A couple of miles later we decided to pull into a garage to ask the way at approx 14:10. Just as we did so we spotted TRO headed in the opposite direction. Yep, Muckimap had it right all along. Go back, turn left and head for the Edge which was 39 seconds and 56.75 yards along. Wrong, but right. Right road, wrong length!
Sobes was looking rather lonely, oppo looking long suffering. We got changed, apologised for the vagueries of Muckiloss.map.street and the hold ups on the M25 and lined up:
RTO
Mighty Robbo
Blommers Sobes OW
Henn Ellio JAB PC JAR
Well, that was the starting line up.
We finished with
RTO
Mighty Sobes Robbo
Blommers Henn Ellio
Wimbo
JAR JAB PC
As OW pulled something, Sobes pulled something and Wimbo, having failed to pull was forced to take to the park. Luckily their organisation was no better than our own and we had Sobes, Henn and JAB to slot to better Haslemeres one.
A pleasant, but mild chilli washed down by some anonymous ale and we made it back without the assistance of Multicrap.map to the clubhouse via Lewknor to find the dregs of the Senators on the final throes of their warmdown.
Next weeks match is at Nuclear Operations Southern Command so e-mail Wilsden for the postcode, type it into Multimap and start now if I were you!
Saturday 1st November – Wichester at home.
Most people know that success very much depends upon investment.
DIY success depends upon having the right tools and excellent preparation.
Sporting success depends upon hours of dedication in the gym, on the training field, and hours of practice.
Milton Keynes HC success is all due to their preparation: the warm up routine.
Pumpkin growing success is down to the preparation.
Falcons success? Well……………??!!!
To be successful it is best to start your preparations a year in advance, or the previous spring at the latest.
For each plant prepare 3 to 5 yards of soil with a good amount of compost or manure. If manure is strong then do it in the Autumn. About 2 weeks before planting out apply a good granular fertiliser. Sow the seeds indoors in large pots around 24th April when the last of the frosts should be experienced. Plant the seed pointed end down. Transplant into the prepared bed when the first rue leaf appears or when roots begin to grow. Protect young plants from frost and wind with a mini greenhouse. I really cold weather occurs cover with a blanket overnight. Get it “set” as early as possible. Select a female flower (they have a small pumpkin at the base) and then, early in the morning locate a freshly opened male flower. Pick it and remove the outer petals to reveal the stamen. Find a newly opened female and apply the pollen from stamen to the stigma of the female. Reposition your pumpkin when they have set. For optimum growth position pumpkin perpendicular to the vine. To get big ones, cull the little ones. Measure each pumpkins circumference with a tape measure and select the fastest growing. Young pumpkins that are round and tall grow the fastest. Prune your vine when it has reached about 10 feet beyond the fruit.. Apply water-soluble plant food regularly, phosphorus early season, high nitrogen before fruit set. Come August switch to high potassium.
Measure weekly: circumference parallel to the ground around widest part, over the top in both directions from ground to ground across the middle from stem to blossom end. Once you have the total inches of the three measurements added together multiply by 1.9 to attain a weight estimate. Do all this and you could win the Bampton v. Cumnor Pumpkin competition, but only if you live within 7 litres (think it was litres) of the B & RA. But not this year you won’t, it’s too late. Pumpkin night is Monday 3rd November. But it is not too late to start your preparations for next year.
As for the
Falcons, we are well aware that the first step off the pitch at the end of a
game is the first step towards the next. That is why we do not waste many steps
before getting back into the training in the bar. Saturday found us gradually
accumulating at the home of Nuclear Operations Southern Command without any
help from Getstreetwalking.cum. Our opponents,
TRO
Mighty Sobes
Henn Ellio Blommers
DC Breezy JAB PC JAR
Nobody was really sure what was happening, apart from the fact that we weren’t really firing on any cylinders. However, after 10-15 minutes we started to get used to our line up (Henn at half back!) and play some hockey. We made it to half time 3-1 up, we think. Sobes retired and Humph, who had emerged from traffic, took over at left back. We decided that the first goal of the second half could really make a difference so they got it. This was a slight tactical blunder on their part as we got one or two more. We also witnessed the Hammer Horror of hockey matches (or Henner Horror) – a forward running with the ball and Henn in pursuit and gaining from behind with stick raised! Aaaaaarrggghhhhhh! Oppo hit!
Nobody was really sure of who had got what or when apart from the general concensus that nobody needed to buy a jug. As soon as this was recognised there were a queue of people claiming to have scored. Both umpires reckoned we had got eight. But when we added up the claims from just about everyone (including TRO claiming 2) we seemed to have scored more:
Ellio 2, DC 2, JAB 2, PC 2, Sobes 1, JAR 1, and, of course, the two scored by Winchester and claimed by TRO.
It was good to sample the Killer Chilli and meet our new steward, even if there wasn’t a queue of people buying jugs. It also appeared that our new steward hasn’t had the full job description explained yet as she appeared unaware of the washing and ironing duties.
My North Oxford
work colleague is still experiencing poor reception from
The Cumnor Training Squad (CTS) were well aware that there were going to be a couple of testing sessions before our encounter with Epsom on Saturday. First of all there was the climax of the pumpkin growing season (and I trust that you have all got your seeds in for next year!) the Annual Cumnor versus Bampton Pumpkin competition. Things returned to normal this year with Bampton walking away with all of the trophies except one. The exception being the cup for the best Cumnor pumpkin.
By the time the
results were announced a fairly large gathering of locals were packing the bar
of The Bear and Ragged to hear the pumpkin results and, more importantly, to
hear the announcement of who was to be the Mayor Of Cumnor for the next twelve
months. Key duty of The Mayor is the welfare of the ducks on the pond, and the
ducks know this and had beaten a retreat into the undergrowth, or emigrated to
A quiet Tuesday ensued, indeed the rest of the week passed without incident until Friday when it was Cotswold House Bonfire party. Bring a firework and a bottle says the invites issued annually and the Wilsdons hospitality was up to normal standards. I think they must be using steroids or something in fireworks these days. In my youth I remember the Volcano: a burst of various colours before a single explosion, and that was that. Not today! The performance of some is quite staggering with explosion following explosion – more Viagra than Volcano, hey ho! As well as a fine barrel of Wychwood Shires in the garage and some excellent wine and food in the kitchen, there was a large number of fireworks to enliven the clear night sky and keep three people bury for about forty minutes ensuring a continuous display. But there’s always one! Some neighbour arrived complaining about the noise and threatening to call the police and contact a local magistrate he claimed to know. He was obviously a new neighbour who was unaware of this regular (?20+ year old) traditional party at Cotswold House. It was unfortunate that his magistrate frien was abroad this year else we could have invited him further into the garden to meet him. As it was he declined a seat on top of the viewing platform specially constructed for the event and went off muttering various threats embellished with adjectives that his accompanying son shouldn’t listen to. So, as he ddidn’t want to sit there, we lit the platform anyway, and very warm it was. A little later The Mayor and I had to de-camp to The Bear in order to ensure that all the food orders for the Hobos dinner the following night had been received and understood and to compare the Timmy Taylors to the Shires.
Saturday morning dawned bright and beautiful. A leisurely walk beside the Thames with the dog before a scrambled egg breakfast, a bit of rugby and then off to St Edwards for our 11 o’clock push back. Things weren’t looking good! Eleven Falcons present and correct, then Elliot arrives and we know we are in trouble: no oppo.! They, meantime had followed all sorts of misguided routes from Epsom and managed to find our NOSC ground where they sat and waited for us (despite having confirmed that they would come direct to St Edwards, indeed one of them actually got lost and turned around at the school before going to NOSC). Eventually they decided to stir themselves and join us and the game got underway.
It was immdediately obvious that we had been put off by this Epsom tactic of keeping us waiting. That is normally our prerogative! They were looking distinctly useful, we weren’t really looking. I think we did eventually take the lead, they then equalised, took the lead themselves, so we equalised and so we decided it was half time. Oh, the line up:
TRO
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers Ellio Humph
DC Henn JAB PC JAR
However, at half time, JPAR replaced PC who had “done something” and we scored one or two more from the right, replaced Hughbie with The Pope and moved Ellio to fullback with the Pope taking centre stage; a change around not fully appreciated by Henn! Did for us though, and despite their getting a third we ran out 5-3 winners with four goals from DC on the right and one form JAR on the left. Well played everybody!
Jan’s killer
chilli was much appreciated by a friendly Epsom bunch and we slowly dribbled
away to lick our pulled bits and prepare for
So, for all those who have complained about me not mentioning the results each week let me tell you the clues are there! You just have to work it out. For those for whom this is too much, well……
We have now won
7, drawn 1, lost 1, scored 41, conceded 18, jugs earned 3, jugs bought 2. Lost
to Chippenham, drawn with
Week ending Saturday 15th November.
Last Saturdays match was at the 11th hour, thus providing adequate time for a warm-down followed by forty winks before we were due at the B & RA for the Hobo’s dinner. Who the h… are the Hobos you may ask. Good question. Absolutely no idea, but it was a good dinner. It was a couple of years ago when I first heard mention of “The Hobos”. Apparently they were some cricket team that TRO (The Recumbant One) Wilsdon played for on a Thursday evening. So, in the summer of 2002 I went along to take a look and sit on the steps of Cumnor Cricket Club with a beer in my hand, facing the setting sun. Looking directly into the sun without the aid of a sun visor, but with the aid of a beer or so made the antics on the pitch appear within my capabilities (somewhat similar to the “Ugly Bus” phenomenum!) and so I volunteered to start playing cricket again in 2003 after over 35 years.
The Hobos dinner is a congenial affair. We are presented with an impressive print out of stats for the season that informed me that I had taken marginally more wickets than I had “ducks”, and also gave my “fantasy rating”, whatever that meant. This attention to detail further underlined the selfless care of our captain who continuously puts everyone else before himself in the bowling and batting line ups. Mug Of The Season was awarded meaning we could retire to the bar and contemplate what was and what might have been. Happily the food was of good quality, even if the service allowed plenty of glass filling time between courses, but we don’t mind that, do we!
Wednesday found
the keen “trainers” out in force at
TRO
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers PJ Breezie
Henn Gropes JAB JPAR JAR
From the very
outset it was clear that this was to be a “jug free Saturday”, with JAR setting
a clear example to all.
TRO
Mighty Hughbie
Henn JPAR Blommers
DC Gropes JAB Breezie JAR
This change of
line up truly confused
The following comes from Guildfords website reporting on their match against us last week.
I particularly like the way they spotted that most of the attacking came down the left!
15 November
Gondoliers vs.
After one or two sharp halves at The Ship in Ripley, we travelled north to
With inspired half time chat from nearly everyone, we started the second
half as if the scoreline was 0-0 with everything to play for. The Falcons
substituted PJ “The Pope”
Week commencing 15th November
Cumnor Village
Revolving supper is a masterpiece of logistical organisation. It is,
inevitably, a fund raiser and this year the Village Hall and School were the
beneficiaries. People volunteer to host either a starter or main course, or
provide a sweet. We plumped for main this year. This means that we host six people
for a main course, with those people arriving at
The
Sunday morning
saw a leisurely coffee and toast before being collected and whisked to the
Cricket Club in the Popemobile to watch the rugby semi. An excellent atmosphere
and a few Guinness celebrated our win before it was down to the river with the
dog for a pleasant stroll in the fresh air. Then it was brownie point earning
time and we were off viewing fridge freezers at Currys,
Saturday morning
provided a rude awakening. I had failed to spot the black smoke over Noke
signalling the death of The Pope - well,
not actually death, but severe subframe failure in the back department. Could
we contact Wimbo and trundle him out: doubtful as we only had an e-mail
contact. So, off to the Cricket Club somewhat despondent as it seemed only ten
of us were destined for
Talking of coming from behind, I spotted the following in the Ladies 3s match report last week:
“Right guys
let's go round the back...Bang, bang, bang, it won't go in. Frustrated
isn't close to how we're all feeling. “
And so to
For the record, we lined up
TRO
Mighty Hughbie
Henn Sobes Blommers
Gropes JAB PC JAR
And Gropes got our goal.
A residue of
victorious Senators were at the Club on our return and helped us with the warm
down before we made a damp treck home. Need to do better next week when we host
Wokingham (who have beaten
Match Report for week ending 30th
November.
Preparations commenced with a specially
convened light training session on Monday. This started in The Elm Tree,
In the event
there was a very poor turn out at the B & RA Friday but a reasonable amount
of black stuff was consumed. Heavy training consumption had been deemed safe as
our match on Saturday was at home and not starting until 15:30 and we were
featuring a “squad” of players cunningly selected as “Team A” for the first
half and “Team B” for the second. Our opposition posed a considerable threat as
they had beaten Woking this season, and it was
Thankfully, by
TRO
Mighty Hughbie
Blommers Sobes Billers
Henn Gropes DC Breezie Humph
Second half we went for Team B/A:
TRO
Humph Hughbie
Blommers Ellio Biller
DC Gropes JAB Sobes JAR
Our scorers were DC 2, Ellio and Sobes ( I think). They scored 2, so we won 4-2.
Steady warm down as there was to be a very early start Sunday for our Vintage Cup match at Olton & West Warwick.
Vintage Cup Match against Olton & West Warwick and the wheels had come off! We were 3-0 nil down and struggling. Nothing was getting to our strikers in the circle and our Captain Sobes made “the big decision”! Off came Henn to be replaced by JAR, and the centres rocketed across from the right. JAB was twizzeling around in the circle like a dervish and, in doing so, managed a deflection into goal. From another masterly centre JPAR dummied left, went right and slipped in under the keeper. From yet another Twizzle lobbed the keeper and, finally, a pin point through ball from Sobes found JAR on the right edge of the circle and it was duly buried. 4-3 to Falcons.
Then I woke up.
Unlucky for some 13………….!
We lined up:
TRO
Mighty RA
PJ Sobes Clarkie
Henn The Doc JAB JPAR PC
With DC and JAR on the bench.
For those unfamiliar with Falcons terminology, these are:
TRO – The Recumbent One – Richard Wilsdon
Mighty – Mike Kentfield
RA – Richard Allen
PJ – The Pope – Peter Wilson
Sobes – Ian Sobey
Clarkie – Richard Clarke
Henn – Tony Henman
The Doc – Dr Ian Thomson
JAB – Jug Avoidance Bailey – Nick Bailey
JPAR – Julian Patrick Arthur (Paddy) Roche
PC – Peter Curtis
DC – David Cole
JAR – Jug Avoidance Rogues – Rogan Meadows
30 seconds in and JAR was off the bench, PC was moved inside and JPAR was hobbling around the touch line.
I feel a dream coming on!
Alas, no.
Somewhere during the next ten to fifteen minutes they scored, JPAR came back on, they scored, JPAR went back off, JAR back on, they scored. Yes, 3-0 down after 15, 4-0 by half time!
We re-aligned for the second half:
TRO
Mighty RA
Henn PJ Clarkie
DC Doc JAB Sobes JAR
With both JPAR and PC off hobbling.
Whilst they continued to create opportunities, they wasted all but one of them.
We created opportunities and managed to convert two of them.
So 2-1 to us in second half.
They made us welcome in their club and served up an excellent repaste, but we were beaten by a younger and better side and came away with two certain injuries and a couple of possibles. Not looking good for next Saturday.
Match
Report – Saturday 6th December – Polytechnic Away.
It was last Sundays match against Olton in the cup that the wheels fell off with a vengeance. Falcons were left flapping ineffectively. The question was: would there be sufficient life left for the nexr game? With the injury list lengthening with every game would we get eleven out onto the park next Saturday. If we did it would be for the first time this season that we had managed to take eleven to a Saturday away game.
And so the
appeals went out for players…..and the call was answered. By Thursday PJ was
predicting a veritable plethora of talent at his disposal. A big sigh of relief
all round and off to the training ground to celebrate. A short, sharp session
on the black stuff, purely in the call of duty. Had to get our dinner orders in
and the money paid and had to check up on the finer details of the Mayors Lunch
the following day. Work forced myself
and TRO to forego the ten pin bowling and associated morning activities and we
joined the assemblage at the B & RA around
Fortunately we
were not meeting until
Eventually we depart – A40, M40, M25, M4 to Junction 3, but did this register with Gropes? Despite dawdling along at 80 we reach J3 with no sign of him. We sit and wait in the layby and he flashes past in the outside lane. TRO sets of in hot pursuit on foot and catches him up at the traffic lights and we all make it to the ground, even Huggie.
This all brings further problems for PJ as he has now to worry about the line up. We are again going for a game of two halves with Plan A in the first half and Plan B in the second. Plan A involves:
TRO
Blommers Sobes
Ellio PJ RA
Henn Gropes Huggie OW DC
With Mighty on the whistle
Plan B features:
TRO
Blommers Mighty
Ellio PJ RA
Henn Gropes Huggie Sobes DC
With OW whistleing.
The Poly packed their defence and had one particularly useful forward. They led, we equalised, had two goals disallowed and went for Plan B.
They scored two quick ones, we looked as though that could be it but worked our way back into it and made our superior training regime tell. The fitter side won with two each from Huggie and Sobes.
They were magnanimous in defeat and congratulated us on our superior fitness over a few excellent pints of Fullers. And then it was off to Lewknor and the Leathern Bottle which, of course, was closed so it was back to Tetsworth and that portrait. Different bar maid this time and it definitely wasn’t her.
But now our
troubles start again. We are away to Chippenham for a
Report for week ending 13th Dec. Chippenham away.
Well, we thought we had eleven for an away match on a Saturday for the first time this season…..wrong! HTY (Humph The Younger) pulled out Saturday morning and there we were, back to ten again. The main body of players got the arrangements right, and turned up at the B & RA, this weeks designated meeting place. Several re-counts by PJ, a couple of role calls, and finally he was happy that everyone was accounted for, and off we jolly well went. JAR made a valiant attempt at collecting another player en-route but it turned out that, despite an encouraging nudge at the Chippenham roundabout, he wasn’t inclined to join us.
It was dull,
damp and dreary. Chippenham were looking youthful, and so it proved. Our
average age of 50 – 60 did not have the legs to match their 40 – 50 average. We
managed to get eleven onto the pitch, thanks to a loan from Chippenham and to a
member of the England LX party who had not managed to find his way home from
their gathering at
TRO
Mighty LX
Blommers PJ Loan
PC Sobes Twizzle Humph JAR
We scored first (JAR) and last (Sobes). They scored three in between. They were their usual excellent company in the bar afterwards and, when we left, we bade farewell not just to them, but to their clubhouse. We look forward to our next visit when they will have moved across the cricket pitch into their splendid new premises.
Meantime, for us it was back down the M4/A420 and into the B & RA for a quick bit of limbering up in preparation for our team dinner there. We eventually lined up:
Blommers,
Robson,
Once again, as the away side, we were short but made up for it by indulging fully. Food proved excellent VFM and, once the IPA had run out we were forced onto the Rocking Rudolf – rock on! All too soon they were calling time on us and we had to disperse for some kip before cheering on the U18’s at NOSC in their 6-3 cup win over Southampton Sunday morning. Meantime The Pope is preparing for his Christmas Day address, preceeded by a key encounter with the 3A’s this coming Saturday. The phones will be ringing again and, particularly for this key encounter with pride at stake, ringers are very welcome!
FALCONS 4 – 3A’s 2: Saturday 20th December
League and all
proper fixtures over it was time to concentrate on that period of serious
alcohol abuse that is Christmas. The Falcons Team Dinner at the B & RA
provided an excellent kick off (or is it push back) but then took a rapid nose
dive on Monday. We had been invited to one of those annual drinks do’s that
people host at this time of year. I thought I had persuaded the
Pardon!?!
Did I hear that right?
“Now, Rogan, what would you like?”
I think I just managed to get the word beer out, and so ginger it was.
It was one of those cleverly conceived affairs where you enter through the front door, go straight down the hall to the kitchen, pick up your drinks, and take a chicane into the conservatory. From there one circles on, out of the other conservatory door and into the dining area edging forward into the lounge area, before taking a right into the hall and a left out of the front door. Trouble is people obstructions meant that it was 21:00 before we exited the front door and put on some heavy revs (if this is the right expression for walking fast) and generated some wheel spin down the drive and sharp left and left again into the B & RA car park where we had thoughtfully left the car so that we would not obstruct the road or pavement on a bend! As we entered the Bear we detected a fast approaching presence behind us and in whizzed Liz and John Harrop who had also just made it under the fence having failed with the Trojan Horse approach of drinkies escape.
A couple of Rocking Rudolfs later and we were feeling more mellow and, by the third, JH was waxing lyrical about how his class of sixty something had all passed History, and he reckoned that included me!
N.B. Nick Harris – yes JH reckoned I passed History! That meant he also reckoned I attended his classes! Is that how you remember it Nick? It certainly isn’t how I remember it. True, I was in his class for history, but as for being there/attending. Let alone passing!
Ah, well, Rocking Rudolf is a very acceptable pint and is 5% on the Richter scale, so perhaps we can excuse JH.
So what has all this got to do with our victory over the 3As you may ask. Good question. Fact is that our line up for this much vaunted (by the 3As) encounter was:
NPN (Near Post Nightmare – read on)
Mighty Sobes
Blommers PJ RA
Henn TR (The Ringer) JAB OW ROROR (Roll On, Roll Off Rogues)
And The Ringer was JH’s son, Ian Harrop, recruited as a result of our Monday night session.
Now the 3A’s had been very confident. On arrival I was greeted with the words
“Ready for your defeat then?”.
We older and
wiser heads were more sanguine about things and ambled out to admire some
synchronised warm ups going on in the mould of
Eventually we persuaded them to stop warming up and managed to get the game underway. Their reluctance to start immediately became obvious as Falcons took an early lead from an incisive though ball to ROROR who took the ball into the circle and drilled it past FTC (Felix the Cat) who didn’t move. The crack of the back board said it all. Fifteen minutes later and it was 3-0 with contributions from Sobes and OW and the volume from the 3A’s was increasing!
We had to do something to quieten things down for the sake of the neighbours. And so TRO elected to become NPN by somehow allowing a shot from the goal line but well wide of the goal to enter the net unhindered. Well, at least it quietened them down. It was at this point that the Falcons remembered the time of year: the festive season, the season of good will to men, the season when one gives presents and so we gave them not one, but two. A Sobes own goal was followed by a cracker from DC – yes, that is David Cole, a Falcon.
So, in fairness,
we are not claiming the Sobes own goal but feel it utterly reasonable to claim
all those scored by Falcons. Thus 4-2 to us with our goals coming from Sobes,
N.B. John Harrop: OW is
not an Old Waynflete, but is Mark Crampton Smith who has the initials MCS (
Addendum to the report of the Falcons Fabulous Festive Triumph.
As I walked the dog this morning I pondered over what I had just wrote and realised that I had failed to mention what was probably the goal of the game. Not only that, I had also failed to mention the partner to Rogues RORO role – JPAR. Now, back to the goal of the game.
Trouble was, if that was the goal of the game, and scored by a 3A, what was really the score? From the front line things can sometimes become a little unclear in the Falcons defending department. In retrospect I suspect that the “Sobes own goal” was simply a deflection that resulted in a goal being scored. However there is no doubt about the first and lest goals of the game being “crackers”! I won’t overplay the first goal, but the last was a cool, clinical conversion by a young lad who has abviously been taking lessons from his Godfather. Nice one Tobes!
Thus, Falcons
goals from ROROR, OW,
All that remains is to wish you all a very happy Christmas and New Year.
Keep up the training and we will see you in 2004.
Saturday 10th January –
Festivities over
and it is back to the business of Vets League. Top dogs (or “birds”) are there
to be shot at, and
Selection was a problem. The selection problem was publicised and promoted a paucity of solutions but a profligation of possible permutations in potential line ups of the future if one used the PJ Points system, or was it the Horace Bachelor Infradraw method. Nightmare scenarios that involved Henn at centre half, Mighty at centre forward and JAB at full back, not to mention whom might be wearing the box! However we resolved to resolve it during the warm down after the main event.
In the event we had a squad of 13 and, despite all advise to the contrary, had PJ umpiring. Thus we started with:
NPN (Near Post Nightmare)
Mighty Humph (in his
Ellio Sobes OW
Henn Gropes JAB JPAR PC
With ROROR and DC on the bench.
All our preparations paid off and we raced into a two goal lead with contributions from OW and JAB. However, we then ran out of steam and they came back into the game to make it 2 – 2 at half time, including an NPN!
Second half saw
a second line up with DC replacing Henn and ROROR replacing PC and JPAR and
Gropes swapping sides. This made all the difference, and
Back in the bar and the Ruddles was going down nicely along with the Killer Chilli – an extra bite for the new year. Discussion regarding “selection policy” veered from the points for playing meaning you play, to the need for a balanced side. It was generally agreed that any reports from the Kualar Lumpa Times, Telegraph, Star and News Of The World could safely be discounted as they had all failed a doping test and, anyway, it was a game of three halves! Meantime the list of names available for Amersham away numbered nine, so there is obviously still work to be done. It would be really nice to have a real selection problem that meant we were oversubscribed for away games as well as home matches. We live in hope and trepidation.
Week Ending
Life seems to be
taking a somewhat different shape this season. No attempt is made to feature on
a hockey pitch in Adastral colours on a Sunday afternoon, simply to
occasionally stand on the side and support.
Following this, sporting involvement can extend to taking in the rugby
and/or soccer on Sky. What it is to be an all rounder! However even these
simple pleasures are having to be “bought” this season in the form of taking
the
Thus it was that
last Sunday (11th) I was despatched to the river in appalling
conditions to walk the dog. Then, after a change of clothing, it was off to the
Maybush alongside the river on the opposite bank of the
So, it took me until Thursday to recover from the surfeit of TV sport and venture out. In doing so I discovered that Robin, one of the B & RA’s efficient bar staff, was due to celebrate her 20th birthday the following evening. Further enquiries elicited the fact that she liked flowers, chocolate and needed a (good!?!) man. Well, we had to rise to the challenge so, as we departed that evening, we liberated the vase of flowers in the foyer. At vast expense a large bar of Toblerone was purchased and suitably re-packaged with a slip stating “batteries not included”. The liberated flowers were also re-packaged and all were presented at the end of a steady session in the B & RA Friday evening. And very well received they were.
Meantime we had
been mentally preparing for our trip on Saturday to Amersham & whoever
(Chalfont). A
However, lets
start before we return! Ellio arrived what was, for him, a fortnight early and
five cars at Cutteslowe were filtered into two for the journey. Vague rumours
were afoot that the M25 was closed around
NPN
Mighty Wimbo
Ellio PJ Blomm
PC Gropes JAB Sobes ROROR
We took the lead and they equalised following a controversial non award for a hit for feet. PJ had his dander up. Having warned us to expect some fairly uncompromising treatment from the oppo it looked like we were giving as good as we got. Gropes got a second, again from a ROROR set up, but they again equalised. Half time talk contained all the usual stuff about working for each other, passing it around and not giving it away. However PJ got in the key sentence “If we win I am buying the beer.”
Sobes scored his usual short corner effort, they got another. One of theirs was rumoured to be a mighty deflection wrong footing our keeper. However everything was eclipsed by Sobes goal of the season – wondrous! So we departed 4-3 to the good and also mindful of the fact that Gropes had been none too subtle in his effort at jug avoidence from another ROROR tee up. He allowed the ball to trickle past him in front of an open goal and decided to try and make it look difficult by rolling over long after the ball had gone.
Those returning
to
Week Ending
Very focussed build up to the main event this week. Solitary training session reserved fro Friday night at the B & RA where they were celebrating Burns Night. The diners were still seated and eating when we (the training squad) arrived and “the music” was limbering up. “The music” took the form of one electric guitar, one fiddle and one full drum kit: very Scottish. Not only that but they were in semi detached mode in that the guitarist and fiddler were just around the corner from the drum kit. Our helpful suggestion that the drum kit would be better placed just outside the window where, at least, the drummer could see what was going on was not met with enthusiasm.
However the IPA was descending nicely, Gerry in her kilt was looking good and Robyn was looking leeringly good! Eventually the dancing got going and a few reels were performed in various directions and the evening gradually drained to a near standstill. So we went home. Later that morning, with the sun up it was glorious at Bablock Hythe walking the dog before the fish and chips, a spot of football and then off to NOSC to discover who was in our line up to face Havant – a new opposition for us.
As usual the oppo were much in evidence before we were anything like a team. PJ had discovered another muscle to pull and was sporting the whistle once again, leaving us with a line up of eleven from twelve. We started with:
NPN
Mighty Sobes
Blommers Ellio OW
PC Gropes JAG JPAR ROROR
With RA on the bench.
They roared into a two goal lead and we were struggling to find any sort of rhythm. ROROR decided it was time to Roll Off and RA came on at the back realeasing Sobes into the front line. Half time and still 2-0 down and some hard talking and re-arranging of the forwards putting JPAR on right wing and PC on the left with Sobes at left inner.
Now we were motoring. Play down the right was a dream and they were barely getting out of their half. Have we found the ideal combination now and JPAR was passing left! Well he had to really given he was right wing, but it proved he can! (Are you reading this, Henn?) Trouble was we were not scoring. All the possession, 350 short corners and no goal!. All the territorial advantage, 15 minutes to go and still 2-0 down.
Then we cracked them, then we did it again. They were rocking. 5 minutes to go and two all. Then we got a third. Then they won their first short corner of the match. Before they could take it PJ blew for full time to ensure that they couldn’t win, but they could equalise.
Their hit out was hard and true.
Their stop was good.
A little push forward into the D.
A cracking shot flew low to our keepers right.
No problem, good wide angle which N(ear) P(ost) N(ightmare) should be able to deal with.
NPN spreads himself across the astro.
No sound of ball against pads.
There is the sound of a loud crack as ball connects with wood………………………..and rebounds off post to be cleared by RA!
We’ve won, we’ve got out of gaol!
The great escape?
No never in doubt, and well left by NPN at the corner!
Give them some beer, heat them up with Killer Chilli and wish them farewell.
It’s getting hotter at the top!
Then it was Burns Night part two…but I will save that for another day.
Week ending
Havants
departure last Saturday was extremely timely in that it allowed me to arrive
home in good time. Last year I was much maligned for being late: late to get
home, late to pick up
However forward planning again played it’s part and a good supply of cans was carted in. And then, between the haggis and the puddings, the earning of brownie points paid dividends. “The men” were allowed 20 minutes and we scooted off round to the B & RA for a quick couple of Tanners. Well ,one and a half and we took the unfinished half back with us just in time to get our selection from the pudding counter.
Now I, personally, like internal organs and, whilst haggis does tend to be a bit dry without any gravy (hence the need for beer), it is very tasty. Not unlike our much revered after match killer chilli it does have it’s after effects. And this week, the week of the Hutton Report, is the week for after effects and made me realise that word has got around the Wessex Alliance (our hockey league) regarding the Falcons. The evidence is clear from the appearance of our opposition. Unlike ourselves in our rag bag selection of tops, bottoms, shirts, socks, our opposition these days are all kitted out immaculately. Smart matching shirts, lightweight materials, matching track suits are very much in evidence.
Yes folks, word has got around about Falcons training regime and the fare presented to our visitors:
IPA
Hook Norton
Tanners Jack
Ruddles
Killer Chilli
Word is the Falcons have WMD: Weapons of Mass Destruction. Look at the list above and it is easy to see how this comes about. Remember WMD are accepted to be Chemical and Biological weapons and look at that list, mix it together, and what a lethal outcome you have.
Now, what makes me realise we’ve been rumbled? It is the attire of our opposition - it is their protection.
The 1998 Army Science and Technology Master Plan details the defense against chemical and biological weapons and states, for clothing:
“…selectively permeable membranes laminated to lightweight shell fabrics provide low thermal insulation and high vapour transmission.”
So, our oppo have got wise and are taking protection seriously. However, what can we do to help the unwary? What are the key elements to de-contamination? Again I quote the 1998 Master Plan:
“…decontamination materials with high catalytic properties, long shelf life, and an ability to function under a broad range of temperatures..”.
In other words: keep a good supply of bog paper available in the clubhouse and make sure it doesn’t suffer from the damp.
I am sure that we have not heard the last of this. There are likely to be calls for an inquest into whether Falcons really do possess these weapons and the source of the information. There could also be discussions regarding the actual threat posed by them, whether they are simply battlefield weapons or whether we posses missiles capable of threatening others outside of NOSC. There are already claims that the reports on Falcons activity have been “sexed up” and do not represent a true reflection of the intelligence available. Others claim that all the intelligence is single sourced and is certainly not to be found on the right. This could run and run.
On the other hand, with a bit of luck, it might all get forgotten when, next week, we have a game of hockey to report upon.
Who knows.
Who cares!
If you wish to see more regarding our strike force – take a peek at the Falcons web page.
Week Ending 8th February
One refusal, one recovery, one headache, a second recovery, a loss and a win. That was the week that was.
The refusal: an attempt to go to TWH for a pint on Wednesday night, only to find the place closed.
The recovery: a successful attempt at a pint (or two) at TWH Thursday night. New leaseholder now in place who is an ex partner in the Wychwood Brewery famed for its Dogs Bollocks (bitter!) and Hobgoblin chain of pubs. He knows his beer, therefore, and aims to keep six on the pumps once fully up and running. In the immediate future TWH will be closed for a few weeks for “refurbishment” with the aim of being fully functional by Easter. By that time expect to find it redecorated within and a landlady in charge. Food is going up market but drinkers will still be welcome. Well, that’s the aim.
The headache: Friday morning, a real stonker which is most unusual for me. Two soluble aspirin and a day at work overcame this affliction and we were ready for:
The second recovery: Friday night voluminous quality check on the IPA in the B & RA.
The loss: 2-1
down to
NPN
Robbie RA
OW Ellio Humph
Henn Gropes JAB Sobes PC
With Mighty on the whistle.
Second half we lined up with Mighty for Robbie and ROROR on for PC.
We equalised, but they got another almost immediately. Sobes was doing his normal mesmeric antics resulting in them not laying any stick on ball, but plenty of stick on stick, body on body and anything else on anything that threatened to get passed. As usual the umpire was not swayed by our attempts at persuasion. Thankfully their beer made up for their teas.
The win: the 1’s won. Yes, the 1’s won. A (mostly) good display gave a 4-2 result over Hounslow, and they were well worth it. Could this be a season of two halves? For the 1’s we would like to think so. For ourselves, no thank you.
Meantime the rumble in the jungle(drums) continues. Many of you will have missed the interchange of e-mails regarding Falcons selection policy a little while ago. It was caused by The Pope predicting a surfeit of players and musing that selection might take a “first come first served” turn. This, at first sight, seemed a reasonable way of dealing with the problem until one of our quicker brains recognised the danger lurking beneath the surface. What if the first eleven replies resulted in an “unbalanced” side was the question posed using the example of the Henn at centre mid field. Shock, horror, was the reaction. Mass defections to the 3A’s were threatenend. Shock, horror was also expressed by Henn who provided evidence of his mid field capabilities c/o the Kuala Lumpar Sport (or something like that). This is the newspaper whose English equivalent found a double decker bus on the moon, if my memory serves me right. However, all the protestations were silenced by a single pronouncement from The Pope who calmly reminded everyone that
“you have to have intelligence to play in mid field”.
We have heard nothing from anyone since, indeed the Henn promptly left the country.
But we couldn’t leave it there, could we?
Falcons thoroughness in the search for truth demands an enquiry.
It was Government Intelligence that provided proof regarding WMD.
Now it is Falcons WMD that is demanding proof of Intelligence.
Yes, Falcons WMD (Writers of Mendacious Diaries) demand to know if Intelligence can be found in our midfield. We have a team of experts on the case and they have been probing deeply into key cranial outcrops to see what they can find. Watch this space.
Saturday 14th February –
Problem with playing in a league/alliance
is that the results are published as are the league positions. Now, it is very
nice to win and excellent to have been declared champions in our first season
in the league (even if we hadn’t realised). However, we are now experiencing
the other side of things. Last season we won the league without knowing which
were league games and which weren’t. This season everyone is more aware,
including our opposition. And the trouble has been that we were, again, heading
the table. It appears that we are there to be shot at and, for the last two
weeks, it has felt a bit like “bomb alley” in the
We are now 2nd
in the table behind
U18s v.
1s v Indian Gym
at
See you there.
Back to last week – the WMD search for “Intelligence” continues. This took us to CCC (Cumnor Cricket Club) last Friday night for the Cumnor Minors (FC) quiz night. And we found “Intelligence” and it wasn’t in midfield! In fact it was in the shape of “The Side Line Coaches”. Well, we can all do that, that’s easy! Our team (the Night Mayors – captained by the Mayor Of Cumnor) proved no match for this adjoining table of Side Liners, despite our marking their quiz papers. However we obliterated them on the beer leg(s). So we did not stay for the prize giving but headed across the road to the B & RA to see Saturday in.
Fitting people into cars and then onto the pitch Saturday afternoon was no easier than quiz night the night before. However we did all make it to Guildfords smart new club house and astros and eventually figured out how to fit twelve into eleven – rolling subs taking a quarter off. Not only this but we were going to play our SMC formation. Now the SMC formation was, apparently, devised by The Pope and Sobes over the telephone during the week. Now I have always been very wary of these 0800 telephone conversations and am not convinced about this particular one. However we went for it – SMC – Sobes Midfield Cover – which meant that Blommers played behind Sobes in midfield giving us three across the back and midfield, and four up front. The four up front being subject to the RORO formulation (Roll On Roll Off).
Thus we atarted:
NPN
Mighty Blomm Robbie
JPAR Sobes MCS
Henn Gropes JAB PC
With ROROR replacing PC after 18, who then replaced Gropes who then replaced Henn.
First half we had the better of albeit already experiencing the effect of their bulldozer. Second half – the portents were not good when we observed that the Henn was now playing behind JPAR, dangerously close to a mid field role. Time to get him off. They competed hard, we failed to score, they managed to get one in the net. Their Youngs was very acceptable but then it was straight home as we had a dinner party to go to at The Mayors.
Meantime the investigation continues: WMD have not yet completed their search for Intelligence. Extensive excavations have taken place but the results are, as yet, unpublished. We wait and hope.
Saturday 21st February – Wokingham away
–
But it hadn’t
always been thus. After the last two weeks no-one was feeling confident and we
were well aware that we needed to re-assert ourselves in the “
PJ had a plan: “Henn can only play on the wing so……….” Bad start! He (Henn) might be intent on proving a point later! However, Henn would be off for the first 12 minutes to be followed by ROROR, JAB, POS (who? Wait and see), Gropes and someone else (DC) in roughly that order at 12 minute intervals.
So we lined up:
CSW (Clean Sheet Wilsden)
Mighty Blommers
PJ Sobes RA
DC Gropes JAB POS (Paddy O’Shit which is his own reference to his passing capability) ROROR
With OW umpiring and Henn sub.
First half: excellent hockey.
Half time – just lay off their (tricky) centre half, he is so slow. Don’t commit, just back off.
So we did and there goes the clean sheet again.
Second half: not so good, but good enough for a 4-1 win.
Back home with a decent, warm feeling this week. We are back in winning ways and so are the “1’s” with their excellent victory over Indian Gym.
For us it is a
“six pointer” this Saturday against
Saturday
28th February –
Barford Tigers 1
|
10 |
16 |
4 |
1 |
11 |
30 |
64 |
-34 |
13 |
|
|
11 |
15 |
3 |
1 |
11 |
26 |
55 |
-29 |
10 |
|
|
12 |
15 |
1 |
3 |
11 |
20 |
51 |
-31 |
6 |
An excellent end to an excellent week.
Mind you it was all looking a little confusing in the early stages. Predictions of the return of the “Horace Batchelor Infra-draw method” for Falcons selection proved slightly false. However it brought back vivid memories of tuning in to Radio Luxemburg to listen to our favourite records as they faded across the airwaves interspersed with adverts from the man from Keynsham spelt K E Y N……etc.
Universal appeals for help from fellow international veterans brought a rapid response from one
Anthem O’Nany
who claimed extensive, international, midfield experience at veterans’ level
hockey. Thankfully he was referred to the WMD who undertake all investigations
into “intelligence” and duly exposed as an impostor. Not only an impostor but
an (il)legal anagram as well. So, we were back to our old faithfuls and
familiars I am pleased to say. All fifteen of us. If we couldn’t outplay
Our Wessex Alliance requires that we play each other, but not necessarily twice. Points are calculated by dividing the points earned by games played. Thus we had 2.19 to Wokings 2.07. All set for a key fixture at high noon at NOSC.
Which brings me
to the TaTB. Two weeks ago it was decided that it was time for an “office
re-union” for a few of us who used to work together. After a plethora of
E-mails a date was set (last Friday) and a venue selected. The venue selected
was then featured and praised in the Travel supplement of the Telegraph on the
Saturday making us wonder if we would be able to get in after all this
publicity. It appeared that we were not the only ones to take note and it is
suspected that some of the local competition decided to take matters in hand
and mounted a river bourn raid resulting in the roof being set on fire and our
booking imperilled. However, repairs got
under way and the roof was swathed in scaffolding and plastic sheeting and the
kitchen brought back into service in time for our arrival on Friday and a
serious quantity of Youngs bitter and some excellent food later and we were
wafted home by taxi. I can recommend the Trout at
Up early and walk the dog and then it was off to NOSC to see whether the Pope Plan of operation was to be adopted in unadulterated form. It was, if anybody could remember what it was ‘cos the Pope had forgotten to print it out. We could remember that Anthem O’Nany was not going to feature in midfield, but Henn was going to be on the wing to start. CSW was in goal to start with, his position due for re-assessment based upon performance. So, it was:
CSW
Blommers Robbie
PJ Sobes Ellio
Henn POS JAB OW ROROR
With DC on the whistle and Humph, PC and Mighty on the bench.
They started strongly, but we got a goal, then another and another. We were on song.
Second half saw CSW retained in the hope of realising a seasons ambition and the rest moving around to give:
CSW
Mighty Blomm
Ellio PJ Humph
PC Sobes JAB POS DC
And OW blowing and the rest of us on standby in hope of someone breaking down (Henn, Robbie, ROROR). No-one did! We scored more, they scored two! Dirty sheet yet again matched by the language when that first one went in.
Five goals for Sobes who was tremendous, one each for ROROR, POS and JAB.
Saturday 6th March – Polytechnic – home.
It was Saturday
4th October that the Falcons dribbled off to Oxted in the hope that
those going direct would make it and that the oppo. had managed to find us a
keeper. The answer proved to be yes and no. No, not everyone turned up, but
yes, they had got us a keeper. Ten of us worked hard to earn a 2-0 win and
chalk up the first clean sheet of the season. We were not slow to make our
missing keeper aware of this clean sheet. Since then, inevitably, the tension
has been mounting. Despite scoring nine goals against
Can anyone remember a record “It’s Good News Week” and who recorded it? I can remember the tune **. Well it was inevitable, it was foretold. It was “Clean Sheet Week”, it just had to be. In fact it was going to be, whatever happened.
And so it was. Polytechnic arrived in advance of most of the Falcons. We were very concerned that we had the time right as, with 15 minutes to go, Ellio arrived. Much negotiation with the 3A’s meant that we were featuring FTC (Felix The Cat) in goal and, as a result, were loaning them a couple of our fittest and finest. We were oversubscribed once more, especially as we had obtained the services of Dad 2 B, the Easterbunny, to whistle. An interesting decision (see below). We started:
FTC
Mighty Humph
PJ Sobes Ellio
DC Gropes JAB POS PC
With ROROR on the bench and Henn in support.
It looked like we were going to take charge as POS slotted in clinically from the top of the circle. The goal was awarded by their umpire, who was nearly level with the shot. However, Dad 2B intervened from afar and disallowed the goal, adjudging the ball to have been outside of the circle when struck. Paddy O’Shit Shot expressed himself singularly unimpressed, Karen (Mum 2B) verified that Dad 2B was never sure when it was in. Much discussion amongst all parties eventually concluded that it was just inside the circle (this was oppo’s conclusion) whilst we decided that it was nearer the 25 than the circle. It was a little later that Gropes squeezed one in amongst a mangle of players.
Second half saw
ROROR introduced in order to warm him up for the 3A’s at
Text messages
were immediately despatch to those on the piste to let them know how much they
had been missed and we were into the
warm down with the Jimmy Riddles and Killer Chilli. Poly enjoyed our
hospitality meaning we missed the ladies 1s game. Whilst our mens 1s were
gaining a good draw the 3A’s with Grandad and Dad (ROROR and OW) were also
earning a draw at
So, we stay top
but have to face
** Many subsequent E-mails (thanks to saddoes Pat Badderley and Barry Jameson) informed that it was Hedgehopper Anonymous who recorded Good News Week.
Saturday 13th March –
It was meant to be away but they could
not get a pitch. They asked us if we could find a pitch and St Edwards was
booked for an
OGS is old
fashioned, cheap and cheerful and an absolutely excellent experience for everyone.
Those taking part have an experience of a life time as part of a “gang”
appearing in front of an audience in a large theatre. Those attending are
paying a very small amount to support a very worthy cause and, if you actually
know someone in it, you will not escape that glow of pride in achievement. Gang
Show always ends in good time, and this year was no exception. So it was a
quick getaway to join the trainers at B&RA for that final furlong, or so.
PD abandoned the oldies to go in search of younger “talent” at CCC, only to
return with the Mayor Of Cumnor who had been putting in some early net
practice! Before lomg PD and
Saturday dawned.
I awake PD as we were due at Autopark, Kidlington to pick up new (second hand)
car before I had to play. All was well.
Sparkling Chrysler Neon with new windscreen, MOT, service, tax and warranty was
ready for driving away, and away it went leaving me to wander up to BRN and
leave messages to redirect
It was destined, it was always going to be. After last weeks clean sheet without CSW in goal it was odds on that this week, with CSW back between the sticks, we would have a clean sheet. And so we did. Not only that but, with ROROR putting in a full appearance just what Falcons had been missing all year would be displayed. And so it was. ROROR was mesmeric. There was only one team in it and CSW kept one!
ROROR duly returned to BRN and celebrated with a jug, watched the end of the Ladies 2’s and the start of the Ladies 1’s before retiring for the afternoon in preparation for his cameo role as Dr No at the party.
Spot of light limbering up at the B&RA en-route (it is generally considered “bad manners” to turn up at a party on an empty stomach) with Miss World, The Lion, The Witch (but no wardrobe), Little Red Riding Hood, Annie Oakley, Ozzie Osborne, and half a dozen Al Capones before we were off around the corner and into the marquee for the night. The Hook Norton lasted pretty well, the food even better, whilst The Lion was having distinct problems drinking without removing his mask. There were some excellent fancy dresses and some wet individuals who hadn’t made the effort.
We made the effort and celebrated with the Glitter Bug (aka CSW), attempted to raise the Lions tale by attaching gas filled balloons and allowed much petting of my pussy (Dr No had a cat!). At some stage, I am told, I was taken home – by Miss World!
Miss World, mesmeric, and a clean sheet!
Saturday 20th March – Havant away.
Havant away - a "must
win" game if we are to retain the
On the
plus(?) side NPN is available - and hasn't let in a goal for over 3 weeks - as
well as Billers who is still adjusting to the taxing pace of Falcons hockey.
Ellio is on time as well - we have a squad of 12 and have travelled in 8 cars -
we follow the 1's onto the pitch who have just been edged out 2-1 by Havant in
the National League. We are dismayed to see the PA system being dismantled
before our game. The line up adopts the Horace Batchelor forward perm as before
- select 5 forwards from 6 and reads as follows
NPN/CSW
Blom Billers
Ellio
Sobes OW
Hen (off
for 12) DC Gropes JAB POS PC
Havant
pack their defence and are clearly looking for a no score draw (haven't they
heard??) - we co operate by dominating and failing to score - Sobes is having an off day with the shorts
as is the Havant umpire. Half time comes - don't panic boys is the message -
move the ball quickly and we will wrap it up - 10 seconds into the re start we
move the ball quickly and Gropes tucks it away - 1-0. A dreary second half sees
Ellio go missing so our radical line up reads
NPN/CSW
Bloms
Billers
Sobes OW Ellio
Our new
formation utterly perplexes the oppo who have no answer to Ellio's libero role
and a Sobes special from our 97th shortie wraps it up. So the bed linen remains
unsullied for another week - how incredible is that - and texts were
immediately despatched to La Manga prison.
Falcons
– 3 consecutive weeks without conceding a goal!***! What is the long sought secret of success for
CSW (Clean Sheet Wilsdon)? The answer is as follows:
Week 1:
go skiing with Blommers and let FTC play in goal
Week 2:
oppo cry off
Week 3: Get serious on the training! Thursday
evening found him doing a few lengths (!) before calling to present ROROR with
the directions to Havant. Jolly useful if you are going to
That’s
the way you get a clean sheet! What are you doing in preparation this week,
CSW?
Bring it
on Amersham next week - nothing can stop us now - Falcons - champions elect.
We were sitting
talking at the bar of the B&RA the other week; discussing the economy,
terrorism and the world situation. Inevitably the subject of
Now, the sign had just gone up behind the bar announcing the date for this years sponsored bike ride. The opportunity was obvious – sponsor Gerry’s tits! Or rather, raise money via the sponsored bike ride that would be used to enhance her bust. This immediately led to a discussion regarding the route for the ride this year and the difficulties we might be facing. Previous years have followed the route:
B&RA, 8 Bells, Thatched Tavern, Plough, White Hart, Dog House, Black Horse, Merry Miller,
Bystander, Greyhound, Vine &/or Cumnor Cricket Club, B&RA.
However the B&RA is just about to have a change of manager, the Bells are closed, Thatched Tavern is/has changed hands, White Hart is closed, Vine is on the market. The route is looking troubled.
Time for a pint.
Alternative strategies could be necessary. Alternatives considered included:
Rose Revived, Maybush, The Pig, Lamb & Flag, Waggon & Horses, Hinds Head.
Trouble is the Rose and the Maybush both
involve that long drag up from the river onto the escarpment. The Pig (Blue
Boar, Longworth) would involve a very long stretch from
In fact, why not just move between CCC and the B&RA.
In fact why move?
This brought us back to the serious reason for the event – sponsorship
And Gerry’s breasts.
Maybe advertising the fact that the bike ride was intended to raise money for bigger barmaids tits might not have universal appeal and might not rate a mention in the Parish Magazine – always good publicity! A slightly less obvious strategy might be needed.
Best get another drink.
Every year to date we have raised money for the SSNAP – Support for Sick Newborn and their Parents. Perhaps what we ought to do is continue this, but split the money raised between the SSNAP and Gerry’s Tits.
Worth considering, and worth another pint.
Fairly recently there has been considerable publicity given to the disappearance/scarcity of various species of bird and mammal. Elephants, voles, sparrows all got a mention. Now we are onto something, we shall do something for the environment (well, it will certainly improve the environment around the B&RA bar!).
Another pint, now we are motoring.
Sparrows: that’s the one! The house sparrow is one of the species that has been mentioned in terms of a large, unexplained, drop in population. So lets raise money for the RSPB. An increase in numbers is what we are looking for (32 to 34), a suitable upturn (in the population). RSPB: Royal Society for the Protection of Birds could become Rogan’s Society for the Provision of Breasts. We are onto something here. And why “sparrows”? Because everyone knows
“Sparrows like breadcrumbs, tits like coconuts”.
Exactly what we are seeking.
Get another pint and lets review where we are with all this.
We have the goal, the objective and the mission statement (Sparrows like………………). By still raising money for the JR Baby Unit we have the cover. And good cover is essential for good sparrows. Back to the effort and the route. Lets just think about this. Potentially fewer pubs this year. Or potentially more miles. Problems. It was becoming apparent that, despite all our best efforts, Gerry might not attain the required level of enhancement in one go. It was looking very like a two stage approach. We were thus faced with further options. We could do one breast this year and the other next. This might entail her going around in circles a bit but it would be a start. Alternatively she could have both slightly enlarged this year and further enhanced next.
Lets think about this a bit more with another pint meantime.
Less pubs or more miles. Less pints or more
knackered. One big one, one small one or both slightly bigger. Tits like
peanuts…. tits like cashews….
Time gentlemen please.
So, there you are. Planning is well under way for this years’ B&RA sponsored bike ride.
Saturday 27th March – Amersham &
Chalfont – home.
The weekend got off to a somewhat
troubled start. I undertook a spot of training, as any hockey player proud of
his fitness would, at CCC and the B&RA Thursday evening. However my
subsequent beauty sleep had to be curtailed by the requirement to ferry
HCFW in goal (Haven’t Conceded For Weeks!)
Blomm Robbo
Ellio Sobes RA
And the HBFP (Horace Batchelor Forward Permutation) of any 5 from 6:
Henn Gropes DC POS OW ROROR.
Chalfont were all, there in good time and were having a team talk in the dressing room. Despite it being a dreary morning POS decided that the pitch should be watered, working on the principle that “if it works, use it”.( Made a mental note to check that one out with Jan next time I see her.) Thus we were sheltering in the shed. The forward line permutated and managed three goals along the way (2 for OW and a goal of the season candidate from DC). Ellio eventually pushed Sobes out of the way in order to receive a shortie. He sliced his shot to the left of the keeper, smugly claiming to have sussed that the keeper was weaker on his left side! 4-0 to Falcons.
Enjoyed the Killer Chilli and the company of the oppo. in the bar afterwards before venturing out to watch our other team of champions – Ladies 1’s. who were also facing Chalfont. The Ladies are obviously better hosts than us! Sunday saw the mens 1s, already safe in the National League following a miraculous recovery after Xmas, go down to Kieren Roche and fellow Buccaneers. Like the Falcons they were suffering from a surfeit of forwards, but would obviously benefit from our training methods in learning how to cope.
Just as you thought I wouldn't mention it any more............it had to be mentioned. The man with more names than anyone else was celebrating! Originally known as RTRG (Ricardo The Recumbant Goalkeeper) due to prevalence for lying down and looking at the ball in the back of the net, he then became NPN (Near Post Nightmare for obvious reasons). And then, as the perception grew that the only time we had failed to concede was when he was away he was kindly christened CSW (Clean Sheet Wilsdon). And then what happened? He went on holiday.............and we kept a clean sheet. Then the oppo cried off: two in a row! Then Havant happened: 2-0 to Falcons with CSW in goal. Then Amersham: 4-0 to Falcons. So now we have HCIWW, as in Havant Conceded In Weeks Wilsdon. And with no Falcons match next week: could be he is on a roll! So we helped him celebrate, especially knowing he had a date with a Senator that afternoon, following our Falcons game. Having heard about his long run of success he was being promoted to our youth squad. Senators result? Five all!
So, Champions! Now we come to the warm down for the season with some friendlies against old foes. Meantime we have the Dinner and Club Day to contend with, all preceded by the re-opening of our favourite training establishment on Friday – TWH. Can’t wait!
Saturday 24th April –
Blimey, it is a month since we last
played and ensured our place as league champions. Owing to re-arranged league
fixtures for MK our friendly with them was postponed until now. So we find two
league champions (Yes, they won their
league) facing each other. There has been a lot of water under the bridge and
beer down the gullet since our last match. TWH has re-opened sporting a good
range of real ales but a new rigidity in closing time! We sampled it well on
first night, working our way steadily along the five pumps before adjourning to
the B&RA for the finale. Quick in-flight call ensured that suitable
refreshments awaited our arrival at B&RA as it was nearing
Easter came and went and then it was Timbers birthday, his 60th! Poor old sod. He gave up hockey donkeys years ago as he couldn’t keep up and, sadly, Sally hasn’t been seen on the pitch either. Still, they can still do a good (lunch time) party with an excellent array of curry’s and beers and people. Weather was kind to us as well so a very mellow Saturday afternoon/evening. For his birthday Timber(tool), as he was once known, was presented with a “Red Letter Day”. One of those things where you choose whether to jump out of a plane with no parachute, bunjee jump off the Shell building, go into space or whatever. Roche and I both reckoned that he should go for the “shag a virgin” option except we couldn’t find it in the book. Shame.
Next day, Sunday 18th April, I
made my 2003/2004 season debut for Adastral in the pouring rain against a
rather young looking PSF. We came second and got very wet. However we were able
to finalise the arrangements for “Dereks Day” at NOSC when we were holding an
Adastral re-union in memory of Gus Holton. It took me to Friday to dry out and
venture out to net practice at CCC. It was the night before their
And then it was Saturday, fine and sunny. Nice dog walk by the river before setting off to NOSC to find MK already well represented. Successfully disrupted their synchronised warm up routine by switching on the pitch watering system, but missed our team talk as a result.
In evidence were:
RTRG
Mighty Blommers Humph
Ellio Sobes OW
Henners PoS DC PC ROROR
Which makes 12. So Mighty watched the first half.
And so it was the clash of the champions and RTRG was going through his complete repertoire. Half time and we were a Sobes goal to the good, which also means a clean sheet at that stage. However, BW (Barnes Wallace – bouncing bomb) “hit the wall” early in the second half and blew up completely. Things were looking messy with Henners trying to take over in midfield. We weren’t having any of that and re-organised and let in a few goals as their superior youth and fitness took its toll (they play in an over 40’s league which they won, compared to our over 50’s). I think it was 4-1 to them in the end but nobody really cared as we had all enjoyed a competitive match and were now going to get stuck in to some Killer Chilli and Ruddles.
Then it was home before departing for St Georges celebrations at CCC followed by Gavins farewell at B&RA. Long night, long night. Excellent ale at CCC, excellent music at B&RA and St Georges flag was kept flying from my flies for most of the night – amazing how one can make it wave around without the use of hands!
Saturday 1st May – City Of
The end of another splendidly enjoyable season. Falcons hockey is both competitive and fun. Competitive because we have players who want to win, fun because we have players who are prepared to have the “mickey” taken out of them and are also prepared to gave as good as they get. We have a lot to be thankful for and especially for the efforts of our much aligned (mostly by me!) goalkeeper for arranging the fixtures and the efforts of our (now) ex club player of the year for his continued efforts to put eleven onto the park despite his own disabilities. And despite those disabilities he still turns up to umpire. I know that we are all very grateful for the effort they make to enable the rest of us to enjoy ourselves.
And so to our final game, the traditional
end to a Falcons season against our old friends from Morris’
FTC
Mighty Humph
Ellio Sobes Billers
PC OW Rmin H ROROR
Their affinity with City had done them no harm with the odd set of young legs on board from their 1st and 2nd XI to supplement the old faithfuls. We took the lead from a beautiful through ball from Sobes, skilfully left by ROROR enabling his Godson to ghost in around the back and slot it home. This was doubtless doubly appreciated by OW who is a self pronounced expert in these “around the back” activities. He has commented, more than once, that it is more enjoyable when it is kept tight at the back.
Our scoring was rounded off by PC who put away one of his trademark outrageous narrow angle jobs. Meantime their legs were giving us the run around and FTC was using up all his lives at the back and we all came away satisfied with an enjoyable game. The Killer Chilli was not in evidence, but a very acceptable Shepherd was duly consumed and washed down by a spot of end of season IPA.
Then it was off into the late afternoon with no plans for our next match, shame.
However the top line for the season is as follows:
Played 28, won 17, drawn 4, lost 7, scored 96, conceded 61.
If one just takes the league results:
Played 20, won 15, drawn 2, lost 3, scored 76, conceded 37.
And have we
enjoyed ourselves?
You bet!
|
Falcons 2003/2004 Season Fixtures |
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Date |
Opposition |
H / A |
Won |
Drawn |
Lost |
For |
Against |
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13-Sep |
|
A |
1 |
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3 |
2 |
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20-Sep |
Chippenham Chipmonks |
H |
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1 |
2 |
3 |
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27-Sep |
Olton & West Warwick |
A |
1 |
|
|
5 |
2 |
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04-Oct |
Oxted Moonshiners |
A |
1 |
|
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2 |
0 |
|
11-Oct |
Reading Vets |
H |
1 |
|
|
9 |
1 |
|
18-Oct |
|
H |
|
1 |
|
4 |
4 |
|
25-Oct |
Haslemere Bluebeards |
A |
1 |
|
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3 |
1 |
|
26-Oct |
Rugeley |
A |
|
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01-Nov |
|
H |
1 |
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8 |
2 |
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08-Nov |
Epsom Vagabonds |
H 11:00 |
1 |
|
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5 |
3 |
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15-Nov |
|
H 15:00 |
1 |
|
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6 |
1 |
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22-Nov |
|
A |
|
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1 |
1 |
6 |
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29-Nov |
Wokingham Vets |
H |
1 |
|
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4 |
2 |
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30-Nov |
Cup Round 2 Olton & WW |
A |
|
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1 |
2 |
5 |
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06-Dec |
Polytechnic |
A |
1 |
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4 |
3 |
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13-Dec |
Chippenham Chipmonks |
A |
|
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1 |
2 |
3 |
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20-Dec |
Hawks 3A's |
H |
|
1 |
|
3 |
3 |
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27-Dec |
|
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03-Jan |
U 16's |
H |
|
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10-Jan |
|
H |
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1 |
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3 |
3 |
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17-Jan |
Amersham & Chalfont |
A |
1 |
|
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4 |
3 |
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24-Jan |
Havant Cavaliers |
H |
1 |
|
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3 |
2 |
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31-Jan |
Epsom Vagabonds |
C |
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07-Feb |
|
A |
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1 |
1 |
2 |
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14-Feb |
|
A |
|
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1 |
0 |
1 |
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21-Feb |
Wokingham Vets |
A |
1 |
|
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4 |
1 |
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28-Feb |
|
H |
1 |
|
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8 |
2 |
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06-Mar |
Polytechnic |
H |
1 |
|
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1 |
0 |
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13-Mar |
|
Cancelled |
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20-Mar |
Havant Cavaliers |
A |
1 |
|
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2 |
0 |
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27-Mar |
Amersham & Chalfont |
H |
1 |
|
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4 |
0 |
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24-Apr |
|
H |
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1 |
1 |
4 |
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01-May |
City Of |
H |
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1 |
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2 |
2 |
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Totals |
28 |
17 |
4 |
7 |
96 |
61 |
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