Oxford Hawks

 

Falcons

 

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Season 2004 - 2005

 

 

 

 

 

 

The story of life in and around Oxford Hawks Falcons.

 

Falcons are a veterans (over 35)/vintage (over 50) side mainly playing friendly matches on a Saturday throughout the hockey season.

 

 

Any similarity to real life found within the stories that follow is purely coincidental.

 

 

 

 


Season 2004 – 2005

 

Date

Opposition

H/A

For

Against

Won

Drawn

Lost

11-Sep

Milton Keynes

10:30

4

2

1

 

 

18-Sep

Chippenham

10:30

2

1

1

 

 

02-Oct

Wimbledon

14:00

5

0

1

 

 

09-Oct

Haslemere

scratched

 

 

 

 

 

16-Oct

Polytechnic

A 1500

3

1

1

 

 

23-Oct

Amersham & Chalfont

A 1500

5

2

1

 

 

30-Oct

Woking

12:00

3

2

1

 

 

06-Nov

Reading

A

2

0

1

 

 

13-Nov

Winchester

12:00

1

2

 

 

1

20-Nov

Wokingham

A

3

1

1

 

 

27-Nov

Guildford

A

4

1

1

 

 

28-Nov

ISCA Vintage Cup

A

1

7

 

 

1

04-Dec

Henley

17:00

5

1

1

 

 

11-Dec

Amersham & Chalfont

10:30

5

2

1

 

 

08-Jan

Woking

A

2

1

1

 

 

15-Jan

Reading

14:00

3

0

1

 

 

22-Jan

Winchester

A

4

1

1

 

 

29-Jan

Wokingham

11:30

4

3

1

 

 

05-Feb

Guildford

15:30

3

0

1

 

 

12-Feb

Henley

A

2

2

 

1

 

19-Feb

Epsom

A

2

2

 

1

 

20-Feb

Bridgenorth - Plate

H

5

0

1

 

 

26-Feb

Havant

15:30

6

1

1

 

 

05-Mar

Woking

14:30

7

1

1

 

 

12-Mar

Winchester

A

5

0

1

 

 

19-Mar

Oxted & Club Dinner

A

5

0

1

 

 

02-Apr

Swindon

14:30

0

1

 

 

1

10-Apr

Southampton

A

1

5

 

 

1

16-Apr

Milton Keynes

A

1

3

 

 

1

23-Apr

Olton & WW

14:00

2

1

1

 

 

07-May

City Venerables

14:00

1

2

 

 

1

12-May

Australian XI

19:00

0

1

 

 

1

 

Totals

 

96

46

22

2

7

Leading Scorers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sobes

16

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rogues

14

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paddy

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gropes

8

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crampers

7

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twizzle

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

PC, Huggie, Ellio

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

Groff

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humph, DC

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angers, Breezie, Cookie

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

Henn, RA, RC

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fixture - Sat 11, Sept - 10.30 (H) v Milton Keynes

 

Having remembered the troubled times PJ had at the start of last season, and knowing that several players were unavailable it was with some trepidation that I opened PJ's e-mail Thursday. Surprisingly, there isn't any steam coming off it and we appear to we have 11 players + 2 umpires, albeit with the help of the 3A's and Senators.

Having decided to partake in a late circuit training session around several of pubs in Oxford Friday night. Well I had reason to celebrate as well (10th Sept, 1969 was the day I started work - 35 years for the same company, no mean achievement in this day and age)   

Anyway, back to the plot. Knowing that MK like to warm up I decided to get to BRN early. Arriving before 10am only to find that they are already there, itching to start their synchronised warm up routine.

PJ finally decide he's got enough Falcons, so calls us together for prematch instructions. This involves his statement "I think it's a load of cock and bull", which kind of fits in nicely. The line-up

                        FTC (3A)

                Mighty  Humph

        Paddy           Sobes           Billers (Sen)

                Fletch

        PC              JAB             Griff (Sen)

Umpires PJ & Hughbie

Now, the more aware of you may have noticed that theres a space in the line up. Crampers hasn't appeared, should we bring on Billers junior, best not to he's got an important game away at Henley.

So, having got the game under way, the Falcons surprise everyone, by playing sound sensible hockey.

5 mins in their keeper obligingly takes out his right back with a beautiful slide tackle, leaving Griff an easy shot, 1-0 Falcons.

5 mins later Fletch knocks one in, 2 mins later he does it again, just incase we missed it the first time, 3-0 Falcons.

At which point, the wheels start to wobble alarmingly.

Now, this maybe because we relaxed a bit too much, or we finally goaded MK into action or Crampy turned up. Who really knows, or cares!

Anyhow MK score, so 3-1 half-time and a Sobes roasting to come. Using phrases like "we're making passes that aren't even reaching the oppo let alone our own players" he re-establishes our equilibrium. We finally gain a penalty corner, will the prematch practice routine work? It does! Sobes crashes one in at the near post (Now where have I seen that before).

Milton Keynes again come back at us and we concede another, but it's too late. Final score 4-2 Falcons.

Back to the clubhouse for the warm down. The 'killer' Chilli awaits. Crampers attempts to make amends by buying a jug. Ellio, having come alone to watch the second half, and sporting a beautiful 'shiner' joins us to help the celebrations. MK magnanimous in defeat start plotting revenge for the return fixture, we quietly drift off to whatever the rest of the day has in wait.

 

 

18th September – Chippenham – home 10:30

 

With Blommers & Rogues returning from holiday we, once again, have 13. Thus Blommers & Mighty share the right back berth, doing a half each whilst Groff provides a moveable feast across the forward line having had the first 12 minutes as sub. Thus we start:

 

Breezy

Mighty   Humph

Paddy   Sobes   Billers

PC  Angers  NB  Crampers  Rogues

 

With Groff sub and PJ and Henners on the whistle and Ricardo  IC Team Management.

 

Chippenham had a familiar look about them supplemented by a youth element. Their new captain led some impressive looking warm up routines, much admired by the onlooking Falcons. We looked to PJ for clarity regarding who should be doing what to whom and where. Chippenham were expected to provide stiff, uncompromising competition and so they did. We started in our now familiar commanding fashion, moving the ball around intelligently, maintaining possession but, this time, without scoring. Initial adjustments brought about by the 12 minute substitution Horace Batchelor Infradraw Method initially strengthened our domination, but still no goals. Gradually Chippenham found their way into the game and started to threaten. Their left winger ha speed and youth on his side (especially when compared to his counterpart in red!). Mighty put in some excellent covering when the midfield were caught upfield and they failed to really threaten. We continued to have the better of things but could not score.

 

Half time instructions from a “worked up” Sobes were to abandon any pretence at gentlemanly behaviour and to give as good as was being dished out. Sobes proceeded to lead from the front in this regard with appropriate smiling apologies. Groff managed to hit the bar from close range and, with no oranges to upset the digestion, Rogues was spotted standing around in their circle facing the oncoming Billers. Billers played the ball to him, one touch, one turn and the ball flashed past the keepers elbow into the net. Two minutes later and the same player was spotted trundling across the pitch, left to right, looking for a ball down the channel. Paddy obliged with a Mach 2 effort that flashed straight down the “Gulf Of Sewage”, unhindered.

 

At the other end Breezy was having a bit of a bumping and boring from their forwards and it worked. A centre from their left was allowed to come across unhindered, as Breezy was too busy trying to give as good as he was getting, and they equalized. However it was only minutes later that Crampers entered the circle from an inside left berth and converted an NPN (near post nightmare!). And we held on.

 

The Jimmy Riddles and KC were very well received by a sociable set of Chipmonks who, as usual, ignored the real heroes of the match and awarded their trophies to themselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

25th September 2004 - Good News/Bad News Week.

 

Opening wins over our old friends from MK and Chippenham are testament to the fact that another season is upon us - good news. However, the lack of Ricardo The Recumbant Goalkeeper in our line ups to date is Bad News.

 

The writing on the wall became apparent early summer when Ricardo failed to make his customary appearances for The Hobos, a venerable Thursday evening 20/20 cricket team based at Cumnor Cricket Club.  Even more worrying was his lack of appearance at "net practice", that essential element to successful enjoyment of cricket. Things obviously were not right. He was complaining of feeling "under the weather" despite the glorious sunshine that May brought us. The Quacks declared him fit with nothing amiss. It was obvious that they were wrong, the spark was missing and he was complaining of feeling pain in all his joints, general discomfort and tenderness in all his nerve ends aggravated by any form of touch.

 

There may be a few readers who are, by now, realising that this malaise goes back rather further in time than indicated above. Indeed, his unwillingness to make contact with a hockey  ball in the latter part of the season is now beginning to be medically explained.

 

Further visits to the Quack and then to the JR for tests has, eventually led to something with a long medical name being diagnosed. Even better there is a recovery plan. That plan involves RTRG now being on "stair rods" which, given time, will get him back "on the straight and narrow". That is the good news.

The bad news is that this recovery could take two years!

 

There is more good news in that he is, once again, putting in appearances at training, given that the season for net practice is over.

 

The Hobos, it has to be said, have not had one of their most successful seasons. Wins have been scarce and winning positions have been given away with (gay!?!) abandon. We have missed the nudging and pushing from Ricardo that, almost without fail, accumulates a considerable number of runs whilst not uncommonly running out a fellow batter or two. My own bowling has continued to be of the "Russian Roulette" variety, completely unpredictable to fielders, batters and bowler alike. However, the summer of cricket was very good fun. One rather memorable match (home to someone) was abandoned without a ball being bowled in order to protect our wicket for the more professional players on Saturday. A prolonged net practice ensued, commencing at CCC before moving across the road to the B&RA led by the formal landlord of that establishment intent on enjoying a night off and out. Trouble was he abandoned us around 21:00, taking a taxi home to Faringdon, leaving the rest of us to struggle on for a further 3 hours or so. Class it as "Good News" or "Bad News" as you wish, we were beyond caring! By the end of the night the wicket was certainly taking spin, but nothing was coming up off a length!

 

Just as the overlap between cricket and hockey was due I decided to become N/A in order to celebrate a special match. 14th September 1974 saw a varied side selected for an away game with a late (16:30) start. As well as myself, there where a number of other still familiar names in the line up that day:

Ellio

Paddy O' Shit

Blakey/Bob Phillips

Robbie

JT - John Timberlake

as well as one or two former Hawks and others:

Tom Abery

Will Abery

and my long standing friend and accomplice - Adrian/Ade/Adrain.

The match itself was, to me, a bit of a blur, albeit there is plentiful pictorial evidence. Thankfully that pictorial evidence ended before the "warm down" really got going and missed Blakey's faultless demonstration of how to remove a table cloth without disturbing the glasses. In the event I was one of the first to leave the "warm down", in itself a first I hear you say! This mass defection and non availability in 1974 was the bad news as the function being attended was not a "hockey" match. It was my wedding.

 

Hence I was faced, earlier this month, with the dreadful prospect of having to host some form of celebration to mark the 30th anniversary of this excellent match. I mean, take a look at the names on the list above and think - what would you do? I emigrated, and that is the good news.

 

I took myself and my excellent "match" (DOHA - Director Of Home Affairs) along with our offspring and their partners away for a week of sun, sea, snorkelling and supping by the Red Sea in Egypt. All Inclusive in Sharm El Sheikh. Free food, free beers, free cocktails and free repatriation. (Is the latter the bad news?). I have to say it was one hell of a good warm down, albeit I was sorry to have missed the defeat of that professional set of limbering up artists that are MK, 'cos that always gives us a chuckle!

 

However the good news/bad news was to continue. Bad news: we were enjoying a pleasant aniversary celebration Indonesian meal beside the swimming pool on the Tuesday (14th) evening when we were rudely interrupted by loud disco music apparently deemed necessary by the "Animation Squad". The Animation Squad was a group of people given the onerous task of making things happen: exercises in the swimming pool, darts competitions etc. etc. Not our scene.

 

This particular evening they decided, at the prompting of some Russian guests, to make the most of a break in the music provided by an excellent singer accompanied by one of those electric organs that do everything (not that madam!). They had entertained us well on previous evenings, hence our decision to dine out there accompanied by them We were not pleased to have our conversation drowned out by heavy beat music all of a sudden - bad news! Wemade our disapproval obvious by:

-          complaining to restaurant staff

-          returning to our rooms and ringing up reception to complain at the noise

-          applauding every time there was silence

-          booing when the silence ended.

 

Eventually we were put out of our misery and allowed to spend the remainder of the evening with our singer dressed in black and his organist. We also succeeded in getting their order of music changed to include a request - good news. This represented the only change to their repertoire the whole week!

 

Our dislike of the music had not gone un-noticed! Bad news: the "Aggravation Squad" had been asked by the Ruskies to organise a water polo match with the "English" to put us in our place. As the challenge arrived mid afternoon we were suitably into "training" on freebies to accept with enthusiasm - bad news! Some time later we spotted the oppo warming up in the pool whilst we were sat upon the pool stools completing or pre-match training. They were looking useful, swarthy and menacing. We enlisted a couple of other Englishers to make up the numbers and fell into the pool. The "Aggravation Squad" had erected goals and were going to act as judge and jury - bad news. We decided that we aought to spread out around the pool and appoint someone goal minder. Hannah decided that she would "lead the attack" and the ball was launched into the water. Splash, splash and Hannah scored. Good News.

 

Two minutes later and Hannah scored again. Ben, by now, was heard to be chanting "You're not singing anymore" whilst doing his best to drown his nearest Ruskie by pulling down on his trunks. Their shooting was awful from long distance making it easy to save and take possession. We scored some more and the chant had become "Russia, Russia, whats the score?". 3 - nil up at half time went to 6 - 1 at full time. Their coach (yes, they had one) had almost drowned himself as Hannah scored her 4th whilst we all went off to drown ourselves at the final whistle. A fairly large crowd seemed to like the result! Good news!

 

 

The good news lasted all through the arrangements and execution of our return home. Then came the bad news! In alighting from the mini bus that had met us at the airport some chump shut the door on DOHA's middle finger of her left hand requiring the immediate attention of the two paramedics in the party. One hour later and she was off to the JR with our polo playing paramedic where the finger nail was removed, the finger stitched up and the nail used as a splint for the broken bones in the top joint - bad news!

 

FingerBobs (as DOHA is now known) is still feeling sore! Training was allowed on the Friday night at the B&RA as was hockey versus Chippenham the following day, but the Hobos match versus Wootton was declared a non starter - bad news. Further bad news was the failure of Swindon to provide us with opposition on Saturday, followed by good news - 1st team starting their league programme with wins (both mens and ladies).

Good news, FingerBobs finger is not hurting so much now.

Bad news, it's not hurting so much 'cos she has had a tooth out which hurts more!

 

I give up.

 

 

2nd October 2004: Wimbledon home, league.

 

With no match the preceding Saturday our first league game of the season needed to be taken seriously. Must be careful not to overdo the training. I was, therefore, faced with a very troubled "FingerBobs" on Thursday evening when she learned that I was staying in and not joining fellow members of CRAP at the 8 Bells. For the uninitiated CRAP stands for Cumnor Real Ale People with this name being appropriate as we are based at the B&RA where the beer is ****. So, we watched telly together Thursday. Well, we were in the same house albeit in different rooms!

 

However come Friday night it was time to start preparations for the "big match". We had only managed a hard draw with Wimbledon at home last season and anticipated a difficult afternoon this time. A few IPA's Friday night lengthened into one or two Saturday morning as well as we planned the Mayor Of Cumnors trip to Bampton Saturday evening. Plans to amend the anticipated advertisements for Pumpkin Night at the B &RA were hijacked by the lack of adverts to amend. No bother, we created our own, most of which were spotted and removed befire normal operations resumed in the Bear Saturday morning. However one went un-noticed: the advert put on the restaurant specials board.  It was only circa 21:00 Saturday night when the staff twigged what was amusing the diners:

"Nov. 1  Humping Nite.

 

 Consequently it was a gentle Saturday morning of dog walking and breakfasting prior to arriving at NOSC to witness the Ladies 1s scoring their second against Westminster & Hampstead. A good 2-0 for them! Things were looking very odd from a Falcons perspective. 10 minutes to go to push back and there were 11 of us present, plus team management, 2 spectators and an umpire. True to form Ellio then turned up to give us 12 players. As he was last he could come on in the second half, allowing us to line up:

 

Breezy

Mighty   Humph

Blommers  Sobes  Billers

PC  PO'S  Twizzle  Crampers  Rogues

 

We started well with our possession hockey without actually managing to convert. They started to come back into it but goals from Sobes (shortie) and an outrageous effort with his back to goal from Twizzle saw us 2-0 up at half time.

 

Team Management told us, in no uncertain terms, not to be complacent. No loose fannying around, keep it tight. Tight fanny obviously works for us as we managed 3 more: 1 more each for Twizzle and Sobes and a clinical finish from PC to a ball that was meandering along the line and just needed the slightest breath of wind to convert it. Somewhere in the latter phase the heavens opened and we drowned like rats. Our state was not improved by the showers being stone cold! MAINTENANCE PLEASE NOTE!

 

However our hospitality and Jans excellent Killer Chilli overcame and Wimbledon appeared to depart happy and off I went to chauffeur the Mayor to Bampton to judge the pumpkin face painting competition and award the cups presented to the winners and runners up in their pumpkin and marrow competitions. The things we do........................!

 

For those whom would like an enjoyable night out Pumpkin Night takes place 1st November at the Bear & Ragged Staff, Cumnor with childrens fancy dress at 18:00, judging of the pumpkins in the Bampton v. Cumnor competition culminating in the awards circa 20:30, official installation of the Mayor & Keeper of the Ducks and Pond circa 21:00 culminating in a grand charity auction 21:30 ish. Come along for some fun and enter into the spirit. SSNAP (Support for the Sick, Newborn And Parents at the JR) benefits from the auction.

 

 

 

9th October - Haslemere at home - Cancelled!

 

We were struggling for numbers when we went to Haslemere last year, but at least we went. We also won with assistance from Wimbo who came on as sub. This year it was Haslemere who were due to travel and, having appealed unsuccessfully about the late start time of 15:30, decided they wouldn't bother.

 

Bother was not exactly the word I used having organised my week around this impending important imposition upon the domestic calendar. Very light training on Thursday in the Boot near Hampton In Arden where a meeting of the PMI ECV Chapter was being held (Project Management Institute, European Cultural Visit) and the prospective 2005 visit was planned. I was very good upon my return and went straight home rather than join the Cumnor Real Ale People on their weekly safari from the B & RA in search of the real thing. So, it was Question Time for me followed by a day off to recuperate and take FingerBob to the clinic at the JR. Imagine my distress and utterance of the word "Bother" upon receiving a phone call from Ricardo to inform me that Haslemere had "jacked".

 

I think I am going to send them the bill. They could get away quite cheaply if I just send the bill for the pitch and the uneaten chilli. I would prefer to send them the bill for the expenses that resulted from not playing. Firstly there was a visit to the Cumnor Craft Fair where some early Christmas presents were purchased. Fair enough (sic), perhaps £25, not too bad considering a match fee of £10 was being saved. Then disaster struck. Let's visit Oxford Motor Park to see what we might get for Bens partner who is learning to drive and realy needs her own car in which to learn (according to some!). A figure of £6K was thought to be a good one to go and enquire around, needs to be cheap to insure, have power steering and be safe (not under powered) with maximum warranty giving least running cost.

 

So, two days later and £6k worse off.....................thank you Haslemere. Oh, Fran sends you a heartfelt thank you.

 

However it is not all bad news. The Hobos held their annual dinner at the B & RA Saturday night. This followed a fairly thorough training session there on the Friday when we put the IPA through its paces. The food was excellent, the company very good and the IPA was still performing well. Trophies were duly awarded with the Mug Of The Year going to the former landlord of the B &RA for a particularly memorable performance for the Hobos versus The Cavaliers. The record shows the Hobos as being 140 all out in 32 overs. However, in a rain affected match it was agreed that we would use all the overs regardless. Thus it was 140 for something like 13, with a number of people batting twice. Gavin Mansfield, former landlord, is a South African who prides himself on sporting ability and opens the batting or goes in one down. I can't remember which in this instance but he scored 1 and was then out. On his second attempt he scored 1 less! Had to get the award!

 

More good news was to come on Sunday when the Mens 1s recovered from a 1-0 deficit against a Whitchurch side with a previous 100% league record to win 3-1. That's 3 games and 6 points to date, one of our better starts to the season.

 

So we have to now look forward to our first away game of the season - Polytechnic. We managed a 4-3 win away last season with 2 from Sobes and 2 from Huggie, followed by a single goal from Gropes being enough for the home win. With no game from last week match fitness will be at a premium and we will need to get the training right this week and ensure that we are not jet lagged on the pitch.

 

Meantime outline arrangements have been proposed for this years dinner for Falcons, Partners and Friends.

Current proposal is for 5th December at the B & RA Cumnor at cost of £27.50 per head for 3 courses. E-mail responses of interest or alternative proposals to rmeadow3@csc.com.

 

By the way, who knows the answer to the question recently posed on the Falcons page on the Hawks website? See www.oxfordhawks.homestead.com and click on Falcons.

 

 

16th October – Polytechnic away.

 

Last season we went right up to Christmas without managing to field a full side away from home. No so this season! Places are there to be earned. Not only did we have 13 players that we took to Poly, we even managed to sub our keeper at half time with the replaced keeper taking to the park!

 

Following the excellent Hobos evening of the previous Saturday a rather quieter time was needed Sunday. This it was with a pleasant walk with the dog in the morning pior to watching that “1’s” win previously referred to. After this came an outing to Long Crendon for Adastral Training which  rather resembled a visit to Toys & Kitchens R Us. The fridge freezer/Tardis was only outdone by the bouncy castle that completely filled the dining room. As driver a solitary bottle of Old Hookey was made to last whilst an excellent meal was enjoyed.

 

Early E-mails promised a good turn out for Saturday and a solid training session was held Friday evening It was good news to learn that RTS (Ricardo The Stairod) was feeling up to a return between the posts, presumably bolstered by the fact that he could have a relatively quiet time given our clean sheet of two weeks ago. This news caused extra celebration Friday and did nothing to prevent the bit of kleptomania that was quietly taking place in the corner. As usual we departed the B & RA the day following that of our arrival and made our “steady” way home. With  a 13:30 meet there was sufficient time for the coffee to take effect, followed by a pleasant, leisurely walk beside the river, followed by sausages and fried potatoes and vegetables before joining the ensemble at a damp Cutteslowe car park.

 

The Pope announced all present but then prevaricated over who should/should not take a car. This was just as well as Crampers turned up just as prevarication was ending. Off we went with A3 maps of the immediate area around the M4/Polytechnic ground. Very useful if you have a driver who recognises the turn off for Heathrow. When he doesn’t and, therefore, prepares to turn off at the turning after next (next being Heathrow according to him) we found ourselves viewing the outskirts of London from low flying level – yes, Chiswick Flyover! Eventually we landed, did a swift about turn, took off again to gradually glide back down to ground level at J3 from whence we could taxi to the stand at the school. The steps our man will take to ensure he is last to arrive!

 

We still had ample time to warm up, practice our PFs and short corner routine and enquire of the oppo how their season was going. Well it seemed having beaten Chalfont 9-2 the previous week!  What they did not tell us was that one man scored all 9 of their goals! Luckily The Pope remembered this person and reminded Blommers how he had done a man marking job on him last season. Blommers couldn’t remember and may not remember any better next time around. It was OK so long as Blomm got to the ball first, otherwise he didn’t get a touch! However, with our 13 players we lined up:

 

Breezie

Mighty   Blommers

Ellio  Sobes   Billers

Henners  JPAR  Gropes  Crampers  Rogues

With PC and RTS on the bench.

 

Overall we had the better of the game in the 1st half and should have been more than 1 up at half time. However, we made our planned changes for the second half with RTS coming into goal for his seasons debut (great to have him back and well enough!), Breezie moving to left wing (from goal!) and PC replacing Henn on the right. It was looking good, indeed rather better, with relentless Falcons pressure…… until they scored! Yes, it was that man! However, we immediately had them back under pressure and, from another short corner, their right half took out Sobes in a fairly uncompromising fashion. Yet another short – but no, a flick was awarded. High drama, a slightly controversial (according to Poly ) award at 1-1. Up steps Sobes and the goalkeeper saves. Was this justice!?!? At this point the Horace Batchelor Infradraw method kicked in and Rogues came on, Crampers departed, Breezie moved to left inner. The Infradraw method calls for forward line subs every ten minutes with associated re-jigging of positions.

 

We maintained the pressure and won another PF, this time from a blatant foot/leg stop on the line from another Gropes effort with goalkeeper nowhere. Gropes looked as though he fancied it, Rogues got the nomination and, this  time, the goalkeeper did not get a touch. 2-1 to Falcons. We kept the pressure on and Gropes got his second and our third from a cracking PC cross that eluded everyone except the Groper who crashed it against the backboard. They were finished.

 

Back at the pub down the road that acts as their club we had some excellent beer at even better value: £7.30 for a four pint jug. They were generous with the jugs and we planned our route home with the choice being between the Bottle or the “Jugs”. The Jugs won (I hink it is actually called the Red Lion at Tetsworth) and we discovered that it has had a revamp since our last  visit. However the beer is still excellent, the jugs still in evidence and the menu looking good, especially their £5 Monday theme nights! Another enjoyable Falcons outing, oh and JPAR and Ellio can now attempt to explain away how they have scored with the young lady pictured on our web page (www.oxfordhawks.homestead.com – Falcons page).

 

As forecast last week the Falcons Dinner will be on 4th December at the Bear & Ragged Staff Cumnor at £27.50 per head. Orders and money in advance through Rogan – E-mail: rmeadow3@csc.com.

 

 

 

 

23rd October – Amersham & Chalfont away.

 

More drama off the pitch than on it this week! For some the drama started Thursday with the commencement of the Oxford Beer Festival. Can really do some damage and it was threatening to lay low our keeper, The Recumbant One. However he survived and it was great to have him back in action and we can now properly start counting down to a clean sheet – 19, 18….17… For me the drama started on Friday night when we accompanied friends to the Watermill Theatre, Newbury to see a performance of Neville’s Island. An excellent pre performance buffet was followed by a very funny drama followed by a swift return in time to join the Friday night regulars in the B & RA and welcome Saturday with a pint or two.

 

A 13:30 meet meant that Saturday morning could be taken at leisure with a pleasant stroll along the banks of the Thames behind Farmoor reservoir. A good fry up preceded my departure for Cutteslowe by which time it was definitely getting wetter. Gropes got through on the phone to prevent us waiting for him as he was going direct. He just needed to know where he was going. That sorted,our numbers gradually increased until PJ announced all present and correct and started to try and sort out the transport. Not easy given some wanting to return directly after the match, some quickly after having had tea, and others in no rush and keen to stop off in Titsworth.

 

The dithering over car sharing was just as well as, before it was sorted, Billers arrived and further complicated the arrangements. Eventually we got underway with a mixture of vehicles and vague ideas regarding where we were headed. Everyone made it but the traffic jam on the M25 was too much for Breezies bladder and almost too much for PCs! By now it was raining and Crampers was providing Rogues with serious competition in the “Silly Hat” department. Having all got changed we were given our talking to and this weeks version of the HB Infradraw method explained. This involved the forward line taking it in turns to take 12 minutes off, starting with Rogues. As a result we lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   Humph

Blommers  Sobes  Billers

PC  Gropes  Twizzle  Crampers  Breezie

With The Pope blowing and Rogues getting wet.

 

1st off was Crampers, then Breezie, followed by PC, then Gropes and finally Twizzle. Good, init!

 

Sometime during the first 11 minutes I spotted Breezie breaking from the halfway line all on his own and with the ball. Luckily his bladder held out and he put the ball past a static Amersham keeper for his first Falcons goal. More goals were to follow: the inevitable 1 under a hat trick from Twizzle, 1 from PC and one from Gropes. Amersham got two in reply.

 

However, the drama was to continue as Crampers, due to make an immediate departure for home, found he had locked his and Blommers kit in his wagon along with the keys! Oh dear! A call home to get his wife to run over with the spare keys – popular! Meantime we took Blommers to Amersham clubhouse where we were awarded with some excellent Youngs bitter and a splendid fry up for tea. A few jugs and chatter later and we were on our way for a mandatory stop at “that pub” in Tetsworth where Crampers was due to drop off Blommers kit. Sure enough, the kit was there as was a good selection of ale which kept us there for a couple of rounds before back to Oxford and completing the warm down at the B & RA.

 

We are back at home next week and need to take things seriously as we face Woking Pitts at home. Woking were very close to us in the league last year and the year before, and stuffed us 6 – 1 around this time last year.

 

 

30th October – Woking Pitts at home.

 

Very dry week this week. Sunday involved a family trip to Swindon and the planting of lavender and thyme plants around Hannah’s patio. This should result in some nice aromas to sit out amongst next summer, if we get one! Having finished the gardening it was across the road for Sunday lunch: an excellent “one plate wonder”. Choice of lamb, beef, chicken or pork served up with roast and mash potato, swede, broccoli, carrot and parsnips. All for £5.95! Given there were four of us from Oxford it was worth the petrol! Sitting down to watch the big match (Arsenal/Man U) after this almost had the inevitable effect of nodding off, except  the action did keep me awake.

 

I declined the offer of a trip to watch the University take on the Tigers Monday night as the DoHA was out with pilates, whatever they are! Additionally I was saving myself to ensure that I was on top form for an interview on Tuesday. Shame, really, as I missed out on my first taste of White Horse bitter, available from OURFC clubhouse. Thus it was Thursday before I was tempted out by Ricardo and we made the trip to TWH to check on the beer. It was excellent, although the White Horse was off. The Old Hookey and Brakspears slipped down all too easily before we enticed the Mayor Of Cumnor out from carpet laying and repaired down the B&RA.  All is not well here. The brewery are putting the squeeze on by complaining, on the one hand about staying open late, on the other about drop in takings. One thing for sure for us “Friday Nighters” is that takings will further diminish if we are forced to leave the day we arrive on Fridays!

 

Friday was always going to be tricky. I had been informed that I was attending a Barn Dance at the village hall, but that it was guaranteed to end at 10:30 at which point I could go to the Bear. Given that the dance was dry you can understand my concern! Good news and bad news. Good news: it did finish on time. Bad news: there were few people in attendance resulting in our having to dance every single dance! More bad news: they were closing on time at the Bear so barely time for three pints before closing at 23:10.

 

Consequently we were relatively bright on Saturday morning and up and taking the dog for a walk early. My “brownie point” earning attendance of the night before was rewarded by an excellent bacon and egg buttie on return from dog walking prior to departure for hockey. Getting to the ground early I was able to put away the goals and backboards left out, presumably, after training and practice my flicks before anyone else arrived. With Roche having gone “out of range” up into the Lake District, Crampers disappeared to shoot some birds and Bailey to score with something Italian we new we had not got our strongest line up. Our fears worsened when the Pope was espied approaching with a stick in his hand, but this turned out to be a false alarm with the stick simply needed to lean upon whilst watching. The alarm receded when we learned that he intended watching from the side lines! All was still not well as Ellio, whilst arriving in good time for the game, had forgotten the satsumas.

 

With only eleven we were spared the HB Infradraw method for this week and lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty  Blommers

Ellio   Sobes  Humph

Henners  Gropes  PC  Breezie  Rogues

 

Some good interplay led to Humph scoring. A penetrating pass into the circle led to Rogues scoring. A quick decision by their keeper to stop a long corner by kicking the ball led to PC scoring. Some good play up their right led to their scoring and some forgetfulness by Ellio led to us not having any oranges at half time.

 

We continued to make chances in the second half, but did not convert. They also created chances, but only converted one. So 3-2 to us! They were gracious in defeat and said how they always enjoyed a competitive game against us made especially enjoyable when they were the visitors because of the excellent chilli. They were not disappointed! A goodly number of jugs washed down the Killer Chilli intheir case, made up for the lack of it in ours. We still await the lack of satsumas jug! Their awarding of their customary Man Of The Match award (to their right inner) was followed by the inaugural award of a “Falcons Unique Contribution Certificate”. Although he had dashed off to play for their thirds their captain accepted it in his absence: the FUCC was awarded to their goalkeeper for his “assist”. I think they were going to append the letter “UP “ to the certificate!

 

 

 

 

Saturday 6th November – Reading away

 

This week it was the big one – Pumpkin Night at the Bear & Ragged. Rumours were rife as to whom was going to be the new Mayor and some said that the landlord was running a book. Whatever, no-one from the “cabale” of ex mayors who make the election was giving anything away. By the time I arrived around 19:30 on the Monday the children’s fancy dress had been judged and the first firework display of the night was over. Various painted faced kids were still very much in evidence as was an impressive array of large pumpkins and marrow in the south fireplace – the Bampton end. The cumnor end was not looking so impressive. OK on numbers but definitely down on the weight front. The weather for pumpkin growing was obviously more conducive in Bampton this year as we had espied when I accompanied the Mayor there for their version of Pumpkin Night.

 

The trophies for best kept pumpkin etc etc all went in Bamptons direction. Thankfully there is a cup for the best of breed for Cumnor, so Cumnor did manage to retain that one. The awards were followed, after due delay for glass refilling, by the unveiling of the “Role Of Honour”: a list of all previous mayors which it is very good to see and provides that necessary record of the history of this custom. This, inevitably led to the moment when the next name on the list could be announced, albeit it is a pity no room was left for that name on the list. Presumably, in the tradition of all the best restaurants, the latest mayor will appear on a blackboard at the side under “This years specials”. The naming of Bob Bennett produced sighs of relief from one or two others who were not convinced of the merits of a dip in the village pond at this particular time.

 

So, having been named, we all trooped off to said pond where we were greeted by an impressive set of fireworks, suspended from a rope across the pond and simultaneously set off. Just as they were dieing away a large splash announced the introduction of the Mayor to his responsibilities: Keeper Of The Pond, responsible for the welfare of the ducks. Whilst he was being fished out of the pond we all trooped back inside to refill glasses before moving into the car park in order to witness the final, and the most impressive firework display of the night. It was magnificent. Glasses suitably re-filled and it was time to start the charity auction, interrupted by the raffle. Somewhere around £1,000 raised on the night.

 

It was sometime mid auction that the wheels started to come off. We had been pacing things reasonably well for what was obviously going to be a long night, and the pace had started to tell. What we had not reckoned upon was the IPA running out and being forced onto Abbott Ale. Those Abbotts have a lot to answer for. IPA at 3.6 on the richter scale is an OK session beer. Abbott Ale at 5.0 is not. At least it renderd me incapable of making a coherent bid for anything!

 

Consequently, WFH (working from home) Tuesday morning was a fairly quiet, uneventful affair, not unlike our slow build up to the weekend on Thursday (TWH then B&RA) and Fridays limbering up back in the B&RA. In between we had witnessed with suitable admiration the rapid surrender of PJ in favour of the masterly mathematical talents of the Sobes in working out how the hell we were going to give thirteen players a game on Saturday. The Sobes Permutation was published on Thursday with instruction to all of us to be prepared for a written test on Saturday. I don’t think it was the threat of the written test so much as the threat of playing a whole game at right half that put the frighteners on JPAR. He obviously decided that some extra training was required and duly phoned in with a “pulled something” Saturday morning.

 

I feel, at this point, to provide some advise to you ladies in order to avoid further instances of “pulled somethings” preventing performance on a Saturday during the season. Ladies: on a Friday, at the end of an arduous week in the office, let them wind down and also limber up for the Saturday match by letting them out to go training. After that arduous week plus the training everyone will appreciate a good nights sleep. If they want to get amorous, ladies, encourage them to wait until Saturday. Come Saturday they will be much fresher and raring to go. Consequently encourage them to go and enjoy their game of hockey to the full. Tell them you will expect them when you see them once they have completed a full warm down. Prepare a nice cosy atmosphere for their return. Upon arrival, greet them with enthusiasm and interest in their day and performance. Seat them comfortably in their favourite chair with a drink at their elbow. Put their feet up and put on the television telling them that you can enjoy Match Of The Day together before “having an early night”. And sit back.

 

Next thing they will know is that there is a black and white film on the screen, the seat next to them is empty, and, ooooppps, must have fallen asleep. By this time you will be well tucked up and, of course, away with the fairies, snoring. Follow this regime and you never know, we might still need the Sobes Permutation.

 

As for the match: we lined up

Ricardo

Mighty   Blommers

Crampers  Sobes  Billers

PC  Gropes  Twizzle  Breezie  Rogues with Henn as sub.

 

Some 70 minutes and the usual Infradraw subs process later, Ricardo was celebrating a clean sheet and Sobes and Gropes had added to their tally.

 

Lodden brewery are situated near Reading HC and provide a very excellent brew. Unfortunately we were not able to take full advantage of that or the numerous excellent pubs on the way home owing to a certain individual being under orders. Criminal!

 

      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13th November – Winchester at home

 

Lots have happened this week. First of all there was that revolving supper that I had to get back for last Saturday. Starters turned out to be served at the end of the road. We had then elected to host six for a main course on the basis that you can be assured of getting plenty to drink if you are the host. Then off to the village hall where all 100 of those involved gathered for sweet, coffee, entertainment and raffle. All in aid of charity. Quite a logistical exercise which always ends too late to make it to the pub.

 

But never mind ‘cos after a quiet day Sunday we were off with our Telegraph tokens for a discounted two night break at The Grand Hotel, Swanage. Last time we were in Swanage was 30 years ago for our honeymoon! The Corrie Hotel that we stayed in then has been demolished in favour of old peoples flats, but we knew where it was from our photos. An early Monday start enabled coffee at Stonehenge followed by lunch in a riverside pub in  Wareham, then Corfe Castle before exploring Swanage centre. It was here, in the Life boat shop that we were told of the fate of the Corrie and of Swanages’ vanishing sand. Got my Xmas cards though.

 

One is always a little wary of hotels like The Grand, especially if they are not part of a chain. They can sometimes be tired and run down. Not so at Swanage. We had a good room with views across the bay where we could sleep with the sound of the waves. Tuesday saw us exploring those areas of coastline between Swanage and Lulworth Cove that were accessible. Other areas are closed during the week for the Army to practice over. The Jurassic Coast – wonderful. Lulworth, Kimmeridge Bay and Durlestone Park all fascinating. Wednesday we discovered where Swanage sand is going – Studland Bay, also a very interesting area even without the nudists on the beach. Unfortunately the ferry to Sandbanks was closed for maintenance so it was the long route home in time to take in the Major Stanleys match with a couple of pints of White Horse in the clubhouse at Iffley Road followed by a warm down at the B& RA.

 

Thursday I resisted temptation and remained in. Friday it was off to the B &RA in good time given that they now close on time and we needed to ensure there was sufficient time for a full session. Tactical blunder! It was the managers birthday and they didn’t close! By one we (the ex Mayor and I) decided enough was enough and left. Nine hours later and the dog was being walked around the river before breakfast and then off to NOSC. Sobes and Henn were already there and the oppo were arriving. The ladies finished playing with themselves and we decided that the pitch deserved water and discovered that fat bastards are not allowed a wet pitch ‘cos you cannot get into the hut to switch it on. Talk about getting a cork into a bottle! Eventually we managed to slide Henn in but he then couldn’t see what to do. Muck tugging and pulling later and he detected a switch which, when turned, started something up. Sure enough we could now start watering.

 

Meantime Winchester were very active in the warm up department as befits a team newly departed from the Masters League that the Senators play in. They were oviously here on business. And they did the business with two goals to our one (Breezie). Our bubble is burst, the 100% record gone! What was annoying was that we had more than enough opportunities to have won. We started off :

 

Ricardo

Mighty  Humph

Blommers Ellio  RA (Richard Allen making his 2004 debut)

Henn  JPAR  Breezie  Sobes  Rogues

 

And after a shaky start had the better of the first half but turned around 1-0 down when they scored form a breakaway. Second half adjustments from The Pope saw Blommers moving to full back, Ellio to right half, Sobes to centre half and “H” appearing at inside left with Mighty on the bench. From one of our many shorts the ball came out to JPAR who shot/passed the ball to the keepers right, to the flick spot for Breezie to divert it into the net. This miss shot was not to be repeated and, indeed, no sooner had we stopped celebrating but they excellently converted a shortie and that was that.

 

Well, not quite. Some excellent chilli and a few rounds of the Jimmy Riddles later and home we went to watch the rugby league. Good first half, missed the second, woke up in the middle of the Remembrance Day service without knowing the result!

 

 

Saturday 20th November – Wokingham away.

 

Wednesday morning I awoke to find a text message on my mobile informing me that the M4 Westbound was closed just after M32 junction, but due to re-open 07:00. Be O.K. by the time I get there I decided, only to undecided when I heard on the radio that it would remain closed for some hours as I bypassed Swindon. Time for a re-think!

 

I was headed for Filton where Airbus are building a new factory to make wings for a military version of the A340. To go along with the new factory, equipment and manpower they require computer systems, which is where I come in. Started there on Monday and was still getting used to journey timing when Wednesdays closure intervened and sent me around Chippenham and then North and West over the M4 and M5 to approach Bristol down the A38.. Took an hour longer but at least we kept moving. The back way out of Filton also served to ignore the continuing traffic chaos as I went homeward. Out the back door onto the M5 up to the M4 and then East past the chaos where there was still only 1 lane open and queues back to the Bath junction.

 

Things weren’t much better on the hockey front! Our nicely timed 11:30 home fixture at home to Wokingham enabling Killer Chilli, Jimmy Riddles and then a transfer to Cumnor Cricket Club for the rugby was blown asunder by the news that we were now playing at Wokingham at 15:00. Not only that but numbers were short with injuries laying players low all over the place. Luckily the Senators were at home and were able to spare Groff to make up our numbers. So, on a horrible cold and dank afternoon we lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty  RA

Blommers  Sobes  Billers

Crampers  Ellio  Twizzle  Groff Rogues

 

We started well, they were then looking useful, then we got a couple from Crampers at the left hand post, then Rogues at the right hand post (it’s good to have wingers who know their position!). Second half it was all us but we only managed one from Twizzle and they spoilt Ricardos hopes of a clean sheet. Their chilli and rice definitely missed the “Killer” touch and the smooth stream did not tempt us to stay long with East Ilsley beckoning on the way home.

 

Things are not looking promising for our taxing double header next week: we lost at Guildford last season in league and Isca, our cup opponents, were losing finalists last season. Whilst Twizzle (the Italian Stallion) is back out there mid week, but returning especially to perform for our benefit at Guildford then Isca on Sat & Sun, Billers was struggling with a tweaked back and Crampers is NA from our squad. We look like needing some miracles from The Pope on the team management front for Saturday and some dynamite from Henners for Sunday – watch this space.

 

 

 

Sat 27th Guildford, Sun 28th Isca

 

Double header coming up: league on Saturday and our first match in the Veterans Cup, having benefited from a bye in the first round. Pressure was on, therefore, to give the elderly ones a restful day on Saturday in order that they would have some “legs” for Sunday. Shame about that. Players disappearing all over the place for a variety of reasons. However sterling work from PJ got us 12 to Guildford. Twizzle returned from bonking in Italy and, with Cookie ensuring he retained his UK citizenship by appearing from Thailand, we were able to employ the, now becoming traditional, Horace Batchelor Infradraw Sub System  (H BISS) across the front line. Guildford had been something of an enigma last season, losing easily when they visited us, but winning at home, so we knew we were in for a hard game. We also know that, if we keep possession, we are hard to beat (not exactly an illogical thought, or world shattering discovery!). Sobes was in commanding mood and buried our first “shortie”. However they were looking useful going forward and their “ringer” scored an excellent goal.   We took care of him via representations to the umpires at half time and got this him switched for a genuine vet. Good move! Further goals from Sobes, JPAR & Rogues and some good keeping from Ricardo provided us with a convincing win. Our line up had been:

 

Ricardo

Mighty  Blommers

Ellio   Sobes   Humph

Henn  JPAR  Cookie  Twizzle  PC   Rogues ((HBISS employed)

 

Their bitter tasted all the better being served by the youth we had despatched earlier and then it was off home for an  early night. Not quite. Mandatory pause at Titsworth where we were to be joined by The Pope. In the event we also summoned Crampers from the heat of the kitchen and sampled a couple of excellent pints and admired the obviously popular menu.

 

Then it was an early night in readiness for a very early Sunday start. Meet at JPARs 08:30! It was noticeable that everyone was just on time. The rumour that, for those that got there early, there could be Killer Chilli for breakfast seemed to have worked! As it was croissants and coffee were on offer before we loaded up the minibus and set off.

 

The auspices were not good! PC had decided to have a grand daughter christened, our 12th man had broken a toe on Saturday so we were now down to eleven. And the minibus driver took the wrong turning out of the drive! However, given that Henn had ensured that we had 3 weeks to get there the odd diversion just served to eat up the time. Finally we found our way onto the A34, then off it to pick up RA from outside the Hand & Shears at East Ilsley. Shame that. Meant we would have to stop there on the way back to drop him off! M4, M5, stop at Taunton Deane was the plan. We stopped, but not at Taunton Deane. We breakfasted at Bridgewater. It was then a further hour to Exeter and to the astro at the top of the University complex.

 

Isca were rumoured to be “useful”. We were lining up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty  Robbo (yes, good to have him back in action!)

Ellio  Sobes  RA

Henn JPAR  Cookie  Twizzle  Rogues

 

Our defence was magnificent. Ricardo could have been our man of the match. But they were simply too good for us. We couldn’t do anything right up front. Even the goal we scored via a Twizzle flick from the edge of the D skimmed over the crossbar, landed in the roof of the net and dropped into the goal through a hole! However, we are professionals (aren’t we Henn!) and did not want to make the umpire doubt his eyesight. So, we had scored one, only trouble was they got more (7).

 

Their hospitality was nearly faultless, but we made sure that the rather (and probably unintentional) back handed compliment from one of their number got the treatment it deserved. We left them with best wishes for future rounds and the hope that they do not meet Indian Gym before the final this year. Our return journey was blighted by the news that the “1s” had not won and the appalling traffic at Bristol and, again, after Swindon. Thus our trip to East Ilsley was abandoned in favour of a cross country exit from the M4 to Wantage and then back to Sunningwell. Another early night.

 

Ah well, there I always the plate!

 

 

Saturday 4th Dec. – Henley home.

 

After our ignominious withdrawal from Isca on Sunday it was a relief to get back to winning ways in an action packed end to the week. And we can leave you with a conundrum:

 

Falcons score 6, Henley net nothing, but Ricardo does not get credited with a clean sheet!

 

However, before we get into the minutae of the match there is that annual event “The Mayor Of Cumnors Luncheon” to mention. This brought the working week to a suitable dissolution having spent Monday having the day off to earn brownie points by going Xmas shopping after the weekends two days of hockey. One of the more successful shopping trips: John Lewis, High Wycombe without buying anything! Then Tuesday it was drive to Filton, Bristol in order to ply in the shuttle to Broughton near Chester to see how Airbus make wings: something they have ambitions to do at Filton with which I am supposed to assist. Wednesday was spent at Milton Park doing my former day job, Thursday at Filton, Friday morning back at Milton Park. And then to lunch.

 

Some had spent the morning playing golf or ten pin bowling at Eynsham. All then gathered in the B & RA for liquid preparations for the meal. We sat down around 15:30, got up sometime later, went to the cricket club mid evening, returned and was eventually “taken home” around  22:00 ish with instructions not to sit down, but to go straight to bed. Apparently I fell asleep en route. At least I did not make the tactical blunder of phoning my wife whilst on my way to the cricket club and giving her a commentary of falling over! Eh. Ricardo!

 

Saturday got underway somewhat slowly! A gentle walk with the dog preceded emptying the loft of all the Christmas decorations and erecting the outside tree with  its berry lights. Disagreement over what to do with the other outside lights meant that I could retire for a bacon butty and watch the rugby before appearing at BRN to watch the second half of the Senators match. Wrong! Senators Chichester oppo had cried off the night before and there was an empty pitch to greet us. Have to prop the bar up whilst wewait for others to arrive. Vague memories from the night of a telephone call from Henley asking if we can lend them a player prove true. Luckily we had twelve and could spare someone. Arrangements suitably made and the game gets underway.

 

All the early pressure from Falcons and Sobes nets a shortie. Henley manage some breakaways and could well have had a couple of goals, but, in the event, it is Crampers who scores a Falcons second. These 2 goals are followed by goals from Rogues, Crampers and two from Cookie. So, looks like a clean sheet for Ricardo and six for Falcons. Not quite. Rogues was playing for Henley and his pleasure at scoring was heavily out weighed by Ricardos displeasure at conceding!

 

For the record the line up was:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   Humph

Blommers  Sobes  Billers

Henn  JPAR  Cookie  Crampers  PC.

 

And so a couple of jugs and some Killer Chilli later and we were off to the B & RA for the Falcons dinner. A few more beers and a plentiful supply of food later, served in part by the (not very evident!) owner of the twin strikers on our web page, and we thanked PJ for his continued organisation of the Falcons, despite his inability to perform himself. Yes, it was the second time this season that the Falcons have given a FUCC (Falcons Unique Contribution Certificate). Well earned.

 

So we now look forward to entertaining Amersham for breakfast next week when we are the warm up act for the “1s” who face the league leaders after us. Game on.

 

 

 

11th December – Amersham, home 10:30

 

The festive season is upon us. How do I know? Because the DoHA (Director of Home Affairs) had me under orders to attend a “drinks do” in the village Wednesday evening. Last year we almost said “never again” but the evening was rescued by getting John Harrop pissed in the B & RA afterwards. This year? I had let it be known that we would be headed in the direction of the Bear later that evening to little response: Ricardo was being “treated” to an evening at the “Kassam” whilst the ex mayor was n.a. Auspices were not good. “Drinks” took the usual form: ginger beer, fruit cup or sparkling water. At fifty eight and fifty two we represented the youth element. At eight fifty eight we left and hoofed it around the corner to the Bear where, after a couple of Guinness, Adrain put in an appearance, then home for Question Time. Thrilling life isn’t it.

 

Friday saw a day of unrelenting action on the festive front. Having walked the dog it was off to Appleton to buy the Xmas tree. Not getting any easier. Once upon a time you just chose something that looked around the right height and shape. Now you are faced with a complex matrix of sharp needles, soft needles, blue all over, silver underneath, blue on top, green, good needle drop, good needle retention ………………..

“Do you know what you would like?”

I just want an X…ing tree.

 

After one false start as, apparently, those with the yellow label were eight feet, we chose something six feet, blue/silver and not too broad. It was duly netted for us and inserted through the sun roof and taken home, potted up and positioned in the room. Not sure about needle retention, it certainly shed a few around my car. Then it was down the garden to decorate my erection. The gardener wears a Father Christmas outfit at this time of year, his assistant has a festive hat. Three sets of Christmas lights illuminate the erection which, with the gardener in residence with the duck on his knee and the pig with festive antlers on a chair at his side, is a sight to behold. Especially in the dusk/dark, even if I say it myself. Next it was ladders out and prune the Mountain Ash at the front before stringing a few lights around it just so I know  which house is mine upon returning from the pub. A few timers set up for all the illuminations and that’s Christmas sorted. 

 

Quiet night in the B &RA as we had a breakfast appointment with Amersham on Saturday. A lift home ensured a return the same day we departed and  a relatively early Friday night giving a nice early start to Saturday. 09:45 and Amershams goalie and umpire were awaiting the opening of the changing rooms. Just as well I knew the combination, then over to the pitch to remove the goals at the side and then get in a couple of practice penalties before any oppo could spy which way I put it. PJ and Blommers arrived followed by Mighty, Ricardo, RA, Sobes and Twizzle. We were supposed to be twelve but there was no sign of either Robbo or Breezie. Everyone else had arrived and the umpire were indicating two minutes to go before the match was to start – at least that’s what we took the fingers in the air to indicate! Thus the much threatened, but long postponed return of The Pope was forced upon us pending the (non) arrival of the missing personnel. Thus, we lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   The Pope

Blommers  Sobes  RA

PC  JPAR  Twizzle  Humph  Rogues

 

And for fifteen to twenty minutes played some class hockey scoring two goals. JPAR was in commanding form, roaming around the inside berths, left and right. It was from the inside left channel that he took the ball into the circle, beat three defenders and finished clinically. He looked pleased! A few minutes later and he found Rogues, who had made a cross field run, with a telling through ball down the right inner channel. A first time deflection left allowed Twizzle to run on into the circle, shoot and, from the deflection off a defenders foot, Rogues reverse sticked the knee high ball into goal. Throughout all of this PJ was at his commanding best picking up balls with ease at all heights and distributing like the master he is. However, true to Falcons form, it couldn’t last, and it didn’t. Amersham got themselves back into the game, albeit not managing to score.

 

Half time and The Pope gave us a sermon. No time for confessional, but too much fanny was certainly on the list of deadly sins. The next goal could be decisive. If we could get a 3rd it would kill the game off, so go for it. Amersham scored. Things started to warm up and came to the boil when The Pope was blocked from getting to the man with the ball and did not exactly give the umpire his blessing! Had he been addressing the masses in St Marks Square they would all have heard quite clearly The Popes opinion, without the aid of a microphone. Somehow, in the intervening time the statement “you are wrong” became, in the bar, an enquiry as to whether a foul had been committed. Suffice to say several had now got their dander up. The turning point came when, with a resounding crack of stick on stick, a  Falcons shot on goal was prevented and Hugh pointed skywards for a flick. Not all of Amersham were convinced! However, Rogues, who is the consummate professional (eh Henn?) calmly speared the flick low into the net, 3 – 1. Their right inner was then awarded an enforced rest by their umpire, we scored two more goals from flowing open play (cracker from PC, and a clinical finish from Rogues), they grabbed one, and we trouped off for the Killer Chilli and some fine Jimmy Riddles. Twizzle had departed early for a lie down without any action and missed, therefore, Rogues jug. But a good undisturbed nights sleep is probably best for him.

 

Unfortunately the “1s” were no match for Holcombe (which is in Kent for those who wondered and hadn’t asked). Despite some heroics from Phil in goal it was only from shorties that Hawks threatened, but the drag flicks were just off target today and they went down 3-0.

 

 

 

8th January – Woking away.

 

Those of us that are not invited to get involved with Boxing Day frolics on the hockey pitch had to go in search of their stick and dust it down after too long a break (11th Dec!). The 3A’s wimped out  on us too late to arrange any alternative (except Xmas shopping!!!****) and no one wanted to turn out at the New Year. Consequently it was a rusty squad that set off for Woking with the net results of the intervening festivities still to be exorcised.

 

Christmas had been a thoroughly relaxing and enjoyable experience. We knew that HTP (Hannah The Paramedic) would not be with us until 20:30ish Xmas Day owing to work. Ben and his partner were staying the night Xmas Eve. Consequently it was off into Cumnor for drinkies Friday (Xmas Eve) night. Well organised as we are Rogues went to the Bear & Ragged whilst the rest went to the Cricket Club. Intentions were to join up later – not achieved! Some (1) went directly home whilst others settled for a late night drink at the church – mid night mass/communion.

 

Christmas Day saw everyone up bright and early (09:30) and off to King Lock, upstream from the Trout at Godstow, to exercise the lock keepers dogs around Pixie Meadow along with our own Border Collie (lock keeper being away and Ben & Fram on dog sitting duty). Ben then took Fran to her Mums before joining us at Cumnor and, at 12:30ish, it was off to The Bear,       then the Cricket Club      then back to The Bear. Interest in turkey was lost then rekindled and was eventually served around 17:00 – excellent! Just as we were dozing off HTP arrived like a tornado with little time available for festive cheer: impending nightshift Boxing Day meant only 3 hours or so of drinking time available. We made the most of the time!

 

Boxing Day morning saw me walking our dog around the Thames behind Farmoor reservoir whilst Ben was back at the lock to take the dogs out, wake up Fran and her Mum whom had retired their Xmas Day, take Mum home and then bring Fran to Cumnor to make a “full house”. Now we could open presents. After bubble and squeak for late lunch, all too soon, Hannah was away again back to work. It had been short, but it had been sweet.

 

New Years Eve then hove into view. Lets all meet up at one house, have some champagne, move on to the next for more champagne, then end up at the Bear for the buffet and live music suggested one wise sage. Great said everyone and we duly negotiated bulk discount on tickets for the Western themed New Years Eve party at the Bear and got in supplies for the round robin. All was looking good until it transpired that everyone would meet at our house and then go straight to the Bear by cars which would then be abandoned until morning. Good dummy, Nick Harris!

 

A motley crew of twelve or so in varied forms of western garb descended upon the B & RA for our buffet, free first drink and live music through the night until people stopped spending. Twas an excellent night! Buffet very acceptable, beer very plentiful, company very amiable, music very danceable.  Everything nearly went perfectly, except……… when the X Mayors wife (the MayorX) decided it was time to leave and walk home with others the XMayor rapidly disappeared to the far end of pub. Unfortunately the MayorX noticed the lack of  XMayor and came looking for him. He’s looking for his coat I helpfully suggested just as he appeared to which MayorX replied that XMayor had left his coat in back of my car in car park and marched him outside. The XMayor plan of letting MayorX go home before him had been foiled! We duly followed suit some time later – 2ish or so???

 

New Years day, and another Saturday without hockey. All was not lost as the XMayor had invited me to the Kassam as his guest. For those uninitiated in these matters this involved being taken by car, from home, to the Kassam Stadium and a reserved parking slot within 20 yards of the door. Up some stairs and into Directors Dining room for a free buffet lunch, free programme and free seats to watch the match – Oxford United versus Wycombe Wanderers. I have to say the £10 a head buffet at the B & RA knocked spots off the fare on offer in the Directors Diner. We bought our own lager. Entertaining match with United taking the lead, then having man sent off, getting a second near end and then conceding an unjust penalty on full time, making injury time very tense. But we won, had coffee and bikkies (free) in DD before retiring to the B & RA for the warm down and “damage assessment” from previous evening. Few beers later and we were convinced there had been no damage.

 

All too soon it was back to work after nearly 3 weeks off, however a last minute text message told me not to bother travelling to Bristol as our customer had not got order cover in place and we would not be insured whilst on his site as a consequence. Unfortunately the customer was only 24 hours late with his order and, thus, come Wednesday, it was off to Bristol but for only two days that week with Friday at my Milton Park office. A “steady” Friday night led to a pleasant dog walk Saturday morning exploring a new area around Cothill before the rain came down. Then it was off to Cutteslowe to see whom PJ had enlisted for the trip to Woking. It was all a bit mixed with some last minute call ups, last minute panics with Woking changing venue and leaving those going direct all at sea, but still the last to arrive was Ellio despite having “sat. nav.”.

 

Those benefiting from “Rog. nav.” had no trouble at all which is more than can be said for JPAR whom, having found the relocation venue successfully, successfully pulled something in the warm up.  Twizzle did not need to “pull” having brought his with him – “The Italian Job” (TIJ). For the sake of clarity “TIJ” is actually Rumanian, but lives in Italy. The first we new of her proximity was when Sobes arrived “on pitch” and informed us that Twizzle had arrived, was in the changing room, but was not looking particularly bothered about making haste onto the pitch, despite our being late. When he explained that Twizzle had TIJ with him we suspected the worste, and the first ten minutes of the match seemed to confirm our fears: Twizzle was looking knackered from the start.

 

We eventually managed a line up:

 

Ricardo

Blommers   The Pope

Ellio   Sobes   Humph

PC  JPAR  Twizzle  Crampers  Rogues with Robbo on the whistle which he was due to swap with The Pope at half time.

 

Woking are old friends and foes. We knew they would have a good side and that they had played more recently than ourselves as we tried to get them to fill in for the WTA’s (Whimping Three A’s), but they had a game. They had a further game on the 27th! So we must take care and not concede a goal. We took care, and threw care away, and were pretty awfull. They were looking threatening most of the first half but our defence survived with The Popes’ blessing. He did have the final say on one goal attempt of theirs, with his foot! Ricardo mistook their flick taker for Rogues and disappeared in completely the wrong direction, and they were ahead. However, we had Sobes, they didn’t last into second half during which Robbo, who had “felt” something and decided to stick to the whistle, decided to reduce them to 10 for 10. So Sobes scored one in each half, which was sufficient.

 

We retired to their club to sample their excellent Badger and some splendid port and stilton left over in large quantities from their 27th match. We left a convivial opposition eventually, to set off for Titsworth with Twizzle in the lead. Titsworth was closed! Twizzle reported this minor catastrophy and by the time we had formed the fall back plan (3 Pigeons, Milton Common) he had passed this particular bird and was headed for another, I suspect. So, a couple of seven pint rounds of Breakspears preceded our final return home before joining Cumnor Real Ale People and partners for a get together at Ricardos accompanied by a pretty substantial Indian TA washed down by ‘Hen.

 

It’s great to be back and playing, and a good way to re-start the season.

 

 

15th January – Reading, home

 

The list of “N A’s” from last week was looking pretty impressive. The same could not be said for the excuses! Salmon fishing! Shooting! Injured!!! Two teams have, so far, failed to score against us: Wimbledon and Reading. Wimbledon were faced with Breezy in goal, whilst Reading had seen Ricardo before! We had to work very hard for our 2-0 win at Reading and, with the number of defaulters, we were concerned that we would be able to repeat the exercise.

 

Four steady days up and down the M4/A420, Oxford to Bristol, had preceded a more relaxed Friday at my Milton Park office. Friday also included a nice relaxed stroll by the river with Jim (the dog), a visit from favourite son, a snooze and then it was time for training. A solid bunch of locals graced the bar of the Bear & RA and attempted to get the latest rumours/gossip regarding Greene Kings plans for refurbishment, which might mean closure. The more we drank and the more we asked, the more confused we got! So, on being questioned next morning by the DoHA I was forced to say “ N F I” – no ***** idea. Women have absolutely no idea how men can spend several hours together and not have chapter and verse regarding life stories, states of health etc. etc. If we could do that why have women?!?

 

Saturday dawned, dog was walked, omelette cooked for lunch and off to NOSC. PJ had worked his customary wonders and we had eleven, but only eleven (plus Hugh on the whistle). Robbie was back and playing, The Pope was featuring again, Henn was fit (despite the pessimistic stories from PJ a week earlier), Groff was promoted from our development squad, Mighty had left a large hole in the ozone layer and Barmy army down under, and Huggie was featuring for the first time since Boxing Day 2003.

 

A severe talking to from The Pope before the game had us organised with the following line up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty    The Pope

Blommers   Sobes   Robbo

PC   Henn  Huggie  Groff  Rogues

 

And we were under way. They had some useful players on the park, had the better of play early on but never really threatened Ricardo. Their keeper, whilst young, was certainly not wet behind the ears. He knew what he was doing and was, reportedly, Readings 3rd string! He was causing some discussion regarding short corner tactics. On one of our attacks the ball was shelled across from the right, eluding everyone except Huggie who scored one of his classic goals – full stretch, on the ground, with a reverse stick deflection into goal. Shortly after Sobes made space in the circle and fired home one of his classics. We managed one more from Groff in the second half whilst they only made about one clear cut opportunity. Off to the Killer Chilli and Ruddles, then.

 

No need for Wilsden to attend to the bed linen this week, clean sheet double over Reading for Ricardo. Would have thought worthy of a jug, wouldn’t one? Ah well, next time maybe.

 

 

 

 

 Saturday 22nd January – Winchester away.

 

Winchester – our one and only (non cup) defeat of the season so far. They came and conquered on 13th November scoring two goals against our one from Breezie. We suspect that they were looking to beat the two time league champions, and they did, convincingly. However, looking at the league they appear something of an enigma. 13th November they were much the better side. Indeed PJ reckons that, on that showing, they are the best side he has seen this season, and he doesn’t miss much. Winchester have four vets sides, two in the Masters and two in our Alliance. Yet, despite appearances, they are mid table. In fact both their Vets Alliance teams are on exactly the same average and, therefore, league position. So, what would we be faced with at Winchester?

 

Answer – cold, damp and one person at the wrong school. Luckily our mobile phone network provided early warning and The Pope was wheeled out and prepared for the worst. Meantime Oxted were being beaten by the other Winchester Alliance side, which at least gave us the opportunity of asking Oxted if our forthcoming game could be re-arranged to a more convenient time to allow us to attend the Club Dinner. We shall see.

 

So, with Crampers shooting (or shot?), Ellio somewhere, Humph supporting his son, Billers injured, Gropes injured, Breezie lost without trace, Twizzle with a knee “trembler” (!???!) and RA still between “classes”, we lined up:

 

Rocardo

Mighty    PJ

Blommers   Sobes   Robbo

Henn  JPAR   DC   Groff   Rogues

 

Yes, David Cole was making his return after a long lay off with an injured knee, meaning he and PC were sharing the CF slot. Once RA arrived he took over LH with Robbo retiring to LB and The Pope taking up the whistle. They threatened to threaten, without really threatening. We did our (now) usual mixture of good possession stuff interspersed by some misplaced stuff. DC was moving around like a spring chicken, their umpire seemed to have misplaced his whistle causing some irritation to our front RHS. Still, Sobes drilled in a shortie, and JPAR got a second. Our cause was helped in second half by one of their better players continual complaints and semi assaults on our players resulting in his inevitable forced temporary rest. Rogues proceeded to put a flick wide having been stick tackled in the act of scoring (well, potentially getting a shot in!), but JPAR got a second and PC put one in. Just as Ricardo was planning to put the DAZ away for another week they managed a last minute consolation. But we had won, and we were very pleased.

 

We continued to congratulate ourselves back via their other school (and clubhouse) where we encountered Stormin Norman and the rest of his Trojan outfit in ghastly shirts, to East Ilsley and some well earned “Pride”.

 

We are having fun, but still have considerable challenges ahead with Wokingham, Guildford, Henley (a), Epsom (a), Havant, Woking, Winchester (A again) and Oxted (a) still to come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday 29th January – Wokingham at home

 

It was a very different looking Wokingham team that appeared at St Edwards for our 11:30 start. This could be partly due to the fact that we were playing in daylight, rather than under the rather dim lights that illuminated their pitch back on that damp afternoon in November when we last saw them. It was also due to the fact that there were some younger faces on display this time around. We couldn’t claim the same:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   Robbo

Blommers  Sobes  RA

DC   JPAR   Huggie  Humph  Rogues

With PJ exchanging umpiring roles with Robbo at half time.

We also had Ellio on the whistle.

 

Whilst Christmas seems an awfully long time ago, Falcons it seems, are just entering the pantomime season:

 

·         Blommers was in the final throws of preparation for the great Hanney pantomime in the week ahead, with dress rehearsal due in the next day or so.

 

·         Our attempts to score goals from open play were “slapstick”!

 

·         Wokingham had brought along the “villain”. He self combusted mid second half by collapsing in a gasping heap on the ground whilst we were all down the other end of the pitch winning a short corner. Having recovered from this, he then repeated the act minutes from the end, claiming a contra tente with PJ. Having gained no sympathy from “The Ump” he proceeded to “exit stage left”  muttering dire threats and “spells” upon PJ, The Ump, and Falcons in general. The rest of his side showed true togetherness by totally ignoring his instructions to follow him and walk off the pitch.

 

·         Ricardo was entering in the pantomime spirit through repeated choruses of “It’s behind you” – three times! Once the curtain had come down he did the decent thing and bought a jug as it was the first time we had conceded more than two this season on a Saturday.

 

·         Good triumphed over evil in the final act, as in all the best pantomimes. We scored the winning, and our 4th, goal in added on time.

 

Those of Wokingham who joined us for the warm down enjoyed the Killer Chilli and Ruddles. Those of us who enjoyed Ricardo’s jug also enjoyed the Senators 5-5 draw with Winchester. Senators play their very similar to ourselves, it appears, if only we could find the “fast forward” button!

 

 

5th Feb: Guildford, home.

 

Hanney pantomime lived up to its reputation. Blommers was Blommers featuring frequently in the chorus. An excellent evening of entertainment which ended in time for a swift retreat to the B & RA where there was just time to down a swift three. Meantime last weeks ructions continue to reverberate. In true pantomime fashion we have the article, we just have to find the person it fits!  In Wokinghams case (rather, to be fair to them, their players case) the article is not a glass slipper but a photograph. All we have to do is find the stick end that fits the image. Having sought divine guidance we thought about advising where to stick the image but we have decided to withdraw PJ’s nomination for sainthood for the time being, and The Pope has succumbed to a bad throat and is not available for comment.

 

Guildford arrived, primed, so we were exhorted to be on our best behaviour. Our line up was not the meekest or mildest of all time, but featured:

 

Ricardo

Mighty    Robbo

PJ    Sobes   Humph

Henn  JPAR  Ellio  Crampers  Rogues

With Billers on the sideline hoping not to be required and PC featuring at left wing for Guildford.

 

We struggled early on to get things going and were relieved when Hitman Henman hammered one home, a real cracker. Both keepers were starring and we continued to struggle to score. However Rogues, performing in front of a record home crowd, eventually managed to deflect a cross into goal and Ellio deflected a Sobes free hit in at the end. Pristine bed linen for Ricardo! JPAR “pulled” necessitating Billers to feature for a time, thankfully without adverse impact upon his hand.

 

No drama this week, therefore, but another satisfying win with Ricardo voted MOM – man of the match. PJ jubilant with a rare Welsh win at rugby and excellent to see in Mondays Telegraph that the “1s” had drawn 3-3 at Formby.

 

OK, Falcons, get your tickets in for the club dinner dance that follows our final scheduled league match of the season – 19th March at Hawkswell House, Iffley. Lets get a good Falcons table and celebrate what is, already, a very successful season.

 

 

Sat. 12th Feb. – Henley away 16:30

 

I vividly remember having to fight to prove that I was “left handed” when at primary school in Charlbury. My teacher at the school would not allow a pupil to learn to write with their left hand unless they passed her “test”.  I was subjected to this test which was performed in front of the whole class. She put a ball, bigger than a tennis ball, smaller than a football, on the floor and told me to kick it. So I did, with my right foot. Thus, apparently, I was right handed!

 

Wrong, I couldn’t write for toffee with my right hand. But it took considerable pressure with letters from my parents to persuade said teacher. One of the contributing problems was that we were using pens with real ink and real knibs. Writing with my left hand meant that I was pushing the pen across the paper whilst a right handed writer “pulled” the pen across the paper. Pushing meant that the knib snagged and dug into the paper spraying ink all over the place. So, write with your right hand and it will work. Wrong, I just couldn’t.

 

So, more correspondence ensued to negotiate the circumstances whereby I was allowed to use one of those new fangled “biro’s”. They had a ball point that worked when I pushed it left handed across the paper. At last I was allowed and able to write with my left hand. But already I was behind everybody else, I was retarded. And it was all because I kicked a ball with my right foot.

 

So, what’s this got to do with 2005? I still write with my left hand. I still kick a ball with my right foot by choice. I will bowl left handed, bat right handed. So I am not a cackhanded hockey player. I use a knife and fork with the fork in my left hand, but hold the fork in my right when partnered with a spoon. However, when it comes to raising a glass to my lips I will naturally use my left hand, but am ambidextrous. As for tennis, table tennis and badminton: I have never really decided which hand to use. I pick my nose with my right hand and scratch with the same hand. Always put my right sock on first, and always put my right foot into my trousers first. If I as a boxer I would lead with my right and polish the car with my left. Hold a hammer in my left, and a screw driver.

 

And something else I realised for the first time on Sunday. I awoke to discover that, as well as losing some skin off the back of my left hand during the match the previous day, I had also sprained my left wrist. Now, as with many sprains, I only noticed this “injury” once I stopped using it. Thus it was only after the match and after the warm down that the injury was allowed to rest and seize up. And so we came to Sunday morning and the passing of much of the night before and………………yes…. I use my left hand to wipe my a**e. But not with a sprained wrist! Talk about all fingers and thumbs and wash your hands afterwards.

 

The aftermath of Henley – a real bummer. But we could all see it coming. 16:30 start on their well lit surface facing into a setting sun. The sun set quickly enabling Ricardo to see straight in front of himself, thankfully, but the gloomy lights meant that none of us could see that far. Then the rain came, in buckets, and stopped at half time. By then we had already gone behind but equalised via Crampers. We proceeded to go behind again, take complete control, get another equaliser, again from Crampers, but nothing further. They were sound at the back with an excellent keeper, uncompromising in midfield. We were:

 

Ricardo

Mighty    Robbo

Blommer   Sobes   RA

PC  Crampers   Huggie  Groff   Rogues

 

I kept the wrist exercised in their clubhouse and en-route home. I am now going through a carefully constructed set of remedial exercises planned to get it back into full action in time for the coming weekend when the Falcons have a double header: league at Epsom Saturday, plate competition at home Sunday. Not me, though, I am off to Dublin for some serious weight lifting and wrist strengthening exercises. If it’s not up to it: well I’m ambidextrous!

 

 

19/20 Feb – Epsom & Bridgenorth

 

It's a busy weekend for the Falcons, with games on Saturday (league) and Sunday (Vintage plate). With some of us, 'cos we'll have to play both, being busier than others.

Rogues is n/a for both games, he's in Dublin trying to sort his left hand from his right [see last weeks report], which is why I'm doing the report this week.

Fortunately PJ's desparate cry for help at the beginning of the week, is answered by Gropes (out since before christmas with injuries) and Tim Winchester (aka Wimbo) who'd not been seen in a Falcons shirt for a season and a half. So he's able to put out a squad, with a rejoinder "to get back to winning ways, Roper to score 3 and buy a jug" 

Saturday 19th Feb Away to Epsom (3.30pm pushback!)

The squad should be Wilsden, Kentfield, Winchester, Blomley, Sobey, Billigton, Henman/Robson [playing half games], Crampton-Smith, Roper, Griffiths, Roche [arriving late]. 1st problem no Griff, 2nd problem due to traffic on the M40 & M25 only Wimbo & one car are there for the start time. Epsom are happy to delay the start, so we finally line up

                        Richardo

                Mighty  Wimbo

        Blommers        Sobes           Billers

                Crampers        A.N.Other

        Henners Gropes  Robby

[The a.n.other being an Epsom player, Paddy still travelling]

Finally, the game gets under way and we decide to play a "lets not string more than two passes together" strategy . We're absorbing an awful lot of pressure and it's only Richardo, going through another purple patch, that's keeping us in the game. 10 mins, or so we're one goal down, then we cincede another. Paddy having now arrived & warmed up comes on in place of a.n. other and the last period of the first half are all Falcons. A half time talk by Sobes "look guys defend better, don't concede anymore goals, we'll pull one back, then another , then we'll go on and win" - Easy game this isn't it?

Second half under way and Gropes glides the ball neatly past their keeper. 10 minutes later he does it again, so far so good, Sobes plan appears to be working. Then with 10 minutes to go, Paddy produces a bit of the Roche magic he's been instilling in the Colts and threads the ball through for Gropes to pick up on the edge of their D. Gropes with only the keeper to beat, realises he's on a jug fluffs the shot and the ball trickles harmlessly past the outside of the post.

So, we finish 2-2 as we did last week against Henley. Funny game we've not drawn all season then we get two back to back.

Back to their clubhouse for a warm down (Tea, sarnies & a real ale called Epsom sports club : session beer) - which it is, but unfortunately we have to return to Oxford. Which Ricardo's car does via Tetsworth to report the game to PJ who's waiting in our favourite watering hole.

Sunday 20th Feb - Vintage plate Home to Bridgnorth [1.00pm start]

We line up as           Ricardo

                        Mighty  Robby

                PJ              Sobes           RA

                        Roche           Ellio

        Henners         Cole            Curtis

[with Mike Kyle (ex-Morris's, ex-Hawks & now playing Abingdon 3's) on the bench]

We having elected to drop the "lets not pass to each other" strategy go on the attack from the off, with great results.

RA starting a passing move from left-half, end up in their D and shoots, 1 - 0 Falcons. A few minutes later Ellio, with the aid of a deflection nets, 2 - 0. Cole, as centre forward isn't happy with this so he gets in on the act, 3 - 0.    [Apologies if I've got goals 2 & 3 in the wrong order, I was asleep when they were scored].

Half time comes, and the team talk is basically "more of the same, please"

Second half, Sobes picks up the ball inside their half, mesmerises their defence with his dribbling skills and cracks in a classic from the edge of the D, 4 - 0. Mighty (probably because his snoring is distracting the defence) is replaced by Mike Kyle. Then Paddy, after a bit of side-line coaching from Jan (CKC) - [creator of the killer chilli] crashes a shot against the keepers pads and nets the rebound, 5 - 0. Which proves to be the final score.

Everyone back to the clubhouse where the killer chilli accompanied by garlic bread and jacket potatoes is awaiting us. The meal is washed down with an excellant Merlot (donated by the oppo). Several jugs of Ruddles also aiding digestion.

Falcons - Next round is March 6th (Henners will be in contact), please make yourself available for the 5th (Home to Woking Pitt Elders) if you're not involved on the 6th.

Havant – home – 26/02/05

 

Guinness is a glorious drink. It is well worth considerable in depth study. The beauty of it when first poured, when it is a grey/brown colour. It is at this stage when it should be left to stand and settle and then, once it has become a rich black in colour, topped up to the full pint with a white, creamy head. Skilled providers will ensure, at this latter stage, that you get the outline of a shamrock set into the head. At the B & RA the shamrock can sometimes look more like an oak leaf, even a dandelion, or sometimes simply a large raindrop. At the summit of the Guinness brewery in Dublin the sublime taste fights hard in order not to be outshone by the marvelous view of a clear day. And last Saturday (19th) was a clear day. Whilst the rest of the Falcons were negotiating the M25 and doing their best to avoid a jug and a defeat against Epsom, I was at the summit of that brewery with the sun shining all around.

 

This final part of the brewery visit is a bit gleaming chrome and glass, but just down the road from the hotel we were staying in was “the real thing”. A proper drinkers pub. No food, smallish front bar, a back bar with a hatch for serving drinks, and a covered side passage where you stood in the side door of the pub to get a drink. Was it busy? Was it busy! At any point in time some 10 pints of Guinness stood, settling confident in the knowledge that any moment someone would order and they would have no delay in being served. Take one settled three quarter pint, top it up, form the shamrock and there you go. Marvellous! As it got more crowded, newcomers through the front door were served over the heads of those squashed at the bar by  the landlord standing on a stool behind the bar, taking orders which he relayed to the staff, and passing the drinks out to the customers over the heads of those at the bar. In the window seat sat four people with a variety of instruments playing diddly diddly music. What more could one want?

 

Thus I missed the draw at Epsom and the opportunity to share a pint with Wimbo. It was great to hear that he had turned out on our behalf, and equally good to get my tee shirt back, now some two years older! It was also with disbelief that I read, and re-read to be sure, of RA’s goal on the Sunday in the “Plate”. Was this his first for the Hawks?  However, after this surfeit of  “training” I had the rest of the week to warm down before our scheduled league encounter with Havant. Thankfully their Vets side was not as mobile as their 1st team who just scraped home against our “1s”. However we contrived to make them look a threat and went in to halftime only 1-0 up, thanks to an Ellio shortie. After the shortages of the week before we were fielding a full bench and with The Pope on the whistle, we played:

Ricardo

Mighty   RA

Blommers  Ellio  Billers

Henn Crampers  JPAR  Huggie  Gropes  Groff  Rogues  

at some time or other.

 

The sharp talking to and substitutions at half time did the trick and we were quickly pegged back to one all. However all that good work on the training pitch began to tell and we ran out 6 – 1 winners with two goals each from Ellio (both shorties!), Huggie and Gropes. Three people on jug avoidance but only one did the decent thing and actually bought one – well done Gropes. Havant thoroughly enjoyed the Killer Chilli and asked that their appreciation be passed on to the chef. We ensured that the Ruddles played its part in the proceedings before departing and looking forward to the weekend ahead where we entertain Woking in the league at Gosford Hill School Saturday, then Deeside Ramblers in the Cup/Plate on Sunday when we look forward to the return of Clarkie and the Pink Panther to our ranks.

 

 

5th March – Woking home.

 

Only when all the social bookings had been confirmed, and the selected establishment pronounced itself now fully booked for Mothering Sunday, did Deeside Ramblers decide not to grace us with their presence. I was consigned to heating up a dish of stew and cooking some potato’s whilst the rest of the family met at the Elm Tree, Iffley at midday for lunch, then on to St Clements where just about all licenced establishments were visited before returning home sometime after 20:00. It was a long day!

 

Talking about a long time it was JPAR who admitted that the last time he had managed a hat trick was in the late sixties, as far as he could remember. Without having a detailed discussion with Jan I am forced to believe this, albeit I am sure it was later than this (1970’s) when he was “Oh my Godding” it in Corfu! We didn’t get a jug on this occasion either as I remember it.

 

The great thing about playing hockey in the Falcons is the camaraderie. We get on so well together and, in the most part, with our oppo. Woking, certainly, are one of our more dangerous opponents. They can, and do, beat us from time to time on the park, but they always outdo us in the bar, home or away, afterwards. Woking apart we usually ensure a warm down that outlasts the oppo and, if away, stop at Titsworth or East Ilsley on the journey back. If at home a good number can be found in the bar way after the oppo have departed and it is not unusual for additional jugs to be bought “for the benefit of the team”. That is camaraderie!. Even Ellio has been known to buy a jug without scoring a hat trick (albeit it was about 3 years ago and only because the beer was on special offer at about 50p a pint!). We even got Ricardo to buy a jug for letting in 3 goals! Extra jugs and rounds are the norm and the anticipation of this is further enhanced when one of our number scores a hat trick. This season these have been somewhat thin on the ground (only 1 prior to Saturday) despite a large number of goals having been scored – another indication of our teamliness! So, how thrilled we all were when JPAR slotted in his third of the game (remember that feeling Misses?). All the usual preambles on the jug front duly took place:

- We had filled galsses awaiting Woking as they entered the club house

-They reciprocated over the Killer Chilli.

 

JPAR put his hand in his pocket, got Angie to pour one of her 4 pinters, and disappeared never to be seen again! Once finally tracked down he claimed that Woking had drunk the jug. Well done them is all I can say, we would do the same given the opportunity. But what about camaraderie, team spirit, looking after your mates? What about them!

 

Apart from JPAR, those that featured included:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   The Pope RA

Ellio   Sobes   Billers

Henn  JPAR  Gropes  Huggie Groff  Rogues

 

Their keeper was awarded their “man of the match” award. They scored 1, we scored 7 involving the affor mentioned hat trick person, Huggie, Sobes, Ellio and I can’t remember whom got our other one (Huggie or Groff?). I felt guilty re. my misses which could explain that other jug but…………………………..

 

Woking departed having enjoyed the game, enjoyed the Killer Chilli and enjoyed the hospitality. We now are left with Winchester and Oxted to complete our league season. Following that we have some friendlies through to May when we play an Australian touring side on Thursday 12th – volunteers to play, umpire and join in the entertaining of our guest requested. (They contacted me to ask about dress code in the clubhouse!)

 

 Saturday 12th March, Falcons away to Winchester Wanderers.

Will Red-nose day be followed by red-face day?

PJ has managed, by fair means or foul to cajole 13 [12 if Paddy is n/a] to travel, with the intention of himself and one other playing half a game each and sharing the umpiring.

Saturday, cuttteslowe 1.15 meet.

PJ's plans are somewhat upset.

Bad news - The Senators, away to Chichester, have taken Andy Pearce & Billers.

Good news - They both reckon that they'll be able to get from Chichester to Winchester in time to play

More bad news - Paddy is n/a & Henners only wants half a game.

Good news - PJ has phoned Winchester, yes they can supply two umpires

So, we are eight at Cutteslowe, with four going direct.

More good news all twelve [with Batts cutting it fine] are there for the start. We line up as

                        Pearce

                Mighty  PJ

        Ellio           Sobes           Billers

                Groff           Batts

        Cole            Huggie  Crampers

With Henners coming on for the second-half.

We, despite PJ's pre-match chat, start off with a bit of "faffing & fannying". Fortunately Winchester do likewise.

Penalty corner to Falcons - Crampers pushes out to Sobes, square pass to Groff [0 - 1] Falcons.

10 minutes later Crampers receives in their D, pass to Batts [0 - 2]

Which is how it stays until half-time. Their no 1 umpire decides that the help(!!!) he's getting from the other touchline is'nt useful. so he opts to do the 2nd half alone - Good move by him.

Winchester, along with the oranges also offer us a bottle of port - good move by them.

Henners comes on and three of our forwards switch to the 12 minute rolling sub formation we've lovingly adopted for such occasions.

PJ, obviously bored with proceedings, clatters an oppo stick as he's about to shoot. Penalty flick, Winchester - Bang goes our traditional cleansheet by guest keeper, but no! Pearce saves.

Back into Winchester's D, a foot on their goal line. Penalty flick, Falcons - Up steps Sobes, Rogues being n/a, [0 - 3]

Two more goals, Huggie & Crampers leave Falcons 0 - 5 up at the end.

So, we maintain a Falcons tradition of "a cleansheet from a guest keeper" [Sorry Ricardo, had to mention it again]. We'ed also, apparently, won this league for the third time in succession [Pretty good going - the leagues only been running for three years]

Meanwhile back in their bar, Crampers decides that it's only fair that he buys a jug - For missing three sitters [If that ever becomes a Falcons tradition, we're going to be in for some extremely boozy evenings].

Next week, final league game. Unfortunately away to Oxted but, it's still our intention for some of us to get back for the end of season dinner - Hope to see some of you there.

 

19th March – Oxted away

 

Whatever happens the league is done and dusted. We were actually uncatchable some two week ago. However it is better to win with style than to end up with an anti climax. And it was with this ffeling that we approached Saturday 19th. Oxted, bottom of the table and our furthest away game. At the same time Wales would be trying to overcome Ireland for their first grand slam for ages. A big afternoon!

 

Big events deserve special preparation and, mindful of this, Ricardo and I set off for TWH The White Hart at Fyfield on A420) Thursday evening. Now TWH has not featured highly in match reports of late, which is a shame. The owner of the last 18 months has done an excellent job with the place. He has opened out the ground floor restaurant area and serves “fine food” (good, but not cheap). He has retained the drinking end pretty much unchanged, but widened the area between the two making drinking and passing easier. Best of all he has retained the tradition of supplying good, real ale and always has three or four available on the pumps. His regular bitter is “White Horse”. Not surprising as, since taking over TWH, Ian has started a small brewery in Stanford In The Vale where this is brewed. And very good it is too: more towards the taste of Morlands than Morrells. However our attempts to et a taste were somewhat delayed by a drunk or something local bursting through the door and trying to entice the barman/manager outside. When he refused he was head butted and his assailant departed.  Our patience was rewarded in the form of free pints, consequently it seemed only fair to stay and actually buy a second round. Then it was off to the B & RA where they were celebrating St Patricks Day, but, by this stage it had descended to karaoke! Plenty of locals there and a couple more pints before retiring.

 

Friday night in the B & RA was very quiet, presumably after all that karaoke the night before. Consequently we left the same day we arrived after a few IPAs in order to ensure that I was up in good time to walk the dog by the river behind Farmoor Reservoir before an early lunch and then await collection by Ricardo. As I returned from dog walking Wimbo phoned to ensure that he had the logistics for the Dinner that night correct: 19:30 for 20:00, black tie. He had a room booked and was planning to arrive early. I suggested he “went for the early jug” and would check with him when I got there as to whether one was due.

 

Then it was off to Cutteslowe where most were already gathered. Cars were organized to allow the 4 that were returning for the dinner to make an immediate getaway in the “Pope Mobile” and off we went. Thanks to some magic number on his phone Billers kept us informed of the traffic hold ups on the M25 so we diverted onto M4 to miss the worst. Through the miracles of Rog Nav we made it direct to their pitch in good time and realized we were in for a warm afternoon. It was great to see that despite the game being so distant and, from a league point of view, meaningless, we still had 12 players. We lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   RA

Blommers   Sobes   Billers

Henn  PC   Huggie   JPAR   DC

 

With Rogues on the bench for the 1st 12  minutes.

 

Twas a funny old game! Difficult to know how to describe it. Should I mention the clinical finishing or the wanton jug avoidance? I could talk about our total domination, or how we fell apart and should have conceded at least 1 goal. I think I will settle for saying a jug is due from Rogues and either sside of these three were classics from JPAR and Sobes, and a clean sheet for Ricardo.

 

So, with Wales winning, we returned swiftly to Oxford to don our finery and catch up with Wimbo to see if he was due to buy a jug. He wasn’t! The dinner and prize giving passed away as did the evening very pleasantly until a crowd ended up sitting in the lounge area reminiscing until a taxi took Ricardo and I away. Over to Wimbo…..

 

Saturday 19th March 2005

 

After a steady pre-match warm up, we stayed for just one more stretch

following the departure of the Falcons senior pro's......reminiscing

"Oxmill" days if I remember correctly.... and watching HG get into a lather over the highly toned legs of Joanne from Eaton (well Slough actually...!).

 

Once autopilot got us back to the dressing room, there appeared no time for showing and kit became dispersed to all 4 corners of the room.... What turned out to be a steady start highlighted a clear lack of match fitness from the one match per year Falcon, requiring the need for rolling substitutes to be considered... however, although HG had checked into the ground, he was nowhere to be found... and so a "Time Out" was agreed...!

 

After a short break, action recommenced at a slow pace which really went nowhere.... culminating in stifled crys of "Oh no not again...!" from both sides....!

 

Somehow though...... and even the match replay systems from 3 television networks missed it, but Hawks scored a very soft opening goal leaving both teams in total dismay....  with umpires simply pointing back to the centre spot for a re-start....!   One nil to Hawks...! ! .... ?    Following discussions with the officials, another "Time-Out" was called by the home team...

 

Daylight saw a rejuvenation of the old chap from Hawks who, clearly playing way out of position for most of the game, reverted back to his old playing position of full back... Very soon the crowd were pleased to enjoy the remembered "Rock of Gibraltar" form which made him famous in that position over many years and after a messy goalmouth scramble Slough scored a well deserved equaliser with a fine celebratory shriek from their small, well toned Caribbean centre forward....!

 

The crowd were then treated to a fine comeback by a rejuvenated Falcon's defender who ran from defence through the whole of the opposition team to crash Slough's backboard with a fine strike giving the Falcon a well-earned lead !

 

And there the scores remained.... a slightly disappointing, but with all things taken into account, well deserved 2-1 win to the Falcon at full time...

 

I am pleased to report that a re-match is being considered.... A prospect that looked very unlikely at half-time....!

 

The after match hot chilli was replaced with a cold poultice and so far

things have recovered well.....!

 

See you at the next outing...!

 

 

 

 

 

2nd April ’05Swindon H

 

Easter came and Easter went. The DOHA returned from Lanzarote just in time to enjoy this long weekend and, having been collected from the railway station at 22:10 on Maunday Thursday, wasted no time in testing the G & Ts in the B & RA where we were invaded by quite a crowd of late arrivals. In contrast Good Friday night was very quiet but things livened up on Sunday when there was a singer in residence and the previous landlord, Gavin, was in generous form and not in the mood to retire early. Thursday brought a surprise phone call to invite me to be a late sub for the Kingerlee team who were attending the Wantage Town FC dinner where Paul Parker (ex Man U & England) and a comedian were featuring. Like many club bars Wantage featured a joice of keg beer resulting in Ricardo & I going for the Guinness. All was going down nicely until it ran out with about 45 minutes to go! Not good news. I awoke with a headache Friday morning but recovered in time to WFH (Work from home) and make a few trips to the tip as we are trying to empty the contents of our loft. We have carefully accumulated a large miscellany of items over the years, but no have to decide what to do as we are having the area converted into a bedroom with en-suite. So, Friday was a headache!

 

By 21:00 all was set fair and a reasonable crowd of “locals” gathered in the B & RA for the Friday ritual of drink, contemplation of the week past and wondering what the future might bring. For one in particular the future is bleak. He, known as Trig or Trigger, has ambitions to be buried in Cumnor graveyard. However the graveyard is about to be closed to burials as it is full and no land can be found which can be used. News of this situation has leaked out beyond the bounds of the parish magazine and BBC local TV decided to do a feature. Trig was contacted by them and asked if he would be filmed laying some flowers on a grave and then interviewed about his wish to join those already in situ. He agreed so long as he was only asked simple, straightforward questions. Most of us there Friday had not seen the coverage on TV but had had it reported to us.

We were keen to learn, Friday night, what fee he had received and whether he had negotiated repeat fees. He denied that any money had changed hands and even claimed to have had to buy the flowers himself! (We have spotted the denuded daffs around the war memorial!). As for Swindon! He was asked where, if not Cumnor, he might have to go to be buried with the interviewer suggesting Swindon. As a good Oxford man Trig attempted to maintain diplomacy with difficulty! Why had he been contacted? He was unsure, but we all agreed that the BBC, in their thoroughness, would have reviewed those in the village and selected the next likely candidate for the cemetery. This view may not have improved his blood pressure, but certainly improved his candidature. He was good enough to buy a round before he departed!

 

It was warm and sunny on Saturday. Swindon were looking pretty fit and it proved to be an exceptional day. We have to look back to St Valentines Day 2004 to find the last time it happened, before that there where three occasions in the 2002/3 season and none in 2001/2. What is he on about now? OCS – opposition clean sheets. Yes, whilst we give our keeper much stick over the lack of frequent clean sheets, the oppo keep them clean rather less often. Five times over this and the previous 3 seasons! And Saturday was such a day. Swindon were fit, well organized and deserved their single goal win. We enjoyed their company in the bar where a number of jugs were consumed including the one outstanding from our visit to Oxted. Mighty also bought a jug for being NA – hint, hint to some of you!

 

Our actual line up was:

 

Ricardo

PJ    Humph

Blommers   Sobes    Billers

DC  PC  Huggie  Crampers   Rogues

With Hughbie on the whistle and Robbo leading the cheer leaders.

 

After a few quick ZZZZs at home it was off to Cotswold House for a Cumnor group Indian Takeaway  to celebrate Neil and Marions return from Oz. A splendid day!

 

 

Sunday 10th April – Southampton away

  

 

A much disrupted weekend. The death of the Pope caused the Royal Wedding to be postponed. In order not to clash with this “fixture” our match was taking place on the Sunday. However this only presented fresh problems. We were missing our Cup Captain and organizer, Henn. There were a number of reasons circulating as to why he wasn’t playing:

 

·         He was doing the flower arrangements for the Royal Wedding.

 

·         He was trying to get the flowers from Windsor to use at his sons wedding.

 

·         He was singing in the choir.

 

·         Jane had him by the short and curlies

 

·         He had been banned by a Somerset vicar for giving flowers to the organist in preparation for their intended nuptials next month.

 

I assure you the truth is there somewhere! The rest of us were taking things seriously. A “steady” training session Friday night followed by an abstemious day Saturday ensured a bright eyed start to Sunday. We assembled at Cutteslowe for our trip to Southampton only to discover that The Pope had “done his back”, presumably by spending so much time lying flat on it and being carted around the place and then put on view. He wasn’t traveling therefore. We still numbered 13, with Kylie, Clarkie and The Barron making return appearances. In Henns’ absence Kylie definitely comes a clear closest amongst the Falcons to being able to wear a 16 inch corset, albeit this was not on display on a Sunday. I have it on good authority that the wearing of this corset has no impact upon his ability to consume beer and converse.

 

“Rog Nav” ensured a trouble free journey, unlike the “Sat Nav” that took a young lady to the Eaton bank of the River Thames and told her that “You have now arrived” when her destination was the Ferry Inn on the opposite bank – and there is no bridge or ferry! Good stuff this technology. I recognized the ground as being the place where Adastral used to compete in a mixed 7 a side tournament back in the sixties. My 1st visit being in 67 when we managed a win I believe. No today!

 

Despite the inclusion of C, K & TB we were outplayed by a fitter and more competitive side, losing 5-1, with Clarkie getting the credit for our goal. Their pies chips and beans was very welcome afterwards along with a couple of jugs of Theakstons and then we departed to stop off at Chieveley to check on Dobbin. A welcome addition to the Falcons watering holes this.

 

For the technically minded our squad was:

 

Ricardo

Mighty,  Ellio, The Barron

Clarkie   Sobes  RA

Robbo  JPAR  PC  DC  Kylie   Rogues

 

So, our cup run endeth for this year one short of an appearance in the finals at Old Louts in May. Probably just as well as Henn was due to be bell ringing that weekend.

 

 

 

 

Sat 16th April – Milton Keynes away

 

Light training on Thursday at TWH involving some excellent beer from White Horse brewery and something very acceptable from Lancashire. This was then rather spoilt by beating the retreat to Cumnor B & RA for IPA. Friday night found the IPA in good form and Ricardo even better. He had been to The Black Horse, Gozzards Ford where he had enjoyed an excellent meal to celebrate his daughters birthday and then returned to the B&RA to be nearer home. He was definitely “feeling no pain”!

 

We were all feeling it by the end of Saturday afternoon. They looked young, fit and fast and had numerous subs. Our judgement proved correct. For once we cannot make fun out of their coordinated warm up routine. However, we nearly caused an upset which they would rightly have though unjust. They scored from a ludicrously awarded PF. We put our justly awarded one wide and had a good goal disallowed. Humphs goal stood, Ricardo played a blinder along with our defence, Mighty was spotted in their D during play (!) and it ended 3-1. We were:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   The Pope

Ellio   Sobes  Billers

DC  JPAR  PC  Humph  Rogues.

 

Their catering has improved and we enjoyed the pasta and meat and a few jugs before returning for a final round at The Trout. Then it was off to Cumnor Village Hall for an evening of gambling (craps, roulette etc) all dressed up in black tie and serviced by Hook Norton. Splendid party.

 

 

Sat 24th April – Olton & WW home

 

Olton & West Warwick beat us comprehensively in the cup last season and lost to Indian Gym in the final. This season they are back in the final on 22nd May where they are due to face Isca, the side that put us out this year. We suspected, therefore, that it would be a pretty good squad that Olton brought to NOSC. The Pope took divine guidance and decided that we needed to get some legs into the squad to bolster our chances, especially as Crampers, Ellio and JPAR had declared themselves NA. JPAR was under orders to complete the gardening activity rudely interrupted the previous Saturday by a large lady in tweeds sporting a blue rosette who, discovering our man in the garden hailed him with:

“Excuse me, are you the gardener?”

I understand that the negative response had a fuschia in it, and JPAR is now an official floating voter. Evidence of Sunday does appear to show that this unfortunate encounter has not only put him off voting Tory, but also put him off gardening. Still, what’s the point in having three sons and having to mow the lawn yourself?

 

The build up to the Saturday match had been serious. Cumnor Cricket Club was stocked with a fine range of real ales in order to celelebrate St Georges Day on Saturday. I should have attended cricket nets there Friday night before sampling the fare but, unfortunately, forgot all about it until a phone call reminded me whilst sitting in the Chinese awaiting the arrival of supper. By then it was too late. So, it was some two and a half hours later that I ventured out with the ex-mayor who had been to nets and was, therefore, a little ahead on the beer stakes. We decided we would take in The Bear en-route to the CC. The B &RA had some particularly fine alternative to IPA on the pumps  (Tanners) and it was going down well. Numbers also grew steadily and, one way or another, we never quite left. Having got rid of the slight hang-over Saturday morning it was dog walking time around the river bank behind Farmoor reservoir. Very pleasant and peaceful.

 

This tranquility was interrupted by news from the builders. The house is having the equivalent of a “brain transplant”. The DOHA declared that the large, boarded, veluxed and lighted/powered area under the eaves should be cleared out of all the “stuff” stored up there. Some of this stuff had been undisturbed for years. Other emerges on an annual basis for Christmas and other occasions. However, a clear out was prescribed. In order to ensure this was not followed by a re-stocking exercise it was decided that the space be converted into a bedroom, en-suite bathroom and store. Hence the “brain transplant” – clear out the rubbish and fill the vacant space at the top with something useable and useful.

 

All had been going well. A concerted family effort had emptied the attic of all useful stuff. Some had been taken to the second hand shop, some to the tip, and some piled up in a spare bedroom pending re-storage. The remaining “stuff” had been put in the builders skip by the bjuilder in order to get at the floor, take up the boarding and put in stronger joists. The new stairs were in and the new floor almost complete – brain transplant looking good and first two stage payments made. Then came the snag. The en-suite lacks headroom. You could have a bath, but to have a shower you would have to stand with head through roof. Same goes for a man having a pee! Latter OK as one can admire the great view, but not so good if it is p***ing down with rain. And we want a shower, not a bath! We could put in shower OK, but then there is insufficient height for a door – could always crawl in. OK, I give in, what do you suggest Mr Brain Surgeon. To get a bigger brain in you need to raise the cranium. That will have to be it then – raise the roof: a dormer. I think my hang over has returned!

 

So, we lined up against O & WW with:

 

Ricardo

Mighty  Humph

Blommers  Sobes  Billers

DC  GTC  PC  H   Rogues

 

And won 2-1 with goals from DC & Rogues to their class conversion from their left winger (a neat lob over advancing keeper). They were a good side, but our imports definitely helped. A suitable warm down prevented a later entry to CCC to take in the St Georges Day late atmosphere and ale owing to a temporary relapse on the home front – fell asleep in front of telly! However this ensured that I was rather chirpier next morning when reporting for Godfather duty at Toby Roches’ confirmation. Some were obviously suffering! Abingdon church was resplendent in the sunshine and a number of seats reserved for those accompanying the tbc. We were fortunate in being part of the Roche party as, not only did we get into the back row but we were aalso in the “cheap seats” along with the Bennetts. What was good about this position, and what made it cheap was the fact that they were so busy trying to ensure that they got through the collection without keeping The Bish. waiting at the end of the hymn that they never made it to us with the collection plate. We all skipped coffee with The Bish in the Rectory and scuttled back to Sunningwell for Champers and some excellent provisions – no chilli!

 

But all too soon it was off to NOSC to join “Dereks Day”: the Adastral and mixed hockey re-union in memory of the late Derek (Gus) Holton. This proved, for the second year, a very enjoyable gathering and game with much reminiscing and reviewing of the memorabilia on display. All in all, once we had sorted “The Brain”, and excellent weekend!

 

 


Sat 7th May – COHC Venerables – home

 

 

The week leading up to the Bank Hol had been good. Only one day when I was required to drive to Filton for work (Monday), then it was the dogs holiday – three days in a B&B just up stream from Boscastle. Yes, it was a stream today as it was two years ago when we were last there. However the deluge that occurred shortly after our last visit had turned the stream into a raging torrent some eight feet deep washing trees, rocks and other debris rapidly towards Boscastle.

Those who have seen the pictures on TV will have seen how cars were washed out of the car park at the bottom of “the stream”and out to sea. Today the banks on either side of the stream are testament to this devastation. 

 

It is a lovely part of the country with some great beaches on which we could run the dog. The B&B itself is also ideal as we were accommodated in a former stable with a courtyard outside where we could leave the dog whilst we went into the house for breakfast. Evening meals were taken in pub in Boscastle itself on the first night but the second two nights we dined at Trebarwith Strand. At high tide the sea washes up a small gap in the cliff, over a slipway and onto the road at particularly high tides. The pub is on the side of the cliff looking down into this gap and on along the coast – what a setting. At this time of year, with some good weather but not many people around, it was idyllic. When all 80 odd tables are occupied with eager diners it could be slightly different! Same goes for the pub at Morwenstow that dates back to Saxon times. A lovely sunny spot to enjoy a lunch time drink before returning to Sandymouth NT car park and the

 stretches of golden sand, rock pools and good rocks to climb over. The sunshine combined with a breeze gave us glowing faces and red noses!

 

All too soon we were heading back up the M5 towards home to inspect the current state of the “brain transplant”. More problems! Whilst we had decided to “raise the cranium” in order to be able to “stand and deliver” it now looked as though there was still only sufficient standing space for 2 out of 3. The three are: shower, wash basin and loo. Two out of the three, says Mr Brain Surgeon (Phil the builder) fit fine. The third is still squeezed somewhat under the eaves. It was agreed this could not be the shower, so we are left with the choice of standing at an angle to clean ones teeth or to pee. With no walls,plaster board or anything else in place to prove exactly what angle of dangle might be necessary we are in a quandary. Much laying out of pieces of wood on the floor to simulate where the walls will be and the impact of the eaves ensues, but no decisions made.

 

Oh bugger. It’s not looking good. Time for a beer.

 

Further liquid was taken on board on the Thursday evening (5th) when, in the company of all my family, we enjoyed an excellent meal back at my favourite haunt – TWH – the White Hart at Fyfield. Splendid drop of White Horse Wayland Smithy washing down some very tasty and well served food. No better way to celebrate a birthday.

 

So it we came to our last Saturday match of the season.

 

 COHC – City Of Oxford Hockey Club, our local rivals. These days, whilst rivals, they are friends and the games are played in this fashion. Having not played for a fortnight we were struggling over numbers and had to call on the youth policy to help us out. Familiar faces featured at:

Full back – Kentfield and Robson

Half back – Wilson, Sobey and Billers

Forward – H, Humph, Groff and Rogues.

 

Venerables were another example of a side who play at a slightly higher and younger level than ourselves (Mercian Masters), and it showed. They were quicker and sharper and won 2-1. We looked like we needed the game. Lets hope we can do better when we entertain “The Swaggies”, an Australian touring side of supposed vintage, but unknown standard. We suspect they will be “useful”.

 

 

Thursday 12th May – Falcons last match of 2004/5 season - The Swaggies, home.

 

First of all, a Henn update. Several weeks ago Tony Henman went into Papworth hospital to have a leaky heart valve repaired. This condition had been known about and monitored since he was in early teens, but had only now been deemed needy of rectification. Unfortunately, not only did the leak prove larger than thought, other complications were discovered and, consequently, Tony spent a considerable amount of time in intensive care. Indeed, there was an initial period when things were definitely touch and go. Happily he has improved and is now back at home. He is obviously still pretty weak and tires quickly, but hopes to be back on the Falcons wing before Christmas. We all look forward to that and wish him a speedy and full recovery. Our best wishes to him and to Jane.

 

 

A week or two ago we were out looking at carpet for the attic extension when my wife suggested buying me a new armchair. How kind, I thought, and what a good idea for two reasons:

- I frequently get “the fidgets” in my legs in the evening when sitting in our existing arm chairs or sofa. This discomfort is alleviated by moving and sitting in a more upright style of seat.

- I had a birthday upcoming.

 

So it was that we went to Vineys at Abingdon and “sat around”. My credentials for the chair were: high back that I could rest my head against without being forced to admire the ceiling, firm seat that was not low and with support to the back. Much sitting around and we arrived at a choice of three that quickly resolved to one, this one being half price. I thought I was on to a good thing here, a very comfortable chair at a bargain price in material that fitted current colour scheme.

 

Then DOHA fired her exocet! Perhaps we should just have a new three piece suite! Pardon. Whats wrong with what we have? Well, because it is uncomfortable for me and didn’t cost us much as we took it off the hands of someone as a favour we should replace it. This completely blew apart this particular outing and thoughts of a new chair for my birthday receded.

 

However, the damage was done and DOHA was like a fox hound on the scent. Before I knew it we were trailing around Furniture Village, DeVineys next door and then discovered this barn/warehouse in the countryside that sells M & S, John Lewis and the like “customer returns” at 50% off the brochure price. Certainly had some excellently priced good stuff, but nothing that matched our requirement. An advert/article about a furniture maker at Chalgrove was then spotted and, on the next Friday afternoon (when I do not reckon to work) we were off to find it. Two further visits and the order is placed. A standard armchair, a more upright, large wing backed chair and a sofa in our  choice of material. We now have four weeks to find a new home for the existing suite.

 

As it happened we did not need the four weeks. Number 1 son is in the process of moving to an unfurnished cottage in Culham and quickly “booked” the suite. However, if anyone has good second hand freezer, washing machine and/or cooker going he is in the market. We, it appears, are going to be sitting on the floor for two weeks whilst we await the new suite.

 

Thankfully the order for the suite was placed 24 hours before we visited John Lewis at High Wycombe in search of lights and bathroom door furniture for the attic. However there were still beds to be looked at for the attic and for the existing bedroom that currently masquerades as a store room. We came away with lights, door handles and no more. Phew. Still have beds to get though!

 

Preparations for our Thursday game against the unknown Swaggies were all in hand. Jan was in command of main course, PC was masterminding puds/cheese & bickies and Crampers was treading the grapes. DOHA had collected the salver and the key rings we were presenting and we had some 15 players. They had been given directions to the club from their hotel at the other end of Five Mile Drive and warned not to bring their coach into NOSC driveway for fear of not getting out again. They had announced their intent of arriving at 18:00 for a 19:00 start. With a bit of luck they would be knackered by the time Ellio showed up.

 

I made an early exit from Filton and was enjoying cup of tea at home when my phone rang. “G’day Rogan, it’s Warren. We are at your ground.” 17:40! I shot off to open the changing rooms and discovered their coach parked by the tennis courts. All going terribly well! Their men were floating around whilst their ladies were esconsed in the club house. Got the changing rooms open and assured them the water would be hot in the showers. Spotted a large group playing football on the pitch – nobody told me about them. They claimed to have hired the pitch until 19:00. News to me, and it needed watering. Strong wind meant that the two sides benefited as did the grass tennis courts, whilst the middle stayed bone dry. The tennis players on the grass courts were not impressed, the footballers even less!

 

After a considerable amount of warm up by the Swaggies we got ourselves organized and prepared to line up:

 

Ricardo

Blommers   RA

PJ   Sobes   Billers

PC   JPAR   Crampers  H   Rogues

With Mighty, Humph and Ellio on the bench and coming on for second half. Robbie and Judy umpired.

 

This was the Swaggies 9th match of their 10 match European tour. They had won 6 and lost two. True their players were in the upper fifties plus age bracket, but a good proportion had represented Australia at vets level. They were fit and well organized and not taking prisoners! We started well and had far the better of the first 20 minutes, created opportunities with shots on target, but failed to score. They then scored from almost their first opportunity. From that point on it was all them. They pushed up, closed us down and, although we did have further opportunities, they always looked in control. It was testimony to our defence and keeper that the score remained 1-0.

 

Their “professionalism” continued post match – as I was walking away from the changing room having showered and en-route to getting the oppo jug in they were just returning from the pitch post warm down! Eventually we got them seated for an excellent meal, and we all enjoyed a convivial evening consuming a bit of wine and beer. All too soon (for some, guess not for Angie!) they were departing having awarded us a baseball cap, pennant and a shirt to their ladies elected man of the match – Sobes.

 

A very enjoyable end to a very enjoyable season.

A big thank you to Ricardo for organizing our fixtures and to PJ for organizing us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2004 – 2005 Season Retrospective

 

The season started and ended with some “friendly” matches. Milton Keynes and Chippenham provided the warm up games before the league got underway, Swindon, Milton Keynes, Olton & West Warwick, City Of Oxford and the Swaggies Australian touring side the warm down. We started well, but finished by losing to everyone with the exception of Olton.  This reflected on the standard of opposition we faced at this stage – all playing at a higher level of league than ourselves and rather younger and fitter. This proved a good “wake up call” and served to stop complacency having won our “league” fairly comfortably. The fact that we earned a win against Olton showed what we can achieve with slight augmentation – beating the Over 50’s cup finalists.

 

Our own cup outings were not prolonged: we lost 7-1 in our 1st match against Isca who went on to face Olton in the final, before beating Bridgenorth 5-0 then losing to Southampton 5-1 in The Plate semi final.

 

However, in the middle of all this was the league: Wessex Super Vets Alliance. In its third year we won it for a third time, losing one and drawing two of our 21 league matches. We lost to one of the Winchester sides and drew with Henley and Epsom. At the conclusion the league looked like this:-

=============Season 2004/5===========+++++=====      Previous Averages

Pos      Team                            Points   Played  Ave 2004/5        2003/4  2002/3

 

1          Oxford Hawks                56         21         2.67                  2.35      2.29     

2          Woking Pitts Younger    45         20         2.26                  0.00      0.00

3          Polytechnic                   41         22         1.86                  1.14      0.00

4          Wimbledon                    38         21         1.81                  1.75      1.64

5          Winchester Whistlers     36         22         1.64                  0.00      0.00

6          Amersham                    31         21         1.48                  1.15      0.00

7          Guildford                       29         20         1.46                  1.46      1.50

8          Reading                        26         1.8        1.44                  1.64      1.25

9          Wokingham                   27         20         1.35                  1.70      1.88

10         Henley                          27         22         1.23                  1.86      0.00

11         Winchester Wanderers   26         22         1.18                  1.38      1.63

12         Epsom                          22         20         1.10                  1.71      1.53

13         Woking Pitts Elders       22         21         1.05                  1.85      2.06

14         Havant                          18         22         0.82                  0.86      1.11

15         Haslemere                     15         19         0.79                  1.05      0.93

16         Oxted                           13         19         0.68                  0.22      0.35

 

Scorers for the whole season :-

 

Sobes               16

Rogues             14

Paddy               11

Gropes              8

Crampers          7

Twizzle             6

PC, Huggie, Ellio 5

Groff                 4

Humph, DC       3

Angers, Breezie

Cookie              2

Henn, RA, RC    1

 

Overall we played 31, won 22, drew 2, lost 7, scored 96, conceded 46.

 

FALCONS 2004 - 2005 Season

 

 

 

 

 

Date

Opposition

H/A

For

Against

Won

Drawn

Lost

11-Sep

Milton Keynes

10:30

4

2

1

 

 

18-Sep

Chippenham

10:30

2

1

1

 

 

02-Oct

Wimbledon

14:00

5

0

1

 

 

09-Oct

Haslemere

scratched

 

 

 

 

 

16-Oct

Polytechnic

A 1500

3

1

1

 

 

23-Oct

Amersham & Chalfont

A 1500

5

2

1

 

 

30-Oct

Woking

12:00

3

2

1

 

 

06-Nov

Reading

A

2

0

1

 

 

13-Nov

Winchester

12:00

1

2

 

 

1

20-Nov

Wokingham

A

3

1

1

 

 

27-Nov

Guildford

A

4

1

1

 

 

28-Nov

ISCA Vintage Cup

A

1

7

 

 

1

04-Dec

Henley

17:00

5

1

1

 

 

11-Dec

Amersham & Chalfont

10:30

5

2

1

 

 

08-Jan

Woking

A

2

1

1

 

 

15-Jan

Reading

14:00

3

0

1

 

 

22-Jan

Winchester

A

4

1

1

 

 

29-Jan

Wokingham

11:30

4

3

1

 

 

05-Feb

Guildford

15:30

3

0

1

 

 

12-Feb

Henley

A

2

2

 

1

 

19-Feb

Epsom

A

2

2

 

1

 

20-Feb

Bridgenorth - Plate

H

5

0

1

 

 

26-Feb

Havant

15:30

6

1

1

 

 

05-Mar

Woking

14:30

7

1

1

 

 

12-Mar

Winchester

A

5

0

1

 

 

19-Mar

Oxted & Club Dinner

A

5

0

1

 

 

02-Apr

Swindon

14:30

0

1

 

 

1

10-Apr

Southampton

A

1

5

 

 

1

16-Apr

Milton Keynes

A

1

3

 

 

1

23-Apr

Olton & WW

14:00

2

1

1

 

 

07-May

City Venerables

14:00

1

2

 

 

1

12-May

Australian XI

19:00

0

1

 

 

1

 

Totals

 

96

46

22

2

7

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season 2005 – 2006

 

 

 

 

 

A long, lazy and idle summer is now coming to an end. The ashes are won, the Hobos cricket team have completed their season, holidays have been taken, and all that summer training is about to be tested on the pitch. Whilst there has been a singular lack of summer hockey for Falcons players, work has continued for most with the exception of the part timers of the teaching profession amongst us. The lighter mornings and evenings that summer provides has made my daily journey to Filton, Bristol rather more tolerable, albeit I cannot pretend that 3 hours per day on the M4 and A420 is fun! The project I am managing continues to progress in the cloud cuckoo land that envelops the formal Airbus Programme. I am forced to report my projects preparedness and readiness for a formal commencement date of 12th September, 2005. At that point the process I am responsible for putting in place should be/have been capable of executing automated machine programmes that control a multi million pound machine that will drill and fettle holes enabling components to be joined together forming the wings for a new, military Airbus. I am not allowed to formally say that I am not ready and am not capable of delivering, despite the fact that the machine upon which I depend is going to be at least 3 months late in arriving.

Why cannot I say?

Because the 12th September was a target date set to be 1 month in advance of the real date.

But the machine hasn’t even been fully built and tested on the supplier site yet, let alone broken down for transportation to Filton (2 weeks), for re-assembly and re-testing (4 weeks), at which point I can get my hands on it for testing (2 weeks) followed by 6 weeks of completion work.

True, but we cannot say we are late until the real date is passed. “!!!!!!******”  Cloud cuckoo land!

 

Still, it has been a pleasant summer with many happy hours spent sitting in or around “the erection” which still endures at the bottom of the garden. The tedium of work was broken by an enforced “holiday” at home recuperating from a hernia operation for 3 weeks. I could get used to retirement I think. Two weeks later and it was off to Northern Cyprus for 2 weeks actual holiday, very nice. And then we discovered how unfit I was by playing at Swindon. Meantime the Falcons had appeared at MK – Milton Keynes, to kick off the season. Do not forget that:

 

the coming season is now redesignated

00/01 PS ( PS standing for "post sobem " - note correct use of accusative of..... Sobes Sobis m. meaning " the great Sobes" )”

 

Thus 01/00/01 reportedly had a line up of:

Wilsdon Robson Wilson Roche Kaluza

Billington Cole Crampton-smith Bailey Griffith Curtis Henman

 

in some loose form or other, including umpire. They, rumour has it, made a cracking start rattling 3 goals in without reply. Then the pre-season training really told and, in the second half, scored one more but conceded 3. We look forward to Groffs jug, presumably at our 1st home game?!? Nearly half the team then took at least a fortnight off to recover leaving the line up for 02/00/01, the Swindon game as:

SAP (Senators Andy Pearce)

Robbo    Humph

RA   “H”   Billers

PC  Groff  Twizzle  Crampers  Rogues

 

Swindon were youthful and fit, but SAP kept us in the game. They scored 3, or was it 4, we scored 2. Their hideaway pub that is used as a base supplied some decent 6X along with some meat free sausages and excellent chips. A desperate to get home Humph caused both The Woodman at Fernham and TWH to be by-passed unfortunately, and the clubhouse was deserted by the time we got back. A dry start to the season! The trip to Olton next week could require an enforced short detour to the Chequers at Weston On The Green to see how it is looking in PT Mode (Post Thai). Hopefully still supplying good beer.

 

 

Falcons Report – Saturday 24 September – Olton & West Warwick, away.

 

The summer has not been kind to our training arrangements. Keen readers will have recognized the infrequency of mentions given to TWF (The White Hart, Fyfield). It has to be said this is not due to the condition of the beer served. The cellar there remains well looked after offering a regular choice of 4 -5 real ales including Ian Rogers (the landlord) own White Horse bitter and the even better Waylands Smithy, also from the White Horse brewery owned by Ian. Unfortunately, whilst the beer is good, as is the welcome given, the attractions are insufficient to tempt the driver from Cumnor except on an occasional expedition.

 

The B & RA (Bear & Ragged (Arse)Staff in Cumnor) has finally succumbed to re-development and has closed with potential re-opening in November (?). Whilst this has been no loss to the Falcons Good Beer Guide it has reduced the choice of venue for Friday night training. For the pedestrian trainer the choice is now limited to CCC (Cumnor Cricket Club) and TV. No, it is not that bad, we are not moribund in front of the electronic goldfish bowl: TV stands for The Vine in Cumnor. TV is a disappointment. It has potential in that it is a decent, oldish building, has a reasonable cellar with some good beer (inc. Old Hookey), but………. But it lacks welcoming staff/management which is surprising given the temporary closure of its local rival (B & RA). Not only that but it appears to pride itself in closing on time, even to the extent of calling last orders at 22:40! On a Friday!

 

Which leaves us with CCC. This has been a regular port of call on a Thursday throughout the Hobos cricket season and of an early evening on Saturdays to take in the climax of Cumnor 1st or 2nd XI cricket team with a number of familiar hockey faces featuring: Martin Hunter, Julian Easterbrook and others. There is no better way of spending a sunny summers Saturday early evening than with a pint in the sunshine watching a few runs being scored and some wickets falling. However, on a Friday night at this time of year it is not quite the same. Good beer: Deuchars and I have forgotten what the other one is! But you have to put up with TV at one end or music at the other, and it isn’t a pub.

 

So, if pedestrian, we struggle. However, if we can persuade someone to drive our horizons open up and we are spoiled for choice depending upon how far we care to travel. Unfortunately that little gem of a local, The 8 Bells at Eaton, has been closed all summer, but may have just re-opened. We must give it a whirl. The Thatched Tavern at Appleton has changed hands once more, but never really featured in FGBG (Falcons Good Beer Guide), but the Merry Miller at Cothill remains a dependably good cellar, and smoke free! The Flowing Well at Sunningwell provides good beer, but is not the quietest place on a Friday night, whilst The Fishes in North Hinksey village has succumbed to the restaurant rather than pub syndrome and, whilst seemingly popular with the ladies who lunch, is not the place for a session! However the General Elliot in South Hinksey has a very good reputation on the beer front but I have not yet validated this for myself.

 

I can, however, recommend The Plough at West Hanney (PAH) on both the cellar and kitchen front. A little gem that has been sampled regularly during the course of the summer. Indeed a special visit was made there to enjoy their real ale festival at August Bank Holiday. A strict time limit had been imposed giving a 14:00 departure from said establishment. Arriving at midday a good pace was established to take this into account along with the selection of 10 -12 real ales available of varied strength. We were doing well (myself and the most recent ex-mayor of Cumnor) with our female accompaniment and drivers. Then, at 13:45 we receive a phone call

“Where are you drinking?” from Wilsdon.

We look enquiringly at our driver who gives clearance to his joining us, and so we are forced to sup a few more. Then someone remembers that TWH also have a beer festival and they have live music! Our weak willed driver takes us there. The beer wasn’t as good (apart from the Waylands), but the music was enjoyable and, apparently, we danced or, at least wobbled! I am told we were taken home around 19:00, so a bit of an early night really!

 

So, at the moment the FGBG (Falcons Good Beer Guide) and FGFG (Falcons Good Food Guide) is as follows using the following symbols:

 

Balls for the standard of the cellar (good real ale, well kept)

Sticks for the standard and cost of food

Jock Strap for the overall ambiance/comfort of the establishment

With a maximum rating of 4 in any category.

 

TV has 2 balls and one jock

TWH has 3 balls, 2 jocks, 2 sticks

PAH has 4 balls, 3 jocks, 3 sticks

Fishes has no balls, 2 sticks, 2 jock straps

Miller has 2 balls, 2 sticks, 2 jock straps

Flowing Well 2 balls, 2 jocks, ? sticks

 

Further recommendations welcome.

 

Meantime, following an enjoyable Hobos dinner at CCC which eventually ended around 02:00 my pleasant dog walk by the river was enlivened by a call from Groff announcing his non availability for the afternoon match. Panic! PJ was at a funeral. My mate from the Old Sils who had filled in for us in the past had abandoned his mobile and was unobtainable, Roche wasn’t answering, and Blomley had kindly supplied me with the wrong mobile number. The person who answered sounded singularly unimpressed with the offer of a game of hockey in a couple of hours time. This left me with Ricksey. Who, I hear you ask. Clive Ricks had happened to mention to Ricardo at CCC Friday night that he had once upon a time played hockey, and might be tempted back. I will knock on his door and see how he reacts to temptation. Then a thought/phone number is discovered on my mobile and a delighted Breezie agrees to fill in for us. Brilliant, we have eleven.

 

Wrong, we have 12 as I am not the only person to have been notified of Groffs non availability and now we also have GTC (Garry The Coach) lined up. So PJ has to implement the good old Horace Batchelor Infradraw method that rolling subs allows these days and we line up:

 

Ricardo

H   Robbo

Crampers   PJ   Billers

PC   GTC  DC  Huggie   Breezie   Rogues (operating the HBI across the front line).

 

They, as befits losing finalists of the Over 50s Cup last season, are younger than us, fitter than us, and take their chances better than us. They win 4 -1 with GTC getting our goal and Rogues committing OGR (open goal refusal). We drink more than them, once we got served!

 

Back at the Club house we discover Mighty lurking behind the bar, so we have to stop for one or two. We are at home (well, at Gosford 14:00) next week, probably with a cast of thousands, for our first leaguer of the season. Watch this space!

 

 

01/10/05 Amersham  at home.

 

Pumpkin Night in Cumnor is a traditional event that has been running for many years. The primary purpose of the evening has always been a social event for the whole village that raises money for charity. This purpose continues and will take place this year on Friday 28th October 2005.

 

Originally it was the night of the pumpkin and marrow competition between Cumnor, Standlake and Bampton villages. Latterly the competition has involved just Cumnor and Bampton. Traditionally it has also been the night the “Mayor Of Cumnor” or “Keeper Of The Ducks” is elected and introduced to his or her charges. This tradition also perseveres. A role of honour traces the holders back over 40 years.

 

The Bear & Ragged Staff in Cumnor has always been the venue for the event, but this year Cumnor Cricket Club is acting as host whilst The Bear is undergoing refurbishment. 

 

Monies raised are shared between Cumnor School and the Childrens Ward at the Radcliffe hospital, Oxford. Several thousand pounds has been raised in the past via a raffle and an auction of special items.

 

We are looking for innovative gifts that can be auctioned **, and items for the raffle are also very welcome.

Acknowledgement of commercial donors will be given.

 

If you have a donation please contact:

 

Rogan Meadows   07768 153274 or 01865 862322

 

Thanking you in anticipation.

 

 

** come on you lot, think of some innovative gifts:

 

6 months free membership of a golf club?

free legal consultation?

signed tennis balls/shirts?

free meals?

free accomodation?

a night out with you!!??

 

 

Falcons Report: 1/10/05 Amersham, home, league.

 

Meantime, the build up to the Falcons first league game went well. A special expedition was mounted to sample the wares of the General Elliott in South Hinksey. This proved a fruitful expedition with a number of good real ales on offer. Additionally, for those of a Kamakazi mindset they also have Leffe on draft! Thus a good 3 balls on the FGBG rating, plus two jockstraps for the ambiance of this real locals pub with good bar, bare boards, bare wooden tables and chairs and a willing landlord. A food rating cannot be given, yet, but the menu offered basic, inexpensive fare (e.g. curry £5.25, fillet steak £9.95). Further investigation obviously needed to confirm these ratings.

 

As predicted a cast of thousands was promised for Saturdays game when all the availability responses were received on Monday. Advice was taken regarding the methods that should be employed in rolling on and off substitutes, something that is not as straightforward as it might appear when vets are involved. We appear to have a tendancy to "seize up" once taken off and, thus, are not good at rejoining the fray. More muscles succumb to damage under these circumstances than any other. However, we prepared for our tried and tested "Horace Batchelor InfraDraw" method of substitutions with an expected 13 players. This number was to be further reduced by the clever tactic of getting Rogues to meet the opposition at NOSC and re-direct them to Gosford School, once they had changed. Having ensured he would stay at NOSC until all the oppo had reported, Amersham were instructed to come directly to Gosford School.

 

This tactic almost backfired as, in the event, we ended up with only 11 players, including Rogues the Re-director. however, the judicious use of his mobile phone illicited the fact that Amersham had arrived at Gosford and there was no point in standing around any longer at NOSC.

 

We duly lined up:

 

Ricardo

Mighty   Humph

Blommers   Sobes   Welly

Henn  JPAR   Huggie   Crampers  Rogues

with PJ on the whistle.

 

With Blommers, Sobes and JPAR back in the fold we were confident of plenty of possession and a not over exercised left wing. Just as well as he should still have been waiting for Amersham at NOSC. Amersham were present in numbers and looking earnest and efficient. We were a 4 letter word that means rubbish. Consequently we turned around 2 - 0 down and had a severe talking to at the interval with the prediction that the next goal would be all important.

 

So we went 3 - 0 down and continued to flounder on the slow Gosford track. About the only thing in our favour being the fact that the sun was getting into their keepers eyes and we were now going downhill (literally and physically). Then, at a shortie, Sobes blasted the ball 12 inches outside the near post in the confident knowledge that Crampers would be there to deflect the ball into the net. Correct! And Amersham wheels came off, JPAR got one, Sobes got one and Henn blasted the ball between the keepers legs from an impossible angle. They missed an open goal when it was easier to score than kick the ball, but they chose the difficult option! We came away smirking, got a couple of jugs of Ruddles Orchard to comfort them and fed them seconds of Killer Chilli.

 

They went away magnanimous in defeat and looking to reap revenge upon Hawks in the Over 40s Cup next Sunday! New one on us! Alliance League reports their captain as commenting:

 

This was nearly the opening day shock result. Amersham led ten minutes into the second half and even when trailing OHF by one goal, Steve (the third goalpost) Richman missed a  simple tap in .

When asked by P J Wilson, who had umpired, for an explanation for this extraordinary match the Chalfont captain, then on his third pint, replied that beating the Alliance champions so early in the season would have been a bad  move because his team would have been marked for the rest of the season'

 

 

Falcons v. Woking Pitts The Younger 8-10-05

 

Further investigation on behalf of the “F”ing Good Guide (Falcons Beer/Food Guide) have taken place this week. Sunday saw the monthly gathering of the ATS (Adastral Training Squad) with the Chequers at Weston On The Green being selected as the venue. This was our first visit since it ceased to serve Thai food. As we walked along the path towards the entrance at the rear I had a worrying moment as I looked in through the window: the bar had disappeared! This could be terminal. Fear not, they have moved it from one end of the room to the other. And it still serves good bitter. Menu now offers English food and, once we had fought our way past the “we have run out of that” dramas, proved very acceptable. Overall: 3 balls, two sticks, two jocks.

 

Tuesday found a small gathering at CCC to celebrate Dick Townleys 70th. Well, warm him up for the day. Dick used to feature for Adastral in the late ‘60s alongside the likes of Robson (Dave & Judy), Timberlake, Meadows and others. He recognized when to retire rather earlier than some but is still looking good and maintaining the training. Friday took us to another birthday celebration, this time at PAH (Plough @ West Hanney: 3 sticks, 3 jocks) where the balls rating was given a thorough investigation and received uniform agreement, confirming 4 balls.

 

Following my four days at Filton I spent Friday WFH – working from home. Good weather meant that it was very pleasant walking the dog by the river and the lawn got what I hope to be its final mow of the year. Lack of a confirmation E-mail of team from The Pope did not bode well, and this was confirmed at our meeting at Cutteslowe on Saturday. A nightmare selection week for Falcons who were dependent upon the needs of the Senators who were hostage to the Fledglings selection. Some late evening wheeling and dealing meant that we had 11, just:

 

Ricardo

Robbo   Humph

Blommers  PJ   Billers

DC  Twizzle  Huggie  Crampers  Rogues

With Hugh on the whistle – very good to have you back, Hugh.

 

The plan was for PJ to play 1st half at CH, then move to RH at half time with Blommers dropping back, Robbo moving across, Humph moving forward, and Billers moving across. Follow that?

Name the second half line up, then.

 

The pressure of the week had told on The Pope who was unsure whether he had dispatched Twizzle to Woking or Wokingham, and had certainly arranged a meet time more suitable for the latter rather than the former. In the event local roadworks meant that al games were running late and we had time to acclimatize before push back.

 

We then made a fatal mistake: having survived several scares, we scored first. Several more scares ensued before they got a goal followed by a second. Two one down at half time, not irretrievable! Six one down is irretrievable, even though we flattered to deceive by scoring two in quick succession but there was to be no magical turnaround like last week.Pitts The Youngers proved their complete superiority by scoring a seventh to make it 7 – 3, our scorers being Crampers and Huggie with two.

 

They were joined by their Elders in the clubhouse and we enjoyed their Badger beer and curry before heading back and, after some discussion, opting for East Ilsley rather than Titsworth. A good decision as a full set was in evidence behind the bar serving some excellent Youngs until it ran out and we departed. Still worth a good 3 balls and 3 jockstraps.

 

Sat 15/10/05 Reading, home

 

With a 15:30 scheduled start there was plenty of time available for a late morning start, dog walk and lunch before setting out for NOSC. With this in mind I volunteered to give Ricardo some extra training on Thursday, an offer he (probably wisely) ignored. Thus, after safely depositing the DoHA (Director of Home Affairs) in the Lygon Arms, Broadway for the night with the Lady Lyn (normal room rate £280/night reduced to £99: couldn't be resisted!) I was free for a solid session Friday evening. Given the paucity of ambiance in the Vine a trip to The General Elliot, South Hinksey was deemed favourite and transport home arrangements duly made. Thus, at 21:00 we hit the G.E.

 

Everything seemed to start off O.K., but then the first beer of choice (?Long/High Jump?) went off on the second round and we were forced onto alternative varieties which, whilst acceptable, were not of true clear quality. Thus I have to report that the General Elliot has dropped a bollock (or ball) on the ratings front. Partly as a consequence of all this we did not make to much of the lack of anyone shouting last orders and got home at quite a respectable hour. This meant that I could have a good lie in Saturday morning, then walk the dog by the river, read the paper, get fish and chips for "brunch" and then join the traffic jam that led from Botley to North Oxford, whether you went along A34 or via Wytham! However, having deliberately set off in good time I was still able to watch the Ladies "1"s convert their half time 1-0 lead into a 3-0 win over Southgate who had shared top slot with them. These same ladies then put Bath Buccaneers out of the cup on Sunday morning, also 3-0. Unfortunately the mens "1"s lost to Indian Gym on Sunday.

 

Meanwhile a rather "experimental" line up of Falcons was emerging for the game against Reading. It was very good to see ST (Super Tanker to those who have admired his turning circle) Ellio back and even better to see that he has not bothered to move to BST. Consequently he was in evidence a good 30 minutes before scheduled push back. Our line up was:

 

Ricardo

Blommers  Huggie

STE   Billers   RA

DC   Groff  Twizzle  Crampers  Rogues

with The Pope blowing.

 

We survived the first half, and won the second. Huggie was imperious at the back, DC got our first, Twizzle two more and Ricardo noted (but did not celebrate) his first clean sheet of the season. The KC was accompanied by RO until we were evicted from the clubhouse (Killer Chilli, Ruddles Orchard). we were content.

 

Rumours that this might have been the earliest that Ricardo had kept a clean sheet proved false when previous seasons annals were analysed. Indeed it seems that October is the regular month for 1st clean sheets:

 

   6/10/01 Woking

27/10/02 Amersham

  4/10/03 Oxted

  2/10/04 Wimbledon

 

Next week we travel to Henley where we have'nt won for the last four seasons! Can we change this? Watch this space.